User blog:MrScience12/"The Chum Mystery" - Absorbent Days

This is my submission for RamDarre's short contest.

Absorbent Days was created by MrScience12.

Transcript

 * [short begins with a medium shot of the Chum Bucket; camera gradually pans into the dining area and stops at the exit doors of the laboratory; Plankton barges through them; camera cuts to a long shot of the dining area]
 * Plankton: [camera cuts to a short-shot of Plankton, lying on a dining table] Will these things always be empty? [rubs table] Sanitized, yet no food to dirty it? [stands up] I've spent thousands of dollars on all of these tables combined, yet my tables just stand around here without a plate or tray to comfort them.
 * Karen: [rolls into dining area] Plankton, stop acting like you don't know.
 * Plankton: [looks at Karen with tears in his eyes] Know what?
 * Karen: The only reason people don't dine here is because of the [coughs and lifts plate of chum] fare that is served here.
 * Plankton: [hops from table; angrily] Oh, I know! Why does Bikini Bottom have to be so picky?! It's not like chum is going to kill them or something.
 * Karen: Actually...
 * Plankton: [facepalming; walks to back of Chum Bucket] Don't say it! Failure after failure after hideous failure, I've never been able to even sell one ounce of chum! [opens back doors] All I have is this wide stock of chum to abide as evidence. [eyes widen at empty room] What?! [looks around] This can't be! [shuts doors] Karen, come quick!
 * Karen: [uninterestedly] You've only programmed me to go at three miles an hour, dear. Why are you needing me to suddenly speed?
 * Plankton: [opens doors] Look for yourself!
 * Karen: What am I looking at?
 * Plankton: Emptiness, Karen. Emptiness, I tell you!
 * Karen: Do I need to call the psychiatrist again?
 * Plankton: You don't get it, do you?! [points to large, empty room] This room used to hold twenty-thousand whole pounds of chum, Karen. [looks around worriedly] Where could it have all gone?!
 * Karen: I wouldn't hire a detective if I were you. We've already lost who knows how many thousand dollars worth of stock.
 * Plankton: [smiling] No need to worry. I've got someone better than a detective. Well...sort of. Better than no one, I guess. [laughs evilly; begins dialing phone]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, inside of the dining area of the Chum Bucket]
 * SpongeBob: [looking at emptiness; looks puzzled] So...why am I looking at emptiness.
 * Plankton: [facepalms] I guess no one really does come here. [points to sign] It even says "Chum Storage Department"! This used to hold a whoping amount of chum, but now, it's all gone.
 * SpongeBob: So what do you want me to do about it?
 * Plankton: Investigate, my dear lad. [hops onto SpongeBob's head] Investigate like you've never investigated before! [evilly laughs]
 * SpongeBob: [thinking face; normal face] Can we have a cool name for this investigation. It makes it sound more intriguing.
 * Plankton: [to self] If it helps you get closer to getting me inventory back...[thinks] Fine. You can call this thing the..."Mystery of the Stolen Chum".
 * SpongeBob: Ooh. [interested] I wonder how many brain cells it took to...
 * Plankton: Yeah yeah. You have your orders! [points to door] Get out! [SpongeBob runs toward door, causing Plankton to slip]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, inside of his house]
 * SpongeBob: Hmm. Where to investigate first. [looks around] There must be thousands to look at first. [takes snail food out of cabinet; opens up bag] Come and get it, Gary! [looks inside bag] What is this stuff on the snail food?
 * Gary: [slithers into scene; obviously hungry] Meow meow.
 * SpongeBob: Hungry, Gary? [pours food into bowl] Eat up. [as Gary approaches, SpongeBob stops Gary] Wait! Maybe you could wait a minute to tell me what this is on your food.
 * Gary: [confused] Meow?
 * SpongeBob: Could this possibly be chum, Gary? Huh? You always were a bottom-feeder.
 * Gary: [defensively] Meow meow meow!
