Fanon Hotel: Episode 4

Previously, on a very special Fanon Hotel...

'''Someone's dead. That's all I remember. Hey, you miss an episode, it's your funeral!''

(theme song)

Fanon Hotel: Episode 4
"There's no way." Teleram said, looking at all the blood in front of them. "Not everyone can be dead...how did they even...what?"

"What happened while we were gone?" Jellyfish asked.

"Clearly, someone came in here and killed everyone." Lazaro said. "Thank God we weren't here."

"They're not dead." Ponyo snapped back at Lazaro, feeling Topher's chest. "He seems to have a pulse. They'll all be up soon. But for now, we need to figure out what happened here."

"I have an idea!" Dave said. "Let's split up into teams and interrogate everyone around here!"

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever - wait, no, that might actually work. Alright, me and Jellyfish, IHeart and MrScience, Lazaro, JCM, Teleram, team up."

Lazaro looked at JCM. "Can I have a different partner?"

"No." Ponyo snapped back at him. "Get over it. Alright, let's roll!"

Ponyo and Jellyfish walked over to the next hotel room by them, room 451. They knocked on the door. A young male with shaggy hair wearing a T-shirt and shorts who appeared to be in his early 20s opened the door.

"Yes?" The man asked, smoking a cigarette. Ponyo grabbed him by the neck, tied him up with some rope she had brought along, and threw him on his own bed.

"Whoa, Ponyo, that seems a bit excessive!" Jellyfish said.

"There's no such thing as too safe, Jelly. Now..."

Ponyo shined a flashlight in the man's face. "WHERE WERE YOU FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS?"

"What?" The man asked, covering his eyes. "Too bright...I was just in my hotel room..."

"I FIND THAT VERY UNLIKELY, SIR!"

Ponyo then went over to the man's laptop. "AND WHAT'S ON HERE, EH?"

"Nothing." The man said, blushing. Just then, a notification popped up at the bottom:

Pound Jungle episode 4.avi has finished downloading.

"NOOO!" Ponyo yelled. "EVIL!"

Ponyo slammed her fist into the man's laptop, causing his screen to shatter. "STAY OFF THE SAU-"

Jellyfish put his hand over Ponyo's mouth and untied the man. "Sorry, she's a bit crazy." He then escorted her out.

"Are you nuts, Ponyo?" Jellyfish asked. "You can't just go around tying random people up and smashing their screens"

"But he was watching Pound Jungle!" Ponyo yelled back at him.

"It was the AVI, Live Well Network version with all the subliminal s#uce messages removed from the looks of it. I think he was okay."

"Whatever. He could just as easily been the person who knocked them all unconscious as anyone else around here. Let's keep looking."

"You can't just go around setting h#cking RULES about everything!" Lazaro was yelling at JCM.

"What does any of this have to do with our job?" JCM asked, rolling his eyes. He knocked on the door of room 462. A woman in her early 60s with grey hairs and with two cats opened the door. Teleram stood quietly not wanting to interrupt.

"Yes?" The woman asked.

"Yes, um, there was an incident in our hotel room; we came back and three of our friends were unconscious and covered in blood."

"Oh my goodness gracious!"

"I was wondering, do you know anything about this?"

"No, can't say I do. I'll let you know if I find out anything though. Goodness, you poor dears. Here, have some cookies as sympathy."

The woman handed them a plate with five chocolate chip cookies on it and closed the door.

"What was that?!" Lazaro yelled at him. "You're just letting yourself get stepped on like a doormat?! You should have interrogated her further!"

"She was about as innocent as a Baby Einstein DVD." JCM replied. "I highly doubt she came in and knocked Topher and the others out - probably couldn't even kill a fly."

With that, JCM bit into a cookie. "These are good, Laz. You should try 'em."

Lazaro bit into a cookie. "Wow, these are really good. They've got a weird tingling sensation when you bit into them, but they're so gooey you can barely notice it."

IHeart and MrScience were about to interrogate room 522. They heard strange phrases like "Oh yeah! I'm a monkey! Give this monkey what she wants!" from the room. They hesitated to knock at the door, but still did. A white-haired man in a towel opened the door.

"Yes?" The man asked.

"Um..." MrScience said, going through his records he had gotten from the hotel front desk. "We heard a Mr. Gaisen was staying here?"

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Gaisen has passed away. Ms. Gaisen is the only person here and she's a bit tied up at the moment."

"Wait, no, Science, the 'r' was crossed out and became an 's'." IHeart said, pointing at the page. "And on this page it says: Record for Mr. Gaisen changed due to sex change operation."

"Sex-change operation?!" The man shrieked.

"Uh oh." M(s). Gaisen said.

"Uuuuugh! You're a man?!"

"Not anymore, I've been fixed."

Science and IHeart see the man begin to head for the other door in disgust.

"Wait, Richard, I can explain!" Ms. Gaisen yells.

IHeart and Science close the door after that, not wanting to see any further.

"Well, they were a bit too tied up with each other to have knocked Topher and the rest out." IHeart said. He got out his cell phone and sent a Facebook message to Lazaro and JCM.

''We've searched all the rooms that answered - let's just go back to our room. Topher and the rest could be waking up now.''

Almost instantly, Lazaro and JCM both replied "Not now! We're playing!".

"Playing? What the...?" IHeart muttered to himself. Just then, Ponyo and Jellyfish came running at IHeart and MrScience, holding two elementary school aged children.

"Um, guys?" Ponyo said. "I think we have a problem."

"Come on, JCM, let's go play!" One of the boys, who is assumed to be Lazaro, said. He appeared to be about eight years old and the other boy, who is assumed to be JCM, looked about nine. Ponyo grabbed Lazaro's hand to keep him from running off with JCM.

"They said they ate some cookies and now they're not big kids anymore." Jellyfish said. "This hotel is so freakin' weird. Right, Ponyo? Ponyo?"

"OH MY GOD HE'S SO CUTE MY LITTLE SHOTA." Ponyo said, hugging the little Lazaro. Jellyfish pulled her off of him.

"Get ahold of yourself, Ponyo!" Jellyfish snapped at her. "We've gotta figure out what's causing all the crazy stuff in this hotel. Most of all, we've gotta figure out what all this business is about the 'cookies'."

"We should probably go check if Topher, Simon, and the others are awake first." IHeart said.

With that, they all headed to their room, with a new mystery to solve in this crazy hotel...

'''Episode 5 preview: Lazaro and JCM have been turned into little kids again! Which Ponyo finds a bit too adorable. Meanwhile, the younger members of Fanon Hotel wake up and try to figure out what's been going on and try their best to recall who attacked them - until another mysterious event strikes the hotel. What will happen next time? Find out on the next crazy episode of Fanon Hotel!'''