R.I.P

Transcript
(Scene: Jellyfish Fields)

SpongeBob: Patrick, can you believe Squidward agreed to come jellyfishing with us?

Squidward: I never agreed, you forced me to come!

Patrick: No we didn't.

SpongeBob: Yeah, why would we ever do a thing like that? (flashback to the Krusty Krab) Please come Jellyfishing with us after work, Squidward!

Patrick: We beg you! We'll do anything, ANYTHING!

Squidward: Hmm... No, that plotline is used too much these days.

SpongeBob: Then we'll force you! (Patrick holds a gun out at him and SpongeBob handcuffs him)

Squidward: Fine, I'll come.

SpongeBob: Hooray!

Fish: One Krabby Patty please.

Squidward: SpongeBob, can you uncuff me? (Present)

SpongeBob: You know we can't see your flashbacks, Squidward.

Squidward: Yeah, but they can. (all turn to viewer)

Patrick: What are we looking at?

Squidward: Nothing. (normal)

SpongeBob: Back on topic, let's begin jellyfishing!

Patrick: Wait! I forgot my net!

Squidward: Oh well, the bus left. Looks like we can't jellyfish after all. And besides, I don't even have a net!

SpongeBob: No worries, I'll make you both nets. I just need some sticks and some cobwebs.

Patrick: I'll get the cobwebs! (leaves)

SpongeBob: And I'll get the sticks. You coming Squidward?

Squidward: Nope. (Patrick comes back with a gun as SpongeBob looks in horror) Fine. (cuts to a cliff) Look, there's a tree down there! I bet it'll have lots of sticks.

SpongeBob: But it's all the way down there and we're all the way up here. I don't wanna get hurt!

Squidward: Oh no, you won't. The hospital isn't far from here and you don't want to spoil the jellyfishing.

SpongeBob: I'm sure Patrick has found lots of sticks.

Squidward: But what if he doesn't?

SpongeBob: Well, if you say so...

Squidward: I'll give you a push. (pushes him off as we hear him scream and Patrick returns)

Patrick: I accidentally ate the cobwebs on the way- SPONGEBOB! Is he okay?

Squidward: Oh, he's just fine.

Patrick: OK. (pause) Squidward, I don't think he's okay.

Squidward: Like I said, he couldn't be better!

Patrick: I-I-I- I think he's-he's...

Squidward: OK, let's check on him but as I said he's fine. (they go down a path)

Patrick: He feels cold. Let's take him to the hospital.

Squidward: He's fine. (Hospital)

Doctor: Hmm, it looks very serious.

Patrick: Will he be okay?

Doctor: I don't think so. He may only have a few minutes left to live.

Patrick: So he'll be-

Doctor: Yes, I'm afraid so. How did he end up like this anyway?

Squidward: He... umm... fell... Yeah, he fell of a cliff!

SpongeBob: Squidward...

Squidward: Yes?

SpongeBob: Why? Why did you-

Squidward: SpongeBob, what is it? What is it?

SpongeBob: I- (we hear his heart beat then it slowly stopping)

Doctor: I'm so sorry.

Squidward: (Patrick crys in the background) He's gone? Forever? Yes! Woohoo! No more SpongeBob! (leaves)

Doctor: He's a very mean man. (Funeral and Stadium Rave is heard)

Mr. Krabs: Why? Why?

Mrs. Puff: I always despised him, but he'll be missed. Say, isn't this music a little unfitting?

Squidward: It was his favourite song.

Vicar: We are gathered here today for the death of SpongeBob SquarePants.

Mrs. SquarePants: (crying) He was our only son!

Patrick: (crying) It's not fair! Why? Why? (We see Squidward walking to the Krusty Krab and Mr. Krabs puts a Help Wanted sign in the window)

Mr. Krabs: I can't believe he's gone.

Squidward: Nor can I, but I like it! Party at my house! Starts at eight!

