Patrick Gets a Girlfriend

This is the eighth episode of Patrick's Playground.

(Patrick is eating a Krabby Patty at the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: So, Patrick, anything interesting going on in your life?

Patrick: Eh, not really. You?

SpongeBob: Patrick, you have to be doing something interesting. For example, getting a girlfriend.

Patrick: Why is everyone saying the same thing?! It’s getting annoying.

SpongeBob: Who else said that?

Patrick: Sandy, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, even Gary!

SpongeBob: Dang. Well, why don’t you get one to shut everyone up? There’s other things in life than getting a girl, you know.

Patrick: But you just said... oh, alright, I’ll get a girlfriend.

(A montage of Patrick asking random girls out plays, with all of them saying no, until…)

Patrick: Would you like to go out with me?

Girl: Sure! I haven’t ever dated before!

Patrick: Me neither.

Girl: That’ll be even better.

(Another montage plays, this time of Patrick and the girl going on dates. On the fifth date, this happens…)

Girl: Patrick, I want to tell you something.

Patrick: Yes?

Girl: I lied about not ever dating before. In fact, you’re my seventh boyfriend at the moment.

Patrick: What?!

Girl: Yeah, and I’ve decided you’re in last place out of all of them. I’m breaking up with you.

Patrick: Bu- bu bu- bu- what?! (leaves crying)

(At the Krusty Krab)

Sandy: Howdy Patrick. So, how’s your new girlfriend?

Patrick: My girlfriend? Oh, um… she moved away.

Sandy: That fast? But where?

Patrick: Uhh… Dullsville.

Sandy: That’s where people retire, Patrick, not for girlfriends.

Patrick: D’oh!

Squidward: Ha! Patrick doesn’t have a girlfriend!

Sandy: Lemme guess, she broke up with you?

Patrick: Yeah, she had 6 other boyfriends too.

Sandy: Ouch. I remember when the same happened with me and Felix. Rough times, rough times.

(On Conch Street)

SpongeBob: Patrick, why are you crying?

Patrick: Oh SpongeBob, it was horrible. After the fifth date of going out with that girl, she told me that she had 6 other boyfriends and… I was the worst one! (sobs)

SpongeBob: Well that girl isn’t worth your time. At least you tried.

Patrick: Yeah, I’m never dating again anytime soon.

SpongeBob: Uh, I have a confession to make.

Patrick: Yeah?

SpongeBob: I have never had a girlfriend before.

(Patrick gasps, ending the episode)