Bikini Bottom Adventures/Characters

This is a list of every character that appears in the experimental live-action spin-off Bikini Bottom Adventures.

SpongeBob SquarePants
"SEA" "SPONGE" ■ AGE: 24 ■ OCCUPATION: EXPERT OPTIMIST

The "leader" of the "gang", SpongeBob can't move his arms. (Can't do it.) He spends most of his time doing nothing. Occasionally, he stares out the window, looking at the people outside.

Patrick Star
"STAR" "FISH" ■ AGE: 25 ■ OCCUPATION: RETIRED MEDITATION GURU

Patrick loves laying in bed, and thinking deep psychological thoughts. He spends most of his time doing nothing. Occasionally, he does even less.

Squidward Tentacles
"ACTUAL" "SEA CREATURE" ■ AGE: ███ ■ OCCUPATION: ███████████

Squidward has a high interest in observing the arts. He spends most of his time doing nothing. Occasionally, he listens to music and watches strange YouTube omens.

Object 4-A
APPEARS: WALK SIDEWARDS UNTO YOURSELF

Object 4-A is not REALLY from here, and, like, he's just gonna leave in five minutes like all the others, so.

Crolophidius of Saragon
APPEARS: WALK SIDEWARDS UNTO YOURSELF

Crolophidius is in the business of relaying to you... your futures. He is not a ghost.

Not-Patrick
APPEARS: A CURVED SURFACE ON A GALACTIC PORTRAIT (###...#)

Not-Patrick arrives through a dress closet with a terrifying vision. I think he's full of rubbish.

Shirtless Billy
APPEARS: WRATH OF BOVINE IMPLEMENTS, THE SPACIOUS SPACE (UPON TURNING 'NEO-CUBIST')

Shirtless Billy is not a self-insert. He pretends to type on a keyboard.

A dead rat
APPEARS: WRATH OF BOVINE IMPLEMENTS

Oh gross, ewwwww why did you film that get it away from me.

Christmas Guard
APPEARS: THE SPACIOUS SPACE (UPON TURNING 'NEO-CUBIST')

The Christmas Guard dances ominously. His job is to protect, serve, and ruin all the fun.

Blaze the Cat
APPEARS: THE SPACIOUS SPACE (UPON TURNING 'NEO-CUBIST')

During the first scene of the fourth Bikini Bottom Adventures episode, you may see a calico cat wandering about, bumping into the camera. Later on, in the 'Cat Kingdom' this cat can be seen in the far distance, as SpongeBob remarks on how he wants to "go over there, and, and... r-rub it??"

This was Blaze, one of my three cats. On April 10th she was hit by a car. Neither I nor anyone else in my family saw it happen - it was only when our car was pulling out of the driveway on its way to school, and we turned our heads, that we saw the prone body of a cat lying on the left side of the road. She probably decided to wander off in the night (being secluded in the countryside, we've always let our cats just kinda go wherever they want to) but I don't know. When I arrived home after the school day, I saw my mother in the garden, getting ready to bury her. I went into my room and opened up Photoshop and wrote a dedication to Blaze, to use in the Bikini Bottom Adventures episode I was working on.

The epitaph, written by Thomas Gray, was originally stumbled upon while searching for suitable poetry during lunch hour. I intended to use something turgid and pretentious, for a laugh - but instead I found something a bit more meaningful than that. This epitaph is an excerpt from a poem about Gray's favourite cat, who drowned in a tub looking for goldfish. A standard 'curiosity killed the cat' affair, but the final verse speaks on a grander scale:


 * From hence, ye beauties, undecieved,
 * Know, one false step is ne'er retrieved,
 * And be with caution bold.
 * Not all that tempts your wandering eyes
 * And heedless hearts, is lawful prize;
 * Nor all that glisters, gold.

— to all who dare to adventure, "be with caution bold". I realised this stanza could also be an epitaph for SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, who perished during an adventure of their own. They took one step too far and paid the price, just as Blaze took one step too far down our moonlit country road and paid the price. It was here that I knew I had to place it just before the credits.

I hope my dedication does her memory justice. She was a pretty rad cat.

Guardian of Cat Kingdom
APPEARS: THE SPACIOUS SPACE (UPON TURNING "NEO-CUBIST")

The Guardian of this domain is terrified of the sudden structures appearing out of nowhere. He likes giving quests, stolen booty, and RICHES.

Timeline Governor
APPEARS: THE SPACIOUS SPACE (UPON TURNING 'NEO-CUBIST')

The Timeline Governor governs the timeline, and sends people to Timeline Purgatory. Y'all don't even know what y'all've done—but she knows.

Mr. Science
APPEARS: THE SPACIOUS SPACE (UPON TURNING 'NEO-CUBIST')

Mr. Science, a respectable man, gives entertaining lectures on how the space-time continuum works. He is a member of the Powers That B.