SpongeBot's Drug Problem

SpongeBot's Drug Problem is the fifth episode of SBFW Campsite, and the fifth in season 1.

Plot
When SpongeBot starts using cocaine, the other campers have to prevent him from doing it more.

Transcript
Dedicated to Stefán Karl Stefánsson

(the episode begins with a shot of SpongeBot’s cabin. Cut to SpongeBot inside his home, snorting cocaine. However we don’t see the drug, and we only see the back of SpongeBot’s head and hear sniffing sounds)

SpongeBot: (sounding relieved) Ahhh. I’m f**king high right now.

(Polar comes in)

Polar: SpongeBot, wanna do a comic of SB- (sees SpongeBot snorting cocaine) SPONGEBOT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

SpongeBot: (high) Just sniffing coke, Polly!

Polar: I am not Polly!

SpongeBot: Yeah, Polly the Parrot! I haven’t seen you since I killed you in Minecrap!

Polar: What the actual f*- SpongeBot, you need to stop this… (thinks) ‘snorting’ business of yours. It’s turning you into a madman.

SpongeBot: I’m not mad, I like it! Besides, it makes me feel better.

Polar: Maybe do bing-a-bang bang with your gal, like in that Ari song.

SpongeBot: I don’t have a gal.

Polar: You’re a robot, go find a trash heap and find something you like.

SpongeBot: Ew no.

Polar: Okay, see ya at your funeral.

SpongeBot: That was unfunny, you dickhead.

Polar: I’m a girl…

SpongeBot: Vaginahead, then. (muttering) I swear I’m not a sexist...

Polar: Okay, I guess… (walks off, scratching her head in confusion)

SpongeBot: Finally, she’s gone. (He continues snorting cocaine, snorting even harder this time)

(theme song. Cut to Polar discussing SpongeBot’s drug problem with Jasbre)

Polar: So what do you think we should do?

Jasbre: Cocaine, no. Weed, hell yes. It’s the savior of all drugs.

Polar: Says who?

Jasbre: Me, dumbass.

Polar: Can you actually try to help me here? This is a big deal.

Jasbre: Why are you talking to me in the first place? Go talk to Matchy or someone else, I don’t care.

Polar: (sarcastically) Thanks, you really helped a lot. (flips him off)

Jasbre: SECURITY! (the camp security start chasing Polar)

Polar: OH NO, NOT A POINTLESS CHASE MONTAGE!

Gene: I’m gonna catch you, you little piece of shit!

Polar: JASBRE, WE ALL KNOW IT'S YOU!

Gene: (stops and pulls off his mask, revealing Jasbre) Yeah, you got me there- (realises that he has since lost Polar) Shit! (throws his mask on the floor)

Polar: Hah.

Jasbre: Luckily I have backup (Another guy appears behind him)

FDBackup: You called?

Jasbre: No, not you! (pushes FDBackup into a mud puddle, someone else appears behind him)

Ian: Polar, f**k you you piece of shit.

Polar: I didn't do anything!

Ian: I don't get paid enough for this crap. I hate this place, too many little kids.

(he storms off)

Jasbre: Aw, man. (he walks off to his cabin in sadness)

(Cut to a montage of Polar leaving a piece of paper at everyone’s doorsteps and the recipients reading it)

SeemsGood: (opens his door, and sees the piece of paper Polar left on his doorstep and picks it up and reads it) “Save the Temmies”? Who cares about- (turns it over) Oh. What is this? (reads) ‘’Come to my lounge - Polar’’. Okay.

Jasbre: Fine.

Crazy: Okay.

Matchy: Okay.

Pluto: oKaY.

(we see an outside shot of Bong’s cabin, the “Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.” jingle plays)

Bong: (answers the door) Okay.

FDBackup: (snaps his fingers) Okay!

Polar: (quickly running back to FDBackup’s jail cell, she then swiftly takes the piece of paper back) Sorry, that wasn’t meant for you. (runs off again)

FDBackup: Heck! I never get invited to these things! (quickly covers his mouth) Excuse my language…

(Cut to everyone in Polar’s lounge)

Bong: So why did you bring us here?

Polar: Well, SpongeBot’s been acting rather strange recently, don’t you think?

Matchy: Polar, it’s not nice to make fun of disabilities!

Polar: No, that’s not what I meant! What I mean is, he’s been having drugs recently and they’ve been making him rather, well- (wearing a PenisMan costume, SpongeBot breaks into the cabin via a window and dances through the cabin, singing the PenisMan theme song)

SpongeBot: (singing) Are you worried ‘bout impending boobs? Those evil villains got you filled with gloom? Don’t ya fear, there’s a hero in the sky, the sky, the sky! (as he continues to sing, Jasbre gets up and opens the front door) It’s not a bird and it’s not a plane! And it’s not a thick vagin- (he falls out of the cabin’s front door) OUCH! (he gets up again and runs off towards the opposite cabin) Have no fear, PenisMan is here! (Jasbre walks back in with the others and sits back down)

Polar: See what I mean?

SeemsGood: Seems pretty normal to me.

SpongeBot: (off-screen) I SMELL AN ORGASM!

SeemsGood: (everyone stares at him) Okay, okay! This doesn’t seem good at all! (a rimshot is heard)

FDBackup: (off-screen) Not my drum kit!

SpongeBot: (off-screen) Just doing my doodie! Tra-la-laa!

Bong: Talk about filler, Jasbre.

Jasbre: I don’t even know why I came this morning!

Polar: It’s because SpongeBot desperately needs our help!

