User blog:Softest Boi/Gavin's Fanon Sins: Fanon Hotel episode 3

Prologue
Muffled talking in the background.

Ponyo: Just do the advisory!

JFK (Clone High): No, I er-ah, have a cold.

Ponyo: I know you haven't been paid since 2003. You need the money, don't you?

JFK: Yes, I actually do. I've had to move back in with my gay foster dads. (shivers)

Ponyo: So I'll pay you $100 to do this.

JFK: (sigh) Alright, fine.

'''What was the entire purpose of that conversation? +4 sins.'''

Advisory
JFK: Hi there, I'm, er-ah, JFK from Clone High. Most of you are too young to remember that cartoon. I'm here to tell that tonight's very special episode of Fanon Hotel deals with underage characters engaging in drinking and gambling. This is a work of fiction and the creator, Ponyo Fan, does not encourage these behaviors. Got a gambling problem? Call 1-800-BETS-OFF. Now time to invade Ponyo's spaceship. And by invade, I mean sex! And by spaceship, I mean-

Ponyo: (puts hand over JFK's mouth) That's enough out of you. Enjoy tonight's episode of Fanon Hotel.

'''Again, what is the point of JFK here? +4 sins.'''

Fanon Hotel: Episode 3
Previously, on a very special Fanon Hotel...

'''That was said about the previous episode too. Are all episodes "very special"? +2 sins.'''

All the big kids go to a bar/casino, where Ponyo takes a job and laughs at Lazaro's inexperience. The rest of the characters don't really do anything.

(theme song plays)

"Coming right up." Ponyo said, starting to mix the drink.

"Hey, can you give me some advice?" The woman asked.

"I'll try." Ponyo said, letting out a soft sigh. She sucked at advice.

"My ex-boyfriend invited me to his wedding, and I'm not sure if I should go or not."

"Well, do you still have feelings for him?"

"Of course I do. But I'm happy for him."

Ponyo glared at her. "Are you, really?"

The woman paused, then muttered, "No, not really."

'''Then why did she did have feelings beforehand? +1 sin.'''

"Well then, maybe it wouldn't be the best thing for you to go."

"You've got a point, sister." The woman said as Ponyo handed her the dry lemonade. "Thanks."

The young members at home, bored as h#ck, decided to do a little snooping. Topher went into Ponyo's suitcase and found thongs, yaoi manga, a binder labeled "Seduction Techniques", a Bloodhound Gang album, and a toothbrush. Simon opened Lazaro's suitcase and found nothing but porn. Endless piles of porn. Most of it involving characters from My Little Pony and naked pictures of Ponyo. William opened Jellyfish's suitcase and found various other Offspring and Limp Bizkit CDs, one Weird Al CD, and about 100 flyers reading "STAY OFF THE SAUCE".

'''Ponyo's suitcase was funny, and so was Jelly's, but Lazaro's? There is no such thing as actual MLP porn on DVD's, and how the f++k did he get those pictures of Ponyo? +6 sins.'''

"Well, that was boring." Topher said. "Wanna check the wiki?"

So they opened Ponyo's laptop and typed in "spongefan.wikia.com" (mentally noting that one of the site suggestions was "shotaheaven.com") and found that nothing had really changed, except Seth had started a new series called "Bikini bottom warriors!", which was very much a knockoff of a certain other spinoff.

'''The "shotaheaven" part was funny, so I'll remove a sin. -1 sin.'''

"Good thing we informed them before we left." Da Nerd said. "Who knows what kind of chaos the wiki would be in if we all just left without telling them?"

'''Uh... you could still check back on the wiki. +1 sin.'''

Meanwhile, back at the bar, things were silent until a Girls Gone Wild commercial came on the TV.

"Ugh, so sexist." The woman said. "They get those women drunk so they can show off their bodies on camera."

"Yeah, but how much money do you think we could get if we were in one of those videos and we sued?" Ponyo asked. Both girls smirked at the same time. Just then, a message popped up on the TV:

Girls Gone Wild is filming in your area right now! We're heading to the local bar next, so get ready!

