Trust Issues

Trust Issues is the twenty-first episode of SBFW Quest. It aired July 4, 2019 and was written by Purple133 and FireMatch.

Transcript
(Episode opens at a royal banquet)

Jasbre: So I said to the guys, “no don’t shoot, we love you!”

Purps: Excuse but how the hell did we get here?

Crazy: I could ask the same thing.

Jasbre: Hey! No breaking the fourth wall here!

Purps: Wait what?

Jasbre: SHHHHHHH. Alrighty everyone, now we’re goi- DAN STOP SMOKING IN THE ROYAL HALL!

Dan: Sorry I can’t help it, I have an addiction.

Jasbre: For your own sake you can help it. You don’t want to end up a fugitive of the law like Polar, now do you?

Dan: No.

Jasbre: Then put away the goddamn cig.

Dan: Jeez okay, okay. (he stops smoking)

Jasbre: Anyway, I was just standing around, waiting for them to- (a crash is heard) WHAT THE HELL?!

Ingot: (seen with a cannon) Haha! You thought I was gonna forget the 3-month anniversary of Newfanonland, didn’t you? I need to celebrate this special occasion!

Jasbre: Son of a bitch…

Ingot: I’m the son of two bitches.

Purps: Shit, what do we do now?

Crazy: o

Purps: Goddammit Crazy that letter ain’t gonna help us now!

Crazy: Just run then!

(Everyone runs out of the banquet while it gets destroyed by the cannonball Ingot shot)

Ingot: Haha! By the way, here’s a little parting gift.

(Ingot throws a dagger into Crazy’s leg)

Ingot: Adios!

Crazy: OH FUCK I’VE NEVER BLED THIS MUCH!

Ingot: Oh also, here’s another one for your troubles. (throws another dagger into Crazy’s other leg)

Crazy: FUCK THIS HURTS! (passes out on the ground)

Ingot: Oh, and another one for Matchy.

Crazy: I didn’t even know he was here! (Ingot throws a dagger into Matchy’s buttcheek)

Matchy: HOOOOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Ingot: My sanity is higher than your guys’ IQ combined!

Crazy: (wakes up) Purps’ IQ isn’t that high so it isn’t that hard of a thing to accomplish.

Purps: Wait what.

(Ingot hops out through a window)

Ingot: Shut the fuck up.

Crazy: o.

(Meanwhile, Ian is sipping a cup of tea on a nearby bench)

Ian: Ahh, nothing like sipping tea at 3:56 in the afternoon. (he sees the chaos going down) What the hell?

Purps: Ian, if you don’t wanna die, grab my hand.

Ian: I don’t wanna die so ok. (grabs his hand and they start sprinting toward a nearby forest)

Ingot: Hahahahaha! This celebration is the most fun I’ve had since… I don’t know actually.

Ian: What are we gonna do? This guy is destroying Jasbre’s place.

Purps: It’s called Newfanonland.

Ian: Yeah but calling it Jasbre’s place sounds much better.

Purps: Whatever. Anyways I think we should find out who this masked man really is.

Ian: I wonder who it could be. Me? You? Crazy? Jasbre? Jasbre’s brother Gene?

Purps: No, no, no, and probably not. We have to get his mask off dude.

Ian: Oh. Then let’s go do that.

Purps: I’m surprised you haven’t insulted me yet.

Ian: I’m surprised too, fucking retard.

Purps: Alrighty then... I’d like to find out who that guy attacking us is before he strikes again.

Ian: Well I do love myself a good ol fashion mystery!

Purps: We’re talking about hunting down a psychopath, Ian.

Ian: Just like Clue!

Purps: Alright. Yeah sure. Anyway, let’s actually go find out who he is right now.

Ian: Is he done destroying the place?

Purps: I think so. (they run toward where the royal banquet was, now completely destroyed)

Ian: F

Purps: Yep, he’s done for now. Now to hunt him down.

Ian: Right.

Purps: There he is, laughing like a fool.

Ingot (in the distance): HAHAHAHAHA! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER BANQUET AGAIN!

Jasbre: Well shit in a cup…

(Purps and Ian sneak towards Ingot, who is just about to head on out)

Ingot: (spots the two sneaking toward him) Get the fuck out of here, fools! (holds two shurikens in both hands)

Ian: Where the shit did you get those?

Ingot: I found them on the ground.

Ian: Sure you did. Anyway, it’s identity time. Time to see who the real villain is. (Attempts to pull at his mask)

Ingot: You idiot! This isn’t Scooby-Doo, my mask doesn’t come right off. You’d have to have the strength of Thor to do that.

(Ian and Purps both try to pull his mask off, to no avail)

Ingot: Just what I thought. Your IQs are too low for this shit. (throws the 4 shurikens towards them, and they barely manage to dodge them) Well I’m on my way. See you later, retards!

Purps: (sighs heavily) We’ll never find out who he is.

Ian: Nonsense, we just have to keep following him until we find a weak point.

Jasbre: Hey can you guys keep it down? I’m trying to have a snack over here.

Ian: Oh hi there Jasbre. What are you eating?

Jasbre: Sliced salami.

(The episode ends as he takes a huge bite into the salami)