Comic Stripped

Comic Stripped is the thirty-third episode of Absorbent Days, the thirteenth episode of season two, and the second special of season two. In this episode, SpongeBob and Patrick cannot seem to get their hands on the new issue of the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic book series. In an attempt to find the comic book, they go to the local Barg 'N Mart, where they find that the comic books are scattered all across Bikini Bottom. The comic book company decide to hold a contest to see which fish can find the comic books first. Much to SpongeBob and Patrick's chagrin, a male nerd find the book before they do. What lengths will the duo take to retrieve the comic book?

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Patrick Star
 * Miscellaneous male fish
 * Male Fish 1
 * Male Fish 2
 * Male Nerd (debut)
 * Fish in Suit
 * Store Clerk (cameo)
 * Store Clerk 2 (cameo)
 * Stand Owner (cameo)
 * Clearfield Razorback (debut)
 * Miscellaneous female fish
 * Female Fish 1
 * Lisa (debut; referred to first as Female Fish 2)
 * Man Ray
 * Mermaid Man
 * Barnacle Boy
 * Mayor

Transcript

 * [the episode begins with a medium shot of a building, apparently named "Comics 'n Things"; the camera cuts to a pan, showing the entrance of the building, which starts the incredibly long line; the camera begins panning around the entirety of the line, which stretches around seemingly all of Bikini Bottom; camera cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick waiting in the line, close to the entrance]


 * SpongeBob: How much longer, buddy?


 * Patrick: For what?


 * SpongeBob: Until we can get our hands on the newest issue of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?


 * Patrick: Well, let us check my stopwatch.


 * SpongeBob: Oh yeah. I forgot that you had that in your pocket all this time.


 * Patrick: Yep. It says we've been here...uh...zero hours, zero minutes, and zero seconds.


 * SpongeBob: [body deflates in sadness; inflates] Did you actually start the stopwatch, Patrick?


 * Patrick: Duh, buddy. It's called a stopwatch. Not a startwatch. Why would I start it?


 * SpongeBob: [nose seeps into face; pops back out suddenly; sadly] Let's just check the clock.


 * Patrick: Forget the clock. We've been waiting here for hours, days! Maybe even weeks!


 * SpongeBob: It's only been five hours, Patrick.


 * Patrick: Says you! For all we know, they could have sold out of those comic books by now!


 * [entire line gasps at Patrick's comment; whispers begin to circulate the line]


 * Male Fish 1: Hey, that pink guy could be on to something here!


 * Female Fish 1: Well, if he's right, we better get our comic books now!


 * [crowd begin approaching SpongeBob and Patrick angrily]


 * SpongeBob: Now, now. No need to get excited, people.


 * Patrick: SpongeBob, they're not excited. They're angry.


 * [crowd storms towards the entrance of the store, ramming over SpongeBob and Patrick; a large cloud of smoke engulfs the entire scene and camera; as it clears, more of the damage is revealed, and the crowd exits the store with their respective comic books]


 * Male Fish 2: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] Yeah, they had plenty. [walks away]


 * [SpongeBob and Patrick peep into the now-arch of the "Comics 'n Things" store; the damage is severe, and all of the comic books are scattered]


 * SpongeBob: Great. They took everything! Where are we going to get the newest issue now?


 * Store Clerk: [offscreen] Hey, you two! Over here! I know somewhere you can get some comic books. [rises from behind register counter]


 * SpongeBob: [walks over with Patrick] Where? Where may we buy such comic books?


 * Patrick: Or even purchase them?


 * Store Clerk: At the Barg 'N Mart. They have an entire secret stock of those comic books just waiting to be sold. But you didn't hear that from me.


 * Patrick: Yeah we did. You just told us.


 * Store Clerk: Now get out! [throws SpongeBob and Patrick out of store]


 * [scene cuts to a safe, labeled "The Barg 'N Mart Safe"; SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in its midst, along with a fish in a black suit]


 * SpongeBob: Whoa. Is this it?


 * Fish in Suit: Sure is. Behind here lies the greatest stock of comic books ever! Well, only four hundred copies of the newest issue of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [opens safe]


 * [the safe reveals an empty room, save a few computers and gadgets on the walls]


 * Patrick: Where are the comic books?


