Retired No More

Retired No More is the 2nd season 3 episode of Cult of Squid. It was scheduled for an April release, but released May 2nd, 2019.

Plot Summary
The episode begins with the Feathered Friends in the Krusty Krab, planning their next attack on the Cult. Every member proposes an idea and Plankton accidentally knocks the TV off the pole after proposing using a death ray to destroy the cult and it turns on, playing a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cartoon. This gives Spongebob an idea.

The Feathered Friends, walking through the abandoned and ruined streets of the former Bikini Bottom, are bickering about how long the trip will take and what Spongebob’s idea is. Patrick is sleepwalking and Spongebob tries to wake him up. Plankton is accidentally stepped on.

They eventually arrive at the retirement home and Patrick starts to understand Spongebob's plan. They go inside and start looking everywhere, but Plankton doesn't know what they're doing. they eventually get into the mermalair by complete accident.

We cut to Shady Shoals (mermalair) where the Feathered Friends tie up Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy (who are sleeping cuz it’s nighttime in this scene), SpongeBob explains what they’re doing so they untie them and wake them up, and explain what the cult is and MM&BB are reluctant to join at *first*, but after a bit of thinking, they’re inducted into the Feathered Friends!

They start to train the heroes in a montage and it ends with them sitting at the Krusty krab with the chicken suits, and Barnacle Boy complains about the suits but Mermaid Man says he likes it.

They plan out an infiltrating strategy on the Cult and they charge into battle, eventually losing and being forced to retreat back to the krusty krab. The episode ends with a ghostly laugh.

Transcript
(Episode Begins with the Feathered Friends in the Krusty Krab, except mr Krabs, with a blueprint on the table)

Patrick: Alright, if you look at this here blueprint, we have a plan to attack the cult.

Plankton: You mean to tell me YOU made this?

Patrick: Yeah.

(Plankton notices a couple crayons and poorly drawn people and shales on the blueprint)

Plankton: oh, brother. (Facepalm)

Spongebob: before we approve this plan, does anyone else have any other plans for attacks?

Patrick: uh, we could go to the back, uh, deep fry their fry and uh, we uh, uhhhhhh….

Spongebob: what about you plankton?

Plankton: we could use my death ray. (Holds ray and fires it uncontrollably 5 times until it hits the tv and it falls off)

(Cut to a shot of the tv)

Tv announcer: Mermaid man and Barnacle boy, the special episode, on now!

(Cuts back)

Spongebob: Mermaid man and Barnacle Boy? I love that show!

Patrick: me too! (Starts “ba-ing” the lyrics to the theme song and falls asleep)

SpongeBob: Hey wait, I have an idea.

(Cuts to the Feathered Friends walking through the streets of Bikini Bottom)

Plankton: SpongeBob, what even is your idea?

SpongeBob: I’ll tell you soon.

Plankton: How about you tell us now?

SpongeBob: Because that would spoil the surprise!

Plankton: Alright, alright. Wait is Patrick even awake?

SpongeBob: No, he appears to be sleepwalking.

(Patrick steps on Plankton)

Plankton: OW!

Patrick: (wakes up) huh? where are we?

SpongeBob: Almost to our destination.

Plankton: which is?

SpongeBob: The retirement home.

Patrick: Now Wait, wasn't that retirement home destroyed when the squid people took over the town?

SpongeBob: Not entirely.

Plankton: What do you mean not entirely?

SpongeBob: You’ll see.

(The trio arrives at the retirement home)

Spongebob: if my memory serves me right, the mermalair is here somewhere.

Plankton: Why does that matter?

Patrick: Oh yeah, we had to look over it once! I (pulls Orb of Confusion out) kept the orb of confusion as an artifact.

SpongeBob: You kept it?

Patrick: Yeah, why do you think I’m always confused? (Pulls switch)

(Spongebob and Patrick start to get confused by the orb)

Plankton: oh brother. (Turns orb off)

SpongeBob: Okay, let’s look for the mermalair!

(Patrick checks underneath a blanket)

Patrick: not here. (Eats blanket)

(Spongebob checks underneath the couch cushions)

Spongebob: no luck.

(Plankton checks the AC)

Plankton: nothing here.

(SpongeBob checks underneath the couch and finds poles)

SpongeBob: Found it! Guys over here!

(Patrick and Plankton walk over)

Plankton: Wait that’s just a pole.

(The pole goes nowhere)

SpongeBob: Hmmmm. (A lightbulb comes out of all his holes) i got it! We slide down these poles to-

Patrick: (already sliding) sliiiiiide!

Spongebob: how will you get down, Plankton?

Plankton: I've got a jetpack.

Spongebob: (sliding down pole) i hope your riiiight.