Jasbre: (stands up) Okay! The dealer doesn’t open up shop until late, but I can happily show you where-

Matchy: Jasbre, not that kind of help!

Jasbre: (sits back down again, he looks disappointed) Well, I might go down there… anyway.

SeemsGood: Gee, how do we get him off the coke?

Matchy: I dunno, try taking it away from him I guess.

Polar: But we don't even know where he stores it!

Bong: I know where it is. I stalked him on one occasion. Don't tell Bot.

Bot: (off screen) DUDUDUDU PENISMAAAAAAN!

Matchy: Goddamn. That bot’s high.

Polar: Literally, he's on the ceiling.

Bot: (climbing down the wall) Did someone call- (falls to the ground) Aw heck!

SeemsGood: Don't trigger FD!

(FD breaks out of his cell and breaks through Polar’s cabin wall)

FD: DID SOMEONE JUST SAY ‘’HECK’’?

Jasbre: SECURITY!

(the camp security comes in and takes FD away)

Matchy: Dammit, Jasbre! You did something useful for once!

Jasbre: (poker face) F**k. You.

Polar: I'm gonna demote you now!

Jasbre: No one would support that-

Polar: Okay, who here supports getting Jasbre demoted?

(Matchy, Polar, and Bong raise their hands.)

FD: STRONG SUPPORT!

Bot: I'd support but I'm PenisMaaaaaaaannn… yeah…

Jasbre: Aw shit.

Polar: Yeah. Anyways, enough filler. Bong, go get Bot’s coke. Matchy and SeemsGood, distract Bot. I’ll go and f**k my- I mean I’ll play on my Xbox while you guys do that.

Bong, Matchy, and SeemsGood: Mmkay.

Polar: DO IT! JUST… DO IT! (the three run out and do what they’re told) Now, where were we? (pulls out her phone revealing a censored picture of Ari) Hi, baby. (pulls out ring) Will you marry me?

Ari: (on phone) No.

Polar: WHY?

Ari: Because you are perverted and dumb you stupid motherf-

(Polar throws her phone on the floor)

Ari: OWWWW!

Polar: That’s what you get you stupid bitch!

(Cut to Bot walking out of Polar’s cabin)

Bot: Time to get more coke.

(SeemsGood and Matchy run up to him)

SeemsGood: Hey Bot, I need your help! My CRT TV is broken! Since you’re a robot, can you help?

Bot: Sure! (He starts flapping his arms like a madman) But I need more diet coke!

Matchy: (looks around) Uh you can worry about that later. For now, help us.

Bot: Aight.

(SeemsGood, Matchy and Bot walk to SeemsGood’s cabin)

(Cut to Bong at the drugstore. She walks up to the drug dealer and starts yelling at him)

Bong: OKAY, YOU STUPID MORON! MY BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN BUYING YOUR DRUGS AND HE’S ACTING INSANE! STOP SELLING THEM TO MY BOYFRIEND! IF YOU WILL I WILL RIP YOUR LIPS OFF!

Dealer: Uhhh… who are you talking about?

Bong: Did a robot come here?

Dealer: No.

Bong: Oh well, sorry for my behavior.

Dealer: Get the f**k out.

(Bong walks out of the drug store)

Bong: Gee, so SpongeBot wasn’t in this store. How will I find his drug dealer? Hmm…

(Bong goes back into Bot’s cabin and turns on his computer. She logs on his Skype account because the password and email was already typed there. She then sees a user called ‘’Drug Man’’ and turns out SpongeBot’s PMs with him)

(on chat)

drug man: my place is in leonard street.

SpongeBot: ok thx

drug man: ok now come to me

SpongeBot: ok

Bong: Eureka! (she runs off to Polar’s cabin and knocks on Polar’s door)

Polar: So, did you get the coke?

Bong: No, I was at the drug store yelling at the dealer. Guess what, it wasn’t the dealer that was selling coke to Bot.

Polar: Then who did sell it to him?

Bong: I dunno, someone called “Drug Man”.

Polar: I think I know who it is.

Bong: Who?

Polar: A really old user.

Bong: Who is?

Polar: Doctor Bugs.

Bong: Wha- why would he be selling coke to Bot?

Polar: I’ve seen him snort it before. It’s disgusting.

Bong: THAT GREEDY DIRTBAG!

Polar: Let’s get ‘im.

(They run toward Leonard Street, which is several miles away. Eventually, they reach their destination, where they see Doctor Bugs, looking like a hobo, snorting coke)

Doctor Bugs: Eh? Who are you two?

Bong: I’m Bong.

Polar: And I’m Polar.

Doctor Bugs: Don’t recognize either of ya. I’m Doctor Bugs. It’s been a long time since I’ve been at the campsite.

Polar: We’re members of the campsite too. Well, we are right now at least.

Doctor Bugs: A couple of newbies, eh? Well nice to meet ya. What are you two whippersnappers doin’ here in da first place?

Bong: You’ve been selling cocaine to Bot, correct?

Doctor Bugs: Aw shit, you caught me. (Polar and Bong pick him up and throw him into the woods nearby)

Doctor Bugs: Welp, I’m never comin’ back now… (notices the hobo from Episode 3)

Hobo: hEy, cAn I hAvE sOmE cOkE tOo?

Doctor Bugs: (sighs) Okay, I guess.

(Cut to Bot back in his room)

Bot: NOOOO! MY COKE! My damn coookkkeeee… I give up… (passes out)

(Episode fades to black as it finishes)