Plankton: So Krabs has lost his fry cook. I feel happy that maybe I can finally succeed in stealing the formula but I feel all tingly and depressed.

Fish selling newspapers: Extra, Extra! Jerk pushes local fry cook off cliff! Friends and family devastated!

Squidward: Wait, what? He fell!

Patrick: Oh, hi Squidward. I'm on my way to the cemetery. With all the money I made from that news story I'm gonna build a memorial of the fellow. You coming?

Squidward: Well...

Patrick: OK, suit yourself them. (crys as he walks off)

Lady: Say, isn't he the jerk he killed that poor boy?

Man: Yes, yes he is. Stay back before he gets us.

Lady: I'll call the police.

Squidward: Morons. They'll all get over it in the morning. (we see Squidward in bed then it cuts to him in Hospital) What? Where am I?

Ghost SpongeBob: You're dying, Squidward.

Squidward: SpongeBob?

Ghost SpongeBob: The mistake you made was very dark. Think of the ratings for this episode.

Squidward: That doesn't matter.

Ghost SpongeBob: Oh, doesn't it? In that case then I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU!

Squidward: No, wait! If I'm dying right now then why kill me before I naturally die?

Ghost SpongeBob: Good point actually. But I'm gonna do it anyway.

Squidward: No! I'll do anything, anything!

Ghost SpongeBob: That plot line is used too much. But I could instead haunt you for an eternity. (starts laughing as Squidward wakes up realising it it was a dream)

Squidward: I gotta get SpongeBob back! (Krusty Krab) Mr. Krabs, I recall you telling me about a witch who can bring people back to life, where can I find her?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, her. I'll never talk.

Squidward: It's for SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs: OK, but only for him. She lives in the deepest darkest part of the sea. (pause) I can take you there if you want.

Squidward: Great! In that case then, we need to go now!

Mr. Krabs: And lose all me money? No.

Squidward: It's SpongeBob we're talking about, remember?

Mr. Krabs: Oh yeah. (to customers) Alright, we're closing up! EVERYONE GET OUT!

Sandy: Eugene, this seems very out of character. Is Robbie controlling you again?

Mr. Krabs: No, he isn't. We're going on a quest to find the sea witch so we can bring SpongeBob back to life.

Sandy: In that case, I'm coming too.

Plankton: And so am I!

Squidward: Plankton?

Plankton: What? Maybe she can make me taller.

Mr. Krabs: No. You're staying right here. (we see a montage of the quest, taking a similar route to Skidmark) Right, we're here. This could get dangerous. (he knocks on the door)

Witch: (offscreen) Go away. (Mr. Krabs knocks again) I said go away.

Mr. Krabs: We're to request the raising of the dead.

Witch: Oh, why didn't you say so. Come in. (they enter) Have you booked an appointment?

Sandy: Umm, no.

Witch: Then leave.

Sandy: We have money.

Mr. Krabs: No we don't.

Witch: Hmm, I guess the next one booked is not until four.

Sandy: Great.

Witch: Now who do you want back?

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob SquarePants. He's umm... twelve and he worked at The Krusty Krab in Bikini Bottom.

Sandy: SpongeBob's thirty.

Witch: Hmm... SpongeBob, thirty, employed, SquarePants, fry cook, Bikini Bottom. He's alive.

Squidward: No, you must be mistaken.

Witch: I'm not. I sense him at his house right now.

Squidward: But it's not possible.

Sandy: April Fools!

Squidward: But it's not April.

Sandy: We know. Since you're always mean on the little guy, we thought we'd play a prank on you.

Mr. Krabs: You killed a robotic version of SpongeBob. Very clever.

Sandy: It only took seventeen years to get the whole town to join in.

Mr. Krabs: Aren't we supposed to be somewhere?

Squidward: Oh yeah, that meeting. (We see the meeting)

Key: I can't believe nobody showed up! I really need new ideas for episodes!