No Black Chicks

No Black Chicks is the fifth episode of Total Drama SBFW. It aired July 14, 2019 and was written by DanzxvFan8275 and Purple133.

Transcript
(Episode opens at Team Hell)

Steve: Steve thinks our team sucks.

Travis: No because I’m still here!

Cici: True.

Travis: Plus we don’t have the class masturbator anymore. So it’s more like our team swallows.

Elli: Guys, we can’t keep losing.

Joey: I agree, if we lose again I don’t know who I would vote!

(Joey confessional)

Joey: Yeah I totally know that I’d vote Travis.

(Cut back to the room)

Vanessa: Well, Polar’s gone. But she really didn’t help, so I’m satisfied.

Elli: Alright.

(Elli and Joey start talking quietly while Travis is being loud and distracting)

Joey: Okay Travis has to go next.

Elli: I agree, he’s super annoying and a jerk to everyone.

Joey: Who else should we get in on this?

Elli: Vanessa and SBCA would probably be up to work with us.

SBCA: Heard my name, what’s up?

Elli: Since we’re probably going to lose again, want to vote Travis with us?

SBCA: Yes.

(Cut to Team Steve)

Ian: PURPS YOU MOTHERFUCKER, WHERE’S MY TOOTHBRUSH?!

Purps: I didn’t touch it.

(Ian leaps out of the bathroom)

Ian: Okay. JASBRE! WHERE IS IT?!

(Ian storms back into the bathroom after not whine able to find it, and then Purps goes over to Image and Crazy)

Purps: We’ve got to get rid of Ian.

Crazy: o

Image: He’s pissy.

Purps: Yeahhh.

Crazy: o

(Crazy confessional)

Crazy: o, they want Ian gone. I guess I can vote with them because I don’t want to get out.

(Cut to the challenge)

Alex: Welcome to your fourth challenge everyone. For today’s challenge, we’re doing 7 v 7 tackle football.

Waluigi: WAH! Alex loves balls!

Alex: Shut up. Anyways, choose 7 people from your team to play. First team to 35 points wins.

(Cut to Team Hell)

Vanessa: We just need one person to sit out, so I will.

Rocky: Sounds good to me.

SBCA: Yeah, okay. Let’s go win finally.

(Cut to Team Steve)

Dan: It’s football, so I’ll take charge. Four people stay here, they will be Image, Bot, Granite, and Ian.

Ian: MOTHER-

Bot: Dude just chill out.

(Image confessional)

Image: He benched me because I’m a girl. I demand to play.

(Cut back to Dan talking)

Dan: The rest of us wi-

Image: I DEMAND TO PLAY!

Dan: Oh, okay then. Purps, you’re benched.

Purps: That’s fine, I suck at sports anyways.

Image: Thanks Dan!

Jasbre: Wait, I need to take charge more!

(The game begins)

Dan: Alright, just like we practiced everyone.

Crazy: Dan, is now a bad time to mention we didn’t practice?

Waluigi: WAH! I’m your ref! We will now flip a Mario coin to decide who gets to choose offense or defense.

(Waluigi flips the coin)

Dan: You didn’t let us choose which side we want.

Waluigi: WAH! Both sides are the same! (Coin lands) Team Hell gets to choose.

Travis: We choose defense.

(Everyone on Team Hell glares at Travis)

Waluigi: WAH! Begin!

(Travis kicks off to Team Steve. Dan waits in the endzone as he takes the return.)

Dan: Let’s fucking go!

(Dan receives and dashes out of the endzone. He jukes and outruns Team Hell, torching their special teams defense. He takes the opening kickoff for a touchdown.)

Dan: Play me, bitch!

Walugi: WAH! Team Steve takes a 6-0 lead!

Cici: Ugh. In England, we play real football.

Dan: Shut up.

(Crazy goes out to kick the extra point.)

Golf: You sure you got this, Crazy?

Crazy: I’m the best kicker ever.

(Misses it wide right.)

Crazy: O.

Dan: Goddamn it, Crazy!

(cuts to Team Hell on offense)

SBCA: Okay, since I’m the only leader here, I’m quarterback. Everyone run a slant. Travis, you snap the ball.

Travis: 11, 11. I should be the QB.

SBCA: No, you’ll fuck the ball.

Travis: I’m fuck a ball, if you know what I me-

SBCA: Hike!

Travis: Oh.

(SBCA steps back and sees a wide open Rocky. He throws a pass, but Dan comes up from behind to make a play on the ball)

Walugi: WAH! Intercepted by Team Steve!

(Dan realizes no one is in front of him and just walks into the endzone.)

Walugi: WAH! 12-0 lead for Team Steve!

Dan: Are you not entertained?!

(Dan calls a huddle to go for two.)

Dan: Look, I don’t trust Crazy on the extra point. So let’s just quarterback sneak up the middle

(He snaps the ball as the quarterback and sneaks the ball through Golf and Jasbre.)

Waluigi: Conversion good! WAH! 14-0 lead!

SBCA: Time, please?

