Zenith

Transcript
(Episode opens at the table for the final time this season)

Granite: This is it. Either Girly Teengirl or Perch Perkins is going to join Keanu in the finale.

Keanu: Why did you use their full names but not mine?

Granite: Oh um well you see uhhh… Perch is evicted!

Perch: NO! I DIDN’T COME THIS FAR JUST TO GET OUT NOW!

Granite: Well unfortunately you just got out. Sorry!

(Perch storms out onto the stage)

Granite: Girly Teengirl, Keanu Reeves, the two of you are about to have a shot to win $1,000,000,000. The people who have been evicted will decide your dates right after this quick commercial break.

Click here for the commercial: [ ]

Granite: Okay now that we’re done with that, let’s go onto the stage.

(Keanu and Girly Teengirl follow Granite out onto the stage and see all of the evicted players)

Purps: I MADE THIS GODDAMN SERIES HOW WAS I THE FIRST PERSON EVICTED?!

Keanu/ We all knew that you made the series. Letting yourself play was the first mistake.

Motlu: Oh hello there children.

Keanu: I’m a middle aged man, Motlu.

Motlu: Still a children to me.

Sully: Oh hi guys. Long time no see.

Steve: Alright so the fourteen previously evicted contestants will now go vote for a winner between Girly Teengirl and Keanu. First up to vote, Purps.

Purps: Neat.

(Dramatic music plays as the evicted contestants vote on a winner)

Granite: Okay I’ll go grab these votes.

(Granite goes and grabs the votes)

Granite: Time to read these suckers. The first vote goes to…

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Granite: Keanu! Second vote…

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Granite: Girly Teengirl! That’s one vote Girly Teengirl, one vote Keanu. Third vote…

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Granite: Keanu! Fourth vote…

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Granite: Girly Teengirl! That’s two votes Keanu, two votes Girly Teengirl. Fifth vote…

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Granite: Keanu! Sixth vote…

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Granite: Girly Teengirl! We’re tied again, three votes Girly Teengirl, three votes Keanu. Seventh vote…

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Granite: Girly Teengirl! Eighth vote…

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Granite: Girly Teengirl! That’s five votes for Girly Teengirl, three votes for Keanu. Ninth vote…

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Granite: Keanu! 5-4, Girly Teengirl in the lead. Tenth vote…

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Granite: Keanu! We’re tied once more five votes Keanu, five votes Girly Teengirl, four votes left to read. Eleventh vote...

Keanu: Oh boy.

Granite: Keanu! Six votes Keanu, five votes Girly Teengirl. Twelfth vote…

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Granite: Girly Teengirl! Tied again, 6-6. Thirteenth vote…

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Granite: Keanu! Seven votes Keanu, six votes Girly Teengirl, one vote left. Fourteenth and final vote…

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Granite: GIRLY TEENGIRL! WE’RE TIED.

Steve: Oh shit.

Vanessa: Wait that can happen?

Perch: What now?

Granite: Here’s how we settle this. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 10.

Keanu: No. no you’re not actually gonna settle the war for $1,000,000,000 like that, right?

Granite: Yes I am. Because I do what I want. Girly Teengirl what’s your guess?

Girly Teengirl: 4.

Granite: Keanu?

Keanu: 7.

Granite: Guess who just won $1,000,000,000? GIRLY TEENGIRL!

Girly Teengirl: Omgosh!

Triton: You don’t deserve it bitch.

Girly Teengirl: Oh shut up.

Jenkins: I exist.

Girly Teengirl: I just want to thank you all for this opportunity and thanks to everyone who voted for me!

Purps: Who are you?

Steve: Time to segue into the other reveal. So as you know season five is just around the corner and we’re going all out. Prepare for Evicted!...All Stars!

Granite: The viewers will have the chance over the next couple weeks to vote people into the season and from there duos will he decided and 16 returning competitors will face off to win the title of CHAMPION.

Grandpa SquarePants: Awesome.

Purps: Wait I want to get the final word before the season ends.

Triton: No me!

Girly Teengirl: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE WIN!

HBRS: Hey guys has anybody seen my toothbrush?

Granite: Thank you all for another insanely incredible season of Evicted! We’ll see at least 4 season four people back for season 5, so get ready to vote. See you all later!

(All of a sudden Steve slips and falls into another dimension)

Granite: Hey wait isn’t this all fake- I mean uhmmmmmmmmmmm BYE!