The Party

The Party is the first episode of Ttyl..

Plot
Patrick is determined to get his friend SpongeBob laid before his 17th birthday. His parents are going out of town for the weekend, so he decides to throw a party; however, things don't turn out so well when someone brings LSD to the party, causing Sandy to have a bad trip.

Transcript

 * Scene opens up to an alarm clock at 6:59. SpongeBob is snoring in bed, and the alarm goes off when it reaches 7:00. SpongeBob stretches, climbs out of bed, does some pushups, and goes downstairs where his mom and stepdad are, eating breakfast.'
 * SpongeBob's Mom: Good morning, sweetheart.
 * SpongeBob's Stepdad: Oh, so he finally decided to get out of bed.
 * SpongeBob: Piss off, Frank, you're not killing my good mood. (puts a piece of bread in the toaster)
 * SpongeBob's Mom: SpongeBob! Apologize to your dad right now!
 * SpongeBob: He's not my dad. Jesus, just let me get some toast before I have to go to school.
 * Frank: (standing up) You wanna be a smartass with me? Just because you're sixteen doesn't mean I can beat your ass into-
 * SpongeBob's Mom: Sit down, Frank.
 * Frank heads into the other room to cool down.
 * SpongeBob's Mom: Why do you always have to provoke him?
 * SpongeBob: Why does he have to be such an asshole?
 * SpongeBob's Mom: Well, if you'd stay out of each other's way...
 * SpongeBob: I try to! He started something, so I threw it right back at him! Why are you trying to fill the void after Dad left with someone like him?
 * SpongeBob's Mom: He's a respectful man with good money!
 * SpongeBob: That doesn't change the fact that he's a prick!
 * SpongeBob's Mom: I won't talk to you with an attitude like that. (looks down, ignoring SpongeBob and resuming her breakfast)
 * SpongeBob: Neither will I. (SpongeBob's toast pops out of toaster, and his phone dings in his pocket. SpongeBob picks up the phone to see a text message from Patrick.)
 * We need to talk. Meet me in the restroom after first period. Ttyl.
 * SpongeBob: Wonder what that's about. (takes a bite out of toast)
 * Cut to SpongeBob entering the restroom after the first period bell rings. Patrick is already in there, waiting for him by the sinks.
 * SpongeBob: What's up?
 * Patrick: You're getting laid.
 * SpongeBob: What? (thinks for a second) Oh, no, no, no...Patrick, we're friends and all, but I never knew you liked me in that-
 * Patrick: Not like that, idiot. (pulls a cigarette out and lights it) What I'm sayin' is that you're getting laid. By a girl. Within a week.
 * SpongeBob: Why?
 * Patrick: Why? Because you're turning seventeen in a week. And I can't be friends with somebody who's seventeen and a virgin. (takes drag off cigarette)
 * SpongeBob: I just haven't found the right girl yet.
 * Patrick: Well, you're gonna find one. Cuz I'm having a party this weekend. Inviting a bunch of chicks.
 * SpongeBob: You're having a party?
 * Patrick: Yeah, my parents are going out of town. (takes another drag) Business trip or some shit.
 * SpongeBob: You're sure I can get laid that easy at a party?
 * Patrick: Dude, these chicks are gonna be drunk, relaxed, and willing.
 * SpongeBob: I don't know...
 * Patrick: (after cigarette burns out, throws on ground) What's there not to know?
 * SpongeBob: I don't know if I want my first time to be some...casual screw, y'know?
 * Patrick: (laughs) Pussy.
 * SpongeBob: I'm not a pussy!
 * Patrick: Then prove it. Party's gonna be on Saturday. 9:00 sharp. Don't be late. (heading out of bathroom) Oh yeah, and bring a condom. (laughs)
 * SpongeBob stands in the bathroom for a while thinking after Patrick leaves, before the bell rings.
 * SpongeBob: Damn it! (runs out of bathroom)
 * Three days later...
 * Cut to SpongeBob heading downstairs where his mom and stepdad are watching television.
 * SpongeBob: I'm heading out.
 * SpongeBob's Mom: Be home by midnight.
 * Frank: Wait a second. Where are you going?
 * SpongeBob: None of your concern. (heads out the door)
 * Frank: Do you see the way that little shit talks to me? Someone's gotta teach him a lesson.
 * SpongeBob's Mom: He's sixteen. They all act like that.
 * Cut to SpongeBob going towards Patrick's house. There are lots of cars outside. He enters and finds loud party music blaring as people are dancing and making out. Patrick notices SpongeBob and comes toward him.
 * Patrick: Sponge! Glad you could make it. Guess you're not a pussy after all.
 * SpongeBob: (smirks) Told you.
 * Patrick: Anyways, we've got dancing, alcohol's over there, and strippers are over there. Eh, yo, ladies!
 * Two young ladies with pasties over their breasts and short shorts come over to Patrick.
 * Patrick: Meet my friend SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: (nervously) Hello, ladies.
 * One of the strippers starts touching his hands and laughs.
 * Stripper #1: Such small hands...does that mean he has a small dick, too? (laughs)
 * SpongeBob blushes as the two ladies walk away laughing.
 * Patrick: I think they like you!
 * Cut to Sandy sitting on a couch alone with a beer, when suddenly her phone rings.
 * Sandy: Hello? Mom? Where am I...what? I told you I was leaving twenty minutes ago. (sigh) I'm at Patrick's house. Love you too. (clicks off phone) Was probably too busy getting penetrated to notice.
 * SpongeBob walks over to Sandy.
 * Sandy: Hey, Spongy. How's it goin'?
 * SpongeBob: Humiliating. Two strippers just insulted my wang size.
 * Sandy: Yikes, that's rough. You bored too?
 * SpongeBob: Yeah. I only came because Patrick wanted to get me laid, but to be honest I don't see any girls here who would be interested.
 * Sandy: Maybe they're closer then you think. (smiles)
 * SpongeBob: (smiles back) Yeah...maybe they're on the dance floor! (runs to dance floor)
 * Sandy: (sigh) That wasn't what I meant. ''(takes sip of beer)
 * In progress, just autosaving in case my computer h#cks up.