The Odyssey

The Odyssey is the thirteenth episode of SBFW Quest. It aired on January 19, 2019 and was written by Purple133.

Transcript
(Episode opens at the ESB castle)

Sean: Oh Golf, it’s time to start the siege!

Golf: Now? Why not wait until tonight?

Sean: Hmmm. True. Well then we shall wait until tomorrow!

(Camera cuts to Lock, Dan, Matchy, and SBCA who are playing Cards Against Humanity at Dan’s place)

Dan: (whispering to Lock) Hey Lock, what did you play? I need to keep SBCA from winning.

Lock: Calamity Eight.

Dan: Thanks.

(Dan chooses Calamity Eight)

SBCA: COME ON LOCK AGAIN?!

Dan: Yeah. He’s good.

Matchy: So good right?

(FDBackup appears outside and jump scares everyone)

Matchy: SHIT!

Dan: CALL THE POLICE!

Lock: WHAT POLICE THIS IS THE 10th CENTURY.

(FDBackup kicks down the door)

SBCA: I payed money for that door!

FDBackup: Ha! The vandalism continues!

Dan: Oh hell no not again, not now.

FDBackup: I know about your silly war, but I just don’t care!

Lock: Hey FD, how would you like to live in a box?

FDBackup: What?

Lock: I don’t know. I forgot where I was going with that.

(FD jumps out the window and vandalizes Dan’s house)

Dan: I paid money for this place!

FDBackup: Trolololoolol.

Lock: Dan we should probably catch him since ya know ESB and Fanonland are legit about to go to war.

Dan: True. Follow him!

SBCA: Wait do I win?

Dan: Yeah sure.

SBCA: HA!

Dan: WAIT.

(Matchy pushes Lock and Dan outside)

Dan: Let’s go.

(Dan finds a random horse)

Lock: Are we just gonna steak this horse?

(Dan takes the horse)

Dan: Yes.

(Camera pans to Purps and Granite in ESB)

Purps: Wait why are we back here?

Granite: For a subplot to a show that’s slowly dying?

Purps: Oh yeah.

Granite: Well I think we gotta escape.

Purps: (sees airships taking off) Look!

Granite: THE WAR OH SHIT!

Purps: What should we do?

Granite: Get back and tell everyone to prep themselves!

Purps: Then let’s go!

(Purps and Granite start walking out of ESB territory when suddenly Sean appears)

Sean: No! I will not have some pesky Fanonlandians disrupting my Invasion today thank you very much.

Purps: Who are you?

Sean: I’m Sean! I killed your leader?

Purps: Really doesn’t ring a bell.

Sean: Seriously? I thought that might’ve had some emotional impact that would eat you away until I was given the chance to kill you too!

Purps: Why?

Sean: Good question. Well um, I’ma best you in battle now.

(Granite picks up a stick, throws it at Sean, and Sean trips over a rock sending him straight into a ravine)

Sean: Damn youuuuuuuu! (Falling to the bottom) I had some epic fight planned and special one liners too!

Purps: Whelp. Sucks to suck.

Granite: That was surprisingly easy.

Purps: Yeah considering this ravine is the only thing separating ESB and Fanonland.

Granite: What do you think is down there?

Purps: Dunno. Some crazy old crackpot told me about a mythical empire called FSB down there.

Granite: Sounds dumb, now we just gotta cross this ravine, no issue.

(Camera pans to Lock and Dan who are riding after FD on horseback)

FDBackup: YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE BITCHES!

Dan: Wait, what happened to your no swearing rule?

FDBackup: Seemed unnecessary.

Lock: Can you just like stop running and let us put you in prison?

(Everyone stops and both Dan and FD look at Lock like he’s an idiot)

Lock: What?

Dan: Sometimes I worry about you.

Lock: And I worry about Matchy because he faps in class.

(Matchy spontaneously appears)

Matchy: Lock, I will FUCKING MUTE YOU THE OLD FASHION WAY.

(Matchy holds up a knife)

Lock: JESUS CHIRST!

(Lock and Dan ride after FD who keeps throwing banana peels at them)

Dan: Where do you keep getting these bananas from?

FDBackup: My banana bag!

(FD reaches into a backpack he has and pulls out a banana, and then camera pans to Purps and Granite)

Purps: What if we build a bridge?

Granite: How?

Purps: Well there’s a long wood flagpost right here.

Granite: Yeah let’s do it.

(The two chip down the flagpost and Golf runs out)

Golf: Gasp! How dare you dismantle ESB property as we prepare to invade and destroy your kingdom?

Purps: We need to go home.

Golf: I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.

Purps: Well sucks to suck.

(Granite throws a stick at Golf, but he catches it in between two fingers)

Granite: But how?

Golf: I’ve been training since our last battle boys.

(Golf sprints up to Purps and punches him, sending him flying into the ravine)

Granite: Purps!

(Purps grabs onto the flagpole and stabs it into the wall of the ravine, holding himself just a few feet from Granite)

Golf: See, you guys always underestimate me and now I’m the one who’s about to kick your ass.

(Golf puts on a steel glove and smacks Granite)

Granite: Wait, that’s unfair.

Golf: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

(Camera pans to Dan and Lock, who are arresting FD)

Dan: FDBackup, you have the right to remain silent.

FDBackup: This is the 10th century in some alternate world like Earth.

Lock: SHUT UP!

FDBackup: Fine, arrest me. Just remember our truce okay?

Dan: Sure.

(Dan and Lock take FD to jail, and Golf is in a fight with Granite)

Granite: I WILL USE MY FINAL SMASH!

Golf: I have another truck up my sleeve.

(A mega tv screen appears on top of a nearby building and “Overnight Success” starts playing)

Granite: Noooooooo!

(Purps swings up out of the ravine and throws the flagpole javelin style at the tv)

Golf: Hey! That cost money!

Purps: And so will this.

(Purps punches Golf in the face and knocks some of his teeth out)

Golf: OW!

(Purps and Granite run for their lives, making it into Fanonland, and they see Princess Ponyo)

Purps: Princess Ponyo! ESB is planning a siege!

Granite: Yeah, yeah.

Princess Ponyo: This is distressing news. We must stop it! When will it happen?

Purps: Tomorrow?

(A cannonball is fired at the castle and it breaks through a wall)

Purps: Shit.

(Episode ends)