Cook or Die

Cook or Die is the tenth episode of Total Drama SBFW. It aired August 10, 2019 and was written by DanzxvFan8275 and Purple133.

Transcript
(Episode opens at Team Hell)

Vanessa: Guys, we can’t lose again.

Elli: Hopefully the next challenge is slightly easier than this one.

SBCA: Yeah. At least Steve and his stupidity is finally gone.

(Joey confessional)

Joey: So I saw the way Purps looked at Elli yesterday and simply thought: oh, Elli can be the next vote. Relationships always drag people down in games like these, I should know. Actually I shouldn’t, but they do!

(Cut to Team Steve)

Dan: Hey Granite!

Granite: Hey Dan? Why are you randomly acting nice to me?

Dan: Oh, no reason.

(Dan confessional)

Dan: I’m totally going to destroy Granite. Slowly, but surely, he will be taken down.

(Cut to Granite talking to Para again)

Granite: So Para, I think Dan has to go. I don’t think we can trust him not to try to lose intentionally for us again.

Para: Wasn’t that like a few days ago?

Granite: Yeah, but still! We don’t know if he has his own agenda and wants one of us gone.

(Granite confessional)

Granite: Dan’s a damn fool. That’s all.

(Dan spying on their conversation)

Dan: Oh trust me, I won’t intentionally lose this time. I have a better idea.

Purps: Do you, though?

Dan: Well… no.

Purps: Well I guess it depends on what the challenge is. Hopefully I get to talk to Elli today!

Crazy: Purps you need to calm down.

(Cut to the challenge)

Alex: Welcome to your ninth challenge everybody!

Waluigi: WAH! I get to announce it today! For today’s challenge, your teams will be cooking! What will you be cooking? I don’t care as long as you bring us an appetizer, entree, and dessert! NOW COOK OR DIE.

Joey: Woah wait what?

Granite: I don’t feel like dying today.

Alex: Waluigi will now take you to your kitchens.

(Waluigi brings both teams to their kitchens and Alex comes on through a loudspeaker)

Alex: Alright, there are pantries next to the kitchens with a lot of crap. Now you have exactly 90 minutes to get cooking. Go!

(Cut to Team Hell)

Vanessa: We need a plan.

Elli: I can handle an entree!

SBCA: I can get the appetizer. Some good old fashion Filipino food.

Vanessa: I can plate the things and make it look nice, so who’s got dessert?

Cici: I can do that.

Joey: Wait what about me?

SBCA: Um you can ummmmmm get ice! For the drinks!

Joey: Oh, okay!

(SBCA confessional)

SBCA: Joey’s lit the oven on fire in our team base so many times none of us trust him to do any of the cooking.

(Cut to Team Steve)

Dan: Hey wait, I didn’t see Steve over there.

Para: No. nonononono.

Crazy: OMG WHYYYY!

Purps: Guys let’s focus. What should our entree be?

Granite: Maybe steak?

Purps: Sounds good. Maybe we serve it with fries and some sautéed asparagus?

Ian: Purps, since when were you such a good nerd?

Purps: Since I started watching Masterchef in 2013.

Ian: Makes sense.

Purps: Since when did you start having actual lines?

Ian: No clue. Okay so for the appetizer maybe we do like mozzarella bites?

Purps: That sounds good.

(Image confessional)

Image: So all the guys get together and start planning and I’m once again stuck in man-land, but I now see a chance to make a dessert idea. I guess.

(Cut back to Team Steve)

Image: I can do cake for dessert.

Purps: Alright sure. Let’s get cooking!

(Cut to Team Hell, SBCA is working on the appetizer)

SBCA: Oh the camera is recording me. Well for today’s challenge I’m making traditional Filipino spring rolls. I’ve never practiced my knife skills so I decided, why not try to chop vegetables?

(SBCA chops up lettuce but unintentionally sliced his finger open)

SBCA: OH SHIT! I CAN’T WORK ANYMORE. wait I have to or else….

Joey: SBCA can I do the work you can’t do anymore?

SBCA: NO! Please no!

Elli: It’s fine!

Joey: Yay!

(Joey starts trying to make the spring rolls, cut to Ian and Para working on the mozzarella bites)

Ian: Hey Para so who are you voting if we somehow lose?

Para: 100% Dan, he can’t be trusted. Or that’s what Granite said.

Ian: Now I know Granite told you that, but Granite is all over the place right now. So what if we vote against him?

Para: That’s actually not a bad idea.

(Ian confessional)

Ian: These mothafuckers only saw me as the guy who says that word, but I’ll prove I can be a master strategist in this game.

(Cut to Image and Purps baking the dessert)

Image: So what color should we decorate the cake with?m

Purps: Purple, duh.

Image: Oh yeah, that makes sense.

(The oven dings)

Purps: I was talking to Dan about maybe voting out Granite if we lose?

Image: Sounds cool as long as I don’t get any votes.

Purps: You got it.