 * Fish in Suit: Strange. They were here just a minute ago.


 * SpongeBob: They must be invisible to the naked eye. Patrick, you know the drill.


 * Patrick: Sure do.


 * [SpongeBob and Patrick begin searching the safe with their eyes closed, feeling around the for the "invisible" comic books]


 * SpongeBob: Be the comic books, Patrick. Be the comic books.


 * Fish in Suit: [to self] Behold! Bikini Bottom's future. [walks over to one of the computers; speaks aloud] Here are the comic books, you two. [SpongeBob and Patrick appear beside the fish] They appear to be scattered all over Bikini Bottom.


 * Patrick: What are we going to do?


 * Fish in Suit: Not to worry. I'll send this information to the "Clearfield Razorback Amateur Zonks Editions Department".


 * SpongeBob: [sighs in relief] Ah. Nothing like letting the C.R.A.Z.E.D lead the way.


 * [scene cuts to a large, oddly shaped building with the acronym "C.R.A.Z.E.D." plastered on it; the scene cuts to a small office, where a CEO is pacing around the room]


 * Female Fish 2: [runs into room, holding files] Mr. Razorback! Mr. Razorback! I just received a transmission from the Barg 'N Mart Secret Safe!


 * C. Razorback: Why, what does it say?


 * Female Fish 2: I just bring the papers, sir. I don't read them. That's not in my job description.


 * C. Razorback: Oh yeah. Squire, remind me to put that in Lisa's job description! [reads papers] Oh no! Oh no! This can't be true!


 * Lisa: What is it, sir?


 * C. Razorback: The printer's running out of ink. How am I supposed to read this? [Lisa hands him glasses] Thank you, Lisa. [reads paper] Yes! This is true!


 * Lisa: What is it, Mr. Razorback?


 * C. Razorback: I'm rich! I'm rich, that's what it is! Everyone in Bikini Bottom, except for that strange riot, doesn't have a copy of the newest issue of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. According to these papers, they're all scattered around all of Bikini Bottom. We could make some money off of this!


 * Lisa: What do you mean?


 * C. Razorback: We can make a contest! Yes! A contest to see who can find the comic books first! It goes like this: we put our patented MM and BB rubber stoppers into a box, the comic book lovers pull out the stoppers, find the comic book and everyone's happy. Plus, we turn in profit!


 * Lisa: I say that's a pretty good idea. Where'd you get it?


 * C. Razorback: The stack of papers you gave me had the idea. Ian published it yesterday when he heard the news. You need to stop slacking, Lisa.


 * [scene cuts to a concession stand, where a long line of people are waiting; a male fish behind a booth is taking money from fish, who proceed to find a box and pull out stoppers behind the register]


 * Stand Owner: Step up! Step up! Only four dollars gets you into the Pit of Picking, where you can see if you're the lucky winner and win a new issue of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The comic book, that is.


 * SpongeBob: [along with Patrick; hands man money] Keep the change.


 * Stand Owner: What change? You gave me eight clams, just enough to get you to knuckleheads in.


 * SpongeBob: Thank you, my good man. [Patrick follows SpongeBob as they enter the pit] I'll take this box, and you take that box.


 * Patrick: Can do. [walks to box]


 * SpongeBob: [begins looking through box] Now, let's see if I'm a lucky winner. [begins pulling out stoppers] Well, looks not. Oh well.


 * Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob. What's a box?


 * SpongeBob: Coming Patrick. [exits scene; a male fish wearing glasses enters]


 * Male Nerd: Let's see if I'm a winner. [pulls out two stoppers, and finally pulls out the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic] Yeah! [snorts] I won!


 * Patrick: Looks like your square was a winner, SpongeBob?


 * SpongeBob: Noooo! Do you know what this means, buddy?


 * Patrick: You're a victim of fraud and public larceny due to negligence in a corporate workforce?


 * SpongeBob: Well, yes, but we don't get the new issue of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!


 * Patrick: Well, what should we do now?


 * SpongeBob: The one thing a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would do in a time of crisis such as this. It's time for a stake-out!


 * [scene cuts to the park, where SpongeBob and Patrick are hiding behind a tree, watching the male nerd from afar]


 * SpongeBob: He's not doing anything yet. [sniffs] Is it just me or does this tree smell like meat?


