In Between Jobs

In Between Jobs is the nineteenth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the nineteenth episode of season one. In this episode, Patrick becomes desperate to do something with his life, yet when he decides to think, he gets “robbed”, in a sense. Now, he strives to both get a job and find the thief in question. He finds an agency named “In Between the Lines” that helps bring these criminals to justice. Not only did he get the right officers to find the thief, they accept him as a fellow member. SpongeBob thinks this offer is too good to be true, and decides to do some researching. He finds something he both shouldn’t have seen and was not expecting.

Characters

 * Patrick Star
 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Crowd characters
 * Theodore/Male Fish 1 (debut)
 * Carl/Male Fish 2 (debut; cameo)
 * Jeff (debut)
 * Geoffrey/Robber 1 (debut)
 * Male Reporter (debut; cameo)

Transcript

 * [episode begins with Patrick, sitting on a couch]
 * Patrick: [yawns] This is tiring...sitting around all day, watching nothing but daytime television programs.
 * Male Reporter: We'll be right back after these messages.
 * Patrick: [throws ice cream at television screen] I'm tired of these television shows having to go to commercial breaks. What's the point, huh? [stomps to kitchen; opens refrigerator] Just allow me to attempt to drown my sorrows away with food. [opens can of food; chews; swallows] Oh yeah. That hits the target.
 * Male Reporter: We're back with Bikini Bottom News. This just in. Two reported thiefs are attempting to break into a nearby rock house on Conch Street.
 * Patrick: [sits down on couch; chuckles] I wonder what goofball would want to break into a rock. There's nothing inside of a rock but a bunch of sand...and furniture, made out of sand. [pause] I really need to renovate this place.
 * Male Reporter: [walks into scene] We are here with the alleged victim of the soon-to-be crime. [holds microphone to Patrick] Mr. Star, tell the viewing public how you feel about almost being robbed.
 * Patrick: [chewing] Well...[swallows] I think that...uh...it feels...okay, I guess. [frightened] Wait! Is that the right answer! I didn't know this was going to be test! I hate pop quizzes! [begins to cry]
 * Male Reporter: [sighs] And to think I only get paid one hundred fifty thousand dollars a broadcast just to do this. [walks out of scene]
 * [scene cuts to two fish, using a crowbar to attempt to break into Patrick's rock]
 * Robber 1: Could you be any slower, Geoffrey? We are trying to commit a crime here, and this place is crawling with heat. [police car drives by, causing Robber 1 to hold up a sign saying "Nothing suspicious going on here"]
 * Geoffrey: [pulling on crowbar] You try prying up a rock the size of a...
 * Patrick: [camera cuts back to Patrick] Huh? [looks at end of crowbar inside of house] Must be part of the house. [takes another bite of canned food; spits out food in realization] Wait a minute. I built this house. I don't remember putting that in the house. [stands up] It is my civic duty to find out what this thing is. Or is it? I better check [walks out of camera view] the house agreement.
 * [camera cuts back to the robbers]
 * Geoffrey: Almost got it. [pulls up crowbar; crowbar snaps in half] Now I've done it.
 * Patrick: [lifts door open] Uh...hello there. Are you two tourists? Then, welcome to Bikini Bottom. I will have you know that...[robber whacks Patrick on the head with other end of crowbar; Patrick looks around, daizily]
 * Geoffrey: Let's do this! [jump in front of Patrick; begin running into house]
 * Patrick: The kelp coral is settling in just fine. [rolls down wall of house, slipping the two robbers]
 * Geoffrey: [slips into vase stand; vase falls on Geoffrey's head] Perfect. Let's take the treasure and go! I think we got more than we bargained for.
 * Robber 1: Got it! begins to sprint out of house; continues slipping on hill] Oh no! I can't make it! [holds out hand] I can't make it, Geoffrey. Go on without me. I'm a goner.
 * Geoffrey: Uh...Jeff. [camera cuts out to reveal Jeff over the hill, outside of the house] You're already outside.
 * Patrick: [conscious] Not if I have anything to say about it! Or...do...about it. [begins to run toward robbers]
 * Jeff: Let's get out of here while the...well...getting out of here is still clear.
 * Geoffrey: You really need to work on your robbery terms. [holds out hands in explanation] You say: "let's book it". You don't say...
