User:Ponyo Fan/Ponyo Fan's Best of the Internet

Welcome to Ponyo Fan's Best of the Internet, where Ponyo stores things she sees online for future use.

I don't think you're ready for some of this...

Weeaboo Stories
'''NOTE: Very morbid and messed up in nature at times. Stories originally from the weeaboo-stories and weebstories Tumblr, as well as 4chan.'''

Ninja-chan
posted by Sarah-chan on 4chan

Okay, I think you guys need to know the story of the crazy weeb that lived in my building at Uni. She was one of the thin, greasy, somewhat disgusting and socially awkward kinds of weeaboo, and she lived at the very end of my floor. You had to walk by her door to get to the access stairwell, but that wasn’t much of a problem because everyone used the elevator anyway.

A few things she did included:

Tripping the fire alarm during Dead Week because “It was so quiet, nyan~"

Spraypainted her art projects in the hallway without laying down newspaper

Traced yaoi like Yami no Matsuei and stuff and put the drawings on her door so everyone could see them if they walked by

Attempted to start a MASSIVE torrent one day and got our whole building banned from the Uni internet because torrenting wasn’t allowed on campus

Was a strict vegetarian, because if she ate meat then her Spirit Animal would get mad and bite her. She showed some of us bite scars that she claimed were from her Spirit Wolf named Ruby Moon, but the veterinary student on our floor called her out on self-inflicting them because they were obviously human.

Shaved her pubes in the communal bathroom on our floor and left the hairball in the drain

She was a little weird, but she was otherwise somewhat bearable. If you left any food whatsoever in the refrigerator in the rec room though, you had to be prepared to come back for it and only find a sticky note saying “Your food’s been stolen by the great and wonderful Ninja-chan! Nyan~ =^.^="

So we (the seven of us besides her) lived with it for a couple terms, but then shit started getting seriously strange. At one point Ninja-chan got a boyfriend (who turned out to be one of the custodians for the building) but she started getting very clingy and obsessive and when he started getting wary she started going nutty and had several screaming matches with him about how he didn’t love her and how he hated her so much and wanted her to go die, yadda yadda. It ended with her dumping him.

That was when stuff started going missing.

It started with small things- pencils, erasers, the occasional flash drive or small article of clothing. The only reason we thought that it was her was because EVERYONE on our floor was missing something that they couldn’t explain the absence of. Eventually the spree of things going missing/getting stolen escalated to larger and more expensive things. The veterinary student, we’ll call him Vee, flipped his shit when a $500 coursebook of his went missing. E, who had the room right next to Ninja-chan’s, had the most things go missing. She had ‘mysteriously lost’ an entire set of Prismacolor colored pencils she needed for a 499 art class and three massive sheets of 130lb watercolor paper for a design class (as well as other miscellaneous art supplies).

So we all banded together and tromped down the hall to Ninja-chan’s room, and Vee just about knocked down her door before he chewed her a new one.

She claimed that she had had things taken from her as well, but she wouldn’t open the door wide enough for anyone to see inside or behind her. Vee was on the warpath though, and he barged right past her into the room.

What you have to understand about the rooms in our building is that they were decent-sized. You had enough room for a bed, a table and a TV hutch. The rooms came with a desk pre-installed under the window. Ninja-chan’s room was completely papered in anime posters and wall scrolls. Like, wall to wall without gaps between them. She had a little bit of everything, and it was honestly insane. Her room was dark as hell because she had papered over the window with posters as well. All but two of her ceiling lights were blown out (I guess because she’d had the tiff with the custodian and he refused to fix shit for her) and it was dark as hell in her room.

Vee immediately started turning her room upside down looking for his coursebook, while Ninja-chan started cussing at him and yelling in broken Japanese at the rest of us. It was all pretty vanilla stuff, calling us all “Mean temes" and “Evil bakas" while stamping her feet like a child.

Vee finally found his textbook, in a USPS parcel with a shipping address on it to someone in a dorm at NYU. It was pretty easy to put two and two together at that point, and we pressed charges against her for theft. Most of our stuff had been sold at that point, and myself and E figured that that’s how she had financed her massive anime wallpaper undertaking despite stealing food to feed herself and her whining about affording her coursebooks every term.

Ninja-chan got in trouble (academic suspension and her financial aid was revoked for a while), but everyone on our floor was out a decent amount of stuff and money. E never got her Prismacolors back and had to buy a new set.

That isn’t where it ends, though.

After a relatively calm summer term, in which Ninja-chan behaved herself, shit really started going down. One of the guys on our floor found a dead cat in our refridgerator (it was a stray, and looked to be roadkill) and moved out immediately. The person in charge of the building thought it was a prank and just had the refridgerator bleached and told us not to worry about it.

Then all the scissors in the building went missing. Every single f***ing pair.

It took about three hours to find where they went, because that was when Vee came back and found every single pair stabbed into the drywall over his bed, spelling out one word.

DIE.

Nobody was too sure who did it, but everyone’s scissors were returned and the holes in Vee’s wall were spackled over by the custodian. Everything was decently quiet for the rest of the term, and while everyone on our floor acknowledged that it had probably been Ninja-chan, we figured that she’d been in enough trouble and we let her be. This turned out to be a mistake. It was about this time that I started getting messages from a few of my friends on MySpace (this was before Facebook) asking why it had taken me so long to come out of the closet. They were also asking why I had so many costumes, and if it was some kind of fetish and if they even really knew me. I hadn’t told anyone about my cosplaying, but that was because I never really saw a need to. When I asked them what they meant, they said that my girlfriend had been showing people her binder full of printed pictures of me and talking about how wonderful and talented her girlfriend was. A few of my friends were honestly confused as to why I was dating someone like Ninja-chan.

