King's Quest

King's Quest is the first episode of SBFW Quest. It aired October 1, 2018 and was written by Purple133 and FireMatch.

Transcript
(Theme plays, followed by Jack playing on his computer)

Jack: YES, YES, I HAVE TO WIN!

(Purps and Lock walk in)

Lock: Hey Jack, what are you doing?

Jack: I’M ABOUT TO WIN FORTNITE!

Purps: But why?

Jack: DON’T DISTRACT ME!

Lock: You realize no one plays that game anymore, right?

Jack: I SAID DON’T DISTRACT ME YOU DUNCE!

Lock: Okay? (backs away slowly)

Purps: Jack, you need some help, I’m going back to SBFW HQ.

Lock: Yeah me too!

Jack: (dies in game) KAMEHAMEHA!

(Purps and Lock get teleported back to the middle ages and immediately run into Dan)

Dan: Hey, watch where you’re fucking going- (looks around) Huh? What the hell happened to my sex dungeon?

Lock: And my iPad?

Purps: And my phone? (checks his pocket) Oh, never mind.

Dan: Hey look it’s Matchy! Let’s go make fun of him for fapping and see how he reacts!

(Dan walks over to Matchy)

Dan: Did you fap us all here?

Matchy: STOP IT! Do you really have to use that joke every damn time we meet?!

(Matchy smacks Dan in the face)

Dan: Just stop fapping in class, weirdo.

(Matchy facepalms)

Jasbre: Hey you! Quit facepalming!

Matchy: Jasbre? Oh god...

Jasbre: Don’t bark at me in that manner! I am King Jasbre I, the feared ruler of Fanonland!

Matchy: Key word there is “feared”.

Jasbre: One more outburst like that and you’re banned for a week!

Lock: Quick question, where the hell are we?

Jasbre: Fanonland, where a kid can be a kid! Also where dicks like Golf exist. He’s been terrorizing the general public.

Matchy: Yeah, about golf.... your DMs with me say otherwise. (Pulls out his phone from his pocket and shows Jasbre the DMs)

Jasbre: How dare you leak my DMs!

(Cuts over to Crazy, who’s hitting on a girl, revealed to be INU)

INU: Just leave me alone you Hoopla obsessed weirdo!

Crazy: Why tho?

INU: Because you’re odd! And why do you always wear that Hoopla costume, you’re embarrassing yourself!

(Cuts over to Polar and Bot who are discussing what just happened)

Bot: Wow, I think I hit the meth a little too hard.

Polar: Considering I’m here and experiencing this too, something probably happened.

Purps: Yeah, Jack got us all sent here!

Bot and Polar: Jack?

Purps: Yeah.

Bot: And here I thought I was just having another LSD induced hallucination, but this is so much better!

Purps: No it’s not! We’re stuck here now thanks to that jackass, pun intended.

Bot: What, did he do an anime scream or something?

Purps: Exactly!

Bot: Wow, I was right for once.

Unknown: HEY! YOU HURT MY FEELINGS KING JASBRE! YOU BANNED ME FROM FANONLAND? I’LL SHOW YOU!

(The unknown voice is revealed to be Golf and an army of ESB guards)

Dan: (turns around) Well shi-

(Dan gets shot in the arm)

Dan: HOLY SHIT!

Golf: Good to see you again Dan! Now, IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE.

Purps: Wait! Golf, how long have you been here?

Golf: About four weeks, but I got sent back at the same time as you, why?

Purps: I don’t know, just curious.

Golf: I’d rather not talk to you right now.

Bot: Why are you being so smug, Golf?

Golf: Because I’m a loyalty in every SpongeBob land except for this one.

Lock: That’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard.

Golf: It may be, but I have my guards here to help me take over.

Spongebob456 (one of the ESB guards): I heard this land has broken many rules before. And we can rule over it to make it better.

Purps: Since when did we break any rules?

Spongebob456: (Takes out a massive book from his bag) Section 69C: Sockpuppetry- (Matchy knocks the book out of his hand)

Matchy: Do you worship that stupid book or something, ‘cause it’s a bunch of BS.

Spongebob456: No it’s not, it was given to us by our dear Lord.

Matchy: Oh, please. The Lord does not exist.

(Cuts over to Rocky and Lock running towards the blacksmith to find weapons, the blacksmith is CobblePirate21.)

CobblePirate21: Welcome, how may I help you? Need swords? Guns? Battle axes? (Holds up metal chain) Birth Control?

Rocky: We just need some weapons since Golf is attacking.

Lock: Yeah, seems pretty bad.

CobblePirate21: Yes, that does seem bad.

Rocky: Got anything?

CobblePirate: Here are a bunch of daggers, use them wisely! (Tosses daggers to Rocky)

Rocky: Anything else we can use?

CobblePirate: Umm… I have fake vomit made from garbage scraps. Use it wisely as well. (Tosses fake vomit to Rocky)

Rocky: Blech. I’d rather not… take that, thanks.

CobblePirate: Okay, good luck on your battle.

(Cut to Rocky and Lock carrying their daggers over to battle. Spongebob456 is arguing with Matchy)

Spongebob456: And then the Lord said, “Let there be FANDOM!”

Matchy: Stop, stop, stop! I told you a million times, I’m an atheist!

Spongebob456: Being an atheist is wrong you know-

Matchy: Shut the fuck up already! It’s been a whole hour and you still haven’t done anything other than lecture me about your “Lord”.

Rocky: Hey guys, catch! (Tosses the daggers toward the SBFW users’ direction. One of them hits Spongebob456 directly in the chest)

Spongebob456: DID YOU JUST- DID YOU JUST THROW THAT AT ME?

Rocky: Oops, sorry. Gotta blast! (Runs away while Spongebob456 glares at him)

Golf: Enough dilly dallying. Let’s get this over with so I can become ruler of- I mean improve Fanonland.

(Golf and his guards head for the giant castle, where King Jasbre is)

Bot: Jasbre, before you die, I just wanna say you were actually a decent person!

Jasbre: Huh?

Bot: Never mind, I take that back.

(Jasbre sees Golf and his guards approach him)

Golf: Give us your kingdom… or else.

Jasbre: Or else what… Golfpecker?

Golf: (makes an angry Minecraft squeaker sound, and his head explodes, making confetti come out of it) Or else we’ll have to kill every single one of you.

Jasbre: I’m almost certain you’re bluffing, Golf.

Golf: Wanna bet? GUARDS!

(The guards hold out their iron swords and charge at Jasbre. Before they strike Jasbre, the scene pauses)

(Cut to Jack lying on the couch, still furious about losing his Fortnite game)

Jack: Come on, I was on a damn winning streak! Ugh, at least those two idiots are gone. (His stomach starts growling) I’m hungry as fuck. Mom! Can you go to Wendy’s and get me 69 Frosties?

(No response)

Jack: What, did I make you disappear too?

(Still no response)

Jack: Fine, I’ll just steal your car and drive to Wendy’s myself… ILLEGALLY!

(Still no response)

Jack: Ugh! (Gets up and heads for the garage. The scene fades to black as the episode ends)