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" The woman asked as the sleazy men with cameras walked into the bar.

"Let's do this."

As the cameras approached, Ponyo lifted her shirt up, exposing her bra, trying to act drunk. She then took off her bra and fully flashed herself to the camera. Just then, Lazaro walked in.

"Hey, Ponyo, does this count as a condom?" Lazaro asked, holding a candy wrapper before noticing something wonderful.

Ponyo was topless.

Lazaro immediately fell over with a nosebleed. He would have been able to die happily right then. The sleazy men smiled and walked off after capturing footage of both of the girls exposing their breasts.

'''That was overly cringey. +7 sins.'''

"Well, that was fun." Ponyo said, putting her shirt back on. "Now all we have to do is wait for the DVD to come out and sue, sue, sue!"

"I can't wait to be rolling in money." The woman said. "You're a really awesome bartender, you know that? Most of the other bartenders just kick me out when I whine at them about my problems."

"Thanks."

"So, what do you guys wanna do now?" Topher asked, bored with the suitcases.

"I know! Let's play Truth or Dare!" Simon suggested.

"Alrighty." Simon said. "Topher, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Alright...kiss me."

"What?!"

"That's my dare."

"Simon, what is wrong with you? I'm not going to kiss you! I have strong Christian values! I have posters of Isabella and Lego Liker on my wall! This would go against everything I believe in!"

'''Isabella and Lego Liker. +7 sins.'''

"Come on, it's just a dare. I'm not gay or anything."

"Well...alright."

'''...did he accept the offer because he said he wasn't gay or because it was just a dare. +3 sins.'''

Topher leaned in and was about to kiss Simon, when men with guns came in.

"FREEZE! KICKSTARTER POLICE!" One of the men yelled, shooting Topher.

'''The f++k is happening? +3 sins.'''

"Topher!" Simon yelled. A man attempted to grab him, but then Simon punched him in the face.

"Hey, guys, what's going on?" Da Nerd asked, coming from the kitchen, when he saw the bloody Topher and the struggling Simon. "Oh, h#ck no, you don't!"

Da Nerd began punching Kickstarter Police in the throat as one of them attempted to tackle him to the ground. Finally, Da Nerd was knocked out cold after one of the Kickstarter Police punched him in the mouth, knocking some teeth out, but also blinding the officer with blood in his eyes.

"Ah! My eyes!" The police officer yelled, accidentally running into the other police officers until they all ended up in a pile outside of the door.

"And stay out!" Simon yelled, slamming and locking the door. He looked at the bloody mess in front of him. "Oh, god..."

"Laz?" Ponyo asked. "Laz, are you alive?"

"No." Laz gasped.

"Is he your boyfriend or something?" The woman asked.

"Well, virtually, yeah." Ponyo said.

"Have you had sex?"

"No."

"That explains it."

Ponyo stuck a tissue up his nose, trying to hold the blood. Lazaro pulled his pants down before the tissue could get to his nose and used the tissue for something else.

"Ew!" Ponyo yelled. "You're in public!"

"Maybe we should go home." JCM said.

So the group headed back to the hotel. When they were about to open the door, Ponyo noticed a rancid smell. She then opened the door and found the place filled with blood, with an unconscious Topher, Simon, and Da Nerd.

"Oh, shit!" Ponyo yelled, slamming the door as soon as she saw what was inside. The rest of the group followed after her, confused.

"What?" Jellyfish asked. "What's going on in there?"

'Everyone's...dead!"

'''Please explain what this whole series was intended to be about. +12 sins.'''

NEXT EPISODE PREVIEW: Okay, not everyone's dead. But there is someone who is dead. In episode 4, Fanon Hotel takes a major genre shift to dark mystery for the rest of the series as more mysterious events happen around the hotel...

'''So the show is dark mystery themed? I thought it was about Ponyo and Laz being in a relationship? +2 sins.'''

'''Perhaps I was being a little too harsh. I'll remove a single sin. -1 sin'''

Total of sins: 50 Punishment: Everyone dies.