Kelp Forest (Cult of Squid)

Kelp Forest is the 1st s2 episode of Cult of Squid. It premiered Jan. 5th, 2019.

Cast

 * Brother Squidward
 * Doctor Crayons
 * Noseward
 * Security

Transgenderscript
(Ep begins with inside the cult with a front side view of Doctor Crayons and Brother Squidward are staring at a chalkboard)

Brother Squidward: hmmm… I see… i don't understand any of this. What is this? And is (points towards chalkboard drawing) that a burger?

Doctor Crayons: yep. I was… hungry.

Brother Squidward: why did you make me look at this again?

Doctor Crayons: it's a plan for a super-powered plane. With this we could track down any fish that might've escaped and those stupid feathered freaks!

Brother Squidward: hm, I'm interested. But how long will this take to build?

Doctor Crayons: we're already halfway done.

(Cuts to a shot of cult members building a small plane)

Cult member: ow! Splinter!

(Cuts back)

Brother Squidward: but if i said no what would happen to that?

Doctor Crayons: I would break the news to them the easy way.

Brother Squidward: this might just work. But have you tested it yet?

Doctor Crayons: what do you mean “have you tested it yet?” I clearly stated we're halfway done!

Brother Squidward: ok, sorry. So uh, how long will this construction take?

Doctor Crayons: oh, just a couple of hours. Maybe like uh, 2.

Brother Squidward: 2?! I cant wait that long! I demand you to get it finished in 10 minutes!

Doctor Crayons: but it'll be sloppy in 10 minutes brother squidwa-

Brother Squidward: I SAID DO IT!

Doctor crayons: uh, ok…

(10 minutes later timecard)

(Cut to the plane under a blanket with Dr. Crayons infront of it)

Brother Squidward: (walks in) it's been 10.minutes! This better be good!

Doctor Crayons: here it is! (Uncovers blanket to reveal a sloppy plane)

Brother Squidward: doctor crayons. I… love it! Let's test it out right now!

Doctor Crayons: but brother Squidward, it's pretty sloppy! Chances are it might cra-

Brother Squidward: I DIDNT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO TALK! now get in!

(The 2 of them walk in and the plane takes off)

(Cut to them flying)

Brother Squidward: this is amazing!

Doctor Crayons: you said it, Brother Squidward! I haven't seen anything this good since- uh oh…

Brother Squidward: WHAT IS IT?!

Doctor Crayons: there's some turbulence coming up.

Brother Squidward: feh! That won't do anything!

Doctor Crayons: but brother Squidward, this plane wouldn't be able to-

Brother Squidward: JUST MAKE IT!

Doctor Crayons: uh, ok.

(The plane starts shaking violently and breaks apart in midair. The 2 are sitting in the air)

Brother Squidward: uh oh.

(They both fall into a Kelp Forest)

(Cuts to them crash landing. Brother squidward lands on Dr Crayons)

Brother Squidward: woo! We made it!

Doctor Crayons: you broke… my arm…

Brother Squidward: uh, where are we? (Gets off dr c)

Doctor Crayons: well, (stands up) it appears we've crash landed into a kelp forest.

Brother Squidward: oh no… OH NO…

(a flashback of “Club Spongebob” plays)

Brother Squidward) : I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE!

Doctor crayons: what?

Brother Squidward: I'll explain later (panicking voice) but i don't want to get stuck in HERE!

Doctor Crayons: fear not, i have the solution! (pulls out a magic conch shell)

Brother Squidward: (facepalms) oh no…

Doctor Crayons: what do you mean oh no?

Brother Squidward: you can't honestly tell me you believe in the phooey that the magic conch spits out!

Doctor Crayons: but it works! See, I'll ask it a question. Hey magic conch, will we get out of here? (Pulls string)

Conch: yes.

Doctor Crayons: see? Now you try!

Brother Squidward: oh my neptune… can i smash you on the ground? (Pulls string)

Conch: no.

Doctor Crayons: wise words indeed!

Brother Squidward: just shoot me now.

(Cut to Cephalopod Lodge where Noseward and a cult member is at a computer)

Noseward: uh oh.

Cult member: what?

