Starving Artist

Starving Artist is the thirty-second episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the second episode of season three. In this episode, Squidward is unable to pay for his meal at Fancy!, and is threatened to be arrested by the manager. Striking a deal with the manager, Squidward has until the following afternoon to paint a mural to pay off his debt. However, his inspiration has failed him and he is unable to concoct any ideas. Will he be able to complete the canvas or will he be dining on the sidewalk? This episode is paired with Blind Appétit.

Characters

 * Squidward Tentacles
 * Waiter
 * Manager/Fish 1
 * Clam (brief cameo)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Gary (brief cameos)
 * Patrick Star

Transcript

 * (the episode begins with a medium shot of the restaurant, "Fancy!"; the camera pans to the inside, containing several suited fish dining inside; classical music is acting as ambience in the background; the camera pans toward Squidward, eating at a table solo)


 * Squidward: (eats final piece of steak; wipes mouth with napkin) Hmm. Quite the meal. (snaps fingers) Waiter. Check, good sir.


 * Waiter: But of course, Mr. Tentacles. (places down receipt on table)


 * Squidward: Let's check out the carnage. (looks at price, causing his nose to deflate) Uh...uh...what?


 * Waiter: I see there is an issue. Let me just...


 * Squidward: No, no, no! There's no issue. There's just...uh... (scuffles for cash, pulling out random crumpled dollars) Where's my wallet? Where's my wallet?!


 * Waiter: So, can you afford the bill, or...?


 * Squidward: (ends scrumble for money; sighs) I...I cannot.


 * (the dining room gasps at the response)


 * Voice: What?!


 * (the camera pans quickly to reveal a slightly round fish, wearing a suit; he has his fists on his hips, and is apparently angered)


 * Fish 1: No one eats at my restaurant and doesn't pay the bill. I refuse to have such an occurrence in my business.


 * Squidward: Are you...


 * Manager: ...the manager? Indeed I am. And you are the squid who's night to be behind bars is imminent.


 * Squidward: But...but I... (looks out window at brick wall; smiles with an idea) I refuse to pay! Do you expect me to pay for this dining experience while I am forced to peer at such as a flat, undecorated wall? That is absurd. I am not pushing a cent in your direction until that wall is nothing but ornate.


 * (the manager stares angrily at Squidward, crossing his arms; Squidward begins sweating; a smile gradually comes across his face, and he begins to laugh)


 * Manager: (laughing) Oh, you are quite the card, squid. You are correct. No one in my dining hall should be subjected to such an unruly sight. Contractors are expensive nowadays, though. (thinks) Hmm. I will make you a deal, squid. If you can spiff up that wall by tomorrowing evening, I will eliminate your bill for the night. In fact, I'll eliminate all of your bills for the next two weeks.


 * Squidward: Two weeks? I'll dine like a King! (jumps into the air in joy; freezes midair)


 * Manager: But if you don't, you'll be eating on the streets! You'd better get to work, squid. You don't have a lot of time.


 * (Squidward gulps in midair)


 * (the scene cuts to a medium shot of Squidward's house in the morning, where a clam is sitting on the windowsill of his room)


 * Clam: (clears throat) Caw ca-caw ca...


 * (Squidward bursts out of the window, knocking the clam down; he is exhausted, presumably from have been awake all night; the camera pans past Squidward into his room, revealing spilled buckets of paint, destroyed paintings and drawings, tubes of paint dispersed, and wrecked furniture)


 * Squidward: (turns around) Ugh. What a night. I got zero sleep, and zero paintings done. Well, it's a new morning. Might as well get some real stuff done, before this evening is over. (sits in front of easel in a seat) Let's see. Needs a bit more color in the background, some more strokes.


 * (the sound of SpongeBob's alarm startles Squidward, causing the stroke to ruin the painting; Squidward launches the easel in frustration; the camera cuts to SpongeBob, waking up, and petting Gary)


 * SpongeBob: Good morning, Gary! Quite the beautiful one, it is. Time to sniff that morning breeze. (opens window and smells air, coughing afterwards) Why does this morning smell like paint? (looks into Squidward's bedroom, seeing the mess, and Squidward collapsed on his lap) I'd better go check on Squidward.


 * (the camera cuts back to Squidward, snoring; the doorbell rings, waking Squidward)


 * Squidward: (sighs) I better get that. (walks to door and opens it, revealing SpongeBob)


 * SpongeBob: Squid...whoa! Squidward, you looked depressed. Really...depressed. What's the matter?