So I put a stop to that shit pretty fast- explained to my friends that I wasn’t a lesbian and that I cosplayed for fun and that it wasn’t a fetish, that I wasn’t dating Ninja-chan and that I had nothing to do with the girl. Then I went down the hall and confronted Ninja-chan about it. She got a little crazy at that point, screaming and whining at me about how “her Sarah-chan could be so mean, desu ka?" and “Aishiteru, Sarah-chan! Aishiteru!" and stuff like that. Then she started explaining about why she loved me and how Ruby Moon, her Spirit Wolf, had told her that I loved her and that we would always be together and shit like that.

I told her flat-out that I did not love her and never had, and snapped and yelled at her until I watched her throw out the binder full of printed pictures of me in cosplay (and all of my pictures from my Myspace, and a few badly-traced drawings that I think were supposed to be me and her).

She kept yelling at me, asking why I was so cruel to her and why I hated her so much, and I finally just left her be and went to go call the campus shrink to see if anything could be done about Ninja-chan’s obsessive tendencies. The woman said that she couldn’t do anything personally, so I let it be.

With that shit over with I went with Vee and another guy from our floor, D (a Business major that wanted to be a bartender) to another floor to go watch a movie with some friends on their large TV. It was some slasher so we didn’t really react when we heard a lot of screaming, but a little while later (about halfway through the movie) someone came up and told us that Ninja-chan had been attacked and was at the hospital on campus. Apparently someone had pushed her down the access stairwell and she had broken her leg and received multiple cuts and bruises all over her body.

Due to how long we had been dealing with her, Me, Vee and D weren’t really fazed by the news. It was terrible, yeah, but we weren’t about to go bring her flowers or anything like that. So we invited the guy to finish the movie with us and we made some more popcorn and forgot about Ninja-chan.

It was about when the credits started rolling that the campus cops showed up, looking for me. They went to my room first, and E sent them up to the floor we were watching movies on because she didn’t know what was going on. They wanted to take me in for questioning because apparently Ninja-chan had said that I was beating her because she wanted to break up with me. Vee and D, as well as the rest of the room full of people that we had been watching the movie with, immediately came to my defense. I had been in the room with them when her screaming had started, when the guy had come up and told us that she’d been taken to the hospital, basically I hadn’t moved from my spot on the couch since the movie had begun.

I explained the situation to the campus cops, all about Ninja-chan telling people she was dating me without my knowledge (and keeping a binder full of pictures of me she printed off my myspace), about how she thought a wolf named Ruby Moon would tell her things, about her kleptomania and the thing with the scissors in Vee’s wall and her obsessive tendencies. All this shit was enough to make the campus cops want to go back and talk to Ninja-chan again.

After enough prompting and questioning Ninja-chan eventually confessed that she had thrown herself down the stairs. She said that Ruby Moon had told her that if she did that I would realize how much I loved her and that I would stop trying to deny it. She kept talking about how Ruby Moon told her Vee was a Youkai that was put on our floor by Satan to try and separate the two of us (Vee’s room was, in fact, one of the ones between my room and Ninja-chan’s) and she would take things of his (notes, socks) and try to cast spells by burning them to make him leave. She was getting into people’s rooms with a Master Key that she had stolen from her custodian ex-boyfriend. At one point one of my friends went through Ninja-chan’s laptop they found a shitload of yuri porn with my face badly photoshopped onto one of the girls, and a lot of really crappy fanfiction about how we would go on crazy anime adventures and do ninja missions and have lesbian sex.

She got medicated and moved out of our building, and I didn’t see her for a few terms. The next time I saw her she had gained a lot of weight and dyed her hair pink, and had a large tattoo of a red wolf on her back.

Never saw her again after that.

The f***ing end.

Manduri-chan
Posted by Anonymous on 4chan

So, to let everyone know the situation before I begin, I’m in a wheelchair.

I have no use of my legs after getting into a carcrash at 15, that also lost my brother who was 17 and the driver.

It was all very terrible, but I’m 20 now, while it obviously still haunts us and was very sad, we remember my brother’s birthday every year still, and we get on with life.

I’m more or less used to being handicapped, I try not to let it affect me more than it has to.

I always cosplay hipster Ariel at cons, so it’s often tumblr and/or 4chan people I attract, so many people in the anon masks usually ask for my pictures and creep on me a bit.

Previously I’d gone with my girlfriends (as in best friends) but this year Adam wanted to take me, he’s always been really into anime, more than me actually, but he’s had to work on the days the cons have fallen on, it sucks, he bitches about it every time. This year, however, he was lucky enough to not be working!

So we got all excited, packed up together, left our dogs with his parents and organised when to meet our friends, Adam was driving a group of six of us there, crammed into his work car (a four by four that would fit all of us, and me and my chair) so we got up early, let them into the house as he packed the car up. I made breakfast for everybody and they shipped me in first, Adam carrying me in as usual, sitting me in the front, waiting for our last two friends to arrive.

I was in the front sorting out our music for the hours trip, friends were packing their stuff up in the back still, giving me a quilt to stuff in the front on top of my legs as there was no room for it elsewhere. It was exciting and fun, and then of course our last friends turned up. Now, we hadn’t met our friend’s friend, Mandy. We assumed she would be normal like all of us were, but oh no. not at all. Kairi (as we’ve called our friend all through school) turned up looking annoyed, a large girl following behind wearing stretched childrens clothing, a tutu skirt and pink and black striped tights. I can only describe her as an emo attempt at Harajuku, failed attempt even, wearing shit loads of childrens bracelets and hairclips and frizzy managed poorly bleached greying hair, though she was our age.

