You, Me and the Drought/transcript

This article is a transcript of the episode "You, Me and the Drought" from season 104, which aired on April 20, 2164.

It is a very hot day in Bikini Bottom. When a fish steps outside of his house, he suddenly melts into a liquid. Fred tries to get into his boat, but his hands immediately get scalded by the scorching metal.

FRED: My hands!

Mr. Krabs is in the Krusty Krab, fanning a brochure to keep himself cool.

MR. KRABS: Oh, gee... now I regret being so cheap to not install air conditioning!

SpongeBob is in his house, sweating profusely from the heat.

SPONGEBOB: Whew, this is some really hot weather we're having, right, Gary?

Gary does not meow anything. He is also sweating and his skin appears to be dried up.

SPONGEBOB: Wow, you must be thirsty. Here, have some water.

SpongeBob prepares a glass of water and pours it into Gary's bowl.

SPONGEBOB: Let's see if the news has anything related to this sudden heatwave.

SpongeBob grabs his TV remote and switches the TV on. A Bikini Bottom News Flash is shown on SpongeBob's TV. It cuts to Johnny Elaine reporting, with a picture of a sun next to him.

JOHNNY: This just in: A drought has hit Bikini Bottom, and right now all the water is slowly evaporating! That's right, within 8 hours all the water will have been evaporated and everyone in Bikini Bottom will die... including me. So treasure your last moments alive while you can, all of you! This will probably be my last news report forever...

The TV screen then gets covered in milk. SpongeBob is shown to have spit it out, with a distraught & surprised look on his face.

SPONGEBOB: This... this can't be happening! I'm gonna die in a few hours?!? How will I continue hanging out with my best buddy Patrick and cooking Krabby Patties at my favorite job? I gotta tell everyone about this!

SpongeBob runs outside his house to Squidward's house, but it is very hot outside.

SPONGEBOB: Whew, oh dear... looks like this drought really is already taking its toll!

SpongeBob looks up and sees that the leaves on his pineapple house are already burning. He looks beside him and sees his fingers begin to melt.

SPONGEBOB: Gosh, that news guy wasn't kidding! I'll go tell Squidward about this drought.

SpongeBob knocks on Squidward's door, and it opens to reveal Squidward.

SQUIDWARD: Sigh... and what do you want from me, now?

SPONGEBOB: Squidward, have you not heard? There's a terrible drought hitting Bikini Bottom, and we're all bound to die in about 8 hours! I suggest that we spend our last moments together later when we're about to kick the bucket...

SQUIDWARD: I've already heard about it, doofus. It's everywhere on the news, and I've heard that the newsreporter is breaking into homes without TVs to tell people about the drought. And no, I am not going to spend time with you, never ever!

Squidward slams the door in SpongeBob's face.

SPONGEBOB: Hm, so everybody in town has already heard about this drought? I really wonder what they're doing right now, knowing that they're about to... *gulp*

SpongeBob walks over to Patrick's rock and knocks on it. However, it does not open.

PATRICK: Go away! I need to spend my final moments with my new friend!

SPONGEBOB: Oh, okay.

Cut to Patrick inside the rock, where he is talking to a sand grain he picked up.

PATRICK: It's gonna be just you and me, buddy. We're gonna die in this rock together... *sheds a tear*

Bubble transition. SpongeBob is walking in downtown Bikini Bottom, where everything is in a disorderly state of chaos. Many fish are running everywhere and buildings are on fire.

FISH: Help! Save us! Someone stop this drought! We're gonna die!

SPONGEBOB: Gee, everything seems to have gone haywire. And I'm not sure why everyone set buildings on fire; isn't that gonna make this drought even worse?

FISH: If only someone had a plan to stop this drought...

SpongeBob overhears the fish and gets an idea.

SPONGEBOB: I know just what to do now!

Bubble transition. SpongeBob, Squidward, Mr. Krabs and Patrick are in the Krusty Krab.

SQUIDWARD: Really, this is the best place you could arrange a meeting in?

MR. KRABS: Hey, at least it's better than sitting outside in the scorching hot sun, right?

SQUIDWARD: Or we could've met at my house, right? My house is much fancier and it even has air conditioning, unlike this rather stuffy place.

Mr. Krabs stuffs a cork into Squidward's mouth.

MR. KRABS: Put a cork in it! Now, where were we? Oh, yes. SpongeBob, you have anything to say?

SPONGEBOB: Of course. As all of you know, there is currently a drought hitting Bikini Bottom, and in about 7, maybe 6 hours all the water will have evaporated and we're going to... y'know. So, does anyone here have any ideas or plans to stop this drought?

Silence is heard for a few seconds. Patrick then speaks up.

PATRICK: Oh, I know! But wait here for a moment, I need to get my friend. He knows exactly what to do!

Patrick runs out of the Krusty Krab.

