Special Delivery

Special Delivery is the fourteenth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the fourteenth episode of season one. In this episode, A mailman accidently drops all of the Valentine’s Day cards into a nearby manhole, including his own, which an extremely important one. When SpongeBob is washing his hands at the Krusty Krab, the cards appear, launching SpongeBob into wall, only for the important card to catch SpongeBob’s eye. The card, though obviously not for him and lost in translation, claims he and a friend must go on a quest to deliver the other cards. After accidently delivering the cards to the wrong people, a full-scale riot against the now infamous “Matrimony Mailmen” begins. The only one they believe to fix this is “The Heart King” who possesses all wisdom on love, especially on Valentine’s Day. Can he fix this with the help of SpongeBob and Patrick?

Transcript

 * [episode begins with a mailman, walking down the sidewalk on the phone, carrying a bag of mail]
 * Mailman: [on phone] Ha! That's a good one, Frederick! [mumbling heard on phone] What do you mean you weren't joking?! [throws phone away angrily] I made the right decision, mother! [mumbles and continues walking] What does she know?
 * Pedestrian: [taps on mailman's shoulder] Excuse me. Do you have the time?
 * Mailman: [drops bag of letters out of being startled; letters fall into a nearby manhole] What is your problem?! You just made me drops all of the Valentine's Day letters!
 * Pedestrian: What is the big point of dumb Valentine's Day letters?
 * Mailman: I would bid you a good day, but frankly, I must explain. [in pedestrian's face] I just dropped the most important Valentine's letter in all of Bikini Bottom!...My wife's.
 * Pedestrian: Is it that one right there? [points to Valentine's letter near manhole]
 * Mailman: Yes! It still lives! [wipes sweat] Thank Neptune! I can still make it too!
 * Pedestrian: Don't worry. I got it. [kicks letter into manhole then runs away] You never gave me the time! [laughs]
 * Mailman: Curse you!
 * [camera begins to pan with the falling letters, finally making their descent into the sewer water, where they then continue to float and is finally sucked up into an unknown pipe]
 * [camera cuts to The Krusty Krab where SpongeBob is washing his hands]
 * SpongeBob: Washing the ol' palms again under a quality sink. Good thing I reminded Mr. Krabs to get this sink fixed. I thought it would cost a fortune. [begins to turn lever to turn sink off, only for the knob to break] Figures.
 * [Sink begins to swell]
 * SpongeBob: Well that's not good. Better take a look. [takes a look at the underside of the faucet, only to be blown into the wall with Valentine's Day cards; rubs head] At least the sink is unclogged now. [picks up card] What's this? [reads poem] What do we have here?

This card is not the best

For a fish like you,

but you make all of my wishes come true

So this card is for you, Sue.


 * SpongeBob: Neat. [looks at another card] This one looks interesting.

You never can get what you want

No matter how hard you try,

And after you blame me for your failures,

you always sob and cry.

This may not seem like a card to you,

But this isn't to make you blue.

Because no matter how much you fail,

I will always love you.


 * SpongeBob: From Karen to Plankton. Of course. [reads another to self] Oh no. This is terrible. [reads card aloud]

All the cards cannot compare,

to you, my heir.

I remember when you made your first friend,

and you stay with him and will until the end.

So though you may be a little square,

and your friend a little pink,

I just want you to know,

You are the only thing I think.


