Stupidity Rising

Stupidity Rising is the first episode in 'The Many Experiences of Patrick Star'.

Episode
Patrick Star was not the sharpest knife in the drawer by any means. Said to be special a little slow, and in some cases just plain dumb. In fact, he was Bikini Bottom royalty according to an old historical document brought to light by a Servant of the town’s noble family. The same sheet stated that Gary was the king of Bikini Bottom, and his cousin. Which was rather confusing since there was a Mayor as well and King Neptune of the seas.

By any means they could both be members of Neptune’s court. If either of them actually cared, that is. Anyway, the point was that relatives stuck by each other in times of need. Like today.

Patrick woke up like he would any other morning, but of course being the holder of the award for the person who went longer doing nothing than anyone else, tried to go right back to sleep. But this time, a lion roared deep inside his chest. And being the dimwit he was, he automatically assumed there was a real Sea Lion inside his chest and panicked. Frightened, he started throwing punches that had the same force as the charging Rhino from James and the Giant Peach- but who liked that movie anyway? So, he threw punches harder than a raging elephant on steroids.

Then he fell, clutching his stomach in pain. “Ugh”, he muttered. “Maybe I can calm the sea lion by feeding it.” To any others than would’ve been a funny excuse to get food, but not for this particular undersea dweller. He went to where any normal citizen would keep their food in the house: the sock drawer. Sadly, it was empty.

After one or two hard seconds of brainstorming, he had an idea. (Usually it takes much longer but this was a special case) “It’s risky, daring, and unlikely, but it just might work!” He went straight to his refrigerator.

That yielded no results, unless you consider air to be food. Which you probably don’t. Patrick’s fictional lion that had started living in his belly today roared once more. Patrick had another great idea to get another idea.

He went to his bathroom, flicked the lightswitch, and stood directly beneath the actual lightbulb. It was something he’d seen on TV. After waiting a few seconds, he had it. “I got it! To the Bargain Mart!”