The Monocle

Gary's Gluttony is the seventh episode of Season One in Welcome to Fancyland! It was written by FireMatch.

Plot
Squidward gets a monocle that changes his personality, and it even makes him like SpongeBob and Patrick.

Synopsis
Squidward is reading a golden book, when suddenly Patrick starts drooling all over it.

“Patrick! What are you doing drooling on my book?!” Squidward yells. As he says this, Patrick starts drooling all over Squidward’s feet.

Squidward flinches as he pulls his book back. “Why are you acting… even more annoying than usual?”

“Sorry Squidward.” Patrick says. “It’s just a bad habit I’ve been having lately. I’ve had it ever since I ate an entire gold bar last night.”

“Why would you waste so much money by EATING IT?!” asks Squidward. “Anyways, I have to go to my first clarinet recital, and I don’t want you nitwits to ruin it.”

(Bubble transition to Squidward at the clarinet recital, where Squidward is playing his clarinet mediocrely)

The other recital members are annoyed at the sound of his clarinet. “Ugh, where is that wretched sound coming from?” a recital member asks.

“I think my ears have ruptured so hard they’ve turned into volcanoes,” another says.

They spot Squidward playing badly in the back row. “Hey, there he is! Let’s get him!” The first member says. They start running toward Squidward, but the conductor stops them.

“Let’s not attack this… mediocre, uh, clarinet player. Let’s be civil, shall we?” the conductor says. “Besides, he forgot to buy a monocle. Everyone here has one but him.”

“No wonder his music is so bad.” one of the members says. “How much is the monocle?”

The conductor replies with, “5 thousand dollars.”

“I’ll buy it for him.” says the member. “I’m tired of plugging my ears!” (he hands the cash over to the conductor, who later comes out with a monocle and hands it to Squidward)

Squidward notices the monocle and says “What’s this? A monocle? Why thank you.” He says, as he puts it on. Suddenly, his eyes grow wide. “I feel funny.”

“That’s normal, it’ll go away soon.”

“Okay then.” Squidward continues to play his clarinet somewhat gracefully, until the recital ends.

“That was much better,” says the conductor. “Keep that on at all times if you can.”

“I most certainly will,” Squidward says. “However I still feel funny.”

Squidward arrives home to relax, and SpongeBob and Patrick are playing golden dodgeball near his yard.

“Eat my dust, Patrick!” SpongeBob yells, as he throws the golden dodgeball at Patrick’s face, knocking out his golden tooth.

“Aww… I’ve had that gold tooth since I was 8!” Patrick says. “Let’s knock out another!”

Squidward suddenly has the urge to play with them, so he goes outside. “Hey guys, can I play?”

SpongeBob and Patrick look confused, but SpongeBob says, “Sure!”

A montage plays of the three getting beaten senseless by a game of dodgeball. At the end, everyone’s teeth are knocked out.

“That was actually pretty fun, guys. Let’s do this tomorrow.” Squidward says.

“Sure thing, buddy!” SpongeBob says as they all go back into their houses.

Later that evening, Squidward goes to practice his clarinet. Even though he plays it beautifully, he starts getting tired of playing it. “Maybe playing the clarinet isn’t for me. I want to be… a fry cook!” His face turns into SpongeBob’s, and starts laughing like him. Squidward clasps his mouth with one tentacle, and starts to realize what is happening.

“That dang monocle! I knew it! This thing is changing me! I hate SpongeBob and Patrick, even if I did have fun playing dodgeball.” Squidward says as he smashes his monocle with his clarinet. He goes back to sleep, as his next clarinet recital is the next day.

At the clarinet recital, Squidward is without his monocle, and unsurprisingly plays very mediocrely.

“Ugh, why did he get rid of his monocle?!” a recital member complains. “I quit!” The conductor hears this, and tells him that he’ll handle the situation.

“Mr. Squidward?” the conductor says.

“Yes, sir?” Squidward replies.

“What happened to your monocle?” “I got rid of it. I know what you guys are trying to do, change my personality. That does it. I quit! For real!” Squidward storms out of the building.

“Well that solves that problem,” the recital member remarks.

Back at home, Squidward is trying to read a book, when he hears Patrick giggling.

“What are you dumbbells doing this time?” Squidward demands.

“I-I thought you wanted to play with us,” Patrick says.

Squidward is steaming. “Well, not anymore! I’m done playing with you two!” SpongeBob pipes up: “We were just about to play bubble queens. Wanna join?”

“Are your ears full of Krabby Patties? Of course not!” Squidward replies.

“Aw, come on Squidward, this version has gender equality!” SpongeBob says as he waves his hands into a rainbow.

“Then why don’t you go bother Sandy?” Squidward goes back into his house, and goes back to reading.

SpongeBob and Patrick go back to playing bubble queens.

Patrick shouts out, “King me! Or… Queen me! Whichever one doesn’t trigger a nuclear explosion!”

Sandy is seen several miles away, and appears to be turning red with anger, and the episode ends as she explodes out of existence.