Film (episode transcript)

SCENE I

(Spongebob and Patrick are sitting in the living room of their home, watching football on the television. The teams playing are watching Pacífico FC, Spongebob's favourite team, and Bristol Crown, Patrick's favourite. This quite obviously is going to set up some friendly conflict. 

On the telly, a player for Pacífico, garbed in white, takes a corner kick and launches the ball near Crown's goal.)

SPONGEBOB: Stop him!

PATRICK: C'mon, c'mon, you can do this!

(''The player fires one next to two Crown defenders, garbed in black and red, and it soars past the goalkeeper into the net. The score is now 1-0.')

SPONGEBOB: No!

PATRICK: Yes! Someone just got owned!

SPONGEBOB: Patrick, when will you learn?

PATRICK: Why do I need to learn? I'm already sufficiently educated when it comes to my football!

SPONGEBOB: Come back to the dark side, Patrick. (whispering in Patrick's ear) We have treacle tart.

PATRICK: The way your granny makes treacle tart is rather nice, but her clotted cream is pathetic.

SPONGEBOB: Just use whipped cream or ice cream instead. It's not like you're lactose intolerant.

PATRICK: Poor Alex...

SPONGEBOB: Yeah, she does miss out on some good things due to her medical condition, no?

PATRICK: She doesn't seem to mind that much.

SPONGEBOB: She hasn't known anything else.

(On screen, a commentator speaks.)

COMMENTATOR: No final do regulamento, Pacífico puxou finalmente juntos e marcou o gol da vitória. Após 90 minutos, o resultado é Pacífico uma, e Coroa zero. Esta foi uma apresentação do ERG, obrigado por assistir essa rivalidade intensa hoje! (At the end of regulation, Pacífico finally pulled it together and scored the winning goal. After 90 minutes, the score is Pacífico one, and Crown zero. This has been a presentation of the GBC; thanks for watching this intense rivalry today!)

SPONGEBOB: Damnit! And that was the last game of the season!

PATRICK: Guess what that means.

SPONGEBOB: Sure, you'll be ahead of us. But Alpiarça will still have more points, and therefore will be the winner of the Premier Division.

PATRICK: Crap, hadn't thought of that. Oh well, we'll be back next season.

SPONGEBOB: You all are getting