Where Did Everybody Go?

Synopsis
In a post-apocalyptic future SpongeBob must survive by himself in a brave new world.

Transcript
(Theme song plays)

 

(The series opens with a camera zooming in on a full shot of Bikini Bottom, dead and silent. It slowly zooms in on SpongeBob’s house, and enters)

 

SpongeBob: Well Gary, time for work!

 

(Gary doesn’t answer because he isn’t there)

 

SpongeBob: Oh that’s right, everyone in the ocean has been missing for three months.

 

(SpongeBob stands up and walks to his living room where there’s an expensive TV that he stole)

 

SpongeBob: This life is depressing. I wonder why I’m the only damn person left.

 

(A clip plays on the TV)

 

Scientist: Hello, I am a human from Bunker #48. If anybody is watching this, it means that the nuclear apocalypse has begun. Saudi Arabia’s tests of ocean nukes wiped out most if not all marine life, and it is a very hard time up here. Ever since Iran stole the nukes and ruined the United States of America, life hasn’t been the same. World War III was inevitable.

 

SpongeBob: (talking to pre-recorded clip) oh, so that’s how my life went to shit. I miss Patrick, and Squidward, and Mr. Krabs, and GARY!

 

(SpongeBob spots Gary outside)

 

SpongeBob: Gary! I thought I’d never see you again old pal!

 

Gary: (with translation on) me too, Papa Bob.

 

SpongeBob: So where did you go?

 

Gary: I was hiding out at the abandoned pet store, hoping that there would be more food there than there is here.

 

SpongeBob: Well then.

 

Gary: Yeah, but then I remembered that we eat plants. Hahahaha.

 

SpongeBob: Yeah, I’ve been living off of Kelp-Os for a few months now.

 

Gary: Primitive. I’ve been cooking my own meals!

 

SpongeBob: Bitch why didn’t you come home?

 

Gary: Well, language Papa Bob! Hahaha, just kiding. FUCK.

 

SpongeBob: Oh I get it, you’re trying to be funny.

 

Gary: Yes, yes I am.

 

SpongeBob: I hope that a girl survived, I need to have sex so that fishlife doesn’t end.

 

Gary: Technically you’re not a fish.

 

SpongeBob: True. Also, let’s go rob the mall for shit!

 

Gary: Right behind you Papa Bob!

 

(Gary whispers something into his shell)

 

Gary: Yes, I have him.

 

(Gary follows SpongeBob, the person he was talking with is unknown)

 

SpongeBob: You coming slowpoke?

 

Gary: Who you calling slowpoke?

 

(Gary turns on a rocket booster and flies past SpongeBob)

 

SpongeBob: Where the hell did you get that from?!

 

Gary: Looting.

 

SpongeBob: I’m gonna get one next!

 

Gary: Good luck, this was one of a kind.

 

SpongeBob: Damn.

 

Gary: Well, let’s go!

 

(The duo run to the abandoned mall and start looting)

SpongeBob: Look, I found this thing!

 

(SpongeBob pulls a dildo from a bag)

 

Gary: You don’t know what that is?

 

SpongeBob: Yeah, I do I do. Pearl had me help her use one.

 

Gary: Oooookay then.

 

SpongeBob: Well I think we need to find some girls eventually so that the fish population doesn’t die out!

 

Gary: Well for now let’s just do some looting.

 

SpongeBob: Yeah, look what I found!

 

(SpongeBob finds lots of canned food)

 

Gary: Now we can survive!

 

SpongeBob: Yeah, but for how long? I think we should start a way of getting some damn food.

 

Gary: Yes PapaBob, that’s a damn good idea.

 

SpongeBob: Look, I found a vibrating thing!

 

Gary: What store are you in?

 

SpongeBob: It says Dildos-R-Us.

 

Gary: Well then PapaBob.

 

SpongeBob: I hope that we find more people.

 

Gary: Yes, we need friends because we’re sad and lonely.

 

SpongeBob: Well let’s go home.

 

Gary: I’ll be right behind you!

 

(Screen goes black and cuts back to Gary talking through his microphone)

 

Gary: So boss, when are you going to make yourself known to SpongeBob?

 

The Boss: Sometime soon dearest Gary, I hope that you understand just what you’re getting yourself into.

 

Gary: Yes, I know and that money’s going to be mine.

 

The Boss: Well then your next step is to find Pearl.

Gary: Yes, yes I will.