Killing Some Damn Fools For 2018

ALL CHARACTERS PORTRAYED IN THIS WORK ARE PURELY FICTIONALKilling Some Damn Fools For 2018 is a New Years' comedy by Kelpy G.

Plot
SpongeBob and Patrick go to SBFW to pick out some damn fools and kill them.

Transcript
"I am sick and tired of this crap!" SpongeBob shrieked. "Oh come on, what's so bad about the SBFW? It's far better than ESB," Patrick reasoned. "When I first saw this site in 2012, SBFW was a thriving fanfiction network full of kind users with amazing stories," SpongeBob said, "but now it's run by an ugly gay socialist and his wannabes! Travis, PolarKey, Kelpy G, PhillyDan, Rocky Lobster...almost every user of this website has f*cked it up!". SpongeBob then threw Squidward's laptop out his home window, hitting Squidward. "What the hell are we supposed to do?" SpongeBob whined. "Well, it is the new year. How about we contact the Grim Reaper and exterminate the damnfoolery of this website to return it to it's former glory," Patrick suggested. SpongeBob looked him straight in the eye, "Best. Resolution. Ever."

SpongeBob called the Grim Reaper, master of death. "Hey Grim, you know SBFW?" SpongeBob asked. "Yes, the bastardly site. What for?" the Grim Reaper said. "The damn fool list you have. We'll kill the 3 people on the top of the list, and in exchange, you'll guarantee me and Patrick 100 years of life," SpongeBob replied. "Deal," the Grim Reaper agreed.

"Up third on the list is damn fool Calass," SpongeBob exclaimed. "Oh yeah, the weird dude who made PLWTR!" Patrick said. They were in a big house, conveniently housing all three damn fools. Calass was in the living room, watching his Red Roblox Videos. Then, SpongeBob pulled out his secret weapon: a pound of raw chum. He quickly threw it to Calass's head, and the radioactiveness caused a fatal amount of cringe into Calass's brain. Indeed, even the king of cringe cannot handle raw chum. After they finished, they heard a big noise from two people upstairs. SpongeBob knew the noise: he did it three times a day. "That's our next target!" SpongeBob yelled.

The noise came from none other than Osama "PhillyDan" Sullivan and his girl. Patrick was weary. "Oh come on, he has a girl. This may be his first time, we should at least let him finish," Patrick reasoned. "Eh. We could imprison them and use them to our pleasure. Gary's starting to wonder if I have been watching the sports channel for all these years!" SpongeBob said. He threw a non-fatal amount of raw chum at them, controlling their minds, and led the two into Patrick's car. "Ew, they're naked," Patrick said in disgusted. "Oh come on, it's PG-13 for a reason," SpongeBob replied.

As SpongeBob got back into the house, a sound came from the room opposite of PhillyDan's. It was Bernie Sanders' speech. "Our last target!" SpongeBob grinned. He slowly approached the room, to find a teenager putting his eyes on his laptop. Patrick found SpongeBob. "Who the heck is that?" he asked. "Travis, the terrible Travis," SpongeBob replied.

SpongeBob flung all the remaining raw chum into him. But he was stopped. The ghost of Comrade Stalin appeared. "Capitalist pig, you are no match to the hammer and sickle of the people's will! Die!" Stalin shrieked, firing an AK-47 into SpongeBob and Patrick. It didn't kill them cause the AK-47 was a ghost too. But they did run to Travis' close by accident, thinking it was an escape. Travis got up and locked the door.

"You are now trapped in my closet for one year for all your crimes against our wonderful state, and in the words of Comrade Stalin, f*ck you!" Travis smirked. He then turned to Stalin. "Want to go grab a bucket of Kommunist Fried Chicken?" Travis asked. "By the people's will, yes!" Stalin replied.

"Well, crap," Patrick said, "I won't get to eat a Krabby Patty until January 1, 2019. I hate you SpongeBob!". But SpongeBob wasn't listening. "Don't worry. In 2019, we will get a Krabby Patty and save the SBFW!" SpongeBob screamed.

Trivia

 * This is the first episode for the annual "Killing Some Damn Fools"
 * This the first fanon work released in the year of 2018