(Cut to Elli cooking lamb chops)

Elli: La la la la. Hey Vanessa, how do these lamb chops look?

Vanessa: Great! Make sure you’re using the correct spices! Cici, how’s the strawberry shortcake coming along?

Cici: Marvelous.

(Vanessa confessional)

Vanessa: Yeah, this team is doing good. I’m kinda going around tasting everything, and nothing worries me. Well, except the spring rolls. Joey took over for SBCA and I am seriously concerned.

(Vanessa walks over to Joey)

Vanessa: How’s it going?

(The oven lights on fire)

Joey: There’s your answer. SBCA was right, I can’t do this! We’re going to lose again because of me, and then I’ll get out!

SBCA: Joey, I’m sorry I said those things. I believe that if you try your hardest, you can succeed and get us the win!

Joey: I can still save them!

Vanessa: Wait aren’t spring rolls deep fried?

Joey: I deep fried them and finished by baking them.

SBCA: You got this bro!

(Joey pulls the spring rolls out, cut to Granite, Bot, Dan, and Golf working on sautéing)

Granite: Golf, you’re sautéing stuff, right?

Bot: Wait if I’m doing that, Dan’s grilling the steak, and Golf’s working on the sautéeingwhat exactly are you doing?

Granite: Managing.

Bot: Oh, okay.

(Dan confessional)

Dan: Granite may seem nice and quirky, but right now he’s not really doing anything. I want him gone, so now I have more reasons to have everyone get rid of him.

(Cut to Bot making the fries, they start burning)

Bot: Oh no the fries are burning.

(Both teams quickly plays but the fries aren’t put on team Steve’s entree, but nobody notices)

Alex: Alright Everyone 90 minutes are up, bring us your dishes!

Bot: Right here.

(Bot brings up all three dishes on the same platter)

Image: Wait where are the fries?

Bot: Um.

(Joey brings up team hell’s dishes on the same platter)

Alex: First we’ll judge appetizers. Team Hell, what do you have?

Joey: SBCA started them and I finished, but here we have some traditional Filipino spring rolls.

Waluigi: WAH! They have the delicious golden brown color that spring rolls should have.

(Waluigi eats one)

Waluigi: Woah, these taste amazing.

(Joey confessional)

Joey: Yessssssssssssssss.

(Back to the tasting)

Waluigi: Now we’ll taste Team Steve’s mozzarella bites.

Bot: Ian and Para made them.

(Waluigi takes a bite)

Waluigi: Not many issues, they just need more salt. Let’s taste Team Steve’s entree.

Bot: Ok so I have here a steak with sautéed asparagus and some other vegetables. There were fries but I burned them. Also Granite did nothing.

Granite: Hey!

Waluigi: WAH! It tastes like shit.

Granite: Guys!

Dan: Don’t blame us, you knew how to do it and didn’t help!

Granite: Because I thought you knew how to GRILL STEAK!

Waluigi: Silence. Now we’ll taste Team Hell’s entree.

Joey: Elli cooked herb crusted lamb chops.

Waluigi: WAH! Tastes amazing! Bring on your dessert Team Steve.

Bot: Okay so Purps and Image made this purple cake.

Waluigi: WAH! Points for it being purple, but why is half of it missing?

(Bot glares at Purps and Image who shrug their shoulders)

Waluigi: Well at least the part I got tastes good. Team Hell?

Joey: Cici made strawberry shortcake.

Waluigi: THIS IS INCREDIBLE. FREAKING INCREDIBLE. TEAM HELL WINS, TEAM STEVE WILL GO TO THE ELIMINATION CEREMONY.

Granite: Crap!

Crazy: o

(Cut to Team Steve)

Dan: (talking to everybody except Granite, Para, and Bot) so I say we vote out Granite.

Purps: I don’t see an issue with that. Why did we not include Bot?

Dan: He can’t be trusted.

(Bot walks into a wall)

Image: That totally checks out.

(Granite and Para are talking)

Granite: Listen I know I’m screwed, but can you at least vote Dan with me bro?

Para: Sure.

(Cut to the elimination ceremony)

Alex: Alright, vote!

(Cut to Bot voting)

Bot: My calculations say that men are 7 times less likely to get pregnant then women.

(Cut back to the ceremony)

Alex: Alright you guys know how this works, so here’s who lives to see another day. Bot, Crazy, Para.

Bot: Yes.

Purps: 27.

Crazy: What does that even mean?

Alex: Golf, Image, Ian.

Image: Yay, thanks!

Alex: Purps.

Purps: Ooo, dodged a bullet.

Alex: Dan, looks like you’re in the bottom two again. Granite, how do you feel?

Granite: I know I’m dead.

Alex: Correct Granite, you’re gone.

Granite: Well guys, I’m sorry for the trouble I caused I never meant it to end like this. Now for a thirty minute speech I wrote in case I ever got out. I started this journey ab-

Waluigi: WAH! No time for that, please come with me to the Loser’s Lounge.

Granite: Dang it.

(Episode ends)