Patrick the Zookeeper

This is the first episode of Patrick's Playground.

Transcript:

(Episode starts with Patrick eating cereal while watching TV)

Patrick: (while eating) Man, TV is so lame these days. Who watches these shows, anyway? Not me. (throws TV remote at the screen, breaking it) Dang it, now I gotta buy another screen! (he gets up out of the chair, when the TV suddenly comes back to life)

TV: Are you tired of your monotonous everyday life?

Patrick: Yes.

TV: Then get a job at the Bikini Bottom Zoo! Apply today!

Patrick: Wow! A job? For me?! That's a dream come true! (TV dies as he walks out of his rock to apply for the job)

(Cut to the Bikini Bottom Zoo)

Woman: You got the job! Congrats!

Patrick: Wow, that was surprisingly easy. I'll do my best. (puts on the uniform he is given and walks to the zoo. He walks over to the lions) Hello there, kitties- (one of them roars) AaHhHh! NOT KITTIES!

Random child: Mommy, what's that sad little man over there doing?

Mother: Timmy, he's no good. His IQ probably isn't any higher than the amount of buttons on his uniform.

Random child: And how many is that?

Mother: Why did I have you again?

(Patrick sees a sign that says "NO ENTRY, ADMINISTRATION ONLY")

Patrick: That's me! (rams right through the sign, and entering the room, which is full of bras) No wait, I'M NOT A WOMAN! (he runs out with a bra on his butt)

Mother: Cover your eyes! (covers her kid's eyes with a bra that just dropped on the ground)

Random child: What's this thingy for?

Mother: Uhh, it's a balloon!

Random child: Yay!

(Patrick rips the bra off his butt, leaving a mark. He then sees someone vandalizing a statue in the distance, and runs for them)

Patrick: Stop, criminal!

Criminal: No u

Patrick: (frozen in place) That word… it hurts. (turns into an ice cube)

Criminal: Wow, who knew that comeback actually worked? (continues vandalizing)

(Six and a half hours later…)

(Patrick finally un-thaws)

Patrick: Huh? Mommy?

Other zookeeper: The zoo closed, dummy.

Patrick: Damn it, the vandal got away! I gotta catch him! (runs off)

Other zookeeper: Or just call the police…? Never mind, then.

Patrick: I gotta bring that vandal and catch him to the police! (trips on a pebble) Ouch! Stupid pebble. (He spots a shady looking house up ahead that's vandalized) That must be his house! Time to fight back with justice! (He breaks into the house via an open window, and the vandal is taking a nap on the couch) Freeze, villai- waiwha? (The vandal snores extremely loudly, waking himself up)

Vandal: Huh? The heck happened here? Oh, you again huh? No u.

Patrick: Ha. Nice try. No w.

Vandal: GODDAMMIT! (pops out of existence, leaving only his credit card. Patrick takes it)

Patrick: Hmm, this will be great for John Wick to use. (Episode ends)