Levi Jeans Factory

Levi Jeans Factory is the second episode in the first season of Shanghai SquarePants.

Plot
Day goes normal in glorious people's republic, but Comrade SquarePants yearns to be head inspector. Comrade Squidward leads SquarePants to do anything just to get the position, even to kill Head Inspector Krabs.

Transcript
--

Are you ready háizimen?

Aye, aye, honorable chairman!

I can't hear you!

Aye, aye, honorable chairman!

Oooohh,

Who lives in a take-out box on the sea floor?

Shanghai SquarePants!

Loves pirating movies and always wants more?

Shanghai SquarePants!

Loves his brainwashing and always wants more?

Shanghai SquarePants!

A strong Chinese army is something you wish?

Shanghai SquarePants!

Then stop asking questions, and get back to work!

--

Comrade SquarePants: Ah, what a glorious morning in Eastern Shanghai in prosperous people's republic!

[Alarm clock with face of communist president Xi Jinping wakes up our dear Comrade.]

Comrade SquarePants: Thank you glorious government mandatory alarm clock! I'm blessed to be in the presence of the likeness of our glorious leader Xi Jinping! (bows and prays to Xi)

Comrade Squidward: (out the window) Comrade SquarePants! Your duty to your soverign democratic republic is in jeopardy!

Comrade SquarePants: wHAT?

Comrade Squidward: You're gonna be late if you don't hurry up, you lazy American-looking bum!

Comrade SquarePants: (mumbling) Damn stupid government mandatory malfunctioning alarm-

(Communist Police rush to Comrade SquarePants' house)

Comrade SquarePants: Uhhh kidding! All hail glorious people's republic and its oh so caring freedom loving government!

Police: Kidding is western infiltration of glorious republic, minus 10 public citizen credit score!

Comrade SquarePants: Dammit, I was hoping to get 30 credit scores for my access to public Wee-Fee, the glorious people's republic national WeconnectFederal internet connection!

Police: Freedom is highly valued in people's republic, now get to work!

[At the Levi Jeans Factory]

Comrade SquarePants: Darn it, I really wanted to conenct to the internet and open government-mandated Baidu. The number one search engine in the entire world! I would have been rich and sold all my art of the great reformist Mao Zedong!

Comrade Squidward: Don't worry, comrade. We'll soon be rich, all of us! This is post-reform China, where anything is possible. All it takes is hours of hard work, piano practice, a dream, and an artifically undervalued yuan! In 20 years, you could even be head inspector at this Levi Jeans Factory in glorious Eastern Shanghai!

Comrade SquarePants: Head inspector?! I've always dreamed of being head inspector, bringing China's industrial progress to entire Western world to show we are number one!

Comrade Squidward: Twenty-years, comrade. I bet you'll make it!

Comrade SquarePants: Twenty years? Darn it, I hoped to get rich right now so I can have amazing sharksfin burger patty and join the party!

Comrade Sheldon: Did someone say party?

Comrade SquarePants: Yes! The heavily successful reiging one body party of China, the Communist Party of China!

Comrade Squidward: Well, comrade. If you really want to be inspectior number one, you have only ee, that's one option.

Comrade SquarePants: Work hard and practice piano?

Comrade Squidward: No, try again.

Comrade SquarePants: Have forced marriage with another tall Chinese woman so that our child will be the tallest in China and be fit for a govenment experiment in which we make him the greatest sports player in the world since birth through international sports diplomacy?

Comrade Squidward: Uhhh, you have the wrong idea, comrade. Plus, Yao Ming already did that. You're thinking way too far here. The solution is simple.

Comrade SquarePants: I work hard?

Comrade Squidward: No you dumb American-influenced slut, you need to kill the current head inspector!

Comrade SquarePants: Head inspector Krabs? Never!

Comrade Squidward: Do you want government regulated sharksfin tuna or not?

Comrade SquarePants: (mouth waters) Sharksfin tuna....

[Comrade SquarePants gets the axe over the fire extinguisher (the only one in the government deregulated sweatshop) and walks towards Head Inspector Krabs.]

Comrade SquarePants: Baidu, Huawei, free internet connection.... wait a minute. This is completely against the morals of a good citizen of the people's republic! You have tricked me into being an Americanized fool!

[He then goes and starts walking towards Comrade Squidward]

Comrade SquarePants: (dials communist police on his government-regulated Vivo smartphone) Violator and capitalist traitor of the government regulated moral ideals! Eastern Shanghai Levi Jeans Factory, Comrade Squidward Tentacles!

[Communist Police arrive at the scene and arrest Squidward.]

Police: You capitalist fool! (

[The policeman finds a copy of dirty American Jake Paul merch in Comrade Squidward's pocket]

Police: (spits) Dirty American video streaming site. You've been brainwashed by dirty American scum! You'll enjoy it more in government mandated concentration camp-- er... re-education camp!

Comrade SquarePants: Do I get sharksfin burger for my honesty and loyalty to glorious government?

Police: No.

Comrade SquarePants: Well fuck you--

[Episode abruptly ends, cut with a government mandated title card that reads: we will not be broadcasting immoral and non ideal anti-Chinese programming, we apologize for any inconvenience.]