Noseward: I'm getting signals that the plane crashed.

Cult member: that's a big light. I feel like im going blind just by looking at it.

Noseward: (sigh) we're gonna have to look for them. Tell the cult members and we'll call for a search party.

Cult member: ok. (Stands up to walk off and runs into a wall) ow! Stupid vision loss!

(Cuts back)

Brother Squidward: (walks in holding various food items) ok, i got some berries and (holds up pokey red thing) this pokey thing i think is edible.

Doctor Crayons: (walks in holding a nest) i found some clams.

Brother Squidward: what in the world will clams do?

Doctor Crayons: (puts a clam in mouth) you can eat them, but they have to be cooked or you will risk getting food poisoning.

Brother Squidward: well how are we gonna find a fire?

Doctor Crayons: we make it! (Pulls out fire in a can and opens it, releasing a campfire) see?

Brother Squidward: I didn't know they made fire in a can.

Doctor Crayons: they made canned bread, don't they?

Brother Squidward: (sigh) im gonna look for some more food. (Drops food on floor) dont touch. (Walks off)

Doctor crayons: oh god, i think i got food poisoning! (Runs offscreen)

(Camera pans up to a plane in the sky with Noseward and Security in it. After it flies offscreen it cuts to view inside the plane)

Security: brother squidward!!!

Noseward: (muffled since his mouth is steering the plane) brother Squidward?!

Security: no luck. Let's check further in the forest

Noseward: can you steer? My mouth is getting tired.

(Cuts to on the ground facing upward as the plane flies off)

Security: not a chance nosey.

(Camera pans downwards to normal height)

Brother Squidward: (walks onscreen) i hate this place. Wait, what's that? (Runs offscreen)

(Cuts to a shot of the broken plane)

Brother Squidward: (goes onscreen, facing away from camera) oh my goodness…

(Cut to Doctor Crayons walking cooking clams with his fire)

Brother Squidward: (runs onscreen) hey nerd!

Doctor Crayons: (drops clam on fire) ah! Oh come on!

Brother Squidward: i found (pants) i (pants)

Doctor Crayons: spit it out man, you made me lose a clam!

Brother Squidward: i found (pants) the plane.

Doctor Crayons: WHAT?! WHERE!

Brother Squidward: follow me!

(They both run off as Security and Noseward land their plane in the area they were just in)

Noseward: (jumps out of plane) they've gotta be here somewhere, i saw the fire!

Security: hmm, doesn't look like they're here. Maybe they went deep into the woods. Let's go… uh… (points left) that way!

(They run the opposite direction of where they went)

(Cuts to the broken plane with Brother Squidward and Doctor Crayons investigating the wreckage)

Doctor Crayons: this is pretty wrecked… I don't think I'll be able to repair this.

Brother Squidward: oh c'mon, you once made a tank out of smaller tanks!

Doctor Crayons: that was a rough model, and it was made out of toy tanks.

Brother Squidward: you made the plane in 10 minutes!

Doctor Crayons: wasn't me. That was the workers.

Brother Squidward: we could at least try.

Doctor Crayons: i could drag it and repair it using these trees maybe. (Puts rope around plane) let's go. (Drags it off)

(Cut to them going back to the fire and they notice the plane)

Doctor Crayons: oh wow! Another plane! And it looks functional!

Brother Squidward: but it could belong to someone- eh, who cares.

(They both go into the plane and flies off)

Doctor Crayons: (offscreen) oh magic conch, will we get back safely?

Brother Squidward: (offscreen) i am going to destroy that thing.

Noseward: (walks onscreen) well, they're not here. Let's get back into the pla- (stops talking and drops jaw after he notices the wrecked plane that brother squidward and doctor crayons left behind)

Security: (walks onscreen) why did you stop taking no- (notices plane) oh godamnit!

Noseward: i have the perfect solution! (Pulls magic conch out) oh magic conch, what shall we do? (Pulls string)

Conch: nothing.

Security: what? That doesn't make any sense!

Noseward: (shrugs) what can i say? The conch has spoken. (Sits on ground and does nothing)

Security: makes sense. (Sits down and does nothing too)