Back To School (ADWSS Transcript)

(Scene: Conch Street)

SpongeBob: (walking casually, when suddenly a limo pulls up to the street, and someone comes out of it) Huh?

Stranger from limo: I am Mister Anchovaya.

SpongeBob: Principal Anchovaya? From middle school?

Mr. Anchovaya: Yes. We just realized we miscalculated one of your grades in middle school in English class. You actually had 89.99% on your final exam, not 90%, which you needed to pass middle school. And because of this, you will need to redo middle school for a month to retake the test for that extra .01%.

SpongeBob: So you're saying I have to redo middle school for a month because I didn't get .01% more answers right on a test? That's a load of barnacles!

Mr. Anchovaya: It sure is, but it must be done, or you will have to repeat all of school, or get arrested!

SpongeBob: What fish made that stupid rule?

Mr. Anchovaya: Well, someone stupid of course.

SpongeBob: Like Squidward?

Squidward: (offscreen) HEY!

Mr. Anchovaya: Anyway, you have to go to Deep Sea Middle for the month, starting tommorow. Have fun! (enters his limo, and drives away)

SpongeBob: Well, middle school isn't so bad! When I went there, it was wonderful! (thinking bubble comes out of his head, which shows SpongeBob being beat up by a big fish, while being pinned to a locker) What could possibly go wrong?

(Scene: Deep Sea Middle)

SpongeBob: What could possibly go RIGHT? The kids are so mean, everyone's just hanging out with their (air quotes) girlfriends which they break up with in five seconds and whine til' they find another, and the teachers are way too grumpy! I don't fit in at all! Well, I guess I'll have to try to do that.

(subtitles display in blue, reading Week 1)

SpongeBob: I've gotta take care of those bullies. But how?

Bully Fish: (picks up nearby fish) I'm gonna pound you, and - (spots pizza) Ooh, pepperoni pizza! (drops fish onto the ground, eats pizza)

SpongeBob: Hmmm..... that gives me an idea!

(Scene: Math Class)

Mr. Fishinson: .....so what is the value of 3x?

SpongeBob: Needing to go to the bathroom, that's what. (exits room) Now for the trap...... (makes a lasso, and throws the grabbable end onto a balcony, and puts pizza in the loop, then runs up to the balcony and holds the lasso)

Bully Fish: (exits room) Lame. I mean, when does math apply to life? It's not like you're going to need to know it or you'll be hobos on the street! I mean seriously, who wants or needs to know - (spots pizza SpongeBob left on the lasso loop) hey look, pizza! Hey everyone, pizza!

(all the bully fish come to the pizza, and begin eating it)

SpongeBob: (pulls up lasso, trapping all the bullies and squeezing them together, then swings the lasso back and forth, which causes the bullies to be smacked onto a wall repeatedly, then SpongeBob lifts them all up, and drops the rope, causing them to smash onto the ground) Ha ha ha, how's it going guys?

Bully Fish: (glares at SpongeBob, with flames in his eyes)

SpongeBob: (nervously) Heh heh..... better get to Social Studies, eh? Heh heh, heh heh..... (runs away extremely quickly)

(scene cuts to Science Class, and red subtitles appear, reading Week 2)

Mr. Catafishe: Now, what is the atomic weight of ununbium, Harold? Harold?

Harold: Aw, Linda, you're so cute.

Linda: No, you are.

Harold: But doesn't that mean you're not cute, cuz' you said that "no, you are"?

Linda: (gasps) My own boyfriend said I'm not cute? That's it, I'm breaking up with you!

Harold: But we just met five minutes ago!

SpongeBob: These short relationships are getting very annoying. I know! I'll just scare away all the girls so it's impossible for a relationship to happen! And I'll scare them..... (pulls out flamethrower) with this flamethrower! (turns flamethrower on, and starts chasing Linda) Ha ha ha!

Mr. Catafishe: What the barnacles?

Linda: Augh!

Mr. Anchovaya: (enters room) Luis Catafishe, I'll be inspecting your student's behavior today to see if you can keep your job.

Linda: (runs by Anchovaya) Augh!

Mr. Anchovaya: What the -

SpongeBob: (comes by with a flamethrower) Ha ha ha!

Mr. Anchovaya: (stops SpongeBob) You're fired, Luis. SpongeBob, you have detention.

(Scene: Detention)

SpongeBob: I've gotta find another way than the flamethrower..... but what? Maybe the trash can! When it's about to be thrown out, it's very stinky. It's sure to scare them out.

Harold: Good luck with that. The trash is gonna be taken out in five minutes.

SpongeBob: Harold, why are you here?

