Cell

Transcript
(Episode opens at the table)

Granite: It was a 3 - 0 vote.

Gale Doppler: Sorry Perch but I know you understand.

Granite: Well Gale it would appear that you’ve been evicted.

Gale Doppler: WHAT?!

(Gale gets forcibly pushed out onto the stage while cussing out Granite)

Steve: Oof.

Granite: Alright so today’s challenge is simple. We’re going to the Bikini Bottom Jail and the first person to locate EB’s cell gets to nominate two people to be up for eviction.

Jenkins: This is a little messed up.

Grandpa SquarePants: I see no problem with it OLD MAN.

Jenkins: What did you just call me?

Grandpa SquarePants: OLD MAN.

Jenkins: RAHHHH!

(Jenkins sprints to the jail and begins looking; everybody follows behind slowly)

Girly Teengirl: (to Triton) so like how long have you been working out?

Triton: Uh well I don’t work out, I was just born like this because my dad is a god and all.

Girly Teengirl: Woahhh. That’s so cool! So I heard a rumor that EB was downstairs. Do you maybe want to help me look?

Triton: Sure.

Sully: Are we there yet?

Triton: No.

Sully: But are we there yet?

Triton: NO.

Sully: Yeah, but are we THERE yet?

Triton: (lunches Sully) Nope!

Sully: Oh god my ovaries.

HBRS: Not even going to question what I just overheard.

Perch: Hey, we’re here.

(Perch walks into the jail and is greeted by a security guard)

Perch: Uh yeah we’re looking for some guy named EB.

Guard: Alright. I’ll show you to his cell.

Perch: Thanks!

Guard: Not a problem. Some other guy broke into here earlier and we had to arrest him.

Granite: Hey wait what? Well getting arrested isn’t good for the show.

Steve: (whisper)

Granite: Hey gang welcome to the final nine, Jenkins has been disqualified for getting himself arrested.

Guard: Is this a TV show?

Granite: Why yes, yes it is.

Guard: Oh fun.

(Perch goes downstairs to EB’s cell but gets teleported back upstairs)

Perch: Huh?

(Triton gets to EB’s cell)

Triton: Ha! I win!

EB: Who the hell are you?

Triton: Hi I’m Triton.

(Granite comes downstairs followed by Keanu and Girly Teengirl)

EB: Granite? What’s going on?

Granite: This is evicted season four.

EB: Wait. You continued the series without me?

Granite: Uh-Huh! Aren’t you proud?

EB: I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU ONCE I ESCAPE THIS JAIL CELL DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Granite: Oh crap. Hey guards can we get this guy moved further from the light? I don’t want him getting any ideas.

Steve: Hi EB!

EB: Ah yes Steve, my loyal co-host. Please tell me Granite is at least doing a good job.

Steve: Not as good as you, but pretty good.

EB: Thank you for that.

Granite: Well Triton won so now he’s gonna nominate two people.

EB: Bye guys, see you next season!

Granite: What?

EB: You’ll see.

(Granite notices a circular file in EB’s hand)

Granite: Oh, okay.

(Cut to the nomination ceremony)

Triton: Let’s see. Eenie meenie min-

Keanu: You can’t be serious you asshole.

Triton: Well looks like you’ve been nominated Keanu!

Keanu: I hate you with a passion, I hope you know this.

Triton: I do. Anyways uhhhh Sully you’re also nominated because I want to make this interesting.

Sully: Okay then..

Triton: Cool!

Krabs: Hey why didn’t I get to speak this episode?

Granite: Well guys either Sully or Keanu isn’t advancing to the final seven of this game. Go vote for who’s going to be evicted!

Who’s going next? Keanu Sully