DeviantArt's Off-Spring

DeviantArt's Off-Spring (titled A Quick F-Buck during production) is the thirteenth episode of SBFW Go!.

Characters (in order of appearance)

 * Polar
 * Bong
 * SpongeBot
 * Jake
 * Jasbre
 * Leslie
 * Noah Bradford (debut)
 * Lock
 * Phil
 * Cicicity
 * Customers (debut)
 * Plankton
 * Calaz

Transcript
(the episode opens with Polar sitting on the floor in the kitchen, against a door leading to the lounge at midnight)

Bong: (off-screen, sexually) Oh, SpongeBot.

SpongeBot: (off-screen, sexually) Oh, Vanessa.

Polar: (annoyed) Oh, brother. (he gets up and goes over to the counter and sees something out of the window) Shit! (he rushes over to the over side of the kitchen and turns on a boombox)

Boombox: Tinkywinky, Dipsy…

Polar: Phew… (in the garden, Jake is emptying the kitchen bin into a bigger bin in the garden)

Jake: Of course, why does it have to be me who has to do this? My God, this job is just absolute trash. (looks into the bin) Hang on a sec, who threw my Die Hard laserdiscs away? (he puts the kitchen bin on the floor and reaches into the bigger bin for his laserdiscs) Ew… (he takes the laserdiscs out) MY PRECIOUS! (he kisses them, and this causes him to puke) Ugh. I’ll get you two cleaned up in the morning. (he carries the now-empty kitchen bin back into the kitchen) Polar? What the hell are you doing up at this time of night?

Polar: I, uh… (he turns up the boombox’s volume)

Boombox: Teletubbies, teletubbies, say eh-oh-

Bong: (off-screen, sexually) Oh- (Polar kicks the wall)

Polar: Ow!

Jake: (puts the bin down) Why the f**k did you do that?

Polar: (turns to face the lounge to address SpongeBot and Bong, who are clearly up to their usual night-time activities) “Why the f**k” definitely is the question!

Jake: If you say so. Oh, and please let me know when the lounge is free again at this time of night. It’s the only time I can watch Die Hard in piece. (looks at Polar funny) Was it you who binned my laserdiscs?

Polar: Uh, nope.

Jake: If you insist. Wait, why can’t I go in the lounge, anyway?

Polar: (smiles) Inventions, inventions.

Jake: (sighs) Sometimes I wish someone would reinvent my life. (heads upstairs, theme song, and then cut to the writing room the next day, Polar and Jasbre enter to find Leslie drawing)

Jasbre: What’s up, Leslie?

Leslie: Not much.

Polar: Hoi.

Jasbre: (surprised) Woah! I didn’t know you could draw, Leslie!

Leslie: (equally as surprised) Really? You mean you actually like it?

Jasbre: Yeah. You seem really surprised.

Leslie: My parents always said that I was useless at this sort of thing. I wanted a degree in Art, but I never got a chance because of that.

Jasbre: (a bit sad) Oh. I, uh… (embarrassed) I got an F in Math.

Bong: (sitting on a chair on the other side of the room) And I got a D in Biology.

Polar: I got a V in- (everyone stares at him funny) oh. The joke’s not funny anymore, is it? (everyone goes back to normal) Well, I think that drawing is rather good. (Leslie shows the two her drawing of a cat) I’m actually a bit of an artist myself. Could you lend me a piece of paper?

Leslie: Uh, sure? (gives him a piece of a paper and a pencil)

Polar: Here I go! One drawing of a cute li’l Temmie coming right up! (he accidentally draws the Mona Lisa) F**k! Uh… (changing the subject) You want a go, Jasbre?

Jasbre: No, no, I’m good. I prefer the good ol’ ‘cartoony’ style instead. Oh, by the way, a new episode of my spin-off Better Days drops by tonight! It’s gonna be epic! (walks over to another part of the room)

Leslie: Is it just me, or is Jasbre acting like Better Days is equivalent to Rick and Morty or Breadwinners or something?

