The Vandal

The Vandal is the eleventh episode of SBFW Quest. It aired December 29, 2018, and was written by Purple133.

Transcript
(Episode opens at Sean’s lair in ESB)

Sean: Golf, please come hither.

Golf: Could you stop talking like that? It’s getting kind of creepy man.

Sean: Well the attack on Fanonland will commence in a few weeks. Prepare the armies!

Golf: Sure thing!

(Camera cuts to a hooded vandal ruining the side of the castle; Alt is sleeping and wakes up)

Alt: Hey you! Stop or I’m going to lose my job!

(The hooded man flips Alt the bird)

Alt: Grrrr!

(The man runs, and Alt enters the castle)

Alt: Hey Princess Ponyo, somebody vandalized the page castle!

Princess Ponyo: Wait, who are you?

Alt: The new night guard you hired.

Princess Ponyo: Oh. Well you failed so now you’re fired.

Alt: No this is my only source of income!

Princess Ponyo: Fine. Catch the vandal, and you can stay. Also, I’m pairing you with Bot for MAXIMUM SECURITY.

Bot: Hello, want some illegal crack?

Princess Ponyo: This is the most trustworthy man we have.

Alt: (sarcastically) Yep! Okay!

(Bot and Alt walk outside)

Alt: We should question people to see if they know anything!

Bot: Yes, I have some narcotics to make them say stuff.

Alt: Are you crazy?!

(Alt and Bot arrive at Purps’ house)

Bot: FBI OPEN UP!

Purps: Shit! They found the child porn I was stashing for Travis!

Alt: Wait what? We came to ask you if you know anything about the vandal.

Purps: Yeah, I saw him run to SuperPulls’ house.

Bot: That’s where FD used to live.

Alt: Then we have a lead!

(Alt and Bot go to SuperPull’s house)

Alt: Hey hey, have you seen FD running around?

SuperPulls: Yeah, I’m pretty sure I saw him in a cloak headed to ESB Land. I hear that the purple trees are beautiful this time of year over there.

Bot: Amazing.

(At the ESB Lair, Sean and Golf are drawing battle plans)

Sean: Thank god our main import is paper!

Golf: What? We were talking about the battle plans and out of nowhere you go, ‘Thank god our main import is paper!’

Sean: Don’t question my logic. Where is FD?

(FDBackup arrives in a black hood, like the man from earlier)

FDBackup: I’m right here. I did the thing, can I get paid now?

Sean: No. Golf, lock him in the dungeon.

FDBackup: You know I’ve never sworn, but you guys are really pushing it.

Golf: Sorry about this.

(FD is carried to the dungeon as Bot and Alt arrive at the door and ring the doorbell)

Bot: Hello? OPEN THE DOOR!

Alt: Calm down Bot! You might piss them off, they already hate our kind.

(Golf opens the door)

Golf: Hey, you guys aren’t supposed to be here!

Bot: Get out of the way we need FD.

Golf: I’d be happy to turn him over to you.

Bot: Yeah, nobody cares what you think just give him to us.

(Golf gets mad)

Golf: That hurt my feelings jerkwad.

Bot: Jokes on you I have no feelings.

Alt: Hey, we came to get FD, where is he?

(Golf runs and a biker gang emerges from an underground garage)

Golf: Now you will take on MY PACK OF VANDALS! Mwuhahahahahahahaha!

(The bikers speed towards Fanonland)

Alt: Bot, activate protec mode!

Bot: No.

(Bot and Alt run to stop the biker gang)

Alt: Hey you stop it!

(One biker flips off Alt)

Alt: Again?!

(The bikes vandalize the walls hardcore)

Bot: No! ACTIVATING LASER BOT.

Alt: Laser bot?

(Bot shoots a laser beam and obliterates the biker gang)

Alt: JESUS CHRIST!

Bot: Hey hey, it’s my final smash.

(Alt and Bot report back to Princess Ponyo)

Princess Ponyo: So???

Alt: FD vandalized the castle walls and sent a biker gang to try and take them out. Also, we think he was hired by Sean.

Bot: ‘Tis concerning.

Alt: Since when did you get a conscious?

Princess Ponyo: Whatever. We will have to declare war upon ESB!

Alt: Hey wait, if we do that we’ll lose!

Princess Ponyo: Well I think that it’s the only option. War it shall be!

(Episode almost ends, but there’s another scene)

Alt: Guys, FD broke out and he’s coming here.

Purps: EVERYONE GET THE FUCK DOWN!

(FD arrives on a motorcycle)

Purps: Wait how do you have a motorcycle in *midevil times*?

FDBackup: No clue, I think this might be a time dump.

Alt: No clue what that is.

FDBackup: Whatever. I’ve come to make a truce with you guys, do you accept?

Purps: Sure.

(Now episode ends)

Jack: I’ve finally made it to Wendy’s! Mom come quick!

(Now episode really truly ends)