 * Patrick: Steak, actually. It's a "steak"-out, right?


 * SpongeBob: [looks at male nerd, who is now leaving] Subject is on the move. Move out! Move out!


 * Patrick: Well, okay. [pulls out luggage bag] But I just finished unpacking.


 * [SpongeBob and Patrick chase the male nerd to the grocery store; SpongeBob and Patrick can be seen riding in a grocery buggy]


 * SpongeBob: [pass male nerd's aisle] He's not doing anything. He doesn't deserve that comic book.


 * [buggy crashes into a stack of watermelons]


 * Store Clerk 2: You're paying for that, you know.


 * [scene cuts to the SpongeBob and Patrick, walking forlorn on a sandy plain]


 * Patrick: Looks like this is the end of the plain, buddy. Literally.


 * SpongeBob: No. Not, it's not. We're going to get that comic book if we have to chase him to the ends of the seas!


 * Patrick: That may not be necessary, buddy. [points to male nerd, on the other side of the road]


 * SpongeBob: Come on, buddy! [runs to male nerd] Hey, what's the big idea?!


 * Patrick: Yeah! What is the big idea? Seriously, I don't know.


 * Male Nerd: That big idea is that I've been waiting all day to read the comic book with you two!


 * SpongeBob: That's right! Wait, what?


 * Male Nerd: You didn't think I saw you two chasing me all day long? I haven't been reading the comic book because I've been waiting so long for you to finally come up to me and read book with me. Nerds need friends too, you know.


 * Patrick: Guess we didn't think about it that way.


 * Male Nerd: So what do you say? Read together?


 * SpongeBob: I don't see why not. Let's read!


 * [scene cuts to a montage of the three reading the comic book together on the sandy plain]


 * All Three: The end!


 * Patrick: Whoa. What an issue!


 * SpongeBob: Quite, Patrick. Quite.


 * Patrick: I especially liked the part where the Dirty Bubble says that phrase and summons Man Ray! [reads phrase] "Rise, oh Man Ray. The man of rays. Come to bring this town dismay. Listen to this song of mine, and come to let your evil shine."


 * [a dark cloud engulfs the skies suddenly; a thunder erupts and the wind begins to blow; a figure can be seen speeding from the skies]


 * Male Nerd: What is that? [squints] It looks like...Man Ray!


 * Man Ray: [laughs evilly] You've got that right, citizen! [stops flying] It is I, the omnious Man Ray! And now with the powers given to me by this new issue of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy....and Berkeley, California....I shall now give this town the scare of lifetime.


 * Patrick: Can't this wait until Halloween. It's the most frightful time of year.


 * Man Ray: Way to put a damper on things, pink one. [flies into town]


 * SpongeBob: Oh no! Man Ray has the new powers he was given in the comic book. I didn't know powers worked that way.


 * Male Nerd: [snorts] Non-nerds.


 * [SpongeBob, Patrick, and the male nerd run after Man Ray]


 * [scene cuts to downtown Bikini Bottom; Man Ray is using his new powers to terrorize the town]


 * SpongeBob: [arrives with the male nerd and Patrick] Oh my! He's using the "Shocks of Silver"! [Man Ray begins shooting beams at buildings, all of them colored silver] Now he's using the "Hoola-Hoop of Horror"! [Man Ray begins using a hoola-hoop beam around his waist to knock down more buildings and throw boats]


 * Patrick: And the worst of them all.


 * SpongeBob: The "Bubble of Impenetrability"!


 * Man Ray: No one can stop me now! [a bubble engulfs Man Ray]


 * [an invisible car begins ramming into all of its surroundings; Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy can be heard]


 * Mermaid Man: This is harder than it looks, Barnacle Boy.


 * Barnacle Boy: That's why you should let me drive.


 * Mermaid Man: No, I got it.


 * Barnacle Boy: No you don't, you old coop. Give it here.


 * Man Ray: [laughs] This is going to be too easy. [rams bubble into the now visible Boat Mobile]


 * Mermaid Man: I think we hit a speed buuuump. [voice fades into distance]


 * SpongeBob: Nooo! [holds out his hand, bringing back the Boat Mobile] Whoa. What's happening here?