Polar: (in horror) Breadwinners? Sorry, but that show absolutely sucks!

Leslie: Not according to Jasbre. (Jasbre approaches Jake)

Noah Bradford (on YouTube): But, honestly, I do have some problems with the episode, which I’ll be explaining right here.

Jasbre: What’s up guys?

Noah Bradford (on YouTube): First off, we obviously have the theme song, which is my first problem with the episode.

Jasbre: F**k.

Noah Bradford (on YouTube): His vocals on the instrumental are so quiet that you can barely hear him.

Jake: (laughing) Oh my fricking God!

Jasbre: IT’S NOT FUNNY!

Noah Bradford (on YouTube): He’s whispering it!

SpongeBot: (sitting next to them) What you watching, Asshole Jake?

Jake: (sighs) Why do you need to call me that?!

SpongeBot: Dude, take a chill pill. I only want to know what you’re watching!

Jake: Spongy Reviews, a YouTube series by this guy called Noah.

Jasbre: (sad/angry) Yes, episode seven, TheJasbre202. (SpongeBot laughs) STOP IT! (cut back over to Polar and Leslie’s side of the room)

Leslie: I’ve always wanted to make a living out of Art, but, well…

Polar: (chuckles) How hard can it be? Have the seen the kind of shit Picasso has done? That stuff is horrible and he’s made millions!

Leslie: (annoyed) Polar, if you’re suggesting that you want me to draw the Dame Tu Cosita guy or someth-

Polar: No, no, not at all! What I mean is, one simple dot can make you a fortune!

Leslie: Wait… (gets out a new piece of paper) So, you’re saying that if I do this... (draws a tiny dot on the page) ...I could make millions?

Polar: (in awe) Oh my God! That is the best thing I have seen all day! (cut back over to the other side of the room)

Jake: (laughing) I mean, check this out! (pauses the video and reads the description) “In this video, I talk about another LEGO SpongeBob creator, TheJasbre202. Yeah, his videos kinda need some work”!

Jasbre: Grr! (angrily storms off)

Jake: What could be better than this?

SpongeBot: I know, right? Hey, what’s this video? (clicks on another video)

Video: This Holiday season, re-visit the greatest Holiday-

Jake: Honest Trailers? Die Hard? (angrily) I’LL SHOW YOU! (storms off)

SpongeBot: Uh, what’s the matter with him?

Lock: I dunno.

SpongeBot: Wanna play Moshi Monsters?

Lock: Sure!

Polar: Hold that thought, guys! Come have a look at this!

Lock: Gross. (the two run over the other side of the room with Bong)

SpongeBot: Wow! That is the best drawing that I have seen in years!

Lock: Centuries!

Bong: That’s got to be worth a ton of money! (Leslie smiles as we cut to Jake playing Mario Tennis Aces in the gaming lounge with Phil in swing mode)

Jake: If I… ...beat you… ...in Mario Tennis… ...then will I be as good as the others?

Phil: Who said you’re not as good as the others?

Cicicity: (sitting behind them, watching) I certainly don’t.

Jake: Polar… ...er… ...Jasbre… ...SpongeBot…

Phil: Take no notice of them, everyone’s different and everyone’s as good as eachoth-

Game: Game, set & match, server.

Jake: I’LL SHOW YOU! (furiously storms off due to his loss)

Cicicity: In-fricking-deed. (cut to Leslie selling her drawing of tiny dots to pedestrians outside on the HQ sitting next to a wooden desk)

Bong: (rapping) Yo yo yo, check these drawings, yo. These drawings ain’t boring, yo, draw the show! ‘Cos these drawings do show, and they will let you know that SBFW is not rich, these drawings are lit so suck that c**k, bi**h! Take it away, Temmie!

Polar: (badly rapping) Yo yo yo, f**k that p***y, yo! (pause, he then folds his arms) Word. (everyone waiting in line to get a drawing cheers) That’s how it’s done and it’s finger-licking good!

