This Asshead Ate Everything

First episode of The Sampsons

Transcript
Humer: BERT!

Bert: whatcha bout big man

Humer: YOU ATE MY DAMN PANTS!

Bert: it’s life yo deal with it

Humer: YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR THE NEXT MONTH AND THREE QUARTERS! What do you have to say for yourself?

Bert: well man it ain’t cool you haven’t fed me in 3 days so i had to eat pant

Merge: Honey have you seen my glasses?

Bert: naw man i ate dem glasses

Merge: Honey I thought you only ate pants.

Bert: My appetite has increased. (bites Merge’s head off)

Merge: Honey that is not good we still have several months till Treehouse of Horror. (dead)

Production Team: Yeah she’s right Bert. Stay on script.

Bert: naw man can’t do that (eats set) scrumptious

Production Team: After him!

Bert: naw man i going to Apoo’s

(at there)

Apoo: hello welcome how are you come again

Bert: yum yum these are some wild snacks man

Apoo: Oh no you can’t not do that you must pay thank you come again

(Bert eats Apoo)

Apoo: I no longer appear in series thank you come again

Bert: i will chomp chomp on all of you

Moohouse: Hey Bert I don’t think that is such a good idea I mean I haven’t finished my homework and I don’t want it to be eaten-

Bert: YOU SHALL DO AS I SAY SLAVE!

Moohouse: Uh, uh, yes master Bert!

Bert: good that’s very radical of you, time to continue eating-

Production Team: Stop right there! We can’t have you eating everything, because then the show will be canceled and you will die.

Bert: cool i wanna die (keeps eating)

Production Team: How do we stop you from eating everything?

Bert: you can’t man, i’ll never stop, just like fappin’

Red Flanders: Don’t you diddly worry a bit, I can solve all of this with my diddle powers. Blech, that did not sound good. Anyway, Bert Sampson, go to hell.

Bert: gnarly dud- (falls into hell)

Red Flanders: Now that he’s gone I can destroy the town myself. I DIDDLY DIDDLED YOU ALL! (gets shot in the head)

Squidward: whoopsies that wasn’t my clarinet

Production Team: Thanks Squidward Animated, Please Go Home Now.

(end)