Figure Ska-SOUTHPARK

"Figure Ska-SOUTHPARK" is a Season 2 episode of Life in Bikini Bottom.

Characters
TBA

Synopsis
Mr. Kraps is forced to take a week off from working at the Krusty Kock, and takes up Figure Skating, lands on his head, and becomes the first Figure Skater with Tourettes syndrome.

Transcript
The episode begins with the inside of the Krusty Kock. Fatprick walks through the door saying "good morning, krusty fa-" but gets beaten up by FANDOM. the scene goes to the inside of Mr. Kraps' office counting all the money he earned by illegally smuggling crack across the border. He laughs and leans back in his chair and slips his claw down his pants. "Nothing's better than counting money," he says. Just then, a gunshot outside makes him jump out of his seat and he rips his hairy stick off and screams in pain. Mr Kraps tumbles backwards in pain and kicks his desk which causes all his money to fly out the window. "Why the fuck did i leave that open," he screams. Cut to the outside where the gunshot was heard, and we see Fatprick with a bullet hole in his head as the Fandom workers walk off. Hospital workers quickly rush in the door and carry Kraps off.

Cut to the hospital, where Kraps just wakes up with bandages around his pants. "Where am I," Kraps asks, and the Doctor responds "you accidentally ripped your dick off. It's all better now. We actually ran out of staples and had to use glue. Yea, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky lucky boy." "So can I go back to me job now," asks Kraps. "Well, I wouldn't advise doing so. I suggest you take a break," says the Doctor. "A break seems perfect," Kraps says, and imagines himself as a stripper. "Yeaaaaaaah…," says Kraps. Cut to Kraps walking out of the hospital and pondering what he could do on break. He walks by a robbery and says "let me help you with that" to the robber and shoots the victim. Kraps walks by some TVs showing figure skating. "Hey, that looks fun," he says, "maybe I could do that. Yeah, I could! I can picture it now- Mr. Kraps, world famous-" but a fish cuts him off by screaming "SHUT UP AND DO IT ALREADY!"

Our whole universe was in a G and PG state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait

Fatprick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool

They invented crap that rules

We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)

Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing

''This is Life in Bikini Bottom! Rated R!''

Cut to Kraps at an audition for figure skating. The fish the desk says "next," and Kraps walks up. "Yes hello, i am Eugene H. Kraps, and i would like to audition to be an ice skater," Kraps says. "Alright. Have you had any training," asks the fish at the desk. An angel and devil appears on Kraps' shoulders. "Don't lie, lying is bad," says the angel, but the devil shoots the angel in the head. "Just fuckin' do it," says the devil as he and the angel poof off. "Yes, I have," Kraps says. "Alright, normally i would ask to see you do it but im scheduling to kill myself after my shift so you're in. See you next week" Mr Kraps cheers and walks off. The fish walks off and shoots himself.

One week later

Kraps is in the backroom of the figure skating stadium. He has trouble putting his skates on, but stops when he sees a shirtless fish and a "boing" sound is heard. The coach blows his whistle and signals for everyone to go out and skate. Krabs stands up and nearly trips when trying to walk with skates but gets the hang of it. All the skaters go out and skate around the rink, and Kraps has tons of trouble. He gets the hang of it and the crowd cheers for him as he makes figure 8's. On his 10th figure 8, he accidentally slips and hits his head really hard on the ice. The crowd and skaters gasps in shock. "Uh, was this planned," asks a skater as Kraps is carried off.

Cut to Kraps in the hospital yet again. The Doctor sighs and says, "Well, you nearly died in a coma, but you're better. We actually ran out of staple- fuck it," and jumps out the window. "Owwww, my head hurt-DURACELL," says Kraps as he quickly covers his mouth. "Wait, i didnt say that! What is happeni-TRUMP!" Kraps jumps out of his hospital bed. "WHAT IS HAPPEN-CANCER," he screams. The doctor says, "it looks like you have caught a mild case of Tourettes." "Tourettes?! what the hell is that?! It sounds like a bug," Kraps says. "Well, it basically is a disorder that makes you say random things randomly during a random sentence," says the doctor. "Sooooo, how long will this last-KOCK," says Kraps. "It's usually permanent," says the Doctor, "but yours might wear off in a week." "So i have to stay with this for a week," says Kraps. "Well, to be honest, I'd give it a few more paragraphs."

