Elli Versus Vanessa

Elli Versus Vanessa is the twelfth episode of Total Drama SBFW. It was written by DanzxvFan8275, making it the first episode in the series to not have Purple133 as a writer. It aired on August 25, 2019.

Transcript
(Episode opens at Team Steve)

 

Golf: GODDAMNIT! That didn’t work at all.

 

(Dan overhearing in the background; confessional)

 

Dan: You simply can’t stop me. Jasbre, Granite, and now Para? Sweet. Next plan - um… uh… actually I don’t know let’s just win this one.

 

Ian: Good thing he’s out. We don’t need that 2 person alliance here.

 

Purps: Don’t say alliance, this isn’t Big Brother.

 

Ian: Okay.

 

(cuts to Team Hell with an Elli confessional)

 

Elli: I think Vanessa hates me now… she must be jealous of my boobs.

 

Vanessa: Luis I need to talk to you.

 

SBCA: Yes?

 

Vanessa: We need to make sure Elli leaves. She’s being quite the bitch.

 

SBCA: You already know I got you, babe.

 

Vanessa: Why are you calling me that?

 

SBCA: Uhh, I don’t know.

 

(Vanessa confessional)

 

Vanessa: Elli’s just on her period.

 

(Elli confessional)

 

Elli: I’m ready for a whore-off, bitch!

 

(Vanessa confessional)

 

Vanessa: IT’S ON! Wait, Elli, I can hear your confessionals.

 

(Elli confessional)

 

Elli: Oh I can hear yours too.

 

(Dan confessional)

 

Dan: And I can hear both of you!

 

(Vanessa confessional)

 

Vanessa: Get out of here, Dan.

 

(Dan confessional)

 

Dan: Awww.

 

(cuts to Purps and Elli)

 

Purps: I love you baby.

 

Elli: I love you too. (the two kiss)

 

Purps: You know that if we get caught this might be bad right?

 

Elli: Yes daddy. The risk feels good!

 

(Bot walks by)

 

Bot: Purps she’s 12.

 

Purps: Don’t question my actions. Come here, Elli.

 

Vanessa: Oh okay, now it’s over.

 

(Vanessa confessional)

 

Vanessa: I see that Elli is in a showmance with someone on the other team. We can’t have that. Also, her boobs is so much better than mine.

 

(cuts to challenge)

 

Alex: Welcome to this next challenge! I know the last one sucked, yes, but this one is better.

 

Joey: I loved that challenge.

 

Alex: Because you won, you biased shit. Anyway- PURPS! ELLI! STOP MAKING OUT AND LISTEN TO THE INSTRUCTIONS!

 

Elli: Oh. Sorry.

 

Purps: Yeah, sorry.

 

Alex: Okay, so this challenge will be to write the best episode of any spin-off. You guys have 90 minutes. Ready, set, go!

 

(shows Team Steve getting to work)

 

Dan: Okay, how about we write an episode of LIBB?

 

(Dan confessional)

 

Dan: I need to make sure me and the rest of my team is safe this week. I feel confident about this group of people moving forward, and I think I’m at a good point in this game. We must strictly think about the future.

 

Bot: Good idea. That will be easy.

 

Purps: What will it be about?

 

Dan: Dylan thinks it’s so funny to jack off instead of doing his schoolwork. So Alex will think it’s so funny to parody him being a pervert in the classroom.

 

(Dan confessional)

 

Dan: Dylan, if you’re reading this, stop jacking off in class. That’s all.

 

(Team Hell)

 

SBCA: What should we write?

 

Vanessa: (to Elli) Get the hell out of here, kid.

 

Elli: (to Vanessa) Get the hell out of here, pedophile.

 

Joey: Wow, your amazing personalities are getting a little too perky there, girls.

 

SBCA: I’m just gonna start writing some Basket Sponge.

 

(SBCA confessional)

 

SBCA: Oh, here we go. This could only end so well.

 

Joey: I’ll help you, Luis.

 

Vanessa: Me too.

 

Elli: Nah, you don’t want this bitch to help you. She’s too worried about getting a new ass.

 

Vanessa: Hey, at least I have an ass!

 

SBCA: Shut the hell up. Also, where’s Cici?

 

(cuts to Cici sleeping in the corner of the room)

 

SBCA: Eh. Just let me and Joey write this.

 

(cuts to Team Steve)

 

Dan: Just a few more fapping in class jokes and we’ll be good.

 

Image: Why do you always make those jokes Dan?

 

Dan: I don’t see you writing.

 

Image: They better have made a really shitty episode or else I’m going sicko mode on you. Right guy?

 

Rest of Team Steve: We don’t really care.

 

Image: Damn it.

 

Dan: K, Alex, we’re done.

 

Alex: You do realize you still have an hour left in the challenge, right?

 

Dan: (sighs) Fine.

 

(cuts to Team Hell)

 

SBCA: Ugh, I’m tired.

 

Joey: Me too.

 

Cici: Me as well, why do you think I’m sleeping?

 

Vanessa: I’ll write.

 

Elli: Me too.

 

Vanessa: Ugh.

 

Elli: Alright, we should probably fix this part first.

 

Vanessa: Hell no. We should build off of this.

 

Elli: No. I’m doing it my way.

 

Vanessa: Get the hell out of here you slut!

 

Elli: You’re the slut, you’re rubbing your boobs right now!

 

Vanessa: Just… go away.

 

(cuts to new scene)

 

Alex: 10 minute warning!

 

Vanessa: What?! I’m not even half-way done!

 

(cuts to Team Steve)

 

Golf: This is some boring crap.

 

Dan: For real.

 

(cuts to Team Hell)

 

Elli: Look, hoe, let me finish this.

