"Please Touch Me, I'm Sterile!" is a Season 1 episode of Patrick!: The Series that first aired on Netflix Network in 2020.
Transcript[]
[It starts in SpongeBob's pineapple, where Patrick is scrubbing]
[Mr. Krabs peeps through the window and his pupils become dollar signs and his eyes pop out]
[Mr. Krabs grabs Patrick's hand and starts running and dragging him along]
MR. KRABS: "Come on, I'm gonna make you a STAR!"
PATRICK: "But I already am one."
[Patrick is placed down on the floor of The Krusty Krab]
MR. KRABS: "Step right up, everyone. Anyone interested will get the chance to touch Patrick!"
[Audience stares for a while and then ignores him]
MR. KRABS: "He's sterile."
AUDIENCE: "Ooh..."
SQUIDWARD: [Slowly lowers his newspaper and swiftly brings it back up]
PATRICK: [Runs away with everyone following him]
["Grass Skirt Chase" starts playing]
[Mr. Krabs starts following them]
MR. KRABS: "Wait! Money-- I mean Patrick, get back here!"
[Patrick hides in SpongeBob's house]
PATRICK: "You gotta help me, SpongeBob! Everyone wants to touch me because I'm sterile!"
SPONGEBOB: "Why don't you dry off and take off your gloves?"
PATRICK: "Oh..."