 * Squidward: Nothing of your concern, SpongeBob. Now if you excuse me...


 * SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward! I'm bored. Maybe I can help.


 * Squidward: (yawning) Just leave me alone. I need to sort this out myself.


 * SpongeBob: Please, Squidward? It's this or nothing.


 * Squidward: (sighs) Fine.


 * (the scene cuts to Squidward, sitting on a seat in SpongeBob's living room; SpongeBob is standing before Squidward)


 * SpongeBob: So, Squidward, what's the matter?


 * Squidward: Well, if you must know, I need to paint a mural for Fancy! by this evening. Just my luck, I feel as though my paintings are going downhill just like my entire life.


 * SpongeBob: So, you feel like your paintings are lacking?


 * Squidward: (sighs) Basically, yes.


 * SpongeBob: Squidward, with Gary as my witness, your paintings are some of the best works I have ever seen. They even inspire me. Look! I even created my own portraits because of your work! (reveals crude drawings plastered on an entire wall)


 * Squidward: Is this supposed to make me get back to work?


 * SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward! I want you to paint! Paint like a king!


 * Squidward: Paint like a king? Eat like a king?! Yes! I have got to get back to work!


 * SpongeBob: Yes! (grabs easel, a pallete, and brushes) Let's do this!


 * (Squidward begins to paint feverishly with new motivation; strokes and paint are seen plastered across the canvas; the scene cuts to Squidward, collapsed on the ground in sleep; SpongeBob is collapsed on the sofa; a loud knocking can be heard)


 * Squidward: (knocking wakes Squidward abruptly) Huh?! What?! What's that sound?


 * SpongeBob: (awakes) Huh? Oh, that's just Patrick. He's doing some renovations around the house.


 * Squidward: That starfish is working tools...in here?! Oh no! No! We need to get this mural out of here this instant before tragedy strikes.


 * (SpongeBob and Squidward begin manuevering the mural toward the door)


 * SpongeBob: (pushes on door) Strange. Patrick must have locked the door from outside.


 * Squidward: What?! How am I gonna get out of here with the mural?! Patrick, you open this door right now!


 * (camera cuts to reveal Patrick, carrying a saw from the other side of the door on a ladder)


 * Patrick: What? Is someone calling my name? (begins slicing through the front of the pineapple with the saw) Let's take a look.


 * (Patrick saws through the wall, causing it to collapse onto the mural, SpongeBob, and Squidward)


 * Patrick: Hey there, guys!


 * Squidward: (rises from rubble) Oh no! The...the...the...


 * SpongeBob: (rises) The mural!


 * Squidward: (begins shoveling for pieces) This can't be! Where is it! It's got to be okay! There's still time for me to find... (grabs an object from the rubble) ...my wallet?


 * Patrick: Hey, that's my pay!


 * Squidward: Your pay?


 * SpongeBob: Oh, that's right. I had to borrow a buck or two to pay Patrick off. Turns out I gave him the entire wallet without noticing. (laughs nervously)


 * Squidward: (growls) I'm gonna take you two and...!


 * SpongeBob: Whoa whoa whoa, Squidward. Look at it this way. Now you can pay for your meal at Fancy!.


 * Squidward: Well, I suppose that's true. (looks at Patrick, now holding a sledgehammer; smiles) I have a better idea.


 * (scene cuts to the "Fancy!" restaurant; the manager is standing in the middle of the dining hall, waiting for Squidward)


 * Manager: My goodness, the squid is taking forever. It is almost the evening. He should be here by now.


 * (Squidward enters the restaurant in a suit)


 * Manager: Squid, you have failed me! (points to wall) That wall is still looking just as plain as it did last night!


 * Squidward: For not too much longer, I assure you. Contractors might be expensive, but I managed to find a decent one for not too much at all.


 * Manager: Really? Who?


 * Patrick: (heard offscreen, along with demolition sounds) Fall, wall, fall! Woo hoo! (camera points to Patrick, demolishing the wall with a sledgehammer) Yeah! Fall, wall, fall!


 * Manager: Well then, squid. You haven't failed me. I am a fish of my word! You can eat here tonight and for the next fourteen nights fine free.


 * Squidward: Time to eat like a king! (leaps in air in joy; freezes midair)


 * (the wall collapses, and destroys the entire restaurant as a result; Squidward and the manager rise from the rubble)


 * Squidward: So, dinner on the streets, I guess?


 * (episode ends)