 * Jeff: Hate to interrupt the study session, but [yells; points to Patrick] he's gaining on us!
 * Geoffrey: [grabs rock; slams rock down before Patrick reaches them] That was a close one. Now let's book it! [holds out hands in explanation] Do you see how much sense it makes? All you have to do is...
 * Jeff: Now I see why they kicked you out of that elementary school.
 * Geoffrey: Good thing they did, or else I wouldn't have acquired such a priceless vause. [holds up vause; vause breaks down into a pile of sand] He gave us the slip! Do you see what I just did there? Forget it! I'm not leaving without something valuable to hand to the man! [picks up crowbar] Open up the door, fool! We've got a few words for you! [holds up crowbar menacingly]
 * Police Officer: [pulls up] Hey! What are you doing with that thing? [looks at partner in car] What do you call that thing, Josh? A...uh...stand? A...uh...something. I don't...
 * Josh: I don't know. It looks familar, though. It looks like a [rubs chin] A...uh...oh yeah! A crowbar!
 * Police Officer: Oh yeah! [looks back at Geoffrey] What are you doing with that...uh...? [camera reveals Jeff and Geoffrey, already vanished] Why do all of the criminals get away? [drives police car away]
 * [scene cuts back to Patrick, examining the stand that the vause was on]
 * Patrick: [looks around the stand, observantly] Hmm...hmm...hmm...I think I see the problem the here. [holds up finger] It's either because the robbers stole my perfectly good vause...or I renovated this place in my sleep! Obviously, the answer's clear. [hops onto couch] I really need to sleep more then. [eats canned food] Wait a minute! I got SpongeBob to hynoptize me from sleep-renovating! [laughs] Man, was he angry when I renovated his place. [scoffs; whispers] I was doing him more of a favor.
 * News Reporter: I am back with the alleged victim of a robbery. This is Mr. Patrick Star, a pink starfish who...
 * Patrick: [opens rock; throws reporter out of house] I am done with the social media! [slams rock shut] You know what?! I think I've been robbed! I should call...uh...what's that number I should call? Is it 955 or is it 991. [shrugs shoulders] Eh. I'll just call Pizza Castle. [dials Pizza Castle]
 * Employee: [heard on other line] Pizza Castle.
 * Patrick: Hey, Luke. It's Patrick again.
 * Employee: Oh, okay.
 * Phone Operator: Redirecting you to Bikini Bottom Police Department.
 * Patrick: Hello? Police?
 * Police Officer: Oh...it's Patrick...again. Should I hang up now or wait until your total speech of stupidity is over with.
 * Patrick: Stop using words I don't understand. I don't have time for nonsense! My house has just been robbed by two delegates!
 * Police Officer: Don't you mean delinquents?
 * Patrick: Why do you keep using words I don't understand?! [hears dial tone] Are you there? [hangs up] Must have fallen asleep. Some people just can't help themselves. [sits on couch; falls asleep; wakes up abruptly] I can't sleep at a time like this! [closes eyes] Maybe five more minutes. Sleep now, justice later. [snores]
 * [scene cuts to Patrick, walking down the street with SpongeBob]
 * SpongeBob: Wow, Pat. I'm really sorry that happened.
 * Patrick: It's cool...for now. I'll get the police for hanging up on me one of these weekends.
 * SpongeBob: [holds out hands] But why did you need to call the police? What happened?
 * Patrick: Oh, that? [throws hands in "pish-posh" motion] I got robbed. Two delegates broke into my house and stole one of my vauses!
 * SpongeBob: Don't you mean delinquents, Patrick?
 * Patrick: [eyes SpongeBob menacingly] Do you work for the police station, SpongeBob? Hmm? [leans in closer] Hmm? Hmm? [pokes eye out] Hmmmmm?
 * SpongeBob: Uh...noooo. [pushes Patrick's eye back to original length] But I think those guys do. [points to large building to their right]
 * Patrick: [menacingly] Let's take a look, then. [walks toward building with an eye stuck out]
 * SpongeBob: [sticks eye out and walks toward building as well] Right behind you, Patrick.