I was first to see them walk up the driveway and out the wiindow, waving, giving Kairi a hug as she came over to the car, saying hello to everyone, and then at an impatient ‘NNNYEEEEHH’ and a foot stomp, she introduced Mandy to us. Mandy instantly corrected her ‘Manduri, duri-chan’

We all passed awkward hello’s noticing her poor behaviour right off the bat, she took her’s and Kairi’s things and packed up the bag, and Kairi leant at my window, looking stressed, talking with me quietly. She told me how annoyed she was and that Mandy had bitched and wormed her way into coming, she really didn’t want to take her, but their Mom’s were friends and such, awkwardly she had to take her, out of being polite to several people.

Running late, we got in, Duri-chan however wanted to sit in the front saying she got car sick, how it was so unfair that I got to sit in the front ‘just because I was the driver’s girlfriend’ So I turned around and explained that I was handicapped and had to sit here, offering to give her my hairband for her wrist to ease travel sickness. She didn’t apologise, merely humphed and refused to take it, sitting in the back with everyone else.

I put it off to her perhaps feeling unwell, and the drive up was normal, though for long drives I still get a bit anxious, so Adam was holding my hand when we stopped at lights or in traffic, comforting me slyly without saying anything, but rudely as he kept doing this, Duri noticed and sighed loudly, “Couples are so annoying, always touching each other in front of everyone!" sounding like a spiteful lonely person. Again, we shrugged it off and ignored her, Kairi kept telling her to shut up and stop being rude, but she seemed to be purposefully acting like a child, asking us ‘ARE WE THERE YET?’ all the time. When we got there, everyone got out first but me, Adam throwing me over his shoulder as he always did, casually going about getting my hair out. I’m very, very lithe and underweight actually, I struggle to gain weight in general but it’s worse when I can’t exercise as much as normal people, I do physio therapy but I’m a very small girl. It’s easy for him to just carry me about, we make it sort of a joke, I once broke my chair and had to get it replaced and it took a week, he’d just have me casually over his shoulder around the house doing things, our friends and we thought it was funny.

So that happened, got in my chair, wheeled up with everyone to the hotel, when in the lobby Duri put her large gym bag of her stuff on my lap, complaining and whining that it was heavy. I blinked but didn’t mind, just took it, but Adam got offended for me, and tossed it back to her, saying not to dump things on me. She said ‘She can’t feel it anyway, why not?’ and I had to take his hand to stop him from punching her, he’s very protective of me.

We checked in, went on up and into the room, but found that alhough the hotel was wheelchair friendly, my beast wouldn’t fit through the hotel door, it just about nicked the sides. I sighed, let Adam take our bags in and he came back, chucking me over his shoulder and folding the chair up, carrying me in, leaving me there at his shoulder for the amusement, stood talking around, the general joke we have. I can’t explain it very well, like he won’t support my body, he’ll have his hands on his hips pretending that it’s totally normal for me to just be hanging off him, and it sort of is for us, but we find it funny. Duri however, didn’t.

"You sure do a lot for her." she’d scoff at us walking past. He rolled his eyes, said it was our inside joke, and placed me down on the bed to sit. For a while her drama died down, just general rudeness and childish behaviour, Kairi was snapping at her for us for half the time. We set up and got on with things, hanging out for the day around the con area though it wasn’t on yet, meeting other early comers. Then in the evening we were invited with a group to go down to the bar.

Coming back around 8, I realised the implications of not being able to have my chair in the hotel room, I wouldn’t be able to go to the bathroom by myself (well I would, but not be able to move myself as I usually did), though Adam doesn’t care, he loves me very much and deals with it, but I felt embarassed in front of our friends and the strange Duri. I dealt with it, let him help me in the evening, we disappeared into the bathroom for some time as I peed and then did my hair and make up, and he showered up having cosplayed all day in hot leather.

I then let him carry me back into the room, jokingly he threw me onto the bed as he got his stuff out, I was giggling so it was obviously our idea of humour to chuck me about, but Duri gasped and ran over, pulling me up to sit, “How could you just throw her like that?! She’s crippled you know!" I hate the word ‘cripples’, shoved her off me but was nice about it, patting her arm saying it was a joke, I was fine. Rolled my eyes to Adam.

It was then we got about getting rather dressed up, all of us, though Duri didn’t make an effort just put on more hideous make-up. I needed a little help getting dressed but nobody cared, I stripped down to my bra and pants, and Adam helped me put some hold ups on, the whole time Duri was watching us, I felt a tad uncomfortable with her seeing me almost undressed. And then he slipped my dress on to my knees like he always did, pulling me to ‘stand’ though I wasn’t obviously, I held onto him as he pulled my dress up the rest of the way, and then Duri left for the bathroom saying ‘I can’t watch this it’s so sad seeing somebody so helpless’

Adam snapped that I wasn’t, but she hurried off to the bathroom pretending to CRY. Jesus, he was only helping me into my dress, and dumped me back down letting me do it up myself, we just have a routine of certain things I need help with, like tight clothing on my legs.

We were all ready waiting for Duri, who came out in some ‘lolita’ (so she said) dress, some polkadot cheap hot topic shit with a netted tutu at the bottom again. We felt embarassed, we were all very dressed up in cocktail dresses and Adam (the only boy) was wearing a suit, we were going to a five star hotel’s bar and possibly a very fanc resteraunt with our new friends we’d met early. We didn’t say anything about her outfit, just put our shoes on and left, Adam carrying me out and then sitting me in my chair, letting Kairi push me the way there, and Duri had to say ‘Letting somebody else push her for once, god!’ in such a bitchy way.

