Burnt To A Crisp (ADWSS Episode Transcript)

(Scene: Patrick's Rock)

(Patrick is in bed with a box of tissues, SpongeBob is sitting on the edge of the bed holding a storybook)

Patrick: Ah.... ah..... (grabs tissue) CHOO!

SpongeBob: Sorry you're not feeling well, Patrick.

Patrick: Yeah. Could you read me a story?

SpongeBob: Sure Patrick. (opens up to a page) How does this sound? The Squirrel Witch?

Patrick: Sounds interesting. You can read that one.

SpongeBob: Okay. A long, long time ago, in an ocean far, far away..... oops, that was Sea Wars..... (flips page to correct story) Ah, here we go! Once upon a time there was a squid and his two friends, Sheldon and Eugene, sitting down on a bench eating their lunch.

(the scene cuts to the story as if it was in real life)

SpongeBob: (reading) And that squid's name was Squidward.

Patrick: (in real life) These names sound quite familiar.

SpongeBob: (in real life) Doesn't ring a bell to me.

Squidward: So, Sheldon, what was your idea for that invention?

Sheldon: I was thinking of making some magic device that gives me information and loves me a lot...... I call it a K.A.R.E.N!

Eugene: What does that stand for?

Sheldon: Actually, I haven't figured that out yet.

SpongeBob: (reading) Suddenly, Sir Patrick came out of the door on the nearby castle and walked to Squidward and his two friends.

Sir Patrick: Squidward! There's horrible news!

Squidward, Eugene, and Sheldon: What is it?

Sir Patrick: King SpongeBob has been captured by the evil fire witch! She's going to kill him! We need a hero, the bravest in the kingdom, to save her! So I was thinking-

Squidward, Eugene, and Sheldon: We'll save him!

Sir Patrick: Actually I was going to tell you to find people to do that, but whatever. Remember though - that witch is very powerful!

Squidward: Got it!

SpongeBob: (reading) So they ran off to find King SpongeBob. But the evil fire witch was going to kill King SpongeBob very soon.....

(Scene: Evil Witch's Castle)

Sandy The Evil Witch: I will destroy you with my magical powers!

King SpongeBob: Actually, I'm pretty sure you're not.

Sandy: Huh?

King SpongeBob: You know, these fairy tales are all like 'oh my god, the princess is going to be killed' and then they're saved at the last moment and happy ending...... probably ends with the main character kissing the princess and getting married, et cet era, blah blah blah......

Sandy: I don't..... understand.

SpongeBob: And they act like 'this story seems perfectly realistic' when there's WITCHES and stuff..... in real life I could escape anytime if I wanted to.....

Sandy: I don't understand still.

SpongeBob: And it's like there's the number 3 hidden in everything...... I mean so far there's already THREE people trying to save me.

Sandy: What?

SpongeBob: Yeah, and usually they sing these annoying rhyming songs. Speaking of rhyming, have you noticed that things that ryhme with your name might describe you? Like, Sponge-bob sounds like awe-some. I wonder if it works on you?

Sandy: What rhymes with Sandy?

SpongeBob: Candy. But that describes you as being sweet..... we need a ryhme to describe the opposite of that......

Sandy: HEY!

SpongeBob: Maybe we need to ryhme a different part of your name..... like the witch part!

Sandy: DON'T SAY IT!

SpongeBob: Anvil. Kinda sounds like evil. It's like "an ANVIL of anger"! What else do you think I was going to say?

(Scene: Squidward and his friends in the forest)

Squidward: Maybe he's around here.

Eugene: No.... this is hopeless.

Sheldon: Well, you know what'll cheer us up!

Squidward: A SONG!

(they start singing)

We're looking for

The Mighty King SpongeBob

Any bit of evidence or lore

Could be the key to finding the mighty King SpongeBob

(x2)

We've looked down

We've looked up

Does anyone see him around?

All we've found is paper, a glass shard, and a cup

(x2)

(Scene: Sandy's Castle)

King SpongeBob: Hear that? It rhymes! And they only found THREE things!

Sandy: Yeah..... I see your point.

(Scene: The Forest)

We'll look

In every cranny

And every nook!

My favorite flavor is raspberry!

Eugene: Why did we say that?

Sheldon: Well, the song writer is probably just lazy with rhyming.

SuperFanon: (comes onscreen, slaps Sheldon, walks offscreen)

Squidward: Who was that?

Sheldon: Probably the writer. Although seriously, he could have just taken out my line to stop that from happening. How stupid is he.

SuperFanon: (slaps Sheldon again, only with his hand visible)

Sheldon: He could have cut that line, too.

Squidward: Hey, the castle is over there! (points right next to them)

Sheldon: I think the writer seriously could have used more transition there.

Eugene: (opens door, to find a large set of stairs to the top) Hmmm. I guess there's nothing in this castle but stairs.

Squidward: Let's not waste our time walking up all that! I have a better idea. OH, RAPUNZEL, LET DOWN YOUR HAIIIIR!!!

King SpongeBob: I'm a king, barnacle brain!

Squidward: I didn't hear anything.

Sheldon: Well, he is up rather high.

Squidward: Maybe he just didn't hear me.

Squidward, Sheldon, and Eugene: OH, RAPUNZEL, LET DOWN YOUR HAIIIR!

King SpongeBob: JUST USE THE STAIRS, IDIOTS!

Squidward: (shrugs) Didn't hear anything.

King SpongeBob: Ugh. (takes out megaphone) USE THE STAIRS, BARNACLE BRAINS!

Eugene: Well, since he can't hear us, let's just use the stairs.

King SpongeBob: OH COME ON!

SpongeBob: (reading) So the three brave heroes traveled up the flight of stairs. When they got to the top, they were ready to fight.

Squidward: Prepare to be vanquished, Sandy!

Sandy: (shoots fire at all of them, which pushes them off the castle into a thorn bush)

SpongeBob: Huh. I guess the happy ending thing is out of question.

Sandy: AUGH! I'M MAGICALLY DYING BECAUSE FAIRY TALES HAVE TO END THAT WAY!!! (eyes are replaced with x's)

King SpongeBob: Huh. Well I guess that'll do.

(Scene: Real Life)

SpongeBob: The end!

Patrick: Well, that was a rather anti-climatic ending. Perhaps the writer is so stupid and non-creative he couldn't write that kind of scene!

SuperFanon: (offscreen) WHAT WAS THAT?

Patrick: Hey, you could have cut that line!

(the episode ends)

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