Cut to Kraps walking out of the hospital, and Fatprick is being carried to it. Just then, a group of news reported crowd around Kraps. "What the hell is going on-FUCK," says Kraps. "Hi, can i have an interview," says a news reporter. "Uh, for wha-SHIT," says Kraps. "You're the first figure skater with tourettes. We want an interview on what it is like to have this illness," says the reporter. "I've only had it for 5 minut-DUMBFUCK," says Kraps. "Listen, it's been a reeaaallllyyyy slow day," says the reporter, "so, how about an interview? We'll pay you." Kraps has dollar signs in his eyes and happily says "YES!" "So, what is it like with tourettes," asks the reporter. "Well," Kraps begins, as it fades to him getting followed by paparazzi. "Uh, I'm trying to walk her-GLOBAL BLOCK," says Kraps. The paparazzi continues to follow Kraps around, but he doesnt mind. His ego at this point is becoming larger than crazysponge's.

(A week later timecard)

Cut to Mr Kraps walking into the Krusty Kock very douchebag like. "Whyre you so happy," asks Shitward. "Oh, i just signed a movie deal with the paparazzi. Im the first figure skater with tourette-BITCH!" "And that warrants a movie," shitward sarcastically asks. "Shut the fuck up, shitwar-COCK," Kraps says as he walks into his office. "Say, Squidward, have you noticed how much of an asshole Kraps has become since he got tourettes," SpongeCock asks. "Don't call me Squidward," Shitward says. Cut to Kraps in his office masturbating. The paparazzi happily take a picture of him doing so. Kraps doesn't even notice this. When he squirts his liquid they take a picture of his face while he's doing so. "That was a great masturbating-DUMBFUCK," Kraps says as he relaxes in his chair. Spongecock and Shitward walk in to his office. Kraps notices and says "get the fuck out! You're blocking the view of the paparazzi!" "You forgot to fucking pay me," says ShitWard. "Did i? Oh, sorry, i was probably writing my memoir-ASSTITS," Kraps says. "LISTEN HERE YOU FUCKER," Shitward says as he aggressively grabs Kraps by his shirt, "YOUVE BECOME AN INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE SINCE YOU GOT TOURETTES AND WE'RE FUCKING SICK OF IT. GIVE ME MY FUCKING PAY OR I'LL PUNCH THE TOURETTES OFF YOUR FUCKING FACE!" "Calm down, Shitward," says Spongecock. "can i punch him at least once," Shitward asks. "Sure, why not," Spongecock says, and Shitward punches Kraps.

"OW! YOU FUCKFACE," Kraps yells as he punches Shitward back, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GOD DAMN OFFICE OR YOU WILL NOT GET PAYED AT ALL!" Shitward and Spongecock run out of his office as Kraps leans back in his chair as he slips his giant claw down these pants again. He starts shaking until a man in a business suit bursts through the door, which causes Kraps to rip his hairy dick off again. "WHAT THE SHIT DO YOU WANT," yells Kraps. "Hi, I am a business fish, and I was wondering if you were interested in hosting a speech today about your experiences with the, uh, tarets is it," asks the fish. "It's tourettes," says Kraps, "and sure, I'd love to!" "Great, meet me at 11:00. At night," says the fish. "Can do," kraps says. The fish walks out.

Cut to 11:00 at night, where there's a big stage with multiple fish sitting in the seats. "Ladies and gentlefish," says the business fish, "i proudly present you, the first figure skater with tourettes, Kraps!" Kraps walks onstage and approaches the podium. "Thank you, thank you," he begins. "Living with tourettes has been very difficult. It isnt easy to say things you didnt mean to say." A fish yells, "IF YOU HAVE TOURETTES THEN WHY ARENT YOU SAYING RANDOM THINGS?!" "Sit the fuck down," says Kraps, but another fish says "YEAH, WHY NOT?!" Kraps then realises he is no longer saying random things, and starts to realise that the doctor said that the tourettes would last at least a week. "Uh," Kraps says in a worried tone, "I think my tourettes, uh, walked off!" "THAT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS," screams another audience fish. The whole audience begins booing Kraps. Kraps gets a call and answers it, and says "MY MOVIE DEAL IS CANCELLED?!" Every fish starts leaving and Kraps tries to get them to come back. "Look, I got them back," he says, as he repeatedly punches his face. He keeps punching until the episode ends.