Patrick's Fan Mail (14)

Patrick's Fan Mail #14 is an episode of The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star.

Transcript
(The waiter from the previous episode knocks on Patrick's rock. Patrick opens it.)

Patrick: May I help you?

Waiter: I'm here to give you today's fan letter.

Patrick: Thanks, waiter!

Waiter: You know, you can just call me Paul.

Patrick: No problem, waiter!

(Patrick takes the fan letter and reads.)

Dear Patrick,

That Ugly Barnacle story, well, it didn't help my pimples at all.

-NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD!!!

Patrick: Well, NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD!!!

(The waiter covers an ear in pain.)

Waiter: Why the shouting?

Patrick: It's his name. Anyway, the ugly barnacle story isn't meant to cure pimples. It's meant to cure ugliness, which isn't the same thing. Yes, many ugly people do have blemishes, but look at me! I have pimples all over my body, and I'm still pretty handsome.

Waiter: Is that what those red things are? Pimples?

Patrick: Yeah, and I'd rather have them than a bunch of weird holes like SpongeBob. I mean, are they unattractive or what?

(Patrick's shellphone rings, and he answers it.)

Patrick: SpongeBob? Hey, how's it going? Oh, you're watching this right now?

(The waiter walks away.)

Patrick: Well, this is awkward. No, SpongeBob, I didn't actually mean that about your holes. I was being ironic. Yes, I know what "ironic" means! Uh, I didn't actually think you ask me.

(Patrick looks at the camera.)

Patrick: We are currently experiencing technical difficulties.

Cameraman: No, we aren't.

Patrick: Shhhh!