(Cut to the Mermalair)

Spongebob: (slides down and falls on face) i didn't know much rusty poles hurt to slide down.

Patrick: (falls and lands on head) thing good landed head on i…

Plankton: (jetpacks slowly down) suckers. I made it safely and- (loses control of jetpack) holy neptune! (Flies around frantically, screaming, before eventually crash-landing)

Patrick: Um SpongeBob, where is everything?

SpongeBob: What do you mean?

(All of the wall’s weapons and tools are missing)

SpongeBob: Hmmmmm. Wait a second! Look over there!

(All of the weapons and tools are inside of the invisible boat mobile, as well as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, who are both asleep)

Plankton: Should we wake them up?

Patrick: I don’t see why not.

Plankton: (Quietly) wakey wakey… (pulls out megaphone and death ray) WAKE UP OR I'LL DESTROY YOU!

(MM and BB both wake up screaming)

Barnacle boy: oh, it's just that stupid sponge kid and his friend.

Mermaid man: hey, i remember them! Wait, who's this (zoomed in shot of plankton) little green bean? (Cuts back)

Spongebob: Hes-uh-our friend.

Barnacle Boy: what do you want, anyways? We were sleeping for a reason. Those squids gives us the willies!

SpongeBob: Well, we were hoping you could join us in the fight against them!

Mermaid Man: Are they together?

Barnacle Boy: No, they just happened to attack us at the same time as individuals- of course they’re together!

Plankton: Yeah, they’re part of a cult lead by Squidward. But he was sent to a special prison by King Neptune, and Sandy told us that it is now run by NOSEWARD.

Mermaid Man: Not Noseward! Nooo! Who’s Noseward?

SpongeBob: He’s like Squidward, except a nose.

Barnacle Boy: Why should we help you? Let’s face it, we’re two old men.

SpongeBob: Well I think old people are joyous wonders!

Patrick: Here we go again.

Plankton: Hey Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, if you join us we can stop those evil squids.

Mermaid: EVIL!!! WE MUST STOP EVIL!!!

SpongeBob: So you’ll join us?

Barnacle Boy: Sure. As long as you have rations in this somewhat apocalypse.

Patrick: Unlimited Krabby Patties, courtesy of the large freezer in the Krusty Krab.

Mermaid Man: Really? Okay then!

(Cut to an epic training montage)

(Cut to them in the Krusty krab)

Spongebob: alright, guys, we're gonna do an attack on the cult!

Barnacle Boy: When?

Patrick: Yeah, when?

SpongeBob: Right now.

Plankton: Do we have anything?

SpongeBob: Yes! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!

(Cut to the Feathered Friends at the Cult lodge. Noseward is sleeping)

SpongeBob: (outside, with megaphone) Noseward! We demand you come out and face us!

Security: hey, noseward, they're challenging us. Uh, noseward?

Spongebob: come out at once you chickens!

(Noseward wakes up in his bed after hearing SpongeBob, smacks his head against a wooden post, and then walks out of the lodge)

Noseward: Oh um, GUARDS KILL THEM WHERE THEY STAND. (Walks off angrily) im not a chicken.

SpongeBob: Oh (dolphin noise)! Guys!

Plankton: woah, where did you learn that word?

(Everyone jumps behind Plankton)

Plankton: WHAT?! WHY?!

SpongeBob: Give us cover before Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy show up!

(Security comes out of the lodge with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy)

Security: You mean these guys? Yeah, we caught them taking out some guys out back.

Noseward: Alright boys, retreat now or we’ll be forced to use our secret weapon.

Spongebob: Make us, you- wait, where's Squidward?

Noseward: oh, he kinda went to court with Neptune and got locked up.

Spongebob: oh…

Noseward: uh, anyway, retreat or we will use our secret weapon!

Patrick: Which is?

SpongeBob: Who cares, just attack!

(The crew of five start beating us Security as guards rush out of the lodge)

Noseward: You guys asked for it.

(Sandy comes out in a mech suit)

SpongeBob: Sandy?!

Sandy: SpongeBob?!

Noseward: Dammit they have emotional ties!

(Noseward pushes a button and a trap door opens beneath Sandy, sending her down a slide into the lodge’s prison, but she flies back up and shoots multiple cult members. On camera multiple die except one)

Sandy: well uh, nice seeing you, but gotta go. (Flies off)

Spongebob: so now what about the heroes?

Noseward: you want them, have them. I gotta go get Doctor Crayons to fix everyone.

Doctor Crayons: (moans offscreen)

(MM & BB walk onscreen)

Mermaid Man: what happened?

Barnacle boy: we got caged up, I think. Nice of them to let us out.

Spongebob: is this a victory?

Noseward: No!

Patrick: we won!!!!!

(All the FF jump into the air and freeze as the credits roll. Noseward notices and slowly walks off)