Short II: MTV Cribs

MTV Cribs is a FutureBob short created by Cicicicity

Transcript
Host: [Imitates a record scratch] Yo, yo, yo hound dawgs!

 

Travis Penniall XI: Hey, that’s my line!

 

Host: Who’s running the show, again?

 

Travis XI: I came up with the show.

 

Host: But who’s running it?

 

Travis XI: Who came up with it?

 

Host: God damnit, Travis. You always have an answer for everything.

 

Travis XI: Well, not everything… wait.

 

Host: Just let me get on with the show, Travis.

 

Travis XI: Fine, fine.

 

Squidward [From inside the house]: If you two aren’t in here in the next THIRTY SECONDS, you’re getting shot!

 

Travis and Host: Yessir.

 

[Travis Monologue]: My ancestors were socialist revolutionaries, what have I become?

 

[Cut back to Squidward’s house]

 

Squidward: Welcome to my not-so-humble abode! I call this the dank house.

 

Travis: Well it sure smells like something leaked.

 

Squidward: Thank you.

 

Guard [Whispering]: Mr. President, that wasn’t a compliment.

 

Squidward: I hired you, and I can fire you as well. Stay out of my business.

 

Guard: Okay

 

[Squidward opens the door into the lobby]

 

Squidward: Take it all in, boys.

[Travis notices Squidward’s Worm]

 

Travis: So THAT’S what leaked.

 

Squidward: ALL OVER MY COUCH!

 

Host: Inventive smell.

 

Travis: Ah yes, the smell of strong urine! [He smirks]

 

Squidward: I have my gun at the ready, Mr. Penniall. Any more comments like that and you’ll be the next one replaced!

 

Travis: Sorry, s-sir.

 

[He opens the bathroom door]

 

Squidward: Here is the lavatory. Here you can find a golden toilet and a wall, carefully built by Mongolian children, of golden doorknobs.

 

Travis: Mongolian children? Uhh… I mean, looks great… heh.

 

Host: I bet those children killed to work for you!

 

Squidward: Actually, they killed for me, but moving on!

 

Travis [under his breath]: This is seriously messed up.

 

Squidward: What was that, Travis?

 

Travis: I was admiring the architecture, sir.

 

Squidward: Of course you were. And, we move on into the bedroom!

 

[He opens the door]

 

Squidward: This is the magic-making area, or at least it would be if SANDRA didn’t leave for that dumbass jock ERIK back in High School!

 

Host: Wow… that came out of nowhere. Are you okay, Mr. Tentacles?

 

[Squidward chokes up]: Just… just give me a minute.

 

[Cut to leaving the house]

 

Travis: Well, Squidward, I didn’t expect the Erik-shaped dartboard but overall it was a pretty nice place. Wouldn’t call it “dank” in that sense though

 

[Squidward shoots at him and all the bullets hit the host instead]

 

[Travis walks to the host]

 

Travis: You okay, buddy?

 

Host: I don’t think I’ll be around much longer. Tell my wife.. I… was having an affair with her m-

 

[He dies]

 

[Travis sheds a tear]

Travis: You subhuman son of a bitch