 * [scene cuts to the interior of the building; hundreds of fish are running rampid in the building; papers are flying around in correspondence to the rushing; SpongeBob and Patrick enter through the door]
 * SpongeBob: Whoa, this place is...huge. [walks in and looks around] I think Sandy's treedome could fit into this place.
 * Patrick: I don't see the point in bringing up that...chipmunk...I think. Right now, I want justice and I want it now. [clasps fist in one hand] Or maybe later. Later's good too.
 * SpongeBob: [points to a fish, dressed up in expensive dress clothing; fish is in office on other side of hallway] I think that fish over there could help us. [paper slices SpongeBob's fingernail] I wouldn't risk it though, buddy. [runs behind Patrick] This paper is so tough, I bet it can slice through steel.
 * Patrick: [turns head to SpongeBob] Oh, come on, SpongeBob! [turns body; holds out hand] If we're not going to bring those two wrongdoers to justice, then who is?
 * SpongeBob: The...police?
 * Patrick: Wrong. [grabs SpongeBob's arm] We're going to go into that office and speak to that fish...even if it kills us.
 * SpongeBob: Kills?
 * Patrick: [scoffs] Keep up with the times, SpongeBob. [walks to clock; points to clock] Everyone knows that when the bell tolls four, the [whispers to SpongeBob] crowd comes in.
 * SpongeBob: [worried] What crowd?
 * Patrick: Wait for it. Wait for it. Six, nine, one. [tackles SpongeBob]
 * [a large crowd of fish storms the hallway, blocking visibility to zero; papers are flying even more rapidly, and a large chatter fills the room]
 * SpongeBob: [Patrick gets off of SpongeBob] I'm sure it's not that bad. I think we can get by a crowd of nematodes, Patrick. [begins walking toward crowd; looks back at Patrick] Aren't you coming, buddy?
 * Patrick: I'm not going in there. I could lose a limb!
 * SpongeBob: But, you'll just grow it right back.
 * Patrick: [stands up, bravely] You're right. [camera zooms to Patrick's face] I may be able to regrow my lost appendeges, but I can't get back that priceless vase. [grabs SpongeBob and begins charging toward the crowd] Let's do this!
 * SpongeBob: What did I get myself into?
 * [Patrick and SpongeBob penetrate the crowd; the two are then repeatedly brought back into the crowd whenever they try to escape or gasp for air]
 * SpongeBob: [rises to surface] It was...[drowns back in] nice...[rises to surface] knowing you, Pa...[drowns back in]
 * Patrick: No! [dives into crowd; grabs SpongeBob; camera pans down to Patrick, holding SpongeBob in arms, being carried by the crowd] I get us out of here, buddy. It's going to be risky, but I know just what to do! [opens door made of nematodes; exits calmly and closes the nematode door; puts down SpongeBob]
 * SpongeBob: [wakes up] What happened, Patrick?
 * Patrick: With what?
 * Male Fish 1: [walks out of office] Can I help you two with something?
 * Patrick: [plainly] Not that I would know of.
 * SpongeBob: [steps in front of Patrick] I think what my friend here is trying to say is...
 * Male Fish 1: I think...[picks up SpongeBob] the pink one can answer for himself. [throws SpongeBob into crowd] As you were saying, Mr. Star.
 * Patrick: How do you know my name? Or is that my name?
 * Male Fish 1: [laughs] What a kidder. [places hand on Patrick's back] So...what brings you here, Mr. Star?
 * Patrick: [thinks] Uh...I don't know.
 * Male Fish 1: [calmly] Oh, well then...[yells] get out of me building!
 * Patrick: Okay, okay. Fine. Fine. [points to vending machine] Can I at least get something from that thingy over there?
 * Male Fish 1: Sorry, sir. That vending machine is only for paying customers.
 * Patrick: [reaches into pocket; pulls out hand; opens up hand to reveal emptyness] How much does this get me?
 * Male Fish 1: Water doesn't get you anything, pinky.
 * Patrick: [scoffs] Now I have to pay to show you water? [reaches into pocket] You're ringing me dry here, Sally.
 * Male Fish 1: Sally?!
 * [scene cuts to Patrick, walking out of the building, slowly]
 * Patrick: Now how am I going to ge!t justice? It's not like the answer's going to whack me in the back.