SpongeBot: Hey, Leslie, d’ya think you would get more cash if you signed your drawings?

Leslie: I dunno.

Polar: Hey, I was gonna say that! (he turns SpongeBot off, though he immediately turns back on again)

SpongeBot: Wow! Leslie really turns me on!

Leslie: (rolling her eyes in disgust) Good afternoon, valued customer. Would you like one of my soon-to-be world famous drawings?

Customer: I don’t see why not!

Leslie: (takes out a piece of paper and draws a tiny dot on it) Here you go.

Customer: How much?

Leslie: Well, how much have you got?

Customer: I’m actually conveniently carrying every penny I’ve earnt in my whole life with me today, and I could loan you even more money if you sign it.

Leslie: Well… (she puts her signature on it)

Customer: Wow! That looks expensive! It deserves my entire life savings! (he strips off and gives Leslie his clothes, multiple wallets and his bag for life) Bye! (he walks off)

Leslie: Thank you for your patronage. (cut back to inside the HQ, Jake marches up to Travis with a script in his hands)

Jake: You see this script? Oh, it’s a good script, alright? And it’ll prove that I am just as good as everyone else.

Travis: But you aren’t just as good as everyone else. (Jake walks off sulking) He’s as good as everyone else, except Jasbre. Yeah, that guy’s annoying. (Jake knocks on Jasbre’s bedroom door)

Jasbre: (off-screen) Come in! But don’t destroy anything!

Jake: (walking in on Jasbre animating an episode of LEGO SpongeBob) Uh, what’s all this?

Jasbre: My friend Noah Bradford humiliated me on YouTube ages ago, and now everyone on this wiki has discovered the video. So, I’m starting up a brand new LEGO SpongeBob series to prove that I am just as good as everyone else!

Jake: But you are as good as everyone else! It’s me who isn’t.

Jasbre: Says who?

Jake: Everyone else.

Jasbre: Bruh, take a chill pill. I’m the abnormal one. Everyone thinks I’ve become a control freak recently.

Jake: Well, everything on the website IS Jasbre branded. But, isn’t that a good thing?

Jasbre: I dunno… Just f**k off, will ya? You’re taking up too much of my brain space!

Jake: Well, I wish I never came to this wiki in the first place!

Jasbre: Well, I wish- (pause) Wait, wait, wait! Hang on a sex- se- I mean sec! (annoyed) Ugh! (back to normal) Isn’t this show becoming a lot like deviantart shit?

Jake: Uh…

Jasbre: Y’know, with all the drama recently, and now we’re both on the edge of-

Jake: That’s not what this sub-plot is about!

Jasbre: But still.

Jake: Er… (pause) Yeah, you make a fair and valid point. (cut back to outside the HQ)

Polar: (laughing) Ha, ha, ha! I can’t believe it! We’ve finally made it! (does the floss) Cash money! In the car with honeys! Driving way too fa- (realises that everyone is staring at him and stops) Oh, yeah. Sorry…

Lock: Just your average SBFW memelord doing average SBFW stuff.

Leslie: But Polar IS right! We have made it!

Leslie, SpongeBot, Bong & Lock: Woohoo! (they all look at Polar)

SpongeBot: Why aren’t you celebrating, Polar?

Polar: I, uh, thought that you would all look at me funny again if I did.

Bong: Well, everyone is looking at you funny now.

Polar: F**k. (another customer approaches them)

Customer #2: Oi! I want my f-ing money back, you scammers!

SpongeBot: wait wut

Customer #3: These aren’t legit, original Leslies! These are George Hasselhoff rip-offs!

Lock: Who the f**k is George Hasselhoff?

SpongeBot: Wasn’t that the guy with the low sp**m count?

Customer #4: Get ‘em! (the users run away from the angry customers, cut back to the inside, Jake and Jasbre leave Jasbre’s bedroom, Phil is waiting for them)

Phil: Congrats on coming out.

