User blog:Ponyo Fan/SBFW Skits: Episode 1

Summary

 * Today on SBFW Skits, the gang tries to get some extra cash to buy their own domain.

SBFWBuster Video

 * Jelly and Ponyo are standing inside a new building called "SBFWBuster Video", surrounded by DVDs, UMDs, and laserdiscs.
 * Jelly: Ponyo, I'm not so sure about this.
 * Ponyo: Oh, come on! How hard can it be to run a video store?
 * A mom and her seven-year-old son enter the video store.
 * Mom: Hi, I'm looking for a kids movie.
 * Ponyo: Ah, I think we have that. (Ponyo goes to the back and pulls out a copy of the movie "Kids" by Larry Clark. The woman hands her credit card over and Ponyo puts it into the machine, handing the woman the movie as Jelly looks horrified.)
 * Mom: Thank you so much!
 * Ponyo: No problem, movie's due back in two days.
 * Mom and son exit.
 * Jelly: Ponyo, what the hell did you just do?
 * Ponyo: What do you mean? I gave her a kids movie.
 * Jelly: No, you gave her a copy of the movie Kids!
 * Ponyo pauses for a second, then jumps up.
 * Ponyo: Oh, shit! (runs towards the door)
 * Jelly: There's no use, she's already left.
 * Ponyo: This is the one time I hope one of the used discs I bought off Amazon is scratched.
 * Jelly: Wait, you bought used discs for the store? They're probably all scratched!
 * A young man holding a picket sign enters the video store, holding a camera to his face.
 * Young Man: HELLO IT'S TOBIAS BIZKIT HERE AT SBFWBUSTER VIDEO PROTESTING THE LACK OF VHS TAPES AT SBFWBUSTER VIDEO.
 * Ponyo: Hey, you can't record in here! (throws shoe at Tobias)
 * Jelly: Ponyo, you can't throw shoes at people!
 * Ponyo: No one needs to know!
 * Tobias: WHERE IS THE MANAGER? I WANT TO REPORT YOUR INDECENT SHOE ACT.
 * Ponyo: We are managers. Now adios! (throws other shoe at Tobias, who runs out crying)
 * Jelly: Something tells me this wasn't such a good idea.
 * Mom reenters with crying kid.
 * Mom: I walked into the living room and my son was watching a boy having sex with a twelve-year-old girl!
 * Ponyo: Sorry, we're closed.
 * Mom: No, you're not! I was just-
 * Ponyo throws socks at the mom and kid.
 * Ponyo: I SAID WE'RE CLOSED. (chases mom and kid out, changing "OPEN" sign to "CLOSED") I guess we can hope the others are doing better.

Chocolate Salesmen

 * YS (Teleram) and Lazaro are walking down a street, each with a bag of chocolate. Lazaro finds a house and rings the doorbell. An old woman steps outside.
 * Old Woman: Yes?
 * Lazaro: Hello, we're selling-
 * Old woman slams door.
 * Lazaro: Well, that was rude.
 * YS: Pfft. No one wants to sell to someone with a full mustache. Maybe I'll do better, I can act cute.
 * YS goes to the next house, ringing the doorbell. A young woman steps out.
 * YS: I love you.
 * Woman slams door.
 * YS: Darn. Let's come up with some other ideas.
 * Cut to YS and Lazaro standing outside of a door fully nude, with chocolate over their private areas.
 * YS: You think this will work?
 * Lazaro: I know so.
 * Lazaro rings the doorbell. Another old woman steps out.
 * Lazaro: Hello, we're-
 * Old Woman: REPENT, SINNER! REPENT! (hits Lazaro and YS over the head with her Bible) GET OUT OF THESE POOR BOYS, DEVIL! QUIT TORMENTING THEM! I PROCLAIM THIS MESSAGE WITH THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB, GET THE DEVIL OUT OF THESE BOYS!
 * YS and Lazaro stand up.
 * Lazaro: Lady, we just-
 * Woman hits them again, getting buckets of holy water and dumping them on YS and Lazaro.
 * YS: Hopefully the others are- (gets hit again)

Public Access

 * DN and Science have gotten their own cooking show on a public access channel, hoping to make cookbooks off of it for money.
 * Da Nerd: Hello, and welcome to Cooking with Da Nerd and Science! Today, we're going to be teaching you how to make chocolate chip cookies.
 * Science: So first, what you need to do is get three cups of margarine, two and a half cups of white sugar, and two and a half cups of brown sugar. Then, you're going to mix them all in a bowl. (gets bowl out, puts in ingredients, mixes with mixer) You know, today is such a good day.
 * Da Nerd: Science...
 * Science: I woke up today, and I looked in the mirror...
 * Da Nerd: Science...
 * Science: ...and I said, y'know, today is such a good day, y'know? I told my sister...(ingredients are flying out of the bowl)
 * Da Nerd: Weston.
 * Science: ...I was so excited I told my sister, I was just in a really good mood today, and now here I am on television. :D
 * Da Nerd: WESTON, THE BOWL.
 * Science: Huh? (bowl is on fire) Hmm. That's not good.
 * Da Nerd: We're screwed.
 * Science: No, I can fix this. (Science starts blowing on fire as DN gets fire extinguisher and starts spraying all over Science and fire until the fire goes out.)
 * Da Nerd: Um...is anyone still watching?
 * Science spits out foam.
 * Science: The fire extinguishing foam does not have a very pleasant taste.

Conclusion

 * SBFWBUSTER VIDEO: $2.00
 * CHOCOLATE SALESMEN: $0.00
 * PUBLIC ACCESS: $0.00
 * TOTAL AMOUNT OF MONEY RAISED: $2.00 (not enough to have a domain for a month)