Ian vs. Matchy

Ian vs. Matchy is the tenth episode of SBFW Quest. It aired December 22, 2018, and was written by FireMatch.

Transcript
(The episode starts out with Matchy chewing on a water bottle)

Purps: Matchy, what’s wrong?

Matchy: I have no clue what to do. I’m extremely bored. I want to go home now.

Purps: But we can’t go home! We have shit to do.

Matchy: Like what?

Purps: Let’s take a walk and talk this out.

(They start walking)

Purps: So, how’s ZPW lately?

Matchy: No new episodes in 69 days.

Purps: Oh.

(Suddenly, a mysterious figure appears)

???: Hi guys. I’m new here.

Matchy: o

???: What’s with this “o” thing? It’s really fucking stupid if you ask me.

Matchy: What do you want?

???: What do YOU want? Personal vendetta? (he pulls off his cloak to reveal himself) I’m Ian, Jasbre’s old friend.

Matchy: Wow, what a great choice for a friend…

Ian: Shut up, you cunt! Now, what to do with you…

Purps: Ian, shut your mouth right now!

Ian: Fuck you, random purple guy!

Purps: Hey, that’s color-ist!

Ian: That’s not even a word, you fucking retard!

Purps: Why are you so rude to us?!

Ian: BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE YOU BOTH! AHHH! (starts running after them both)

Purps: Uhh… I’m just gonna hide in this bush. (hides in the bush nearby)

Ian: Whatever. Matchy, go fuck yourself with a rake, cause this is gonna get messy.

Matchy: That doesn’t even make sense!

Ian: I don’t care. I’m an asshole!

Matchy: Asshole is a huge understatement. (starts running)

Ian: Oh no, you don’t, you little (says something so bad it can’t even be said on FANDOM)!

Matchy: (gasps) You can’t say that here! You’ll get globalled!

Ian: I don’t fucking care. Go fuck yourself.

Matchy: Shut up already!

Ian: I’ll shut up once you’re dead!

Queen Vanessa: (watching from above) Uhhh… I’m just gonna let this happen.

Matchy: WHAT A GREAT CHOICE FOR A FRIEND, JASBRE!

Ian: Shut the fuck up!

Matchy: No, you shut up!

Ian: Rant mode activated.

I didn’t start it and if you think I started it you’re fucking stupid. “You added a lot of fuel to the fire tbh.” I was defending my friend! How am I in the wrong here? Also you said earlier that I started it. Not that I continued it. Jesus christ Matchy, there’s no low you won’t sink to, is there? Go fuck yourself, fucking cunt. You killed Dev’s old Minecraft server. And now you’re blaming me for killing an entire kingdom with drama that I didn’t even start? Fuck off, mate. I’m tired of your shit, get the fuck out.

Matchy: Wow. That was the single worst thing I have ever heard in my 15-year-old life. (picks up Ian and throws him in the nearest lava pit)

Ian: I’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME! (ded)

Matchy: Woo-hoo! He’s dead! He’s dead! Come on, Purple, dance with me!

Purps: Kinda can’t. I’m too tired from crouching down in this bush. But… he’s dead! WOOOOOOO!!!

(episode ends as Purple dabs)