Welcome to the Wikia, Part One

Welcome to the Wikia, Part One is the first episode of Total Drama SBFW. It aired June 21, 2019 and had a lot of people write it.

Synopsis
Twenty-two contestants arrive at a shady building in Chicago and are told what's going to happen over the next few weeks.

Transcript
(Episode opens with the new host arriving at a very large building labeled “Wiki” because Chris McLean is now in jail; the new host is none other than Alex, because Steve is hosting Evicted)

 

Alex: Yo yo yo, I’m the host. I’m probably going to need a co-host.

 

(Alex makes a phone call and Waluigi shows up)

 

Alex: Hey Waluigi.

 

Waluigi: It’s Waluigi time!

 

Alex: Well now we’ve got to welcome all of the new contestants. By the way viewers, welcome to Total Drama SBFW where a bunch of the wiki’s famous users will compete to win $100,000! Each night somebody will be voted out bringing others closer to the prize.

 

(Theme song plays)

 

Alex: Now here comes the contestants.

 

(Purps arrives in a taxi with a suitcase)

 

Purps: Oh hey, do we get rooms to stay in? This suitcase is heavy.

 

Alex: Yes, but first you need to stand right over there and wait for everyone else.

 

Purps: Why?

 

Alex: Just do it.

 

Waluigi: WAH!

 

(Purps sets his suitcase down when Elli arrives on a bike)

 

Elli: Oh hey, do we get rooms to stay in? This suitcase is heavy.

 

Waluigi: Did you two plan to say the exact same thing?

 

Purps & Elli: No.

 

Alex: Okay, come stand over here.

 

(Steve and Jasbre show up on hoverboards)

 

Jasbre: Yo wassup, it’s me Jasbre.

 

(Jasbre falls off his hoverboard and slams his face against the concrete)

 

Steve: Steve is going to be less careful.

 

(Steve slips off his hoverboard and hits his head against a lamppost; FD gets dropped off by his parents)

 

FD: Thanks mom and dad! hey guys, I brought SPRAY PAINT.

 

Purps: Why?

 

FD: Reasons. Hey I’m FD want to be friends?

 

Purps: Sure!

 

(Polar rollerblades in)

 

Polar: Hey hey, the queen has arrived!

 

(Crazy teleports out of nowhere)

 

Crazy: And that’s from Magica De Spell! Anyway, you’re a boy, Polar.

 

Polar: Girl!

 

Crazy: I’m not doing this anymore. You’re just a projection. (I miss you Polar)

 

Purps: Where did you even come from? Never mind.

 

Waluigi: WAH! Look!

 

(A limo pulls up and Cici and Travis step out)

Cici: Look, we’re wearing tuxedos so you acknowledge us!

 

Travis: I feel like we’re missing somebody important.

 

(Matchy shows up on a tricycle)

 

Matchy: Oh hey dudes?

 

Travis: Shut up classturbator.

 

(Everyone except Cici throws a rock at Travis)

 

Travis: WHAT THE HELL GUYS?!

 

(Granite crawls out of a nearby sewer)

 

Granite: Oh hey guys, I just learned how smelly sewers are.

 

(Literally everyone stares at Granite)

 

Granite: Are you guys just going to stare at me or help me with my luggage, I have a lot.

 

(Granite starts tossing suitcases onto the sidewalk when Vanessa shows up)

 

Vanessa: Wait did I get the right building?

 

Granite: (still halfway in sewer) I don’t know.

 

Vanessa: Ew, no stay away. Hey guys!

 

Granite: Oof.

 

Jasbre: Greetings and salutations there!

 

Vanessa: Stop trying to be cool.

 

(Jasbre sits down and stares at a wall; Lock shows up in a red car; Dan shows up in an unzipped duffel bag)

 

Dan: Thank god I’m out of that!

 

Vanessa: He doesn’t look so good.

 

Dan: Dude, I smoked the fattest blunt last night.

 

Granite: (whispers) I think he had a one night stand again…

 

Dan: You’re damn right.

 

Jasbre: So what are you doing here?

 

Dan: Must have passed out. Got kidnapped. Oh crap, she took my wallet! It was Cardi B!

 

Travis: Greetings, Dan.

 

Dan: Yo Travis. Let’s go make fun of Matchy for fapping in class. (looks at Matchy) Matchy, stop cumming in your desk!

 

Matchy: Shut up and stop milking that joke!

 

Travis: Stop milking your little weiner in class!

 

Matchy: (groans) Y’all have a school here?

 

Crazy: I don’t think we would because if we did, most people here would be in school right now.

 

Jasbre: It’s 6 in the morning!

 

Crazy: Timezones, Jasbre.

 

Jasbre: We are all in the same location!

 

Crazy: That’s what you think. ;)

 

Alex: Woah guys let’s calm it down here! We still have more people coming!

 

Dan: Like Matchy.

 

Matchy: At this point I should just be used to it, but I’m not.

 

(Lock gets out of his car)

 

Lock: Hey, I want to die also poop

 

Polar: Okay, that works.

 

Lock: I was brought here against my will by Para.

 

Para: Yo sup?

 

Purps: Where did you come from?

 

Alex: Yeah, also why did you kidnap a fellow contestant and forcefully bring him here?

 

Para: Well I was upstate, and then drove here with Lock locked in my trunk.

 

Alex: Alrighty.

 

(Ian comes out of the store next to the building)

 

Ian: Oh hey, I got an invitation so I took the subway.

 

Purps: Wait what city is this? I was asleep on the way here.

 

Ian: Chicago??? how did you not pick up on that?

 

Waluigi: WAH! I own a taco stand here.

 

(Image shows up and Travis stares at her)

 

Travis: May I have your glistening girl juices?

 

Image: What the hell?

 

Travis: Pwease?