(Huddles with team)

SBCA: Look, guys. They’re up 14-0 and they didn’t even run a play on offense yet. We are getting killed. Steve, you’ll take the return. Whatever you do, don’t muff the kick.

Steve: Steve knows what to do.

(Crazy kicks off as Steve waits in the endzone)

Steve: Steve is returning this kick.

(catches the kickoff and runs out, but fumbles the ball at the 5 yard line. Dan is there to recover)

Dan: Fly Eagles Fly!

Golf: Ew, the Eagles. Don’t you mean the Patriots?

Dan: No. Anyway, Golf, you played QB in high school, right?

Golf: Yep.

Dan: Great. Image, FD, Jasbre, Para, and I will be wideouts. Crazy will snap.

Golf: Sounds good. Dan, run a post to the back corner of the end zone.

Dan: Time to get my D-Hop and Julio game on.

(plays starts, as Golf throws a perfect lob to the back of the endzone. Dan leaps over SBCA to make a one-handed catch in bounds.)

Walugi: WAH! Touchdown for Team Steve! Score is now 20-0.

Alex: Wow, this is getting real ugly.

(Golf and Dan run up to each other and jump off of each other in celebration)

Dan: Okay, Crazy. I’m trusting you to kick this extra point.

Crazy: Got it.

(Crazy goes up and hits this one right down the middle.)

Walugi: WAH! 21-0!

Dan: Oh, okay.

(cuts to SBCA on the next drive, scrambling, until getting strip-sacked by Dan as he recovers. Then cuts to Golf handing the ball off to Dan as he outruns everyone for another touchdown. Crazy, again, hits the extra point.)

Dan: Guys, I have a kickoff return TD, and interception return TD, a receiving TD, and a rushing TD. All I need is a passing TD.

Golf: Great. I’ll give you my spot.

Dan: One problem. I’m so fricking tired. Too tired to say fucking.

Bot: I guess I’ll play for you.

Dan: Ah, thanks man. I just need a breather. Maybe just three minutes.

(3 minutes later…)

Dan: GUYS, WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU LET THEM COMEBACK AND TIE THE GAME!

Golf: Yeah, Bot kept fumbling the ball. Travis somehow has 2 fumble return TDs.

Jasbre: At least we also scored another TD.

Crazy: ...but then I missed the extra point.

Dan: Okay, now we fucked up. Hey, I said fuck! I’m not tired anymore! I’m coming back out!

Waluigi: WAH! What an amazing comeback by Team Hell! We have a tied game at 34! Next TD wins!

Dan: Okay, I’m quarterback. Golf, I want you to run a streak. Actually, everybody. Hail mary time.

Golf: Wait, why?

Dan: Because I feel like it.

SBCA (in the huddle): Okay, everyone play deep. Cici, Rocky, play zone defense as linebackers. Everyone else, mark a man.

Image (overhearing): Hey!

SBCA: Or… nevermind.

Dan: Hike!

(Dan drops back and surveys the area. Rocky comes in for the blitz and almost knocks the ball away in a dramatic sequence. However, Dan revivers and throws a deep bomb into the endzone. Golf and Travis are in the area. Travis goes up to pick it off, but Golf mosses him and comes down with it.)

Dan: No fucking way…

Golf: That was anticlimactic.

Waluigi: WAH! Team Steve wins 40-34! They win immunity! Team Hell will vote someone out once again!

Dan: YEAH! MVP, baby! TD in every category!

Golf: Except for fumble return….

Dan: Well, yeah…

Jasbre: And punt return….

Dan: Oh. GODDAMNIT!

(SBCA confessional)

SBCA : I’m getting really, really sick of constantly losing.

(Cut to team Hell, Elli, Joey, SBCA, and Rocky are talking)

Joey: So it’s simple, we vote our Travis.

Elli: Makes sense to me!

Rocky: Yeah, no more of these black chicks screwing us over!

SBCA: Rocky, can I check you for a fever?

Rocky: Nope!

(Elli confessional)

Elli: I feel really good about this vote.

(Cut to the elimination ceremony conference room; Travis voting)

Travis: Hehehe, thinks he can take me and my friends out? what a blasted buffoon!

Alex: You all know how this works by now considering it’s your fourth time. Here’s who’s moving on. Elli, Vanessa, Cici, SBCA.

(They all get sticky notes with letters on them)

Cici: What do the letters mean?

Alex: Nothing! Next person safe is Rocky, which leaves us down to Joey, Travis, and Steve. All of you got at least one vote, the first time more then one person has gotten votes.

Waluigi: WAH! Yep!

Alex: Steve only had one vote, so he’s safe.

Steve: Steve is glad he is alright, but questions who voted him.

(Vanessa grins)

Steve: Oh.

Alex: Now I only have one sticky note left. One of you will leave here tonight with four votes, the other will stay with three votes and a potential target on their back. The person eliminated isssssssss………….Travis!

Travis: WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU ALL LOVED ME! ALL OF YOU!

(Travis goes to the Loser Lounge)

Alex: Well guys, that was rough. Just remember, if you lose again you’re going to stand even less of a chance of even making it to the merge. Good look!