Goofballs/June 21, 2015

Screenplay
SCENE 1

EXT. SEPTEM CITY - ESTABLISHING SHOT - LATE WINTER - DAYTIME

An establishing shot of the streets of Septem City shows various seven-dotted things, such as statues and monuments in the shape of a 7, stoplights with the indicators red, yellow and seven, children building snowballs in the shape of a 7, etc.

Pan stops at a wall, at which a graffiti artist spray paints a black 8 onto the wall, alerting a nearby MODERATOR.

MODERATOR (blows whistle) Get him!

Three other moderators chase the graffiti artist as he begins to run.

EXT. CITY HALL - ESTABLISHING SHOT

The City Hall office building, labeled with white block letters reading “CITY HALL” above its two front doors, sits in the middle of a flat grassland.

INT. CITY HALL - LOBBY

VIOLET, WILLIAM, TOPH and SIMON sit around a table in the City Hall lobby, eating breakfast.

DA NERD comes downstairs and walks towards the front desk, on which there is a plate of waffles, set next to a stack of empty plates. He grabs an empty plate and a waffle and sits down in the table next to the others, turning the chair to face them.

WILLIAM Morning.

VIOLET What’s got a spring in your step this morning?

DA NERD Nothing, I’ve just been preparing a little something for our meeting today. I think you’re gonna like it.

SIMON Well, you never cease to amaze us. I guess that’s why they call you Da Nerd.

TOPH Wait, no it isn’t. It’s because he’s a nerd.

VIOLET Toph!

TOPH What? (stuffs face with egg) I’m just saying.

DA NERD Well, anyways, I still gotta get it all set up in the meeting room, so I’m gonna rush through my waffle.

WILLIAM That I toasted myself, thank you very much.

DA NERD Oh, you finally figured out how to use the toaster?

WILLIAM Yep. All by myself.

DA NERD That explains why it’s ice cold, then. Nevertheless, this brand’s good. Violet, remember to get this again next time you go to the store.

VIOLET Will do.

BOB comes downstairs, groggy and hungover.

TOPH Hey, Bob.

BOB (ached) Oh, God, not so loud. (exhales)

Bob walks over to behind the front desk and grabs a coffee mug, then proceeds to pour the coffee from the coffeemaker into the mug... until it overflows, which he doesn’t notice for a few seconds.

BOB Oh, damn it.

Bob stops pouring the coffee and grabs a waffle, then walks over to Da Nerd’s table. He then proceeds to put his head down on the table.

VIOLET Rough night?

BOB Yeah.

VIOLET Well, you get used to it. Eat up, we got a meeting today.

BOB (groans)

TOPH Oh, speaking of that meeting, I also have a presentation ready. Well, not ready per se, but it’s in my mind.

WILLIAM Toph, for the last time, no one cares about your argument for grape soda.

TOPH But here’s the thing -

WILLIAM (groans)

TOPH (CONT’D) if we contained the grape soda in a medium that would limit its ability to reach the carpet, it wouldn’t be that much of a problem. Now, what would that medium be? Preferably, a juice box, but the straw is too loose for it to be guaranteed no mess.

BOB Toph, you’re not making this hangover any better.

TOPH Sorry, but I do have a valid point.

VIOLET No. No, you don’t.

WILLIAM Wait, where’d Da Nerd go?

The table Bob sits at is now empty, with an empty plate besides crumbs at the spot Da Nerd was previously sitting at.

SIMON Must be a big presentation.

TOPH God help us.

Suddenly, ADAM’s voice is heard from upstairs.

ADAM Ow! Son of a bitch!

WILLIAM Hey, Adam’s up. Adam comes downstairs.

TOPH Morning.

VIOLET Careful, Bob’s got a hangover.

ADAM Ah. (beat) Again?

BOB (mouth full with waffle) Shut up.

Adam grabs a waffle and the entire coffeemaker and sits at Bob’s table.

SIMON Got enough coffee there?

ADAM Ah, maybe.

Note that the coffeemaker is still half full.

ADAM (CONT’D) So, what’s this about a big meeting? Were we supposed to have something ready for that or...?

TOPH Not necessarily. Only if you have something that you want to present or propose or something.

VIOLET Yeah, basically the people who aren’t presenting, in other words, literally everyone but Da Nerd, are just gonna discuss the ideas brought forth by the presenter, parenthesis s parenthesis.

WILLIAM Yeah, and there’ll be people who, while not doing a full-fledged presentation, will bring up certain things that are happening in the city and we’ll discuss how to better them.

SIMON Wait, shouldn’t you already know all this? Haven’t you been in at least like 5 meetings before?

ADAM Know the snoring you’ve been hearing in the back of the room at all 5 of those meetings?

SIMON Yeah, what about it?

ADAM That’s me, you dingus.

VIOLET Alright, ladies, there’s no need for name-calling.