Jasbre: Huh?

Phil: What was all the noise about in there?

Jake: Oh, we were just lamenting to each-other about how we aren’t as good as everyone else.

Phil: But you are! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!

Jake and Jasbre: We are?

Jasbre: (the background suddenly changes into some pink candyfloss candland, Jasbre walks along a rainbow while singing) Cupcakes, and happiness! Rainbows, and cupcake-ness! (the background suddenly goes back to normal)

Phil: daf*q (cut back to Leslie and co. running away from the angry customers)

Polar: (screaming) PONIES! I LOVE PONIES!!! (they run into the Penis! restaurant from the previous episode and cover the doors up with chairs)

Plankton: Uh, are you guys alright?

Polar: Do you have any pictures of Ariana Grande, preferably photoshopped nudes of Ariana Grande? It, uh, helps me to calm down… (outside, the customers run towards the restaurant but immediately when they read the name)

Customer #3: PENIS!? (they all run away in disgust)

SpongeBot: Phew… They are all gone.

Bong: Yeah, but just wait until we get caught for our so-called fraud.

Lock: Fu- (the credits roll and Calaz appears and begins to talk over them)

Calaz: da moral of da storee is dat u r as gud as every1 else, even doe u think u r not

Plot
The episode starts with Polar keeping watch with Bong and SpongeBot doing their 'night-time activities' and even has to cover for them when Jake appears, annoyed that someone has thrown his Die Hard laserdiscs away. Jake then wishes that some would 'reinvent his life' and goes to bed.

The next day, Jasbre and Polar both discover that Leslie is rather good at drawing. Leslie states that once wanted to make a living out of it, and Polar offers to help as he doesn't think that it could be any challenge. Citing Picasso, Polar states that drawings don't have to be a good to make a fortune. Leslie then creates a drawing of a simple, miniscule dot and Bong, SpongeBot, Lock and Polar all agree that it is the best drawing they have ever seen.

In the same room as this is happening, Jake is watching a YouTube video about a YouTuber criticising Jasbre's old LEGO SpongeBob series. Jasbre gets frustrated, and storms off but is soon followed by Jake who is determined to prove that he is 'just as good as everyone else' after another video comes on 'poking fun' at Die Hard (though it is actual just an Honest Trailer).

Leslie and co. set up camp outside the HQ and begin selling her drawing to pedestrians and make 'millions'. Just when they have 'made it', their customers return and are furious for being sold 'George Hasselhoff rip-offs', though the users are confused about this. Luckily, they manage to escape, hiding in PENIS!, and the angry mob is scared off by its name alone.

Meanwhile, in a parody of cheesy life lessons, Jake laments to Phil while playing Mario Tennis Aces and, despite Phil stating that he is 'just as good as everyone else', Jake storms off once again upon losing. He then decides to lament to Travis, who states that he really isn't 'as good as everyone else', but Jakes storms off again before Travis has a chance to finish, stating that he is 'just as good as everyone else... except Jasbre'. Following a similar pattern, Jake then decides to lament to Jasbre, who is animating a new LEGO SpongeBob episode to achieve the same goal. They then realise this, and exit to find Phil waiting for them and they all chees-ily realise that everyone is as good as everyone else. The episode closes with Calaz appearing over the credits to state that 'da moral of da storee is dat u r as gud as every1 else, even doe u think u r not'.

Trivia

 * The cold opening was initially written for a scrapped episode titled "SpongeBot Comes Out", which would explore Jake's cheesy sub-plot to a greater extent.
 * Leslie stating that Breadwinners is a good show in the eyes of Jasbre is based on a conversation between and  on Discord.
 * The actual conversation didn't mention Breadwinners at all, the show was used as a substitute for modern-day The Simpsons so the point could be exaggerated.
 * Calaz's line at the end is a reference to the ending of Calaz die in hell.