On Air

On Air is the third episode of Season One in Welcome to Fancyland!  It was written by PrimitiveSponge129

Plot
Squidward sees all the shows on TV and thinks they're stupid, so he makes a TV show himself.

Synopsis
The episode fades in to Squidward sitting on a couch switching channels on his flat-screen plasma TV. Multiple channels are seen, such as JayBay Television, Fox Cubs, and Unknown Forces Television.

"What are all these garbage shows? Adventures in the High Blue Sky?" Squidward says, he then puts it on.

Squidward's TV shows clips of birds flying.

"What kind of garbage is this?" Squidward says. "Who would want to watch birds flying?"

He switches channels again.

"Huh? Dunes and Dinosaurs?" Squidward says as he puts that on. Squidward's TV shows stop-motion dinosaur figures in a desert.

"This is equally as bad, if not worse than the previous show!" Squidward says angrily.

"Now what? Adventures in Bikini Gulch?" Squidward says, he puts it on.

On Squidward's TV, SpongeBuck and Pecos Patrick are talking to each other.

"Hey, look! The Krusty... Kantina?" SpongeBuck says confusedly.

"That's a new one." Pecos Patrick says.

"Hey! Those two look like SpongeBob and Patrick!" Squidward says. "And it's a wild west show. Too much TV shows and movies use wild west themes. This is the worst show yet!"

Squidward takes out his phone and searches Adventures in Bikini Gulch.

"1.3 million viewers WORLDWIDE?!" Squidward says shocked.

"Over a million people are watching this garbage!" Squidward says. "Nobody here at Fancyland could be watching this junk!"

Time Card: Meanwhile...

Inside SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are watching Adventures in Bikini Gulch.

"Here you go, sir. A glass of water." Hopalong Tentacles says in SpongeBob's TV.

SpongeBob laughs. "This show is the best! That guy looks like Squidward!"

"But is it better than... Dunes and Dinosaurs?" Patrick says as he puts on Dunes and Dinosaurs.

"Yes, Patrick, Dunes and Dinosaurs is a good show, but Adventures in the High Blue Sky is better!" SpongeBob says as he puts on Adventures in the High Blue Sky.

They both scream in fear at the bird clips.

(Bubble transition)

In Ze French Scientist's lab, Squidward set up a camera, and microphone.

Cut to an image of Squidward sitting fancily wearing a crown in a cool background with the words "Squid's Picks". A narrator says "And now, back to Squid's Picks!"

Cut to the camera's point of view. "Hello, and welcome to Squid's Picks, where I, Squidward, go to three different houses and pick which is the fanciest." Squidward says.

"Well, technically, zis is my lab, not my house." Ze French Scientist says.

"Did I ask you?" Squidward says calmly, to which Ze French Scientist replies "No, sorry."

"Here, i've been granted permission to a top secret lab, which i'll be looking over." Squidward says, now on SpongeBob's television.

"Oh my GOSH! Squidward has a TV show!" SpongeBob says happily.

"Yeah! Squidward has a TV taco!" Patrick says.

Cut back to the camera's POV where Squidward says "If you want me to visit your house, dial 1-800-SQUIDPICKS".

Back in SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob is yelling "Dial the number, Patrick, DIAL THE NUMBER!" as Patrick is holding his phone stupidly.

Cut to Patrick's phone, which is on the Phone app.

"Um... does 1 come after 3 and have a zig-zaggy thingy?" Patrick asks.

"Oh, let me do it." SpongeBob says taking Patrick's phone out of his hands. He dials the number.

"And I give this house, on the fancy scale, a 7 out of 10." Squidward says.

Squidward's phone begins to ring.

"And here we have our next contestant! Stick around, folks, for more of Squid's Picks!" He says.

Squidward pick up his phone.

"Hello? What's your address? I'll get there as fast as I can!" Squidward says.

"Patrick, do the voice!" SpongeBob whispers.

"The address is 124 Fanc-treet. And by the way, I love your nose, it's so hangy, and bulbous, and blue." Patrick says in a manly voice.

"Umm... thank you? But i'm not gay?" Squidward says confusedly.

"Oh, me neither. I just like your nose." Patrick says.

"Right..." Squidward says. "Well, 124 Fanc-treet it is."

Squidward hangs up.

SpongeBob and Patrick high-five each other.

(Bubble transition)

Outside SpongeBob's house, Squidward arrives.