SPONGEBOB: Well, I'll guess Patrick is gonna contribute. Squidward, any brainwaves?

SQUIDWARD: Nuh-uh. Why should I bother? Some other person is gonna somehow stop the drought and I very likely won't have to do anything, case closed. Now let me be.

SPONGEBOB: Well, okay then. Mr. Krabs, your plans?

MR. KRABS: Sorry, but I don't have any. An old crab can't think well, ya know. Amnesia, that's what they say. Or is it insomnia? Wait, no. Cancer? Darn, I forgot.

At this moment, Patrick runs back into the Krusty Krab.

SPONGEBOB: Oh, hey, Patrick, you're back! But where's your friend, as you said you would get?

PATRICK: Right in my hand!

SQUIDWARD: Please don't tell me you drew a face on your hand and called it your friend. You've done that before...

PATRICK: Oh, don't worry, I beat that guy up already. Say hello to my new friend:

Patrick opens his hand, revealing the sand grain he was talking to earlier.

PATRICK: Sandy!

SPONGEBOB: Sandy? Sandy! *hurriedly* ThanksPatrickbutIgottagoforawhileI'llbebacksuperquickbye!

SpongeBob runs out of the Krusty Krab and sprints to Sandy's treedome. However, her treedome is enclosed with metal panels, and a note is left on the front door. SpongeBob goes over to read the note.

SPONGEBOB: To whom it may concern: Please do not disturb me, as I am working on an extremely important project. Signed, Sandy Cheeks. Oh no, Sandy's busy. She has amazing intellect and could've been a staple to saving Bikini Bottom! Oh well...

SpongeBob begins to walk back to the Krusty Krab disappointedly. He passes by a funeral taking place.

PRIEST: We are grieved to announce the death of Rob Fishkins. His last words were: Why wait 3 more hours for certain death when I can just kill myself right now?

SPONGEBOB: Wow, people are already dying before all the water has even evaporated. Wait... *shocked* 3 MORE HOURS?!?! Time is going by too fast!

SpongeBob begins to run and enters the Krusty Krab.

SPONGEBOB: Guys! We only have 3 more hours left until imminent doom! We should carry out our plans right now!

PATRICK: Oh, cool! Sandy and I have come up with a great plan guaranteed to save the city.

Squidward rolls his eyes.

SQUIDWARD: Boy, this is gonna be fun.

Bubble transition. SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs are standing in an empty, outdoors place.

PATRICK: Alright, Sandy, do your thing and save us all!

Patrick throws Sandy on the ground. He waits for a few seconds.

PATRICK: Come on, are you doing something?

Patrick waits for another few seconds.

SQUIDWARD: Why should I care?

Squidward walks away. Patrick is then seen stomping on Sandy.

PATRICK: Ngh! Ngh! This is what you get for being useless!

MR. KRABS: Arr, I may be old, but my brain tells me that your plan is as useful as a below-deck skellywag. You don't even have a brain, do ya?

Mr. Krabs walks over and opens Patrick's tip like a lid. Dust comes out, causing Mr. Krabs to cough. He looks inside and sees only cobwebs and spiders, but no brain.

MR. KRABS: Knew it.

PATRICK: What's a brain?

Bubble transition. SpongeBob is walking in downtown Bikini Bottom again.

SPONGEBOB: If my friends can't help, then strangers will! Hopefully they will be of some assistance.

SpongeBob knocks on the door of a house.

FROM INSIDE: Get lost! I burned my hands several hours ago and they won't stop hurting!

SPONGEBOB: Huh. Wonder how hot metal is right now.

SpongeBob presses his hand against the metal exterior of the house, but then screams in pain.

SPONGEBOB: AHHHHhhhhhh!!!

SpongeBob immediately removes his hand. His hand emits sun rays, similar to that of a sun.

SPONGEBOB: Well, guess I can say I've been on the sun now. Because my hand IS the sun! Bahahahahahaha! Okay, let's try a new house.

SpongeBob walks over to the next house and knocks on the door. He grasps his knuckles tightly.

SPONGEBOB: Ooh! Almost forgot that the doors are real hot too.

The door opens, revealing a fish standing there.

FISH: Yes, how may I help?

SPONGEBOB: Excuse me, ma'am, but do you have any ideas to stop this drought? We're bound to die real soon, you know.

FISH: Oh, sorry, I don't have any. I don't know anyone intelligent enough to somehow save our lives.

The fish closes the door.

SPONGEBOB: Well then, next house!

SpongeBob walks over to the next house. He wears mittens for safety.

SPONGEBOB: Safety first! Don't wanna scald my knuckles, do I?

Just before SpongeBob is about to knock, a bulldozer comes by and demolishes the house. SpongeBob then knocks, but he does not hear a sound.

SPONGEBOB: Huh? Woah! What's with all this demolition?

