Krump Till You're Dead

Second episode of The Sampsons.

Transcript
Merge: ill krump with ya, sweety pie

Bert: but mom, moohouse wants me to whack with him and it’s gonna be frickin wet-

Merge: shut up or i’m giving you the axe

Bert: you can’t fire me i’m your son

Merge: I meant literally

Bert: fine then I guess i’m gonna have to send you to prison

Merge: wait wut

(Merge is sent to prison)

Mr. Barns: mmm another victim

Merge: what are you doing- STOP STOP

Mr. Barns: oh yeah that feels great

Censors: Hey I thought this wasn’t appropriate

Mr. Barns: this show is rated D, shut the hell up

Warden: ok you’ve been raped enough now go home before you give me diarrhea from looking at your ugly face

Merge: hey-!

(Merge is teleported back to her house)

Bert: welcome back madam

Merge: ugh why does this happen to me every other thursday. Anyway wanna krump with me before i touch myself again

Humer: KrUmP? DONALD KRUMP?

Merge: no honey, we’re krumping. it’s a dance you stupid dumbass

Humer: where’s bert

Merge: BERT

Bert: i’m not home

Merge: get out of the cupboards you bastard boi

Bert: but it’s nice and cozy and it has a FULL LIQUOR BAR

Humer: can i come in sonny

Bert: no

Humer: you’re a bigger disappointment than the election. (he explodes and turns into donald krump)

Donald krump: we need to build a bridge so we can get more alcohol for this FULL LIQUOR BAR

Red Flanders: (ascending from hell) i’ll drink to that you blech of a president

Merge: let’s together krump

(everyone krumps for an hour)

Bert: my legs are murdering me

Humer: lemme amputate those real quick boyo (he grabs a scalpel and cuts bert’s legs off)

Bert: intense pain intense pain intense pain intense horniness intense pain

Merge: NICE

Humer: wait what now

Merge: i cant stop krumping

Humer: well im gonna drink 20 gallons of booze while i watch donald krump on tv

Bert: im gonna descend into the overworld to find diamond

Merge: have fun kids

(3.1496829058382823759283739847904823 hours later)

Bert: i got high off of diamond and now i have become god

Merge: that’s great sweetie. still cant stop krumping because it turns my light switch on, it’s so nice, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-

Humer: it turns mine off you tramp

Merge: le gasp (she slaps Humer in the face and they both collapse suddenly and die the end)

Director: wow that was horrible

Writer: sorry i only get paid 1 buck a day for this crap

Director: you get a raise of -50 cents

Writer: eat my shorts you asshat

Bert: i’ll eat yo ass for stealin’ my line motherfucka

(end)