A Seabee or Something

A Seabee or Something is the first episode of (pat)Rick Figures.

Transcript
(On the street, Patrick walks up to SpongeBob with arms undulating.)

SpongeBob: What is wrong with your body?

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Hi, SpongeBob, how you do?

(He continues to move in a strange manner.)

SpongeBob: And what is wrong with your voice?

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) There ain't nothing wrong with my voice, Shawtay!

SpongeBob: You're making some weird sounds.

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Oh. Uh, that. I swallowed a bee or something, maybe a robot frog! I don't know. But it sounds sick as fuck! (He bounces up & down.)

SpongeBob: Whatever, man. I got a serious problem.

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Yeah, girl. Turn up the problems.

SpongeBob: Patrick!

(Patrick stops bouncing.)

Patrick: (normal voice) Sorry. (Auto-Tuned): Sorray!

SpongeBob: No, really. I'm having girl problems.

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Then I feel bad for you, son.

SpongeBob: My girlfriend dumped me last night...

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Oh, my God!

SpongeBob: Thanks, man. Yeah, I know. We were together a long ti-

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) A ???!

(The raccoon comes out of a trashcan. The camera zooms into his eyes.)

???: Konichiwa.

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Nature's ninja.

(SpongeBob snaps his fingers to get Patrick's attention.)

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Ohhhhh, shiiiiieeet!

SpongeBob: You sound really stupid.

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Yeah, right! My voice sounds tight as fuck! Hey, ladies! You like the sound of my (Waving arms in the air) voooice?!

(Women cheer & start to dance.)

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) I can't hear you! I said do you like the sound of my vo-o-ooice?

(Boom Addict plays as women dance & Red gets laid by a woman. He's then showing 2 women to Blue.)

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Yo, SpongeBob! I just found you a new girlfriend & a girl for your girlfriend. (Turns to a fat ugly girl.) (normal voice) And you can go home.

(She gets discouraged & walks away. Women continue to dance, now with limos & speakers.)

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Yeah, yeah!

???: (dancing) Shorty! Make-a that ass crap (possibly meaning "clap")!

SpongeBob: Hmmmm... (Turns around to face 2 women who are dancing. He clears his throat & speaks nervously.) You're looking very pret-- (clears throat) Ah, fuck! (1 of the women slaps him.)

???: You need to be with the grown-ass, man!

(SpongeBob looks at ??? suspiciously. Raccoon gives him the "finger", complete with censor. Raccoon walks away with the women. Meanwhile, Red continues to dance.)

Patrick: (Auto-Tuned) Yeah! Yeeeah! (Chokes & farts out a seabee, which flies away.)

Seabee: (Auto-Tuned) I'm free, mothafucka!

Patrick: (normal voice) Oh, damn, it was a seabee! Yeh-hes, woman! I like your movements!

(The women give him a confused look. The limos & the women leave. ???'s shown with a smoke bomb.)

???: Sayonara!

(He throws the bomb down & disappears in a cloud of smoke.)

SpongeBob: (sarcastically) Oh, man, I'm so sorry for you, you had everything, woooow...

Patrick: Yep. Well, looks like everything's back to norma-- (Farts for a few seconds, his leg wobbling. SpongeBob watches in disgust.)

SpongeBob: Why am I friends with you?

Patrick: 'Cause I'm aweso-!

Soundtrack
Hawaiian Train: Title card.

Tomfoolery: Most of the episode.

Boom Addict: The dancing sequence.

Sad Parting: "And you can go home."