She just had issues with how we behaved, but I think it was mostly jealous of how ‘together’ we were. We arrived to meet our friends, sat in the bar with them for a good deal, talking, and Duri kept embarrassing us and being rude, but we ignored her, had a good night. Coming back was when the trouble started, she asked to push me and I said no, then oddly asked Adam to push me and he said no, so she threw a fit over it.

In the hotel, I was getting undressed with Adam on our bed, threw on a shirt of his I always sleep in and she huffed again saying how annoying we were as a couple, and that we were rubbing it in. For f***’s sake, I said to her, and ignored her stupid Japanese come back, pretty tired and sleepy from drinking, and pulled myself up to bed, settling in to sleep as Adam went off to do whatever, getting changed in the bathroom, our friends settled down the same. It was then, in the calm silence, she asked it.

"How do you guys have sex? Like, can you feel pleasure?"

I didn’t reply, heard Kairi throw a pillow at her telling her to please shut the f*** up, but oh no she asked again.

Adam heard and from the bathroom yelled “HER SEX IS ON FIRE, SHE FEELS IT ALRIGHT. I ROCK HER WORLD."

We all laughed, but I sat up, “I feel it, being handicapped this way doesn’t work like that." And pulled Adam over as he came back, turning our light off so we were in darkness. Duri kicked up again saying she - a 21 year old actually - was afraid of the dark, and complained and bitched making me turn my side light on again. I put a shirt over it to dim it slightly but I totally struggled to sleep with it on.

Next morning, we woke up first, well, I cruelly woke Adam up as I couldn’t sleep, and he helped me get into the very, very tight Ariel costume. As I was putting on my seashells, topless (though everybody hadn’t woken up yet) I heard Duri screech from over on her air matress and proclaim she’d seen my breasts, and they were the perfect lolita breasts. I’m guessing because I’m so thin and flat chested? I’m a B cup, so… I covered myself, slipped my seashell bra on and felt so uncomfortable again. Everybody else woke up, got ready over an hour and we headed down, enjoying the con, me and Adam separated from the group only to avoid Duri’s annoyances, meeting up with them for lunch.

It was now Duri diagnosed that I had an eating disorder. I ordered a large chicken burger and fries, and ate all burger and half the fries, giving them to Adam and she proclaimed that I had an eating disorder, just because I was so thin. I tried to explain it was hard for me to gain weight with being handicapped but OH NO, she said I should just ‘get over it’ and eat. I sighed, told her up front that I was getting really annoyed with her and her remarks, and to just back the f*** off.

She turned to Kairi and said that I was a bully for saying that, but everyone agreed and just told her to leave me and Adam alone, as well as to stop being so damned rude.

Although she sulked and acted like the victim, she stopped for the rest of the weekend, only kicking up big time the leaving day which is when the actual horror happened. We packed up everything, had a lovely time, said goodbye to our new friends and got in the car, Duri tried to sit in the front so Adam made her move to the back in shock she did that, helping me in and bitching at her big time. Awkward drive before out friends filled the silence, making Adam listen to Lady Gaga and singing loudly, poor guy.

It was half way through we decided we were starving and pulled in at a big complex with different fast food bars and some shops, going to Maccydee’s and sitting down. I sat next to Duri, trying to get along with her, and we were left (her out of laziness) while they got ours and their food.

As I reached over, leaning to get m phone out of my bag as it went off, I heard “Wow, you didn’t even flinch, you really can’t feel it.."

Sitting back up, I gave her an odd look but saw it. She had stabbed me in the leg with a fork. It was metal, and had gone right into my leg through my tights, and I was bleeding really badly. I screamed at her ‘What the f***?!’ and started crying instantly, perhaps because I hadn’t seen that much blood since the car crash, or that I was really scared, she’s f***ing STABBED ME.

I sobbed and didn’t know whether to pull it out or not, but did, and it bled even more, running right down my leg. You wouldn’t think it would bleed that much but she’s forced it right in to the hilt, and it was awful, I told her to get away with me once she tried to come up ‘I DIDN’T MEAN TO I’M SORRY’ and backed off as some people looked at me crying so hard. Somebody came over, a mother with a family, and saw and instantly said ‘oh my god’ covering her mouth, it looked really really bad.

I held my leg, sobbing and asked her to call an ambulance, right away Adam came back with our friends at this point, threw his food down on the table and ran to me, kneeling and holding my leg too, asking what the f*** happened. I was crying so hard but managed to tell him she’d stabbed me with a fork, a whole group of people watching and somebody stopped her from leaving as she tried to get away, a big man stepping in and forcing her to stay there.

We waited for the paramedics, putting napkin after napkin on the wound, realising just how bad it was, and pretty quickly they got there along with the police, who instantly arrested her for assault. I was taken to the ambulance where they gave me stitches and dressed the wound, also putting me on a drip as losing blood could have dehydrated me, and I was also in shock. Adam and I agreed to press charges on her, she was actually taken into the police station, they said even if we didn’t what she did was so serious that she would be ‘dealt with’ anyway.

After about two hours of telling the police, and waiting for me to stop shaking, we were okay to go home, back to Adam’s parents not our place because I wanted to see his mom, who was like a second mom to me (mine was out of town, though at his I phoned and told her what had happened)

So I sat with his Mom having a cuddle and admiring my wound dressing, trying to laugh at it but it was really not laughable, and still isn’t. I’d love to tell you what happened, but we’re still in the process of taking her to court, we’ve had to get a lawyer and everything. This only happened in the last month actually.

