Trip to Tea City

Trip to Tea City is the fourth episode of Ttyl..

Plot

 * The class trip to Tea City (the Bikini Bottom equivalent to England) has its ups and downs as Pearl finds an attractive accented boy, SpongeBob and Patrick get their class thrown out of a museum, and Sandy finds out her nude photos are still circulating as she finds one on a dating channel.

Transcript

 * Episode opens to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting on a bus, with various other students around them, all chatting.
 * SpongeBob: So...whose wallet did you steal to get to Tea City?
 * Patrick: Actually, I didn't steal any money this time. My parents actually paid my way here.
 * SpongeBob: Wow, really?
 * Patrick: Yeah, really. My dad said it'd be good for me to see other cultures or some shit.
 * SpongeBob: Lucky. I had to steal Frank's money to get the funds for this trip.
 * Patrick: You think he'll notice?
 * SpongeBob: Probably. (chuckles) I don't really care though.
 * Patrick: Y'know, for a cherry, you're pretty hardcore. (pulls out a pack of gum, removing a piece) Oh yeah, you're not a cherry anymore. (chuckles, unwraps the piece, and chews it)
 * SpongeBob: You're chewing gum?
 * Patrick: Yeah.
 * SpongeBob: I've never seen you do that before.
 * Patrick: I just started this morning. I was in the gas station to get some smokes when...
 * Patrick fades into a flashback, done seemingly in black and white. Patrick has a pack of cigarettes and five dollars in his hand, walking up to the clerk. A man with a briefcase is drinking coffee near him.
 * Patrick: Pack of cigarettes.
 * Briefcase Man: Are you sure?
 * Patrick: (confused) Am I sure?
 * Briefcase Man: Yes, are you sure?
 * Patrick: Am I sure about what?
 * Briefcase Man: Do you really want to buy those cigarettes?
 * Patrick: Are you serious?
 * Briefcase Man: How long have you been smoking?
 * Patrick: (turns to clerk) What is this, a poll?
 * Clerk: Beats me.
 * Briefcase Man: How long have you been a smoker?
 * Patrick: Since I was thirteen.
 * Briefcase Man shakes his head, and pulls an unseen photo out of his briefcase, showing it to Patrick.
 * Briefcase Man: I'd say you're about sixteen, seventeen, right?
 * Patrick: (disgusted) What the hell is that?
 * Briefcase Man: That's your lung. After about three or four years of smoking, your lung looks like this.
 * Patrick: You're shittin' me!
 * Briefcase Man: You think I'm shitting you? Wait till you see this...
 * Five minutes later...
 * Patrick has a horrified expression on his face as the man puts away his briefcase. He puts the cigarettes back and gets gum instead.
 * Patrick: I'll just take this.
 * Clerk: Fifty-five.
 * Patrick hands him the money and gets the gum, walking out with a horrified shiver. Fade out of flashback and back to present.
 * SpongeBob: Wow.
 * Patrick: Back on the subject of you not being a cherry anymore...how did it go with Sandy?
 * SpongeBob: Um...it went okay, I guess.
 * Patrick: I need more details then that, Spongy. Did you go through the backdoor?
 * SpongeBob: (face turns red) Patrick!
 * Patrick: Well, did you?
 * SpongeBob: I'm not comfortable discussing this around our classmates!
 * Patrick: They've all got their headphones in. Well, except for Squidward, but he's asleep, I think. And a queer.
 * SpongeBob: Patrick!
 * Patrick: Hey, I didn't say there was anything wrong with being a queer. He just is one.
 * SpongeBob: Is he? He's never said so.
 * Patrick: He definitely is. The way he and Squilliam have that teasing relationship, there's no way something isn't going on between them.
 * SpongeBob: Should we ask him about it?
 * Patrick: Nah, let him think he's in the closet. (chukcles)