Jasbre Retires

Jasbre Retires is the tenth episode of SBFW Campsite, and the tenth episode in season one.

Transcript
(Episode opens in Jasbre’s cabin)

 

Jasbre: (talking to himself) god, it’s too hot here. Also, I don’t really like many of the kids. I should call a meeting.

(Jasbre calls a meeting in the main lodge with Bot, Dan, Purps, Crazy, JustYes, and Vanessa)

Jasbre: Guys, I have an announcement to make.

 

Dan: Can we speed this up? I got some prosti- I mean some pasghetti cooking at home. Yep mhm.

Jasbre: Okay then.

(Purps scoots his chair away from Dan)

 

Jasbre: Anyways, I have decided to retire as a counselor.

 

Purps: WHAT NO YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!

 

Bot: Jasbre if you quit I will call an airstrike on your house.

JustYes: Wait who are you guys and why am I here?

 

Purps: Don’t you remember? You came here on the bus the other day.

 

JustYes: Oh yeah, that’s right.

 

Crazy: Jasbre, please don’t retire. I’ll pay you.

 

Jasbre: I’m sorry guys, but that’s just the way it has to be. I gotta focus on my future and not a summer camp.

 

Bot: There’s still a month left of summer though, you can’t just quit now.

 

Jasbre: I’m afraid I have to.

 

Dan: Well good luck or whatever.

 

Jasbre: Dan, maybe you could take my place.

 

Dan: No sorry, I’m only 14.

 

Purps: Wait what?

Dan: Yeah, I’ve been lying about my age for a few years now.

 

Bot: Ok then.

 

JustYes: Once again, WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!

 

Bot: Your new best friends.

Jasbre: Well guys, it was fun while it lasted.

(A rocket goes off underneath Jasbre’s chair and he flies away)

 

Dan: Alright now I gotta get to my hoo- I mean hoofed horse. Yep mhm.

 

Purps: Bro just go.

 

Dan: Ight peace out.

 

(Cut to team building exercises for the cabins)

 

Purps: Hey now that Jasbre’s gone it looks like we’re actually doing camp stuff at camp.

 

Dan: Well I’m in charge now, so get with your cabins and work together to jump rope.

 

SwedishWalrus: What?

 

Mew: Oh okay.

 

Dan: Um yeah, coordination and shit.

 

(A tall woman comes out and puts her hand out for Dan to pay her)

 

Dan: Oh yeah, here are some pesos I picked up on my travels.

 

(The woman kicks Dan in the nuts and walks away)

 

Dan: Ah shit dammit ooooowwwwwwwchhhhhh. Just jump rope.

 

(Bot and Purps swing the rope for Crazy, Image, Mew, and Red Dragon to jump)

 

Red Dragon: Could you guys slow it down?

Bot: Nope, I am programmed to speed up.

 

(The jump rope starts swinging super fast until Purps can’t keep up and it breaks his arm)

 

Purps: BOT YOU FREAKING IDIOT OH MY GOD NOT AGAIN!

 

Image: Quick call an ambulance.

 

Mew: On it.

 

(Mew calls an ambulance; the ambulance arrives and some doctors step out and help Purps in; cut to SwedishWalrus and Joey swinging the rope for Granite, Vanessa, NoName, and JCM)

 

JCM: Wait why am I back here.

 

Vanessa: No clue. Hey is that an ambulance?

 

Purps: (from ambulance) I’ll be all better by next episode guys, don’t worry!

 

(The ambulance drives away and Vanessa trips on the jump rope)

Vanessa: DAN THIS PLACE SUCKS WITH YOUR RULE!

 

Dan: Hey I’m sowry, I’m just not a good leader.

 

Bot: I demand Jasbre comes back. Let’s freaking riot.

 

(Red Dragon kicks over a stone)

 

Red Dragon: RIOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

 

(Everyone starts rioting; within five minutes the entire camp goes up in smoke and flames)

 

Bot: Hey guys what happened to Dan?

 

(Cut to Dan in his cabin’s basement)

 

Dan: (into phone) yeah can I please get a five cheese pizza? By the way just ignore the smoke and fire around my cabin thanks.

 

(Cut back to the riots)

 

Matchy: Guys do you really think destroying the camp will bring Jasbre back?

Crazy: Yes, that’s exactly what we think. Now here, help me tear down the walls of his cabin.

 

(Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away at Jasbre’s house)

 

Jasbre: I can sense somebody screwing with my cabin. They’re DEAD.

 

(Cut back to the rioting)

 

Image: Guys we’ve gone insane.

 

(Pizza guy arrives)

 

Pizza Guy: Yeah I have a pizza here for Dan?

 

(Everyone looks at the pizza guy, then Dan’s cabin, causing them all to charge at his cabin)

 

Dan: What’s that? An angry mob? UH OH!

 

(Dan hides behind a couch with all of his weed)

 

Dan: SHIIIIII

Purps: FBI OPEN UP!

 

(Mew kicks the door down and everyone starts hunting for Dan)

 

Vanessa: Hey, he’s behind the couch!

 

Dan: You’ll never take me alive!

 

(Dan tries to run but trips and smacks his face into the wall, causing him to go unconscious; suddenly, Jasbre arrives in a tank outside)

 

Jasbre: WHO WAS TOUCHING MY HOUSE?!

 

(Everyone points at Crazy)

Crazy: o

 

(Jasbre shoots a missile at Crazy, but he dodges it)

 

Jasbre: DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH MY HOUSE AGAIN.

 

(Crazy nods his head, cut to a meeting)

Jasbre: Fine, I’ll come out of retirement. But only for the rest of this summer, next summer I’m not coming back.

Dan: Sounds good to me.

 

Jasbre: By the way, where’s Purps?

 

Bot: I broke his arm and now he’s in the hospital. Little does he know I paid the doctors a million dollars to remove one of his kidneys and give it to me.

 

Jasbre: Wait what no don’t do that Bot.

 

Bot: I already paid them. Sorry.

(Episode ends)

Trivia

 * This was the second episode written only by Purple133.