She’s being tried for a hate crime and public assault, I think, Adam’s dealing with it more than I am right now. The whole thing is an expensive mess but if we win, which we will, she’ll pay for all our costs, but for now it’s expensive. That was pretty much the horror, my leg is still healing from it, I have sticky stitches on right now but no dressing, it’s obviously not painful to me, but that means I’m watching it more as to be careful not to knock it.

Back off my baby, bitch.
This might be a bit long, so I apologize in advance.

I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, mine and my husband’s first child. We are both naturally protective, even moreso now because hey, it’s our baby.

So after resting a while and getting into as much of a routine as possible with a newborn, we decide to go to the bookstore so I can pick up the sequel to The Devil Wears Prada that was just released.

We pack up our baby with his stroller and head off. Once we get there we are thankful to see it’s not very crowded. Luckily, baby is fast asleep so hopefully this trip goes smoothly.

We were both very, very wrong.

After finding my book, my husband suggests we go check out the manga section to see if they have anything good. Neither of us have ever been weebish, but we do like manga/anime well enough. So, we go down the aisle and that’s when I see her - queen of the hambeasts.

She’s big - and I mean really big - like borderline morbidly obese. She has extremely greasy skin with tons of zits, her hair is stringy/looks like it hadn’t been washed in days and it looks like she used koolaid to dye the tips some strange purple-red color that just looks awful on her. She was wearing a T-shirt with some anime characters on it (I have no idea who) that is definitely way too small for her - we could practically see the seams about to rip apart if she moved too much, a tutu, leggings that squished her legs to what looked like a painful degree, armwarmers even though it was at least 90 degrees outside, a ratty-looking cat ear headband and more bracelets/candy necklaces than I could count.

We try to just ignore her and start looking for my husband’s series and anything that might catch my eye, and everything seems to be going well for a few quiet minutes. Suddenly we hear this loud obnoxious squeal and she thunders over to us, leaning way too close to us and our baby.

She starts talking in broken Japanese, saying how “kawaii" our baby is and saying something along the lines of how he’ll “be the kawaiiest yaoi ever when he grows up." Then, she f***ing takes off those nasty cat ears and tries to put them on my baby, who is now awake and crying like crazy because he woke up to see some scary fat chick looming over him like a monster.

I have no idea where that headband has been, if she has lice, etc. so I am NOT about to let her put them on my baby. I smack her hands away causing her to drop the headband to the floor, then position myself between her and my baby. I tell her very sternly to not touch my baby, and to back off. She starts making this weird pouting face and starts fake-crying, saying how mean I am that I won’t let her near the ‘kawaii yaoi baby.’

At this point an employee’s noticed the commotion and asks if everything is okay, so I tell him what happened. She uses this time to make a break for the door, though she tripped on the way there and ripped her leggings. She stayed there just laying on the floor fake-crying the entire time until another employee asks her to leave, which just causes her to scream and flail more, all the while ranting about the mean lady that won’t let her make my baby “even more kawaii."

Eventually she leaves, but not before yelling what I can only assume is some kind of Japanese insult. We wait until we can’t see her anymore, buy our things, then leave. I’m not sure if I’ll be going back to that book store any time soon, if ever.

Unacceptable Workplace Behavior
This isn’t a horror story so much as it’s just a cringe-worthy story of what is acceptable in public and second-hand embarrassment.

For the first three months, my new job placed me on a project with a guy about my age, 23. We were both contract employees so we were not always there together, but when we were, I tried my best to keep personal conversation brief. What I tried to do, however, meant nothing. The guy, A, was pretty friendly, a recovering drug addict, creative, and we shared a love of dogs. I liked him well enough, but things started going down hill after about two weeks of working together when he showed me his keyblade tattoo. My mistake was admitting that I knew what a keyblade is.

Prior to this, I said nothing about the J-Pop he was listening to and the anime he was illegally downloading on the work IP address, not wanting to open up the topic because he was already showing signs of oversharing his personal life. I’m not really an anime fan. I was a little obsessed when I was 10 or so, but it was mostly limited to Cardcaptor Sakura, Candidate for Goddess, Prince of Tennis, and Slayers. Following that obsession, I tended to attract friends who were anime fans, so I knew what a lot of the popular motifs were. Since I had never played Kingdom Hearts, I’m surprised I even said anything about the tattoo.

I was suddenly subject to A’s every anime thought. He asked me about every anime he’d ever seen since he thought it was weird that I didn’t still love it. I told him Evangelion was the only anime I’d seen in years and he was even more irritated that he didn’t know what I was talking about despite being an otaku. He would play J-pop songs for me aloud on the work computers so anyone around us could hear that he was slacking off. He would split screen the computer so he would be watching anime at the same time he was working.

The worst part by far were the ecchi wallpapers. Blatant, overly sexualized anime art of near naked women were not only his desktop, but the screensaver so when he was not at his computer, our office would be treated to slideshows of near-porn. No one in the office is uncomfortable with sex, it’s an STD nonprofit where sex is a constant conversation, but to see these images displayed in our work environment was disturbing. Our boss would go in and change the images to classic European art pieces and he would change them back. He would laugh and tell me that our boss had a very limited view of art and that his ecchi desktop and screensaver were considered high art in Japan.

Thankfully, I was brought onto another project and I only see him every once in a while. I try to keep the conversation limited to dogs since it’s the only thing we have in common that we can engage each other in.