 * SpongeBob: [offscreen] Patrick, look out for my absorbant body! [launches in Patrick's stomach]
 * Patrick: [rubs belly] He he he. That tickles...again. I guess it wasn't my back. It was my...[looks at SpongeBob] Whoa. You look...like you've been thrown into the crowd.
 * SpongeBob: [coughs; camera reveals SpongeBob; appears to have lost his shoes and one of his socks and his shirt is ripped] I was, Patrick. [holds up fist] Curse you, businessman! I hope I get to do the same to you some day!
 * Patrick: [belly grumbles] I'm still hungry, though, SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, well, I picked up a little something while I was being stuffed inside of the vending machine by two teenage fish. I didn't know they allowed teens to work here.
 * Patrick: I would have guessed otherwise with that sign-dilly up there. [points to sign that says "No fish under twenty-one"]
 * SpongeBob: Hmm...well here's the...uh...candy bar. Whatever it is. It might be chocolate. Or coral, or...
 * Patrick: [rolls tongue out; wraps tongue around candy bar wrapper; places candy bar in mouth] You can really taste...the nutrients. Nutrients?! [spits the candy bar] I wasn't wanting a health bar. [catches floating wrapper] What's this?
 * SpongeBob: [holding eye; blows on eyes; rubs with elbowl; places back into socket] Let me take a look at that, Patrick. [grabs wrapper] Robber's Candy: the candy that robs you of the taste of good candy.
 * Patrick: Rob?! [bursts back into building] I know why I am here now! [tackled by security guards]
 * Male Fish 1: Keep him down! [walks up] I need to talk with him. [walks to Patrick] Why did you come back, Mr. Star? I'm in the middle of a very important meeting.
 * Male Fish 2: [inside of office; pause] Yeah.
 * SpongeBob: Sorry about this, Mr...uh...fish sir, but Patrick here just wants justice.
 * Male Fish 1: Let me guess. He stole his own food? [laughs; security guards begin laughing]
 * Patrick: [stands up] I'll have you know that only happened once. And no, it was not just an hour ago. Look, that doesn't matter right now! I had a nice vase! A...uh...sand-colored vase, sitting right in my house. Now, two delegates stole it...right from me!
 * Male Fish 1: Don't you mean...? Never mind. So, you're wanting to sue for a stolen vase?
 * Patrick: It was a very nice and...somewhat expensive vase at that. It costs me zero dollars and zero cents.
 * Male Fish 1: [sighs; whispers] Why do they all have to be idiots? [aloud] If justice is what you seek, then take it up with the police. [walks to office]
 * Patrick: Then, why does the sign that you're holding say "Palace"?
 * Male Fish 1: [appears to be taking down sign say "Police"] Oh, coral sticks. Fine! Just fine! If justice is what you seek, then why don't you take it up with the nearest police station.
 * Patrick: But the sign behind me says that...
 * Male Fish 1: Forget the signs! [whispers] What are you doing, Theodore?! Do you want to lose your job? [aloud; sighs] You say that your worthless vase was stolen by some robbers, huh? Well, don't you worry a hair on your head, Mr. Star.
 * Patrick: Actually I'm...
 * Theodore: [places hand of Patrick's back] Our team of agents will not rest until we bring criminals like these to justice!
 * Male Fish 2: [snoring] Sleeping on the job. [snores] Sleeping on the job.
 * Theodore: Carl! [wakes Carl] Have you caught the criminal that has been smuggling kelp into illegal parts of town?
 * Carl: Who?
 * Theodore: [to Patrick] Please ignore him. [walks with Patrick into a secret room] Step in here, Mr. Patrick. This room is tippity-top [whispering] secret. It's so secret, that even the secrets have secrets.
 * Patrick: [whispering] So, when you say tippity-top, do you mean with sugar on top or...?
 * Theodore: Sure! Whatever! [whispers] Don't tell anyone about this room!
 * SpongeBob: [laying back in chair] Hey there, Patrick.
 * Patrick: [appears on phone] Hey, SpongeBob! [to Theodore] Sorry, Theo-raptor. I couldn't hear you over me telling Squidward about this tippity-top secret room.
 * Theodore: Squidward? Then how did he get in here?
 * SpongeBob: You left the door open. [points to open door]
 * Theodore: [throws SpongeBob out of door] Why do they always make me do that?