 * SpongeBob: Do you know what this means? [to reader] I'm talking to you! [not to reader] It obviously says a little square, like me, and my friend who is pink, which is Patrick, must deliver the Valentine's Day cards! All of these cards! They're a sign. Patrick and I must deliver these cards!
 * Patrick: [appears] What do you mean?
 * SpongeBob: Read this, Patrick. [hands Patrick the card]
 * Patrick: [reading] Hmm hmm. Yes, I see. Hmm hmm. [stops reading; in shock] It's worse than I ever could imagine! It's a Valentine's Day card!
 * SpongeBob: Not just that, buddy. You and I have to go on a quest to deliver these cards. Are you in, Patrick?
 * Patrick: Well, considering that I am Patrick, I guess you could say I'm inside of myself. [holds chin] Yet, you could be talking about do I want to go on the quest so....no.
 * SpongeBob: Why not?
 * Patrick: What do you mean? I said I wanted to.
 * SpongeBob: But you said no.
 * Patrick: I no. I mean...wait, it's the other one. I meant to say I know.
 * SpongeBob: But Patrick, it doesn't...whatever. Let's deliver these cards, Patrick!
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah! [jump up and high-five]
 * SpongeBob: Get your costumes ready, Patrick. [SpongeBob and Patrick go into a montage of putting on mailman-like clothing] Let's do this!
 * [scene cuts to Plankton at the Chum Bucket]
 * Plankton: Oh, come on, Karen! I gave you your Valentine's Day card! Now where's mine?!
 * Karen: Calm you unusally large antennae down, Plankton. [camera cuts to Plankton, touching his antennae] Your card is just late.
 * Plankton: How can I believe anything you say? [turns around and crosses arms] You can lie right through your circuit boards.
 * Karen: That's not true. [screen begins to spark] Ignore that.
 * [SpongeBob and Patrick walk through the door]
 * SpongeBob: I think I can fix both of your problems.
 * Plankton: Away with you! Can't you see my wife and I are in the middle of something?!
 * Patrick: At least not from my angle.
 * SpongeBob: Here's something that could cheer you up, Plankton. [reaches behind back]
 * Plankton: Is it the secret formula? That would make me happier than the day I got married to Karen!
 * Karen: [gasps] Plankton!
 * Plankton: Fine! They're equal...[whispers] somewhat.
 * SpongeBob: Nope. [pulls out envelope] It's Karen's Valentine's Day card to you. [hands Plankton the card] I think it's really sweet...except for the beginning.
 * Plankton: The beginning what's wrong with the beginning?
 * [SpongeBob and Patrick whistle and leave the Chum Bucket]
 * Plankton: What is he talking about, Karen?
 * Karen: [appears to be holding a pencil and writing on paper] Oh, it's...uh...something you should never look at if you want to stay alive! [activates a ray to come out of ceiling]
 * [Plankton runs out of room quickly]
 * Karen: Gets him everytime. [deactivates ray]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob handing a male fish a card]
 * SpongeBob: There you go, sir. Sorry if it was late. [walks away]
 * Male Fish: Hmm...I don't remember getting my wife one of these.
 * Female Fish: [appears; angrily] What was that, Benjamin?
 * Benjamin: [quickly; scared] Oh, nothing.
 * [scene cuts to Patrick handing a male fish a card]
 * Patrick: And your card, sir. I hope that you find some use for it. It didn't do me one bit of good. [stomps away angrily]
 * Male Fish 2: What was that all about?
 * [scene then cuts to a montage of SpongeBob and Patrick handing out cards]
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick on the top of a hill]
 * SpongeBob: [breathing heavily] Woo! That was quite some card giving we did. I'm all out of breath.
 * Patrick: How? We only gave out cards to one block.
 * SpongeBob: Because...[breathes]...we are in...[breathes]...Sandy's treedome. It's just all air. [Patrick places air helmet on SpongeBob] Thanks, Patrick.
 * Patrick: For doing what?
 * Sandy: [walks out of tree] What are you doing here, Spongey? Pinkey?
 * Patrick: Who?
 * SpongeBob: Hey ya Sandy. Patrick and I were told to go a quest to deliver all of these Valentine's Day cards. [takes out card] And you're the last stop on our quest. [hands card to Sandy]
 * Sandy: Thank you, SpongeBob. Finally I get a card addressed to me-gan. Who's Megan?
 * SpongeBob: Let me take a look at that. [looks at card] Oh my goodness. This card is addressed to some guy named Megan.
 * Sandy: I'm pretty sure that's a girl, SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: You never know.
 * Patrick: I don't see the problem. Megan lives down the street from here. That was the plan, right? To give the card to the person who lives down the street from the person on the card?
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, when did I say something like that?
 * Patrick: [shrugs shoulders] You didn't. I just wanted to see what would happen.
 * Sandy: Something like that? [points to riot approacing Sandy's house]
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, what do we do? A riot is coming to rip us to shreds!
 * Patrick: Shreds? You're right! This is terrible!
 * [Riot approaches the house]
 * Male Fish 3: What do we want?!
 * Riot: To stop the Matrimony Mailmen!
 * Male Fish 3: That's right! Now let's do this.
 * Rest coming soon tomorrow...