Being a Weeaboo's Shota
I was in my final year of middle school, 6th and 7th grade had crushed my soul, I was severely bullied because of my docile nature and the fact that I always wore hoodies, no matter what weather. I was very shy and quiet at that time. My mother at that time wanted to move, my father did not want to move anywhere. So my mother decided to leave without him she left and took me to Utah to live with Auntie Clara, and my very American cousins. The town they were in was nothing but suburbs, and that drove a big city boy like me wild.

My auntie made me and my mother feel very welcome, I was happy, I finally got a clean slate, my crybaby scaredy-cat reputation wasn’t going to follow me. I was soon enrolled into the nearby middle school. I was introduced to the class and was call cute and stuff (compared to everyone else I was really short)

Then everything went downhill when I met a girl, (Who I will call Lune) Me being very shy and quiet I spent time in the library, both the school and public library. I would often gather some 5 or so book stack them on a desk and read until my mother or aunt came to pick me up (my aunt was helping my mother get a job so instead of lazing around I asked to be dropped off at libraries and such.) one day I was sitting in the library and I had just finished reading Dicken’s Pickwick Papers and Stephen King’s Carrie (I always read more mature books, another reason I was bullied) When Lune and her friends who I will call N and E came into the library.

I was about to move onto to my next book which was Messenger by Lois Lowry, I always want to read the book but never got the chance to. I opened the book and began to read, about half and hour later E sat down next to me with The giver and Gathering Blue in her hand, she smiled and asked me if I liked the serious. Being the quiet and shy person I was, I just looked at her and nodded, she began to talk, I really didn’t want to, being the new kid and all alongside the fact that I had trust issues (and I still do…) She began talking about Lowry’s work and then she got me by my favorite poem, The Raven. Soon E and I talked a bit more, I still barely spoke but she didn’t mind, whenever N would come by I would quickly shut up, being a nervous wreck around unfamiliar people, one day I asked E where her friend (Lune) was since I only every see Her and N around. E explained that Lune only spent her time reading manga. I asked her what manga was and she explained manga and anime, I was intrigued so I asked her to take me to the manga section.

Now when E had taken me to the manga section I took out a random manga and began flipping though the page I smiled and began reading one, E brought N over and told me about the manga I was reading (which was Zatch Bell) after a while Lune came to them, she looked down at me and asked who I was N told her my name and E told her where I came from. I looked up at Lune and she squealed she literally screamed " OH MY KAMI, IT’s A KAWAII SHOTA!" I panicked and waves my arms, try to get her to shut up, because I didn’t want to get banned from the library, my only sanctuary before I got used to the town (which was a bit sad considering I was already living in there for a month and a half.)

Lune became really affectionate and clingy, I hadn’t cut my hair in a while it grew out really curly and afro-like (similar to Kyle from south park’s hair but dark brown) and Lune would always bring some cat ears for me to put on. I didn’t mind because I figured she would be nice like E and N, she wasn’t. After I told her my name she want it to change it to Yuki, since Yuki was “A much more KAWAII-er name than Anthony." She re-named me Yuki and forgot about it a few weeks later. Spring was now on it’s way and I began to wear my normal clothes, usually striped tee shirts or a t-shirt with some sort of silly design on it, and cargo shorts or jeans. Now is When things took a turn for the worse.

Lune now was beginning to notice my body (as a boy who didn’t hit puberty til freshman year, I had a high pitched voice and a feminine figure.) She would always wait for me In front of the library for me even if N and E were not there, she would now call me Shota-chan, which I asked what a shota was and what a -chan was she giggled and said a shota was what I was. And that a chan was a suffix(as I understood it at the time.) to someone cute. I figured she just thought I was cute.

I read manga as usual mostly One Piece and Zatch bell while she read Naruto and Bleach, then she began to shove both of them down my throat, begging me to read them. I shook my head because her loudness intimidated me.

One day E invited me to her house, I saw this as a major opportunity to make E my best friend (which was like a kind of security blanket for me.) I went over and we had some snacks and I watched her play Kingdom Hearts (I declined her offer to play.) I was about to ask her about Lune and what a shota was and why Lune was being all super nice. But before I could ask, the doorbell rang she went to go open the door and sure enough there was Lune.

I was scared for a bit and Lune walked up, Lune saw me and began to hug me and kiss my cheek (and I could smell her rotten breath, I was thankful that the girl at least bathed) and for some reason which I didn’t understand at the time was that she was trying to smother my face in between her breasts, I didn’t bother asking, she quickly turned to E and asked if her parent were home, E said no and she squeal in that annoying way that only her chubby self could do (she wasn’t completely fat when I knew her but she certainly wasn’t skinny like N, E was somewhere inbetween.) Lune said she be right back. I turned to E and quickly asked her what a shota was, E said she couldn’t really explain because she was into anime as much and Lune or N. I sighed and asked why she was friend with them, she told me her childhood past with N and Lune.

Soon enough Lune comes with a bag of clothes and sketchbook. She shoved the sketchbook in my hands and told me to “critique my seme’s work) she just said Seme out of nowhere so I was beyond confusion, I looked through it and at first there were some ok drawings of Naruto and Luffy and L with the occasional Chibi of Nami or Sakura there, then as I flipped thing got stranger or rather mot explicit. First it was risqué artwork like Naruto sucking in a Sasuke’s neck and Luffy touching Ace’s chest, then it got to the nasty, there were poorly drawn images of Naruto riding Sakuke (I think it was that…) another of L sucking off Light (while a speech bubble of Light saying “you like lollipops, right?") and the final picture is what caught me it was two Oc’s they’re hairstyle and eye color was different but it was Lune and Me, there was no mistaking it, the small boy had the same scar I had on my eyebrow (from an incident when I was an infant.) and her oc had the mole she had above her left eye. I had dropped the book, surprising them both.

