Fortress Siege

Fortress Siege is the sixth episode of SBFW Quest. It aired November 10, 2018 and was written by Rocky Lobster.

Transcript
(Episode begins with Bot, Rocky, Purple Travis, and Dan talking in a cabin in the middle of THE HOLY LAND)

Rocky: So as I was saying, whoever writes the episode has their character involved the most.

Purple: Are you proposing that we are in some kind of episode for a cult of fappers to watch?

Rocky: I don’t know man but this world certainly is fucking weird.

Bot: Hold up, I’m getting some kind of…

Travis: Sexual sensation?

Bot: Enemy presence on my radar…

Rocky: How the hell can a robot have sexual feelings let alone tingles?

Bot: You’d be surprised. We have a built in sexual transmitter that transmits-

Purple: HOW MANY GODDAMN TIMES DO WE HAVE TO STRAY AWAY FROM THE PLOT. BOT USE YOUR FUCKING RADAR AND QUIT TALKING ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL TRANSMITTER THAT YOU USE DURING THE NIGHT.

Bot: Right. Beep boop robot noises it seems like these entities are heading this way.

Travis: Reminder that I’m only here because you said that my help in finding the rest of the ESB guard will give me a cash prize… and a grand sex ticket to INU.

Rocky: Right… Wait a second! Somebody else is coming that’s not listed on the radar as an enemy.

(The mysterious individual approaches the establishment)

King Jasbre I: Ah, it’s been quite a while hasn’t it. Well I am afraid to spill the dreaded news… Princess Ponyo has been taken hostage by the ESB guard!

Dan: Serves her right after what she attempted to do to LIBB.

King Jasbre I: So you’re siding with Golf?

Dan: Oh shit you’re right… I guess LIBB was technically taken down by Golf anyway.

King Jasbre I: We must come together as a camp- Travis: Cumming as a camp? What a reward.

Rocky: You sick fuck.

Purple: You don’t even know how to fap.

King Jasbre I: As I was saying, we must come together as a camp and unite against the remaining ESB guard forces! Are there any questions? We’ll be using bot’s radar to track these sons of bitches.

Polar: There can also be daughters of bitches.

Purple: Alright. I’ll go ahead and blow the conch shell in order to get the whole SBFW group here.

Travis: Would it be possible for me to do it? I like pretending its a dick.

(Purple hands over the conch shell)

Purple: The merrier the better I guess.

(Travis begins… blowing and the rest of the SBFW gang comes)

Purple: Alright guys, we have an attack to launch. The ESB guard has captured Princess Ponyo and we must get her back! There’s only one thing that worries me and that’s the fact that this seems too easy. Golf doesn’t have much of his guard left. I guess we’ll just have to find out. Alright, Bot where are they?

Bot: Over by the birch trees behind the house!

(Behind the large 2-story wooden shack that the people of SBFW were in was a large forest of trees, each swaying with the wind and following a beautiful pattern)

Bot: Lol why does the narrator have to be so unnecessarily descriptive. It’s a bunch of fucking trees.

Purple: Everybody head out into the woods!

King Jasbre I: I’ll stand guard here at the shack incase anybody comes.

[The gang travels as a large group through the dark woods, with only slight beams of sunlight peeking through the ever-so greener forest]

Rocky: (whispering) Everybody quiet down. I see a campfire. (points ahead)

(Gleaming near the campfire light, a small herd of users can be seen)

Rick: I see Golf, Squiddle and AMK. I’m guessing the rest that are alive are scouting. Oh and there’s Ponyo all tied up! :nitrodab:

Purple: We each have an assassin-typed weapon right? From the blacksmith?

(Everyone holds up iron daggers with splotches of blood on them)

Purple: Good. Now here’s the deal. Rocky, Dan, Bot walk stealthily across the grass and assasinate the guards. Crazy, Rick, and Matchy all go and untie Ponyo. I and the others will wait here. Ready? Go.

(Rocky, Bot and Dan sneakily approach the guard. Rocky and Dan both stab Squiddle and AMK. Bot, however, malfunctions and misses, only scraping Golf’s shirt. Golf whips around and yells)

Golf: Intruders!

[Crazysponge, Rick and Matchy quickly untie Ponyo and run towards the group. Once the gang is all regrouped they make a run for it through the trees]

Purple: Go go go! They have scouts everywhere!

Dan: Bot how the hell do you fuck this up. You’re a bot for crying out loud.

Bot: It’s almost like someone tampered with my programming…

Rocky: Who the hell would do that?

(Golf and his guard are chasing after the SBFW gang at a faster pace)

Voices from behind: You shall not hide. Nobody escapes from the grasps of Fandom.

Matchy: Oh God no.

(Episode ends)