The Delighted Squid/Transcript

[The episode begins at the Krusty Krab.]
 * Squidward: There you go, Patrick. One double patty combo with extra cheese, extra tomatoes, extra lettuce, extra pickles and mustard.
 * Patrick: Well, thank you, Squidward. I'll be taking that.
 * Squidward: (sigh) I really really really love this job.
 * Fred: You mean, you're hanging, right?
 * Squidward: What?
 * Fred: You meant to say you hate your job, right?
 * Squidward: No. I love my job.
 * Fred: My scene stuff here, because last time I came here, you said you hate your job so much you would never come here.
 * Squidward: That's because I was ignorant and grumpy, you know? But now, I'm a nice octopus.
 * Fred: That is so cool. I got it tell all my friends.
 * Squidward: No! You don't need to do it! Are you.... Oh, great. It's gonna tell everyone.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Squidward. What's the problem?
 * Squidward: Problem? What problem? I don't have a problem. What's a problem?
 * SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward. Don't be afraid. You can tell me.
 * Squidward: Fine. It's this guy I told you him that I used to be mad, and now I'm happy, and now he's going to tell everyone about it.
 * SpongeBob: So, what's the problem with that?
 * Squidward: Well, you see... I don't want to talk in front of a whole crowd because I suffer from stage fright. Meaning I'm scared to talk in front of a whole crowd.
 * SpongeBob: Ah, it's okay, Squidward. I suffered from stage fright too. But after talking in front of a whole crowd, I got over it. If I did, you can do it.
 * Squidward: Well, you're absolutely right. I guess. Maybe.
 * Fred: There are is, guys. The man himself.
 * Tom: Is it true that you're nice?
 * Squidward: Well, I used to be mad, but now, I am nice.
 * Old Man Jenkins: Says. It touch this is interesting, why don't tell us the story?
 * Squidward: Oh, um... Told the story. Yeah. I'm not gonna have time.
 * Mr. Krabs: (angrily) Then what for departure, Mr. Squidward!
 * Squidward: Alright, I'll tell you. But listen carefully. I'm only gonna say this once. It all begin here in the Krusty Krab, I was about to go home. (flashback to the Krusty Krab) Ah, my shift is over. (Squidward open the door of the Krusty Krab and he going home) I can't wait to go home, play my clarinet, do same paintings, get some beauty sleep, and most importantly, relax in the ten all day. It is going to be one amazing week off from work. And would you look at that. Home sweet Home. Well, one week vacation, here we... (Suddenly, the football to the face of Squidward)... COME!!!! (he drop of football goal)
 * Patrick: Goal!
 * SpongeBob: Then don't call me SpongeBob! Don't make for pants for nothing!
 * Squidward: Ow! My head! Huh? SpongeBob! Patrick!
 * SpongeBob: Oh. Hi, Squidward. What are you doing in our goalie net?
 * Squidward: You're obviously kick the ball in front of my face and then launch me!
 * Patrick: There's no need to thanks us.
 * Squidward: Thank you.
 * Patrick: You're welcome.
 * Squidward: I wasn't thank you, surf of the poop emoji! I was asking you a question even though it's us familiar! "Thank you" it's a short way of saying. Why would I thank you?
 * Patrick: Okay. I get it now.
 * Squidward: Thank you.
 * Patrick: I'm absoutely hate my life!
 * SpongeBob: Alright, Patrick. My next soccer practice will be in 3 hours. So I need you to bring tons and tons of water for me, okay?
 * Patrick: I have got your cover! (running)
 * SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward. I forgot to tell you. I'll be playing in the Bikini Bottom Soccer Game in 3 months. So I'm gonna give you a free ticket to watch me play.
 * Squidward: Well, SpongeBob, I would love to watch your game, but probably won't. Because I'm worried Patrick is gonna eat so much spicy stuff. He's gonna fart fire at me.
 * Patrick: Wait. How did you know I did that 2 hours ago? (stomach growling) Oh god. Never mind. Brace for impact! (He's fart fire in the Squidward and crash onto the rock)
 * Squidward: Ow! (Later...) (growling) This ice pack isn't helping at all. She's giving me me stupid cold burns.
 * Patrick: Oh hey, Squidward.