Doesn't Phase Me

Doesn't Phase Me is the seventeenth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the seventeenth episode of season one. In this episode, a full moon causes the tides of the ocean to bring in an unknown substance from land. This substance comes in contact with fish, causing them to lose their memory. SpongeBob is immune, for his holes slide this substance right out of his body. Yet, everyone else is town has become infected, except for Plankton. Can Plankton and SpongeBob cure everybody?

Transcript

 * [episode begins with Sandy and SpongeBob at her treedome]
 * Sandy: [looking through telescope] Whoa. This is beautiful.
 * SpongeBob: What do you see, Sandy? [taps Sandy's shoulder] Sandy? Hey, Sandy? Sandy? [Sandy turns around and telescope hits SpongeBob to the ground]
 * Sandy: Darn it, SpongeBob. How am I supposed to study the stars when you keep on tapping your finger on my fur?
 * SpongeBob: [stands up] My father always said never to bother somebody while they're looking through a pair of binoculars.
 * Sandy: This isn't a pair of binoculars, SpongeBob. [holds up telescope] This is a telescope.
 * SpongeBob: Really? Do you use it to call your [mocks Texan accent] ol' folks back in the great state of Texas? [laughs]
 * Sandy: [looks at SpongeBob plainly] This isn't a telephone, SpongeBob. It's called a telescope. It can't make calls.
 * SpongeBob: [appears in front of telescope] Oh yeah. Then what do you call this? [takes out lenses] Calling Patrick Star! I repeat! Calling Patrick Star!
 * Sandy: He's not going to answer, [facepalms] SpongeBob.
 * Patrick: [voice] Coming in, SpongeBob. This is Patrick here. Uh...I have to tell you something, really important-like. Now what was it? [banging heard] Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Gary is trying to...[lowers voice] break in. He wants the cake in my refrigerator. [door busts open; meow is heard] Help me, SpongeBob! [dial tone]
 * SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! No!
 * Sandy: [snatches lenses] Give me those! This is not a toy, SpongeBob. This is used to help me so thousands of miles away.
 * SpongeBob: Thousands of miles? That's about as far Mr. Krabs said that Patrick's brain was from his head. I never did get what Mr. Krabs meant by that.
 * Sandy: [sighs; looks through eyepiece] Hey, what gives? The moon's not there anymore. [growls] And it was perfectly good full moon at that! [looks at sky] That's the problem!
 * SpongeBob: What?! Did a seagull block it?
 * Sandy: Not even close. Just a bunch of green sludge! It's just a whole bunch of more pollution in the seas!
 * SpongeBob: Hmm...I wonder what the ocean would look like in the year 4014 if this waste-dumping continues...
 * Sandy: I wonder what's causing this sludge to fall into the ocean.
 * [scene cuts to sea level, where the sludge is being pushed into the ocean by large tides; the camera pans with the sludge as it falls to a coffee shop; two male fish are sitting at a table, drinking coffee]
 * Male Fish 1: This better be good for all of the waiting I had to do.
 * Cashier: [pause] Yeah!
 * Male Fish 1: [sips; begins smacking] Hmm...this coffee still needs just a little something.
 * Male Fish 2: Such as?
 * Male Fish 1: I don't know...just something.
 * Male Fish 2: [reaches into coat] Maybe a little something like this?
 * Male Fish 1: No! No! None of that! Just...you know...a little...you know...kick.
 * Child Fish: [kicks coffee] Ha ha ha! [runs away; laughing]
 * Male Fish 1: [turns around] You little brat! [sighs] Now I forced to drink table coffee.
 * Male Fish 2: Well, do you want me to buy you another?
 * Male Fish 1: Thanks, Daniel. You're such a good friend.
 * Daniel: [laughs; takes Male Fish 1's wallet] Anytime, Mike.
 * Mike: Hey, that's my wallet you just picked up.
 * Daniel: Well that was my child that you just yelled at, but I'm not complaining. [walks to cash register]
 * Child Fish: I've never seen him before in my life.
 * Mike: Well in that case. [knocks child's soda out of hand] Doesn't feel so good on the other fin, now does it? [begins laughing]
 * Security Guard: [lifts Mike] I'm afraid we're going to have to arrest you for knocking over a child's soda.
 * Child Fish: Doesn't feel so good on the other fin again, now does it? [laughs; security guard takes Mike away]
 * Daniel: [walks back to table with coffee] Mike? Mike? Where are you? You're not playing hide and seek again, are you? You're too old for that. [substance falls into coffee through air conditioners] Oh well. More for me. [sips coffee] Whoa. I see the kick he was talking about. [sips some more] Whoa, this coffee is so...forgetful. Why am I at a coffee shop? Why am I holding coffee? And why is there green ooze dripping through the air ducts? [begins walking out of coffee shop] I better get home. Wait. Where do I live?
 * [scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, where Squidward is mopping in the dining area; camera pans in on Mr. Krabs's office]
 * Mr. Krabs: [framing a dollar bill; sighs] My one millionth dollar...today! [laughs; hangs frame on the wall] Yep, there we go. Oops. A little crooked. [turns frame] There we go. [wall falls down on Mr. Krabs; breaks through wall] Coral sticks.
 * Squidward: [walks in through wall cavity] Uh...how did this...hole get in here? [facepalms] You know what. I don't want to know. I'm going on my break, Mr. Krabs. See you in half an hour. [laughs; substance falls into Squidward's throat; halts laugh] What am I doing here? Why is there a hole in the wall? Who are you?
 * Mr. Krabs: I am your boss. Have you gone off the deep end?
 * Squidward: I don't know. Have I? What's going on here?
 * Mr. Krabs: I...[gets idea] have ordered you to...uh...work all night. No breaks!
 * Squidward: Hmm...doesn't sound like me. But I guess I could bust in a couple of more hours at this...[coughs] restaurant.
 * Mr. Krabs: So now you're a critic, eh?
 * [scene cuts back to SpongeBob at Patrick's house, lying on the couch]
 * SpongeBob: This was tougher than I thought it was going to be. [camera zooms out to reveal a destroyed living room] But at least somebody got their way.
 * Gary: [chewing cake] Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Well, at least we tried our best, Patrick. [sits up] Patrick? Patrick? [shocked at sight; camera reveals Patrick in armor] Patrick, what are you doing?
 * Patrick: I'm not going down without a fight. [substance flies through air ducts; substance falls onto armor] Ooh. Yummy. [grabs substance and eats it]
 * Rest coming tomorrow!