 * SpongeBob: Another look at the box? [looks at box] Slug Products Inc., now with an added pinch of [in a failed tone] fudge. Okay, you're clean, Gary. [thinking face] Then, who would do this sort of thing.
 * [scene cuts to Sandy's treedome, where SpongeBob is about to knock on the door]
 * SpongeBob: [looks in through glass and sees machine] Just as I suspected. [knocks on door]
 * Sandy: [answers door] Oh. Why, hello, SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: No time for hello's, Sandy. [walks into treedome] I'm here to investigate. [looks at machine] A pretty good machine you have here. [looks at exhaust fan] Looks like it takes a lot of...fossil fuels.
 * Sandy: Well, actually...
 * SpongeBob: Ah ha! What kind of fuel does this thing take, Sandy?! Does it possibly take a substance called...chum...to fuel such a machine?
 * Sandy: Chum?! What would I want with chum? The only fuel I use is [opens machine door] a pure electricity!
 * SpongeBob: Not you either, huh? Who else would do such a thing?
 * [scene cuts to Squidward's house, where SpongeBob is clung the second-story window, looking at Squidward's clarinet]
 * SpongeBob: I may have been waiting here for three whole minutes, but I have to wait for Squidward to touch that clarinet for me to get a chance. [looks around] Ooh. Here he comes! [ducks]
 * Squidward: [walks into room] Da da lee, da da loo, da duh dum. [begins humming] Time to express my beautiful music to this wasteland once again. [grabs clarinet]
 * SpongeBob: [busts into window] Wait! [grabs clarinet] What do you have in this instrument, Squidward?
 * Squidward: In the instrument?!
 * SpongeBob: [takes clarinet apart] As in cork! What do you have as the cork? Possibly chum?! [looks at actual cork] Oh. [laughs nervously] I guess you didn't steal any chum, eh, Squidward? [Squidward turns SpongeBob around; proceeds to kick SpongeBob out of the window]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, inside of the kitchen of the Krusty Krab]
 * SpongeBob: It just doesn't make sense. Who could have stolen the chum?
 * Mr. Krabs: [looks into kitchen] SpongeBob! Remember you only have ten more minutes for lunch.
 * SpongeBob: [sadly places spatula to head] Aye, Mr. Krabs. [continues to flip patties with spatula; spatula leaves print on SpongeBob's head; flips patty onto bun] Who would want twenty-thousand whole pounds of chum? [sits down at dining table; takes out patty] I guess we'll never know. [takes bite out of patty; coughs] Yuck! What is that horrible taste?! [looks at patty and sees chum] The chum!
 * Customers: [in unison] Chum?! [all customers run out, screaming]
 * Mr. Krabs: [comes out of office, cheering] Whoo hoo! Yes! Finally!
 * SpongeBob: Finally? Mr. Krabs. What's going on?
 * Mr. Krabs: The chum, me boy. It's the chum. It was me who stole all of the chum!
 * SpongeBob: What?! But why?
 * Mr. Krabs: As you know, SpongeBob, the Krusty Krab is always full of customers. [squints eyes] Too full, I must say. The customers never give me enough space. Why do I need this space, you ask? To roam. Roam for stray money. But with so many customers, searching for money has become pointless.
 * SpongeBob: So, you stole the chum to repel the customers from coming to the Krusty Krab. Therefore, adding to your stray-money-roaming space. [crosses arms] Well then, case closed.
 * Plankton: [offscreen] What?! [camera pans to an angry Plankton] So when I try to steal the formula, I get kicked and sued. Yet, you can just come into my restaurant and steal everything I got?! [points to Mr. Krabs] You're going to pay for this, Krabs! [smirks] Literally.
 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs, behind the register, tied to a chair; Plankton is standing on the edge of the boat]
 * Mr. Krabs: [writes order ticket] One chum patty, SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: [takes order ticket] One chum patty, coming up. [flips patty onto bun; pours chum onto patty]
 * Mr. Krabs: [takes money from customer; hands to Plankton] Grr...
 * Plankton: [looks at money] I love getting what I want. [looks at Mr. Krabs] Now if only I could get the formula...
 * Mr. Krabs: Don't push it!
 * [short ends]