Harold: I was a witness of the flamethower incident and didn't do anything. Not true! I was making a hashtag for it! #TheFlamethrowerIncidentDontAsk!

SpongeBob: Well, who's gonna use that hashtag?

Harold: Let's see! (takes out phone, and searches for his hashtag, which brings up 5,000 results)

SpongeBob: Wow! But there's one thing that makes no sense.....

Harold: Like the fact I got so many results by using a five-minute old hashtag?

SpongeBob: No...... there's a spa with that hashtag!

Harold: Well, the description says they use flamethrowers for their saunas. Nobody beats the heat of that spa! That's because boiling water buckets are thrown at everybody in the room.

SpongeBob: Harold, you were reading the description for the "Death House".

Harold: What a name for a spa, huh? Doesn't that sound relaxing?

SpongeBob: Harold, wanna break out of detention with me?

Harold: You won't need my assistance. The door is always left open, Anchovaya always turns the key the wrong way.

SpongeBob: Oh. (walks out door, picks up trash cans, and dumps it on the floor, then hurries back into detention)

Harold: Nice idea!

(girl screams are heard)

SpongeBob: (peers outside, to reveal none of the girls are in school anymore, except for one random fish)

Fish: I'm Terry! (creepily laughing) Hahahahaha!

SpongeBob: Terry, get out of here! Don't you hate the trash?

Terry: I love the trash!

SpongeBob: Eh, that'll be fine, I guess. It's not like anyone's gonna fall in love with you.

Terry: WHAT did you say? (gets flames in her eyes)

SpongeBob: Heh heh, would you look at that, detention's over! Better get to lunch, because I can't miss lunch, you know! Need that nutrition! Heh heh.... (speeds away to lunch)

(scene cuts to history class, with purple subtitles reading Week 3)

Mr. Corallis: So who is the sixteenth president of the United States Of Pacifica? Annette?

Annete: Coral-dy?

Mr. Corallis: No, Lin-coy-n, you barnacle brain!

SpongeBob: Grumpy teachers! I've got to stop this..... by overjoying everyone and making the grumpy ones leave! (pulls out "The Sonars" disc, and plays "Musical Doodle" on a record) Only Corallis will hear this! Why don't I turn it up? (pulls knob to 100, and accidentally pulls the knob off) Ooopsie. (puts on earplugs, while all of the other fish are suffering from the noise, the grumpy teachers leave, while the happy teachers are suffering from the noise)

(scene cuts to the hallway, where SpongeBob is at his locker, getting his English books, with green subtitles reading "Week 4")

SpongeBob: This is great! Not only am I prepared for the test, but I've fixed up the school a little, and it didn't backfire one bit!

(a crowd of fish appear behind SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Hey guys. What's up?

Bully Fish: I'll tell you what! You beat up my buddies and me!

Terry: You hurt my feelings!

Linda: You tried to incinerate me with a flamethrower!

Male Fish 1: You made my girlfriend leave the school!

Male Fish 2: That happened to me, too!

Janitor: You spilled the trash everywhere!

Female Fish 1: You scared me and my BFFs out of here!

All of the fish: And you all rumptured our eardrums with the Sonars music!

SpongeBob: Oh. (begins to run to English class, and the fish chase him, when he gets there, he locks the door, he spots his test, that is on his desk, waiting for him)

(a large pound is heard on the door)

SpongeBob: If I can get a grade of 90% or higher, I can graduate, and leap out the window! (sits down at desk) Wow, only ten questions! Number one: Which is the correct spelling? Meant or ment? Meant! Number two: What-

(a very hard pound is heard on the door)

SpongeBob: Correct the mistake in this sentence, and write what kind of error was made: My mom doesn't like me eating ice cream. Aha! Gerund error! Number three: What is the difference between affect and effect? Why are you asking me so many questions, Mr. Paper? Didn't you go to school?

(a huge pound is heard on the door)

SpongeBob: Uh-oh. Affect is an act of love, effect is when something is changed by something. Question five: When is the only time you should use fragment sentences? For emphasis! Question six: What is the-

(Scene: Outside the door)

Bully Fish: Okay guys, we're gonna ram into this door, and it's sure to break down this time. Ready? One, two...

(Scene: English Class Room)

SpongeBob: (on calculator) So my final percentage is 100%! Yay!

(wall busts down)

SpongeBob: Ha! Guess what? You FAIL! Because I graduate, so I'm gonna escape by jumping out this window! Ha ha!

Linda: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

SpongeBob: Oh why? Because you don't want to admit that I'm getting away with this?

Linda: No, because-

SpongeBob: (jumps out window, a large thudding noise is heard)

Linda: -this room is on the second story.

(episode abruptly ends)

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