"You know, this house reminds me of my neighbor SpongeBob's house." Squidward says. "It's a lot less quiet though."

Cut to inside SpongeBob's house by SpongeBob's door

"Are you sure that costume will fool Squidward, Patrick?" SpongeBob asks.

"It's always worked, SpongeBob." Patrick says, who's wearing a light blue business suit, a white shirt undernearth, a black tie, and those glasses with fake eyebrows, nose, and mustache.

"Okay, go!" Patrick says. SpongeBob then leaps out of the way as Patrick opens the door.

"Hello, sir. Is this your house?" Squidward says.

"You bet your nose it is!" Patrick says in the same manly voice as before.

Cut to SpongeBob's TV, which is showing what's happening in the episode.

"I see you're watching us live." Squidward says.

"Yep, even if this is the first episode, i'd never miss your nose!" Patrick says. "See? It's your nose!" He points to Squidward's nose on the TV.

Cut to SpongeBob's bedroom. Gary is sleeping on the floor.

"This must be your bedroom." Squidward says.

"Yuppie-doo! You bet your nose it is!" Patrick says.

"You said that a minute ago." Squidward says.

"Umm... nose!" Patrick says.

"Is this your snail?" Squidward says looking at Gary.

"Um... yeah! His name is Ga... umm... Garoua-Boulai!" Patrick says.

"Garoua-Boulai? That's a strange name for a snail. It's almost as if this isn't your snail, and you thought of a random word. If thats true, then maybe this house isn't yours!" Squidward speculates.

"That's... uh... not true!" Patrick says sweating.

Squidward stares at Patrick for a few seconds.

"Fair enough." Squidward says. "I give this house a 10 out of 10 on the fancy scale! You might be today's winner!"

"We'll be back after a word from our sponsor." Squidward says.

His phone rings.

"Hello? Yes? Mmhmm? Alright, we'll head there." Squidward says. He then hangs up.

"Goodbye, Mr... umm..." Squidward says.

"Mr. Star" Patrick says.

"Yes, goodbye, Mr. Star." Squidward says as he heads out the house.

SpongeBob and Patrick are about to high-five, but then SpongeBob says "Wait... who are you?"

(Bubble transition)

On SpongeBob's TV, Squidward is at another house.

"This place is the... um... SFBW HQ." Squidward says.

Someone opens the door.

"Hello, are you the owner of this house?" Squidward asks the guy.

"No, i'm not. My name's Prim, but I could show you around." Prim says.

"That's Suds, that's Pollar, that's Janbe, that's Cray-Cray, that's Lonk, and that's Trevor." Prim says.

"Does anyone know how Sandy without her underwear looks like?" Suds asks.

"I don't, but I know how much magazines with naked people Lonk has!" Cray-Cray says.

"Shut the hell up, or i'll blow your brain out." Lonk says, aiming a gun at Cray-Cray.

"Hey, fellas, nobody needs to blow anyone's brains out. But what were you doing in Lonk's room, Cray-Cray?" Janbe says, splitting them apart.

"Reading the magazines." Cray-Cray says. "So much naked people!"

"I said shut the hell up!" Lonk says.

"Did someone say the word naked? Where? Where?" Trevor says.

"Shut the HELL up, Trevor! I'm playing Deltarune here." Pollar says, playing on the Switch.

"Um... yeah... i'll give this house a 5..." Squidward says, slamming the door.

(Bubble transition)

"Alright, the winner of Squid's Picks is Mr. Star! Come on out Mr. Star!" Squidward says holding a trophy.

"Thanks, Squidward!" Patrick says in the manly voice and in the uniform.

"Wait... how do you know my name?" Squidward asks.

Patrick rips off his suit.

"I still don't know who you are?" Squidward says.

"Oh, right." Patrick says taking off his glasses and taking the trophy.

"Patrick?!" Squidward exclaims.

"Not just Patrick! Also me!" SpongeBob says. "Thanks for the trophy, Squidward."

"Hey, give me that back!" Squidward says, reaching for the trophy.

"Sorry Squidward, but you gave us the trophy fair and square!" SpongeBob says going inside his house with Patrick and the trophy.

The episode ends with SpongeBob and Patrick rewinding the words "Patrick?!" and "Hey! Give me that back!" "Sorry, Squidward, but you gave us the trophy fair and square." and laughing.