 

Vanessa: I don’t want your greasy hands on this.

 

Elli: GIVE ME IT!

 

(takes script and erases it)

 

Vanessa: Why the hell would you do that?

 

Elli: Because you suck at writing!

 

Vanessa: But most of that is Luis and Joey.

 

Elli: Yeah, well now it’s just Elli.

 

(shows her writing fast while Team Steve is laying waiting for time to expire)

 

Alex: Times up! Since you’re a bunch of impatient fucks, Team Steve, I guess I’ll read yours first.

 

Dan: No problem! Presenting, STOP JACKING OFF IN CLASS!

 

(cuts to loser lounge)

 

Matchy: Oh shut up Dan.

 

(cuts back to challenge where Alex is finished reading the episode)

 

Alex: Good shit. Now let me see Team Hell’s script.

 

Elli: Here it is. Big Balls!

 

Alex: (takes a glance) What the hell is this?

 

Elli: Our episode?

 

Alex: This is just you ripping on Vanessa for like two paragraphs.

 

SBCA: Elli, what the hell?

 

Joey: Goddamnit.

 

Alex: Yeah… I’m just gonna give this to Team Steve.

 

Dan: LET’S FUCKING GO!

 

Alex: Team H-E Double Hockey Sticks, you will now have to vote out one more person. See you later.

 

(cuts to Team Hell)

 

SBCA: (to Vanessa) Yeah, I’m definitely voting her out tonight after what she just did. Unacceptable.

 

Vanessa: Thank you, Luis. We just need one more vote to send her out.

 

Elli: (to Joey) I can’t believe this. Vanessa caused me to do that! We need her out.

 

Joey: Honestly, I have to agree.

 

(Joey confessional)

 

Joey: I have to side with Elli on this one. I’d hate to see her go.

 

Elli: So you have my vote?

 

Joey: Yeah. Vanessa can go suck your-

 

FANDOM: Hi guys. Unfortunately we had to delete this due to it being in violation of our Terms of Use. That’s it, now keep reading.

 

Joey: What was that all about? Anyway, yeah, we just need Cici’s vote.

 

(cuts back to Vanessa and SBCA)

 

(SBCA confessional)

 

SBCA: I don’t think we’ll be able to get Joey’s vote. We need Cici to pull through and send Elli out.

 

(Cici shown in his bed, still sleeping)

 

Cici: Ah, that was a good sleep. Now for some me time. (as he’s about to slip his hand down his pants, SBCA and Joey rush in)

 

Cici: I WASN’T TOUCHING ANYTHING!

 

SBCA: Who cares. Anyway, we need you to vote out Elli!

 

Joey: No! Join our squad and vote out Vanessa!

 

Cici: From what I know, I don’t know anything.

 

Joey: Yeah, because you slept through the competition.

 

SBCA: Basically, Elli took our episode script and overwrote it with a hate letter about Vanessa.

 

Joey: It was the other way around, dude. Vanessa needs to control her boobs!

 

SBCA: But Elli has a bigger boobs.

 

(Cici confessional)

 

Cici: What the hell are they talking about?

 

SBCA: And Elli also has ties with Purps. We can’t have that.

 

Joey: But Vanessa is plotting against everyone. We can’t have her in the game.

 

Cici: Whatever. Just get out of my room.

 

SBCA: Why?

 

Cici: Uh, no particular reason.

 

(Cici confessional)

 

Cici: Of course everything comes down to me. I think I know which way I’ll vote, though.

 

(Cut to the elimination ceremony)

 

Alex: Alright everybody, please go vot-

 

Vanessa: Elli goddamnit, did you have to change your maxi pad in the middle of the ceremony?

 

Elli: Are you high? I’m not doing anything.

 

Alex: Okay, calm down, we don’t need any girl fights.

 

Vanessa: You’re so fake. Goddamn slut.

 

Elli: Oh, I’M the slut. I have a man who loves me.

 

Vanessa: He’s fake too.

 

Elli: Okay, I’m done. (Elli punches Vanessa in the boobs)

 

Vanessa: Bitch who do you think you are? (kicks Elli in the crotch as it turns into an all-out fight)

 

Alex: (sighs) Look, we can have a whore-off later. Just stop so we can get this over with. This episode is already too long.

 

(SBCA and Joey break up fight)

 

Alex: Alright, can we start now?

 

Vanessa and Elli: Yes.

 

(cuts to Vanessa voting)

 

Vanessa: It’s about time, bitch.

 

(cuts to Elli voting)

 

Elli: I’m not gonna allow this shit anymore.

 

(cuts to Cici voting)

 

Cici: Can I just go back to masturbating in my bed?

 

(cuts back to the ceremony)

 

Alex: Okay, let’s find out who is safe this week. SBCA, Joey, and Cici have all received 0 votes.

 

SBCA: That was kinda obvious, man.

 

Alex: Right. So now we have the bottom two, Vanessa and Elli. We all saw this coming. You both seem to have your problems with each other. Vanessa seems to be reacting negatively to every idea, but Elli has relations with a member of the opposing team. And both were pretty much responsible for today’s competition loss.

 

Vanessa: (staring at Elli)

 

Elli: (staring at Vanessa)

 

Alex: And the last sticky note goes to… Vanessa.

 

Vanessa: HAH! Good riddance, you bitch!

 

Alex: Unfortunately, Elli, you have been eliminated.

 

Elli: Don’t think that this is the last of me, Vanessa.

 

(Elli gets escorted to the Lounge of Losers)

 

Alex: Well, that was an intense week.

 

(Vanessa confessional)

 

Vanessa: You’re done, Elli. Have fun not beating me! And I still think my boobs are better than yours.