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Rated C - Ages 13 and up

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Girls Just Want To Have Sex
Girls Just Want To Have Sex.jpg
Series Livin' With The Squid
Season 1
Episode 3
Airdate July 25, 2014
Production company Pineapple Entertainment
Story by TravisTheGreat
Written by TravisTheGreat
Title card by TravisTheGreat
Previous Episode Cinnamon Breath Spray
Next Episode Red Mist

Girls Just Want to Have Sex is the third episode of Livin' With The Squid.



Squidward comes across Squilvia, a crazy girl who won't stop trying to seduce him.


Squidward was walking by when he fell into a giant tub of acid. "Gah!" he shouted, gripping onto the edges. "Squidward, I never gave you permission to go in there!" Finster complained. Squidward soon lifted himself out of the tub and onto the floor. "Why the heck do you have a giant tub of acid?!" Squidward complained. "Not just a tub of acid. A tub of RADIOACTIVE acid," Finster said, laughing evilly. "...Okay then," Squidward said, staring. Suddenly a fancy new car drove by, Squilvia walking out. "What the heck is that thing?!" Squidward gasped in disgust.

Squidward once used to live in Bikini Bottom

With neighbors SpongeBob and Patrick

But then he had enough

He couldn't take them anymore

So he moved to Coral City

And well now let's just say

It couldn't have gotten any worse!

Squilvia ran up to Squidward. "Wanna have sex?" she asked. "Ew, no way!" Squidward shouted. "I'll have sex with you!" Finster grinned. Squilvia frowned and shoved him into the tub of tub as it closed up. "NOW WE HAVE SEX!" Squilvia shouted. "Um, no. Not interested," Squidward said, walking back into his house and slamming the door shut.

Squilvia busted through the door, searching for Squidward. She broke into SpongeBob's room where both SpongeBob and Patrick were practicing modern dance. "Why the heck does Squidward have you guys living in his house? Is he gay?" Squilvia asked. "I don't know, I've never asked him," SpongeBob replied. "Probably," Patrick responded with his own answer. "Maybe he's bisexual. Does he have threesomes with you guys?" she asked. "He wishes," Patrick said, crossing his arms.

"...Okay then. Squidward!" she called out, searching the entire house for him. She then burst into Squidward's room. "Aha!" she said, finding Squidward in the closet. "Gah! Not you!" Squidward gasped. "I see you've prepared yourself. You're in the closet and you already have your pants off," she observed. "...I never wear pants," Squidward pointed out. "Even better!" she said, grinning.

"W-What are you going to do to me?!" Squidward asked. "I'm going (dolphin noise) until your dick breaks off and falls inside me!" she explained. "...You're really starting to creep me out," Squidward said. "The creepier the better!" Squilvia grinned, laughing evilly. Squidward used this oppurtuniy to get the heck out of here, running into the kitchen. Squilvia then ran into the kitchen as well. "Don't try hiding from me, honey! There's nothing you can do to stop me!" she shouted. Squidward then threw a frying pan at her face. And a plate. And bowl of cereal. And grill. And Patrick.

"Hey there, honey," he winked at her. "Get this thing off me!" she shouted, throwing Patrick into the lounge. "Now, Squidward. It's clear you don't want to have sex with me. There's only one thing to do now," Squilvia asked. "Leave me alone and never come back?" Squidward asked with hope. "No, I'll just use sex spray!" she corrected. "S-Sex spray?" Squidward asked, worriedly. "Yep, it makes whoever's sprayed with it furiously horny! I'd use it but I'm already like that anyways," she explaining, reaching into his purse. "Oh, darn it! It looks like I have no more!" she complained. "Yes!" Squidward cheered. 

"Ooh, but it looks like you have some on your floor!" she grinned, picking up a small container of some sort of spray. She then sprayed it at him, causing him to cough. "Gah! Why does the sex spray smell like cinnamon?!" Squidward questioned. Squilvia looked at the container. "Oh, darn it! This isn't sex spray! This is cinnamon breath spray!" she complained. Soon the Breath Spray Monster appeared. "Ugh, this place again. Why have you summoned me this time?" he asked.

"It wasn't me! It was her! She thought it was sex spray!" Squidward shouted, pointing at Squilvia. "Sex spray? I hate that stuff! YOU. WILL. DIE." he growled, menacingly. "Gah!" Squilvia shouted in fear, running out of the house, with the Breath Spray Monster chasing her.


  • This episode was rated TV-15-D on Vision for strong sexual themes and dialogue.
  • In this episode, Squilvia has never met Squidward before and acts very different than she did in her original appearance. This hints that "Love That Squid" is not canon to this series.
  • The Breath Spray Monster appears yet again.
Livin' With The Squid Season 1

Movin' Out Of Bikini BottomCinnamon Breath SprayGirls Just Want To Have SexRed MistKrusty Kourt KaseFrom The SurfaceHallohateMayor SquidPatrick's JellyfishReality SquidThe Battle Continues...Turkey HuntTurning Into PatrickSaint StarfishMovin' BackDiscoveriesKrabsBack To NormalFortune Cookies Can't Be TrustedNew WorkerLivin' With The RetiredUnlawful LawsThat Damn SquidThe Good Old DaysBest EmployeeThe Squidward EffectHallohate 2: Haunted HouseSchool StarSea SéanceInternet Stalker ForumsSquidward's SuicideViciously Murdering Ourselves So We Can Get Our House BackThe Lost SnailSponge SwarmDelegate-lemmaBack To Hell (Not The Fanon Wiki)