Goofballs/February 8, 2015

Screenplay
SCENE 1

FADE IN:

EXT. SEPTEM CITY - ENTRANCE - MIDDAY

DA NERD (V.O.) It all started here.

DA NERD wears a backpack and carries two bags as he walks alone down the entrance path of Septem City.

DA NERD (V.O.) I was new to the city. I’d just moved here, and I felt like I needed to do something big to let people know who I am.

EXT. STATUE OF SEVENISM - MIDDAY

Da Nerd stands proudly looking at a statue in the shape of a 7, holding a hammer, as to imply he built it.

DA NERD (V.O.) (cont’d) So what better than to build a statue admiring seven in all of its glory?

FADE TO:

Many people gather around the statue, admiring it and snapping photos.

DA NERD (V.O.) The statue got people’s attention quickly, and it eventually became so popular...

EXT. SMALL HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - MIDDAY

VIOLET, wearing an official City Hall uniform, knocks on the door of a small badly constructed house.

Da Nerd opens the door. DA NERD (V.O.) (cont’d) ...that City Hall even reached out to me and offered me a job.

Da Nerd’s face instantly turns infinitely excited in agreement. He shakes Violet’s hand, and Violet leaves.

DA NERD (V.O.) And now...

EXT. CITY HALL - FRONT ENTRANCE - MIDDAY - DRAMATIC LIGHTING

BOB, WILLIAM, Violet, Da Nerd, TOPH, SIMON and ADAM, in uniform, pose dramatically outside the City Hall building.

DA NERD (V.O.) (cont’d) ...I work with the other 6 leaders of the city, all of us unique teenagers who run it alone. With help from other people we hire occasionally, of course.

MONTAGE: Various future leaders being greeted by a current City Hall leader, being offered a job.

DA NERD (V.O.) Of course, people were made leaders over time, and had to work up to that point to earn their trust.

EXT. CITY HALL - A LONG TIME AGO - BLACK & WHITE

Young ARRE, PHIN and AMK stand unsurely in front of City Hall, striking a pose, kind of?

DA NERD (V.O.) It didn’t start out this way. The city was actually founded a long, long time ago by the ancestors of Violet, and she’s pretty much in charge of everything now, even us.

INT. CITY HALL - CONFERENCE ROOM

Bob, William, Violet, Da Nerd, Toph, Simon and Adam sit around a table.

DA NERD (V.O.) Every Monday, we get into the conference room and talk about various issues and other things we can do for the city.

BOB (holding a banana) What if... we put them on wheels?

INT. CITY HALL - ADAM’S ROOM

Adam and Simon are crouched on chairs holding flute-shaped game controllers, and the screen they’re staring at flashes and reflects on their faces.

DA NERD (V.O.) The other days of the week, we’re supposed to be doing work, but we mostly just mess around.

Adam and Simon are playing Flute Warriors 2 in cooperative mode, and they get into an argument about how the other is sucking and making them lose.

Violet interrupts this argument by walking in.

VIOLET Guys! We’re supposed to be filling out tax reports!

EXT. DOWNTOWN SEPTEM CITY - STREETS - LATE AT NIGHT

Pan down to reveal Bob, William, Violet, Da Nerd, Toph, Simon and Adam, dressed in all black, chasing after something.

DA NERD (V.O.) But all in all, we just like to have fun. Because all we are are a bunch of goofballs. SUPERIMPOSE OVER TIME: Exhilaration Animation presents In association with SBFW CAST CREDITS

The seven turn a corner.

WILLIAM This way!

TOPH William, we’re never gonna catch him at this rate.

BOB (devotedly) We can never give up, Toph.

VIOLET We could at least get in the car to speed us up.

WILLIAM Oh, yeah. Good thinking, Violet.

The seven hop in the minivan, conveniently parked where they are currently standing. Violet, driving, speeds off.

The SAUCE-ABUSER, bottle in hand, eyes a minivan coming straight towards his direction. He runs into an alley.