 

(Image kicks Travis in the balls and he falls to the ground as everyone laughs)

 

Travis: BITCH! SHUT UP EVERYONE THAT WASN’T FUNNY!

 

Purps: I mean it really was.

 

Jasbre: Yeah bro.

 

(Rocky arrives on a bus)

 

Rocky: Hey my dudes, where’s the competish?

 

Jasbre: What?

 

Dan: Bruh what are you saying?

 

Purps: They don’t understand your tone of speech.

 

Rocky: Dammit.

 

(SBCA jumps out of a helicopter and parachutes down to the building)

 

Alex: Wait is that even legal?

 

Image: No.

 

Elli: Yeah especially in a big city like this.

 

SBCA: HELLO DOWN THERE!

 

(SBCA gets around 10 feet from the ground when his parachute stops working)

 

SBCA: Oh sh-

 

(SBCA falls to the ground and gets hurt)

 

Polar: Omgosh are you okay?

 

SBCA: Yes mom I’d like that cookie now.

 

Waluigi: WAH! It’s okay, I'm a medic!

 

(Joey skates in)

 

Joey: Hey everyone, I just got out of my dentist appointment so I’m all good to go!

 

Granite: Hey, why do I feel like we’re the odd ones out?

 

Joey: That’s a weird thing for a guy I just met to say to me but I don’t know.

 

(Bot walks in)

 

Bot: did you hear that they removed -2 year olds only on meme world

 

Crazy: WHAT

 

Bot: shocking, i know. now that you’re here, donate to the allah hoopla charity

 

Crazy: no donate to the krusty krab unfair charity

 

Bot: we talk in the same style

 

Crazy: o

 

(Mysterious menacing music starts playing as a jet black car rolls up)

 

Waluigi: Who’s that?

 

Alex: The final contestant.

 

(Golf steps out of the car)

 

Golf: Hello libtards.

 

Purps: What the hell?

 

Dan: Sir you look like a discount version of the monopoly man.

 

Golf: Shut up heathen.

 

Alex: Well now everyone’s here, so we might as well enter the building.

 

Purps and Elli: Can we bring our bags?

 

Alex: Are you stupid? yes.

 

(The 22 contestants follow Alex and Waluigi into the building; inside is a large white and gold lobby)

 

Waluigi: YOU IDIOTS YOU FELL INTO MEH TRAP WAHHAWHHWHEWifkshelpmeimbored

 

Alex: Calm down. Now let’s divvy up the teams. So if I call your name, go stand on that side of the lobby.

 

Crazy: i dont wanna

 

Alex: Alright. Bot, Crazy, Dan, FD, Golf, Granite, Ian, Image, Jasbre, Para, and Purps. You guys can choose a team name.

 

Crazy: what did i just fucking say i just said i dont wanna so listen to me you little piece of shit this is sbfw total drama and so far there is no drama so i gotta kickstart it soon so just fucking let me stand in that fucking spot instead of that damn fucking shitty as hell spot ok man or feman?

 

Alex: Ok...you can stand over there.

 

Crazy: cool!

 

Alex: Alright everyone else go to the right side of the room and choose a name.

 

(Jasbre gets everyone into a huddle)

 

Jasbre: Steve was separated from us so it’s only fitting we name our team Steve.

 

Dan: He’s not even on our team.

 

Para: Yeah

 

Jasbre: ALEX WE’RE TEAM STEVE!

 

Alex: Alright, Team Steve it is.

 

(On the other side)

 

Polar: Maybe we should be called team Ariana Grande.

 

Elli: No.

 

SBCA: Yeah. Maybe we can be called Team Hell because that’s what where we’re all going.

 

Rocky: Whoa that was dark as hell.

 

(Alex hears this)

 

Alex: Team H-E Double Hockey Sticks it is!

 

Waluigi: Wah will take you to your rooms! Team Steve gets the fancy elevator, and the other team gets the bad one and this isn’t bias because crazy is totally not writing this haha.

 

(Everyone goes into their team elevators)

 

Jasbre: Well...this is taking a while.

 

Polar: You should promote your gardening while we wait.

 

Crazy: We should promote Box Productio-

 

Lock: He meant to say British Fish Productions.

 

Jasbre: How can you and Polar hear us?

 

Lock: The elevators have speakers connecting each other.

 

Matchy: Dan are you smoking? I can smell it through the speakers.

 

Dan: What do you think?

 

Waluigi: I gotta set on the fire alarm (clears throat) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-

 

(Some time later)

 

Alex: The elevators are finally at your rooms!

 

Jasbre: Where is that voice coming from?

 

Alex: The loudspeaker in your room silly.

 

Purps: Wait there’s only three beds.

 

Image: I call a bed because I’m the only girl.

 

Dan: Seniority first. I get a bed.

 

FD: Can I get a bed? my back is really bad I need some aspir-

 

Crazy: FD SHUT THE HELL UP NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR SEVERE BACK PAINS I GET A BED!

 

FD: Alright I guess I’ll just cry myself to sleep because of the pain.

 

Purps: Okay so Image, Dan, and Crazy got beds.

 

(Meanwhile)

 

Polar: Girls get beds.

 

SBCA: Sounds fair.

 

(Elli gets into a bed)

 

Elli: This isn’t comforting at all! Rocky you can take it!

 

Rocky: Really?

 

Steve: Steve doesn’t understand why Rocky was offered bed first /‘d not Steve.

 

Elli: Rocky was right there.

 

Rocky: Yeah.

 

(One sleep later)

 

Alex: EVERYONE WAKE UP IT’S CHALLENGE TIME!

 

Waluigi: WAH!

 

(Episode ends as the screen contestants make their way downstairs)

Trivia

 * This is the only episode of the season where nobody is eliminated