 * Patrick: [points to computer screen with the criminals on the screen] How do you guys know the two delegates that broke into my house?
 * Theodore: Because...Mr. Star, [stands on table] we are the ocean-renowned company "In Between the Lines"!
 * Patrck: [throws hands up] Yeah! Between the lines! What's that?
 * Theodore: [pushes Patrick's arms down] It's everything. [runs to screen] It's from finding criminals like Jeff and Geoffrey. [turns on light, revealing a long hallway of prison cells] Taking those criminals and placing them in one of these prison cells...[rushes to Patrick] and making the victim feel as safe...as fish-anly possible.
 * Patrick: Does it count as being a criminal if you stole a candy bar from the vending machine?
 * Theodore: [gasps in shock; laughs] That's funny. For a second there, I thought you were serious.
 * Patrick: [begins laughing with Theodore] Yeah. That was pretty funny. But, seriously, I...[camera cuts to Patrick, walking out of the building, with his head down]
 * [scene cuts to Patrick, in his rock]
 * Patrick: [flipping through channels] No. No. [Absorbent Days episode "Regeneration Sensation] Been there, done that. [resumes channel flipping]
 * SpongeBob: [walks in through rock] Hey, Patrick. What are you doing?
 * Patrick: I don't know. Being bored, I guess. All I need is for someone to tell me what boredom is. For now, I'm going to say that I have nothing to do and that I'm not having fun.
 * SpongeBob: But, Patrick...you know what. Never mind. How's the case going? [sits on couch]
 * Patrick: What case? Don't you mean my vase? [looks back] It's right...hey! My vase has been stolen!
 * SpongeBob: Oh, you kidder...[whispers] I hope. [aloud] What did that Theodork guy about the two delinquents?
 * Patrick: Over the phone, [squints eyes] it sounded like he said that the criminals are still out there, yet they are trying their vest to find them.
 * SpongeBob: Don't you mean "best" to find them?
 * Patrick: Sure. Whatever.
 * SpongeBob: [to self] Shouldn't they have found the criminals by now? Something just doesn't seem right here. I'll be right back, Patrick.
 * Patrick: Take your time, SpongeBob. I got a call from "In Between the Circles". They're hiring me as one of their own.
 * SpongeBob: That's great, Patrick. [to self] Or is it? I must know for sure.
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, searching his computer]
 * SpongeBob: I just don't get it. Why would they hire Patrick? He's the victim of the crime. It just doesn't make any sense.
 * Gary: [points to computer screen] Meow meow ma-meow?
 * SpongeBob: No, that's a just a news report on how great the agency is...[reads closer] and how it's a team of...criminals? "Reportedly, the cells found in the tippity-top secret room are revealed to be empty for a reason"?! Oh no! Patrick's going to be joining an agency of convicts! I have to stop him! [stands up; stopped by Geoffrey]
 * Geoffrey: You're not going anywhere, square dude!
 * [scene cuts to Patrick, skipping to "In Between the Lines"; enters through front door]
 * Patrick: I'm here to perform my...uh...duties! [chuckles] Duties. I don't know why that's funny.
 * Theodore: Good news, Patrick! [holds up Jeff] We caught Jeff and Geoffrey! That's two more convicts out from the streets [whispers] and safe in this agency.
 * Patrick: I may not be able to comprehend what that...uh...whisper was, but I think you said "safe in this ah-gin-see". [looks around; takes a closer look at crowd; sees shackles and some fish wearing striped suits] Are these...criminals?
 * Theodore: You looked stressed, Mr. Star. Come...take a seat.
 * SpongeBob: [bursts in through door] Don't Patrick! Don't take this job with all of these criminals! I want you to stay here, in a life of no crime!
 * Theodore: It's too late! There's no way you can stop all of us together!
 * Patrick: [looks at clock] You may be right about us not being able to stop you...but what about them? [clock tolls four o'clock; the crowd takes down Theodore and the other criminals]
 * SpongeBob: You saved us, Patrick! You're going to be famous!
 * Male Reporter: [steps in] That's right! Mr. Star, how does it feel to be a celebrity?
 * Patrick: Yep. I'm still done with the media delegates.
 * Male Reporter: Don't you mean delinquents?
 * Patrick: Stop using words I don't understand!
 * [episode ends]