The seven stop outside the alley and get out of the minivan. They then proceed to dramatically walk into the alley and face off the sauce-abuser.

However, the sauce-abuser has something else in mind. He takes his sauce bottle and aims it at the seven, threateningly, and chuckles.

DA NERD Don’t you dare.

The sauce-abuser threateningly slowly squeezes the bottle. The seven’s faces turn to worry and increasingly show this as the bottle gets more compressed.

However, only a tiny bit of sauce squirts out and falls flat on the ground below. The bottle is empty.

BOB Ha! Foiled again, sauce man.

SAUCE-ABUSER I think not, Bob!

The sauce-abuser pulls out a fresh bottle. The seven react immediately in shock. However, the sauce-abuser struggles to get the bottle open.

SAUCE-ABUSER (strangling) Just... just a sec. Stupid thing.

The cap finally pops off.

SAUCE-ABUSER There we go. Now...

The sauce-abuser squirts the bottle at the seven. Da Nerd stands and takes one for the team, as he gets annihilated with sauce. He then realizes the other six have climbed up ropes hanging down from the roof of the building making one wall of the alley.

DA NERD Oh. Did not even see that there.

Da Nerd pulls out a napkin and wipes his face, then climbs up a rope.

The seven proceed to take out bows and sevens, and shoot the sevens like arrows at the sauce-abuser. These sevens are made of solid steel, which hurts the sauce-abuser badly.

However, the sauce-abuser takes out more condiments and aims.

BOB Oh no...

SAUCE-ABUSER Hope you can ketchup with me!

The sauce-abuser squirts a bottle of ketchup in each hand at the seven.

SAUCE-ABUSER I’m gonna relish this moment!

Toph groans, and the sauce-abuser squirts a bottle of relish at the seven.

VIOLET Your wordplay may be clever, but your attacks are subpar. Nerd! Arm the Bobs.

BOB What?

An army of ROBOTS come crashing through windows of the building the seven are standing on. They all run towards the sauce-abuser, spurting flames and ready to attack.

The sauce-abuser is surrounded by Bobs and has no chance to escape. This seems to be the end of this evildoer, when suddenly, the Bobs malfunction and break down.

DA NERD Forgot to replace the batteries. Whoops. (chuckles nervously)

SIMON Well now what do we do?

WILLIAM I never thought I’d say this, Simon, but... we’re gonna have to fight condiments with condiments. Bob! Toph! Fire at will.

Bob begins firing horseradish and hot sauce.

TOPH Who’s Will?

BOB Toph. (gestures to bottles)

TOPH Oh!

Toph picks up a bottle of ranch and fires.

The sauce-abuser repels the attacks with a metallic 8 shield.

VIOLET It’s no use! He’s repelling the attacks!

DA NERD What do we do now?

WILLIAM We’re gonna have to use...

(dramatically) physical confrontation.

OTHERS Nooo!

SIMON Anything but that!

BOB William, there’s gotta be another way.

WILLIAM I’m afraid there isn’t, Bob. Come on, gang, let’s move.

The seven drop down from the roof and six of them land perfectly; Toph falls flat on his face.

TOPH Ow.

Toph gets back up, and the seven surround the sauce-abuser with dramatic looks. Violet slams her fist in her hand, threateningly.

VIOLET Now, sauce abuser, we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the--

The sauce-abuser throws a punch, Violet ducks and kicks him. He falls down. Bob puts him in cuffs. The seven cheer in celebration.

INT. CITY HALL - CONFERENCE ROOM

ADAM Da Nerd! Wake up!

Da Nerd, who had been sleeping after a restless night of programming, awakes from his slumber in the City Hall conference room in the middle of a meeting, with Adam at the front, presenting.

DA NERD Huh? Oh. Sorry, Adam. I was up... really late last night.

ADAM (to all) Now, as I was saying...

Adam continues babbling on about the grape soda issue in the city, but Simon eyes the timer counting down on his tablet. It reads 0:03... then 0:02... then 0:01... ding!