BULLDOZER: Son, we have exactly 10 more minutes until the water gets completely evaporated and we all go 6 feet under. Wait, no, we're 3,000 feet under. But hey, I don't care about the people in these houses either. They're gonna die either way.

SPONGEBOB: Oh, that's okay, no pro- *even louder than before, shouting* 10 MORE MINUTES UNTIL WHAT?!?!

SpongeBob looks up, and sees the sky above him.

SPONGEBOB: Oh, Neptune's nemesis! The sky is already visible. That's a sure-fire sign we're all gonna pass away! *to bulldozer* Where's everyone else, by the way?

BULLDOZER: Walk the direction you're facing and you'll see everyone gathered, saying prayers and spending their last moments alive. Have fun in fish heaven, bud.

SpongeBob walks down the street, and sees everyone facing a statue of King Neptune. Many seem to be in ritual positions, saying prayers. Others are hugging each other while silently crying. SpongeBob also sees Mr. Krabs, hugging some dollar bills.

MR. KRABS: Oh, my baby, I'll never forget you! Even if I go to crab nirvana and you go to money hell...

Pearl is nearby, and sees Mr. Krabs.

PEARL: Hey! Since when did you love inanimate objects more than your daughter?

MR. KRABS: *nervously, hides money* Huh? Oh, uh, nothing!

SpongeBob also sees Patrick hugging a rock. Squidward is standing, holding his clarinet.

SQUIDWARD: And now, for some somber music as we see our last living seconds.

Squidward begins to play sad music. Some fish listen, and actually positively remark it.

FISH: Oh, finally, a time where Squidward actually plays good music!

ANOTHER FISH: I agree! Probably putting in actual effort for his last-ever piece.

SpongeBob, meanwhile, looks up and sees that the water level has decreased even more. He puts his hand up, and finds that his hand goes through the water surface into air.

SPONGEBOB: *gasp* Oh my gosh! Yup, may as well just silently cry, too.

SpongeBob hurriedly joins the crowd and bows down, preparing for doom.

The water is soon completely evaporated. Many fish begin to cough.

FISH: *raspy voice* Oh no, this is the end!

SPONGEBOB: Well, this is it. Goodbye, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, Squidward, Gary, and all my friends... Goodbye, everyone here! *raspy voice* I'll miss you all. *slowly* I'm a... Goofy... Goober... yeah...

SpongeBob then dries up completely, turning into an inanimate sponge with no facial features. Fish begin to collapse, tongues out and bodies dried up. Cut to Patrick, who takes off his pants.

PATRICK: Gotta keep cooler. *begins to dry up too* Oh no... it's not working! *raspy voice* Save me, SpongeBob...

Patrick also dries up completely, becoming an inanimate starfish. Cut to Mr. Krabs.

MR. KRABS: I've lived long enough, and I guess this is now my time to go... *collapses*

Cut to Pearl.

PEARL: I'm too young to die! Waaaaaaah! Can't even cry... tears out anymore... farewell! *collapses too*

Everyone around the statue is now revealed to be unconscious or dead. The screen slowly fades to black.

The black then transitions to Sandy walking out of her treedome. She notices that Bikini Bottom is entirely dried up, with no water visible anywhere.

SANDY: Woah, dang, guess I should've been faster! At least my project is now done. Let me put my contraption to use!

Sandy whistles with her fingers. Part of the glass dome then gives way, and Sandy pulls out a big machine. She sets it on the dry, cracking ground outside.

SANDY: Hopefully this works! I only got little time before everyone drops dead for real...

Sandy pushes some buttons. The machine begins to work, emitting steam. A tube then begins to spew out water. Sandy shoots her arms up in the air.

SANDY: Yay, it worked! Knew using groundwater was a good idea. Hopefully everyone will be revived quickly.

Cut to the fish surrounding the statue. The water settles in. SpongeBob immediately regains his original shape and facial features.

SPONGEBOB: Huh? *pats his body* Oh my gosh, I'm alive!

Other fish also regain consciousness. Patrick also comes around again.

PATRICK: What? Oh, dang. I was about to indulge in some delicious Pat Patties in heaven!

JOHNNY: I'm alive. I'm alive! Scratch what I said in my last report, I'll be able to do much more reports!

A fish notices Sandy standing nearby, with a machine next to her still spewing out water.

FISH: Hey, that must be the smart squirrel that saved our lives. Let's go commend her!

EVERYONE: Yeah! Woohoo! What a literal lifesaver!

Everyone rushes over to Sandy and begin carrying her with pride.

FISH: Thanks a lot, Sandy! You're a true hero.

MR. KRABS: Thanks too! Now I can earn more real money! Heaven money just doesn't feel the same.

SANDY: Golly, thanks! Knew hard work would pay off sometime.

FISH: But... who's gonna repair Bikini Bottom?

Everyone gasps and goes in a standstill state. The episode ends.