 * Patrick: I don't know.


 * Male Nerd: I do. If powers in comic books work on the heroes in reality, I took the liberty of making a comic book of my own. See, look. I gave powers to all of us. SpongeBob, you have telepathic powers and absorption. Patrick, you have the ability to engulf large or small objects. I have the ability to sit back, watch, and cower and fear while you guys handle it the best way you can.


 * Patrick: Oh, great. That guy got the good powers!


 * Mermaid Man: [exits car with Barnacle Boy] How did we get here?


 * Barnacle Boy: We were pulled back by that yellow sponge and his powers.


 * Mermaid Man: Are they the villians? Leave our prescene, evil doers! [begins a flimsy combination of chops toward the gang]


 * Barnacle Boy: Stop it, you geezer. These are the good guys. There's the evil one up there. [points to Man Ray]


 * Mermaid Man: Oh. Well, see you later.


 * SpongeBob: Wait, Mermaid Man. I know things seem bleak, but we all have a plan. Well, give or take you and Patrick.


 * Patrick: I'm a volunteer.


 * SpongeBob: Barnacle Boy, shoot barnacles at Man Ray.


 * Barnacle Boy: But, the "Bubble of Im...".


 * SpongeBob: ...Just do it.


 * [Barnacle Boy begins shooting barnacles at the bubble, causing Man Ray to laugh at the failure]


 * Man Ray: It's called the "Bubble of Impenetrability" for a reason.


 * SpongeBob: Quick, Mermaid Man! Throw a swordfish at it!


 * Mermaid Man: I summon a fish with a sword! [a swordfish runs at the bubble, penetrating it with its nose]


 * Man Ray: [gasps] That's impossible. It's supposed to be impenetrable!


 * Male Nerd: [holds up comic book] Not in this issue!


 * SpongeBob: Patrick, engulf Man Ray with your torso.


 * Man Ray: Never! [begins flying away] Ha! Those fools will never catch me! [stops at a dark wall] Huh?


 * [camera reveals Patrick, who engulfed Man Ray with his torso]


 * Patrick: Good thing I ate a model of Bikini Bottom.


 * Barnacle Boy: Now to take care of this miscrient! [blows a large box of barnacles; Patrick squirts Man Ray into the cage]


 * Man Ray: Fiddle fish sticks. Oh well, I have this scale model of Bikini Bottom to play with.


 * Mermaid Man: That should keep him locked up for a long time.


 * Man Ray: That's what you think, you fools! Oh, C.R.A.Z.E.D!


 * [C. Razorback and Lisa appear; they take off their apparently plastic heads, revealing two male fish in glasses; the two male fish enabled rocket boots and grab the cage, where they fly into the distance]


 * Man Ray: Worse luck next time, heroes! [laughs evilly]


 * SpongeBob: No! [holds out hand, trying to lower the cage]


 * Man Ray: [shoots a ray at the comic book being held by the male nerd] Ha!


 * SpongeBob: The book! [the cage leaves] We have no more powers. They go away. [lowers head]


 * Patrick: We'll get them next time, buddy.


 * [suddenly, a large crowd appears around the gang, cheering and throwing items in the air; a news crew appears in front of the two, along with the mayor]


 * Mayor: You five have said this town better than anyone else could have. Therefore, I bestow upon each of you the highest honor I can give to a citizen of Bikini Bottom: the latest edition of the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic book series. [holds up comic book]


 * [the group begins mumbling and walking away, along with the rest of Bikini Bottom]


 * Mayor: Guys? Come on, I know this is lame, but I'm the Mayor! Anyone? Hello? Oh well. Guess I can give it to the next best guy. [hands comic to the real C. Razorback] Here you go, Clearfield Razorback.


 * C. Razorback: Why thank you, Mr. Mayor. Those two rogue employees left to work with Man Ray, so I guess this little guy will do better. I'll name you, Larry. Larry, go organize my portfolios. [throws comic book; Lisa walks into scene] Larry takes after you, Lisa.


 * [special ends]

What was overall rating of the episode? 1 - The episode was of poor quality 2 - The episode rarely entertained me 3 - The episode was of moderate quality 4 - The episode was of a great quality 5 - The episode was of excellent quality