SIMON (cutting off Adam) Okay, my turn! Time’s up!

Simon pushes Adam away and immediately starts presenting.

ADAM Rude.

SIMON Okay, so...

VIOLET Actually, Simon, we’re running low on time, so can we skip yours today?

SIMON What? But why?

VIOLET Because your issues are always about someone saying “shut up” on the playground, okay? My turn.

SIMON (under breath) Not like Adam just talked an hour about grape soda.

Simon poutingly steps down and sulks in his chair. Violet gets up to present.

VIOLET Alright, bitches, we need to do something about the eights. People who have the pure intention of damaging the city from the moment they enter. Any suggestions? No idea is wrong.

TOPH What if we...

VIOLET No, that’s wrong. Da Nerd?

DA NERD What if we sent wristbands in the mail and used that for verification? Only citizens that are trusted and have been here for a while get one.

ADAM Really? This is a city, not a theme park.

BOB No, I think Nerd might be onto something here.

VIOLET Yeah.

DA NERD I mean, I could easily program a database server and keep track of which citizens are trusted and which aren’t, and we could alter the status of the barcode on the wristband to correspond.

TOPH Great idea, Nerd!

SIMON Yeah, Nerd!

WILLIAM That’s the most progress we’ve made since 2010!

VIOLET Alright! Have it ready by Friday, and it’s official.

DA NERD Woo!

The seven cheer and high-five each other in celebration.

TOPH Alright, let’s hit the ice cream parlor!

The others fall in silence.

TOPH What? I like ice cream.

SCENE 2

INT. IRmjii’s ICE CREAM PARLOR - BOOTH

Bob, Violet and William sit at one end of the booth, while Adam, Simon, Da Nerd and Toph squeeze in the other. Toph licks an ice cream, while the others sit boredly.

Bob eyes WESTON at the counter ordering.

BOB Hey, there’s Weston. We should go congratulate him on his promotion.

WILLIAM Yeah.

The seven get out of the booth and walk up to Weston, who is still ordering.

WESTON And how about a... strawberry sundae and... a banana split.

IRmjii Alright. Will that be it?

WESTON Yes, thank you.

IRmjii Alright, your total comes out to $118.73.

Weston hands a few bills in cash to IRmjii.

IRmjii Would you like a receipt?

The seven come up to Weston just as he’s about to respond. VIOLET Hey, Weston!

BOB Hey! Congratulations!

WILLIAM Congrats!

DA NERD Congratulations on the promotion!

ADAM Congrats, Weston!

TOPH Congratulations!

SIMON Heeyyy! Congrats!

However, Weston gives them the cold shoulder.

WESTON (lacking spirit) Oh. Hey, guys.

BOB Heyy... so, what you buying?

WESTON Just some stuff.

The receipt prints, reading the ludicrous total. Violet snatches it.

VIOLET Whoa! 118 bucks? Weston, what is all this?

DA NERD Letting yourself go?

WESTON It’s for my party. WILLIAM Party? What party?

SIMON I never got an invitation.

WESTON That’s ’cause you guys aren’t invited.

ADAM (offended) Whaat!?

VIOLET Why not?

BOB But we’re City Hall! We get invited to every party!

WESTON Yeah, well... not this one.

DA NERD Why not?

WESTON November 27th, last year.

WILLIAM Hmm... that date sounds familiar. Oh! That’s the day we all got wasted and stole a minivan. Ohh... good times...

WESTON Yeah, that’s what you were doing instead of coming to my birthday.

BOB (beat) Oh.

ADAM Oh yeah. SIMON That... that was a thing.

VIOLET Okay, well, we’re really sorry about that, Weston, but...

WESTON Save it. You’re not invited to my party.

DA NERD But... but...

IRmjii (handing Weston large bag) Here you go, sir. Everything’s in there.

WESTON Thank you.

Weston walks out without looking once at the seven.