SpongeBob's Wonderful Life With Joe Biden PILOT

About
This is the pilot episode for an upcoming series created by DontAskWhoJoeIs and produced by NOT-JOE Studios TV titled “SpongeBob’s Wonderful Life With Joe Biden”. This means a lot of stuff written in the transcript for this episode will not end up being present in the actual series once season 1 starts production. The #1 part that will most likely be canned is the Hillary segments.

Transcript

 * The scene opens up, zooming in on SpongeBob and Joe Biden's house, as the french narrator says: "Ah… 1432 Cock Street, Bikini Bottom. Here, we meet the stars of this retarded mind numbing program, SpongeBob and Joe Biden, and their baby: Bob Zommer, during ze GALACTIC SUPER BRA, I mean Bowl. The most happiest family ever…"
 * The narrator is interrupted with "WAAA!!!!"
 * Narrator: "NEVERMIND!!!"
 * Joe Biden sat on a lazy boy chair in front of the TV, obviously drunk, holding a beer in one hand, SpongeBob stood next to him holding the baby (who is crying very loudly).
 * Joe Biden pointed at the tv (spilling his beer), saying: "HEY, look at that, SpongeBob! The guy who once probed my butt hole just scored a touchdown! Isn't that wacky, Boboo?"
 * SpongeBob: "Are you finished watching your TRASH alien programs and ready to actually help make the baby stop crying?!"
 * Joe Biden: "Why do I need to? We could just push it off a cliff."
 * SpongeBob: "WHAT?!!"
 * Joe Biden: "Wha-? It's a genius idea. Ok, fine, if you're really worried he'll survive the fall, I can have my pet bear that I genetically altered in my lab, Jeff come here and shit out that disintegrator gun I planted in her stomach. I promise it'll be quick and painless. Well, for the baby, not the bear. The bear will most likely be in a lot of pain because it ain't easy to dispose of a piece of metal like that."
 * Joe Biden whistled, as a bear with a human baby face and a metal arm, Jeff came into the room.
 * Joe Biden: "I think you know why I called you here today." He held out his hand.
 * Jeff the bear sighed then slouched down, struggling to take a dump. The gun slowly lowered to be being hanging halfway out of the bear's butt, it stopped as Jeff took a second to breath.
 * "Ok, fine! I'll do it myself!" Said Joe Biden as he pulled the disintegrator gun out of Jeff the bear's ass.
 * SpongeBob slapped the gun out of Joe Biden's hand, scolding him, saying: "NO CLIFFS AND NO GUNS!!! You promised me before we had a baby you wouldn't try to disintegrate it!"
 * Joe Biden sighed, turned the TV volume up, rolling his bloodshot eyes.
 * Suddenly Jeff the bear jumped at SpongeBob, attacking him! Joe Biden took a sip of his beer, not even aware of what's going on, as Jeff the bear then ate SpongeBob, as SpongeBob yelled: "AGH!!!"


 * The scene cut to Hillary Clinton in a kitchen.
 * Hillary: "Hey yaaaall! Welcome back to HILLARY'S Smart House, your number one RELIABLE education show that teaches you the things most important to survive in the big city, such as cooking courses, mathematics, STE, history, sex advice, etc. That always airs RIGHT AFTER every episode of SPONGEBOB and JOE BIDEN squeeze each others, ok… TODAYS EPISODE will show you how to make mashed potatoes out of octopus tentacles… LET'S BEGIN!"
 * The scene cut to Hillary hovering over a plate of pieces of octopus feet, holding a knife. She violently hit a foot with the knife as a bunch of blood squirted upwards.
 * Hillary: "SO, what I like to do is chop off the tentacle parts of the feet because that is what we'll be making the mashed potatoes with! I love how BIG this knife is. When cooking, I find that size most matters, important with, uhh…. Because everything is easier when," [Close up to Hillary's face] "SIZE!!!"
 * The scene cut to when the mashed purple tentacles are in the oven, as Hillary said: "And it is done! If there's one pro tip I'd like to leave you bitches with at the end of this episode, is size matters in,"
 * [Scene cuts] "Don't let anyone tell you,"
 * [Scene cuts again] "Size, er…."
 * Hillary: "SIZE!!!"
 * Hillary: "If you're gonna suck a man's popsicle, make sure it's at least 7 inches. BYE!!!"
 * The oven caught on fire as a cloud of smoke rushed towards Hillary!
 * Hillary (coughing): "SHIT!!!"
 * The end!

Characters

 * French Narrator
 * Bobby Zoomer
 * SpongeBob
 * Joe Biden
 * Jeff the bear
 * Hillary Clinton