Fatprick's Shit Job

"Fatprick's Shit Job" is a Season 2 episode of Life in Bikini Bottom.

Characters

 * SpongeCock
 * Fatprick
 * Strip Club Manager
 * Cop
 * Shitward

Synopsis
After SpongeCock complains about Fatprick just shitting around the house all day, Fatprick gets a job at the strip club.

Transcript
Episode starts with Fatprick and SpongeCock at Fatprick’s house. “Hey SpongeCock, can you go get some wine from my wine cooler?” “Fatprick, you don’t have a wine cooler or any wine.” “Oh yeah. Can you buy me some?” “No. All you do is shit around your house all day, doing absolutely frigging nothing. Why don’t you get off your lazy frigging ass and got a job or something?” “SpongeCock, shut up and just get me my damn wine!”

SpongeCock goes and pours an invisible glass of wine, and brings it back to Fatprick. “What’s this? I wanted red wine!” “ALRIGHT, JUST GO GET A DAMN JOB!” “Fine, I’ll go look.”

Our whole universe was in a G and PG state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait

Fatprick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool

They invented crap that rules

We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)

Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing

''This is Life in Bikini Bottom! PG-13!''

Fatprick goes to look for a job, but everytime he sees a new place he walks away. Then, Fatprick finds an ice cream truck.

“Wow, now this is my type of place!” The ice cream guy looks at Fatprick. “Sir, I would recommend you lay off the ice cream for a little while.” “Hey! You can’t tell my how to live my life you ugly loser bastard! Now give me a damn chocolate cone!” “Alright sir but if you have a heart attack I’m not being held responsible.” Fatprick licks his ice cream cone and then walks away to try and find a job. He looks at the car dealership for jobs, but they don’t have any. The guys there have drugs and Fatprick motions for them to give him some, but they decline.

Fatprick keeps walking around until he eventually finds a strip club and walks in. “Yes, this is my type of place.” Fatprick walks up to a random bartender. “Hello, I’d like to have a job here.” “Sir, I hate to break it to you, but we don’t have drag queens here.” “What?! No! I wanted to make wings or something for guys who come in.” “We already have somebody who does that.” “Then I’ll be the second person who does that.” “Okay sir.” The bartender hands Fatprick a nametag and shirt. “Wow, if I had known getting a job was the damn easy I would’ve gotten one sooner. Then again, The Krusty Kock isn’t exactly a pristine work environment.

Some guy comes up to Fatprick. “Yeah, can I get some wings?” “How many?” “Let’s go with the bucket of 24.” “Alright, but I have to inform you that I don’t know how to make wings.” “Oh, alright then. I’ll just leave.” The guy angrily walks out, causing the bartender/manager to come up to Fatprick. “Fatprick, what the hell was that?” “Well I just told him that I don’t know how to make the wings.” “You do understand that’s your job, right?” “Okay fine, I’ll make the people wings. Hey, how much do the strippers get paid?” “Don’t even go there Fatprick.” Fatprick gives a derpy grumpy look.

Fatprick is serving up orders to people, but gets distracted by the strippers. “Woah, I want to bang one of them so bad.” “Hello sir, can you please stop telling me about your sexual fantasies and get my damn order?” “Oh yeah, right away.” Fatprick gets the order for the guy and give it to him. A week passes and Fatprick gets his paycheck. “Here you go Fatprick, your paycheck.” “Thanks!” Fatprick goes home to see how much cash he got, but it’s only $69. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!” The shout is so loud that SpongeCock goes over to Fatprick’s house. “Fatprick, do you mind SHUTTING UP?!” “No, I only made $69!” “Well yeah. Strip clubs aren’t exactly high paying unless you’re a stripper.” “Then that’s what I’ll have to become.” “No, please don’t you dare go down that route.” “Too late, see you later!” SpongeCock leaves as Fatprick heads to work.

Fatprick shows up at work and walks up to his manager. “Yes?” “I’d like to be a stripper.” “Fatprick I’m not sure if you’re aware, but this is a straight strip club.” “I am aware, but if I dress as a chick, I can show my dance moves.” “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you can go out only for the next thirty minutes.” “Ooeoroepfoepdjdldkld!” Fatprick runs into a bathroom stall and changes into a girl. “Now I look pretty!” Fatprick runs up to a poll, throws the current stripper out, and starts dancing. “Who the hell is this guy?” “Has this club lost it’s shit?” “No homo bitches.” Fatprick hears the comments. “Well if you don’t like it, then why don’t you leave?” “Fine!” Fatprick’s manager walks up to him, and kills the music. “Fatprick, what the actual flying fuck was that?” “He didn’t like that I’m an independent black woman trying to make a living in this society.” “You’re not black or a woman! Want to know what else you’re not?” “A Mexican?” “No! You’re no longer employed!” “WHAT?! THIS IS BULLSHIT! AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR THIS PLACE!” “Fatprick please just leave before I call the cops.” “Do it, no balls!” Fatprick’s manager calls the cops and they show up within a couple minutes.

“Alrighty sir, what appears to be the problem?” “I fired this man and now he’s causing an extreme public disturbance.” “I don’t see much of a dis-“ Fatprick launches a table across the club into the DJ Booth. The police officers surround and tase him. Fatprick wakes up nearly a day later in a jail cell next to a skeleton. SpongeCock shows up and pays the bail for Fatprick’s release. “Goddammit Fatprick, what happened?” “Well I got a job like you said but didn’t get to do what I wanted to do, and then I got tased by the police.”

“Fatprick, all I wanted was for you to stop shitting around and yet here you are IN JAIL as an affect of that. I now understand why you absolutely must be kept from the job industry at all costs.” “Hey! But yeah, I agree. Besides, I like being lazy!” Fatprick dives into a couch and takes out a lamp on his way down.

Shitward randomly knocks on the door. “Hello, can you two SHUT THE FUCK UP?”

Trivia

 * This marks the writing debut of Purple133.