Lune asked me about and I looked like I was about to cry, never has I felt so uncomfortable. I gave he back her book and to,s E I was leaving, Lune did not allow that, E tried to convince her to let me leave, but Lune said after they play “dress up" I said “what a childish game." which was the first thing I said to Lune. (by that time I had come out of my shell to many people who were either nice or quiet like me, I was still totally shy to strangers. Yes I’m weird like that.) Lune said that if I dressed up in all the outfit she had I could leave. I don’t what part of me made me agree instead of bolting out the door. She she handed me at first a dress. Yes her sick mind intended me to be her fetish.

At first I saw nothing wrong since. My mother put me in a dress out of humor and so had my siblings so I slipped on the dress and walked out, Lune told me to take off my clothes and then out the dress on. E was getting really worried by now, and begged Lune to stop, but Lune ignore her even when E yelled at her to leave. Why E didn’t call the cops I don’t know.

So I stripped down to my underwear and slipped on the dress. I came out of the bathroom and she squealed and start sputtering what seems to be a mix of English and Japanese, even mixing the words (ex. cutawaii and amagoi) she came up to me and said “shota-chan anata wa kawaii desu ne." and before I could respond she gave me the next outfit. I once again stripped and looked at the outfit, it was short shorts and a frilly orangey spaghetti strap. (in the end it turned out to be her little sister clothes) I came out and Lune turned red and she creamed the loudest “KAWAII" I’ve ever heard, she began sputtering more Japanese mixed words and how I could look like an anime character. E had been telling Lune to stop now before I get hurt or worse, Lune pushed her away and told her to shut up as she put a flower in my hair. I couldn’t help but feel that Lune held some sort of power over E.

Now is when she cracked me, everything before was tame, the kisses on my cheek, the kawaii’s, the shota-chan, the constant following me to class and even getting me Library books. But now is when Lune went too far. (and while this was quite some years ago it still haunts me…)

After 4 more outfit Lune handed me the last one, which I looked at and said no repeated, Lune then laughed and held me to her and said “well then I guess you’ll have to stay here." it was obvious she was using my fear of not being able to get home. After some more struggle if finally agreed, the outfit was nothing more than some striped panties and striped child stockings. I barely stood in the doorway, afraid that E was going to laugh, but E didn’t… Lune on the other hand looked at me. I was going back into the bathroom to change and go home. But Lune decided to continue there she grabbed me by the shoulder and throw me to the floor, it hurt but what hurt more is she pounced me and said “anata no hentai, shota-chan I’m going to have to punish you." I swear I could smell her rancid breath. She started licking my neck and her hand went down to my crotch, she began rubbing it and I squirmed and grunted, she growl at me to make more “kawaii moans" apparent she wanted me to be her Pico… I groaned more, and E did nothing, she just stood there, watching.

Lune now wanted to make things “spicier so she started to slide the panties off at which is where I began to cry, Lune got up suprised and told me to “not cry because it’ll feel good in a little bit." I ran to the bathroom to grab my clothes and I ran into the opposite direction (which lead to the Master bedroom and E’s brother room.) I hid in the master bedroom, crying like a baby as I took off the clothes and put on my normal clothes. Soon E came and brought me out from where I was hiding. She told me Lune had left and I asked her why she didn’t do anything apparently her father works for Lune’s dad, you can figure out the rest.

When I got home, at dinner I ate a little, then I began crying again. My cousins began arguing that they didn’t do anything, my auntie and mom sat me down and asked me, and I told them everything. My auntie called the local police and my mom lectured me for “letting myself be used." I don’t know what happen exactly afterwards because after the police came and asked me about the whole incident, we got a call that my dad was in the hospital. We left for California the next morning. And I still come back to Utah to visit my cousin and aunt, I mean I love them. And I’ still friend with E and N, they. Told me Lune went to Juvie, but it was a rumor. I noticed that Lune still live there, but thank God that she lives across town(and man is she fat now…) I know this sounds kinda far fetched. But I just wanted to let people know that there are freaks to that extent! And maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to post this on the Internet instead of telling my therapist (yes I went to one when I returned to California) but whatever, I’m about to graduate from High school in one year and now I’m ok talking about it.

I’m into anime and stuff now, but I tend to steer clear of what Lune shoved down my throat, included her shitty yaoi fanfiction, and her explanation of yaoi and I could go on for a whole but I already bored you with this story… (Sorry for any mistakes. It was typing this on my iPad :P)

P.S: Lune is still a weeaboo, still speaks Japanese that she learned from anime (she’s even mixing Dialects) but now she cosplays… Hetalia was not spared… Neither was Sailor moon, or Death Note.

Your Wannabe-Japanese Koreans and American Comics are Unkawaii!
Let me start off by saying that I was into anime and manga before, but I was more of a manga person. But along with me liking that, I was overly fond of K-pop. Specifically, the group known as DBSK/Tohoshinki (when they were still five), which are still in my top favorite five music groups. Also, I was/am very, very into comic books as well, especially Marvel’s Deadpool and the Hulk.

Now, lemme introduce you to the weebs, who have no trace of Asian in them at all. First off, there’s Natsumi (she insists people call her that because she was apparently born during the summer months, and becomes pissy when you don’t), who constantly wears a Naruto headband, along with contacts that appeared to be Sharingan, and draws terribly (out of proportion) but claims she’s amazing at it.

There’s Rika, who sports pink cat ears, carries around a backpack that appears to be the outfit of Hatsune Miku, and seems to be an avid yaoi lover by the way she squeals when two guys are close to each other during gym. Well, the both of them seem to be yaoi fans.

