Arctic

Transcript
(Episode opens around the table)

Steve: Alright, it was a 2 - 0 vote this time. Bot and Dan, one of you is going home.

Bot: Goddammit Dan you smoker.

Dan: Oh.

EB: Alright contestants, vote one of these suckers out.

(Everyone votes)

Monty: I feel okay with this vote.

Steve: It was a 13 - 0 vote. Bot, you’ve been evicted!

Bot: Wait what? Why. racists.

(Bot walks out onto the stage and sees Bob standing there; back to the house)

EB: For today’s challenge, you’re all going to the basement. Follow me!

(Everyone follows EB to the basement; he holds the door for everyone)

EB: Ha now you’re all trapped! The room’s temperature is about to plunge. If it gets to cold for you, walk up the stairs and knock thrice on the door. I will open it and you’ll be out. Last person down here wins.

(The door shuts and the temp starts to drop)

Calmstar: I quit.

(The door locks and Calmstar knocks)

EB: Calmstar already?

Calmstar: Too cold. Much too cold for a calm guy like me.

EB: Alright.

(The temperature drops enough that the water starts freezing)

Fred: Wait he’s going to kill us all!

Noseward: I’M TOO HANDSOME TO DIE BUT I HAVE TO WIN!

(Fred and Nat bail)

Noseward: SUCKERS!

Monty: Oi! Jokes’ on you I don’t get cold!

Bob Ross: I do!

(Bob Ross leaves)

Pearl: Losers!

Monty: Oi!

Sonic: Too cold! GOTTA GO FAST!

(Sonic runs up the stairs regular person speed and gets out)

Dan: Guys it’s really cold.

Adam: No duh.

GreyBob: Much like Monty, I don’t get cold.

(SpongeClone bails)

GreyBob: Uh oh.

Gary: Meow!

Spot: Ruff!

(Spot starts to freeze, so he sprints up the stairs)

Gary: Meow!

Adam: Yo man what’s up.

Pearl: Brrrr.

(Dan leaves)

EB: Alright now we’re down to Noseward, Monty, Gary, Pearl, Adam, and GreyBob.

Adam: I’m going to die down here.

Monty: Nonsense! You’ll only die if you THINK you will!

Adam: Well I think I’m gonna die.

(Adam goes up the stairs)

Steve: Another one bites the dust.

(Meanwhile, af an FBI outpost in the middle of the Pacific on an island)

Agent Luis: Have we located him yet?

Agent Jonas: No sir, he’s hard to find.

Agent Grace: Yeah, I think he might be under the sea!

(Agents Luis and Jasbre laugh)

Agent Luis: Wait seriously?

(Back to the challenge, Gary quits after his shell becomes coveted in frost)

Gary: Meow!

EB: Final four. Who will win?

Monty: Me!

Noseward: No me!

Monty: Fine.

(Monty leaves)

Noseward: Wait what? He just quit because I said I’m going to win?

Steve: You killed millions of people once upon a time I’d listen to you too.

Noseward: Oh yeah that’s right. Wait how do the timelines work here?

Pearl: No idea bro. It’s all kinds of weird.

GreyBob: Hey guys, my legs are frozen so I physically can’t leave.

Pearl: Yeah but I can.

(Pearl leaves after getting very cold)

GreyBob: So how’s it going?

Noseward: I’m dying but I need to win.

GreyBob: I’m frozen to the ground so I don’t see how that could happen.

(GreyBob unfreezes)

GreyBob: Oh thank god.

(GreyBob walks up the stairs)

GreyBob: (softly) don’t put me up for eviction.

EB: And Noseward and Calmstar win! They can nominate two duos for elimination tonight. Amazing how Calmstar was the first person out, and Noseward, his partner won.

Calmstar: Hey thanks bro.

Noseward: You’re taking one for the team next time dude.

Calmstar: Alright.

(Back at the table)

Noseward: So first, we’re going to nominate Fred and Nat, because they’re weak.

Fred: MY LEG! Hey!

Nat: That was rude.

Noseward: Oh grow up.

Calmstar; For our next nomination, we want to nominate Bob Ross and Monty, for being strong.

Bob Ross: Not the first time I’ve heard that one.

Monty: So you nominated them because they’re weak and us because we’re strong? Genius! Brilliant! I’m stealing that tactic as soon as I win!

EB: Well there you go viewers, vote one of these two duos to be eliminated!