| crazyspone in talk shoe | |
|---|---|
| |
| Series | CrazySponge Died: The Series |
| Season | 1 |
| Episode | 5 |
| Airdate | July 6, 2020 |
| Written by | PolarTem |
| Previous Episode | good evening twitter |
| Next Episode | instant ramen |
crazyspone in talk shoe is the fifth episode of Season One of CrazySponge Died: The Series.
Transcript[]
(Jeremy Kyle theme music, then cut to the studio. Audience applause and cheer. The words "my psychotic friend murders me on a daily basis" appear on the screen.)
Jeremy Kyle: Okay, our next story comes from an eleven year-old from New York who claims that an actor and former friend who was in the cast of popular flick The Wizard of Oz murders him on a regular basis. CrazySponge is on The Jeremy Kyle Show, that way!
(Generic APM music blasts as CrazySponge enters the set. The audience cheers and applauses. Jeremy and CrazySponge handshake.)
Jeremy Kyle: Are you alright?
CrazySponge: Yeah, I'm fine.
Jeremy Kyle: Okay. It's a pleasure to meet you.
(CrazySponge sits down.)
Jeremy Kyle: Now, I heard about this this morning and I was like "what the fuck". Would you like to tell us mo-
CrazySponge: Okay. So, uh, I'm just there minding my own business and then and then they drop down from the sky and crush me-
Jeremy Kyle: They crush you?
CrazySponge: Yeah, and I just don't understand because (he starts crying) I don't even know if I've done anything wrong or wh-
(Jeremy puts his hand on his shoulder. The audience is seen laughing.)
Jeremy Kyle: It's alright, it's fine. Take your time. Can we get the kid some tissues?
(A security guard enters and hands CrazySponge some tissues before leaving.)
Jeremy Kyle: Thank you.
(CrazySponge dries his eyes.)
CrazySponge: No, thank you. This is- this is draining for me, I can't go on like this anymore, my hospital bill I crazy and I don't even have life insurance or-
Jeremy Kyle: I understand, it happens to the best of us. Should we get them on the set? House is on The Jeremy Kyle Show, that way!
(Generic APM music blasts again as House enters the set. They give the middle finger to the audience as they boo. They sit down.)
Jeremy Kyle: Alright, House. I really don't know what to say, I've never seen anything like this! You should be ashamed of yourself!
House: I don't know what you're talking about! I wasn't even going to come on this show until I found out about the paycheck!
Jeremy Kyle: Have you any idea how much distress you have caused this person?!
House: No! He's delusional! He pays for onlyfans for crying out loud! Who does-
Jeremy Kyle: That's irreleva-
House: It's in the name! CrazySponge! He's Cra-
CrazySponge: (screaming) LIAR!!!!
Jeremy Kyle: It's okay, you don't have to-
CrazySponge: HE'S A LIAR! I'M TELLING YOU!!
Jeremy Kyle: Okay, okay! So earlier you asked for a lie detector test, is that correct?
CrazySponge: (wiping his face) Yeah…
House: Oh come on! He's the crazy person! Him, not me! I wouldn't murder a fly!
Jeremy Kyle: Okay, so we've now had that done and I can confirm that… House is a liar.
(The audience gasps.)
Jeremy Kyle: House?
(pause)
House: Alright fine, it's true! I do crush him! All the time!
CrazySponge: How could you?
House: I'm sorry, I really am. Don't take it personally. I crush things, Aidan, it's what I do.
Jeremy Kyle: But you used to be such a well respected actor! What happened?
House: Turns out people don't need houses to act in their films anymore, it's all CGI!
Jeremy Kyle: But House-
House: Do you have any idea how much abuse and discrimination I have to put up with?!
Jeremy Kyle: And CrazySponge doesn't?
CrazySponge: House, I just want my friend back. Say "sorry" and we can go back to binging Fortnite or something! I can't take this anymore!
House: And neither can I!
Jeremy Kyle: House!
CrazySponge: This isn't about you, House?
House: So it's all about, you, is it? Good ol' CrazySponge? When is it House's time to shine? (they get out of their seat) WHEN'S HOUSE'S TIME TO SHINE?!
Jeremy Kyle: House, please!
(House screams and tips over their chair.)
Jeremy Kyle: Woah! There's no need for-
(House smashes the screen with the show's logo on. CrazySponge runs into the corner of the room scared.)
Jeremy Kyle: Security! Can we get security on the set.
CrazySponge: Oh no, he's gonna do it!
(Several security guards run on the set to restrain him.)
House: YOU BITCHES CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Jeremy Kyle: House!
House: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET MY SUPER LAZER CRUSH!
Jeremy Kyle: HOU-
(House crushes CrazySponge oh god oh fuck. The word "cancelled" is stamped on the screen in red letters. Pan out to Bot and her dad watching the show on the TV.)
Bot: How'd he get on the show?! He has all his teeth!!
(fin)