And lastly, the most normal and sane of the group, who I don’t believe was a weeb, but more of a quiet and passive girl, Rin. We all went to the same school, but I actively ignored the girls and they didn’t seem to notice I existed.

Until one day…

I was waiting near one of the benches placed in front of our school for my sister to pick me up. My bag was beside me and I was going through the music on my Samsung Galaxy player before deciding on listening to Tohoshinki’s song, “Why Did I Fall in Love With You?". The screen turned to the album art of it, which has the five of them splayed out on it with a white background. The title is in Japanese and anyone can obviously see "どうして君を好きになってしまったんだろう?" across the top of the player’s screen.

And then I hear a squeal behind me.

"Gaaah! (My Name)-chan, those Nihonese boys are so kawaii!!"

I jump in my seat, turning around cautiously as I hear the poor attempt at Japanese (what the hell is Nihonese?). Natsumi and Rika are both grinning at me, while Rin busies herself talking to someone on the phone.

"Um, yeah I guess…" I mumble out, hoping they’d leave me alone soon.

"I bet we’ve heard of them before!" Rika gushes loudly, trying to take my mp3 player.

I pull it away from her quickly, because why the hell would I let her touch my baby? Scratching my head, I decide to humor them.

Worst idea ever.

"They’re Tohoshinki," I tell them as I take out my headphones, placing them in my messenger bag, “they’ve sang a few openings and an ending before, for One Piece, I think…"

Natsumi jumps up and down once she hears that I know One Piece. Huge mistake on my part. “You like anime too? Isn’t it the greatest thing in the world? American cartoons suck, but we Nihonese make the best things ever! Toboshinji are better than American bands since they’re Nihonese! I’ve got a bunch of their songs!" She grins as if everything she said was true, not even realising that she said the group’s name incorrectly.

I really want to laugh my ass off, specifically at the “we Nihonese" part, but I hold it off enough to inform them who Tohoshinki are exactly. “Actually, Tohoshinki are a Korean boy band. Their group name in Korean is Dong Bang Shin Ki…" My voice stops because Natsumi’s face has darkened drastically, so much to the point where she’s openly glaring at me. Rin appears terrified, closing her phone and brown eyes are darting between the both of us fearfully.

”FAKE!" She screeches, slapping my Galaxy player, which was in my hand, to the ground. It skids across the pavement, obviously going to have large scratch marks. “YOUR FAKE WANNABE-JAPANESE KOREANS ARE BAKAS AND FAKE AND UNKAWAII AND DISGUSTING DESU!" And she then proceeds to stomp and kick on my mp3 player, and me and Rin try to shove her away to save my hundred-fifty dollar baby.

I’m pissed, so damn pissed because I bought it with my money and it was also brand new.

While Natsumi is busy demolishing my mp3 player with her sneakers, Rika has taken it upon herself to raid my bag. Did you read those last three words? Raid my bag. She takes out all my Deadpool and Hulk comics along with a few Avenger ones, and screams as she recognizes what they are. “EW! NIHONESE MANGA ARE SUPERIOR TO THESE UGLY BAKA AMERICAN COMICS!"

Then, this hambeast proceeds to RIP MY BEAUTIFUL COMIC BOOKS APART. Some of them are old but in great condition and some are gifts from my family and they are being torn apart by this awful, annoying girl. Most of the comics in there have cost me well over $200, and one she ripped was even signed by beloved Jack Kirby. Two of my Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe in first print, along with a Hulk comic, one of my Fantastic Four posters, and one of my mint Avengers from the 80’s are all in pieces.

I am f***ing furious.

So I tackle this bish to the ground with all my might, holding her down as she screams “RAPE!" and “I’M NOT INTO YURI!" Which is stupid, because I am not a homosexual, and I would never ever ever ever ever ever do something like that to her.

Luckily, one of the teachers who was leaving for the day spots us, and she’s seen almost everything. She pulls me off of Rika, and Natsumi freezes like a deer in the headlights. Rin grabs what are the remains of my beloved mp3 player off the ground, handing them to me apologetically. I think that I had to choke back some tears when that happened.

Natsumi tries to play victim. “They were ganging up on me and Rika, so we were just trying to defend ourselves from their evil American ways," She sobs, but everyone knows her little act is bullshit.

"Really?" The teacher raises an eyebrow. “Then we’ll have to check the surveillance cameras."

Thank goodness for them, because Natsumi and Rika fess up right away since the evidence would prove their story wrong, and get into huge trouble since it was on school grounds. They both apologized to me, but it was pretty obvious they weren’t at all sorry. Natsumi’s mother pays me hundred fifty dollars in total with a very genuine apology from herself, and Rika’s family begrudgingly hands over a five dollar gift card to iTunes. Oh yes. Destroy part of my comic book collection and pay me back less than half of what it cost me to get them.

Unfortunately, I had to have a funeral service for my mp3 player, which received a very brutal beating and sadly, did not survive its surgery. As for my comics, I kept the ripped pieces even though I can’t read them anymore.

I rarely see Natsumi or Rika around anymore, but when they do see me during school, I can hear them grumbling some “Japanese" nonsense along with the words “baka gaijin unworthy of Nihon’s sugoiness."

I guess the only good that came out of it was that Rin ditched the weebs and started hanging out with me and my friends and that I bought a new mp3 player.

TL;DR: Weeaboos find my favorite Korean singing group and American comics to be unkawaii-er than Japan’s stuff, further showing their hatred of un-Nihonese things by destroying my mp3 player and my comic books.