Transcript[]
(Episode brings in a dark lit room)
The Equalizer: Boxy the Box, congratulations on making it as far as you have in the competition.
Boxy: Yes, but please remind me why I’m there?
The Equalizer: Well your mission has been completed. But your cover needs to remain. If broken, the council will decide your fate.
Boxy: Alright. What happens at the end of the competition?
The Equalizer: After you win, you reveal yourself and then everybody gets replaced. When Steve stumbled into our realm by accident he learned too much and by showing the others, they learned too much as well.
Boxy: Everyone?
The Equalizer: Yes.
(EB, The Judge, and a few other cosmic beings emerge from the shadows)
The Equalizer: Boxy, they will hide inside of you until the time comes. They will assist you in making sure nobody knows of our existence and that the universal balance stays equalized. Good luck.
(Cut to the table)
Granite: Yeah okay so uh Noseward, you’re evicted!
Noseward: Drat!
Granite: Okay so that means Bob Ross and Boxy the Box are our finalists this season! Go clean yourselves up!
(Steve carries Boxy to a dressing room and Bob Ross walks to the other)
Boxy: Time to start the plan.
Steve: Huh?
(Boxy irradiates and replaces Steve)
Steve: Okie dokie!
Boxy: Mwuahahhahahahahaha.
Granite: Steve stop laughing evilly in the dressing room!
Steve: Okay sir.
(Boxy discreetly releases all the entities)
Granite: Huh that’s odd, you’ve never called me sir.
(Cut to the stage for the finale, Bob Ross and Boxy are seated in front of the 14 people evicted before them)
Keanu: Not fair. A freaking box beat me. NOT FAIR!
Granite: Okay you guys chill out.
SpongeBob: I agree with Keanu. A box beat me! But, I’m actually sort of impressed.
Amaya: Me too babe! Like seriously a box beat us? This box must be special or something.
(An invisible entity grabs Amaya and quickly replaces her)
Amaya: Nah, it’s probably nothing.
Granite: Guys just vote for a winner.
CrazySponge: I SWEAR SOMETHING WEIRD’S GOING ON!
(A ghostly hand taps Crazy and disintegrates him but replaces him as he disintegrates so nobody notices)
Keanu: Wait I noticed!
(Keanu gets replaced)
Granite: GUYS VOTE!
(As each individual person who hasn’t been replaced yet goes to vote, they get replaced right before they vote)
Joe Biden: You know, I don't feel angry today.
Monty: I suddenly don’t feel like yelling!
Granite: What the hell is going on guys!
(EB appears)
EB: Well you see Granite after you read those votes you and Bob Ross will be replaced and this show will be cancelled.
Bob Ross: Replaced?
Granite: Cancelled?
The Judge: Yes, cancelled. When Steve stumbled into our realm, he had no idea what he had just found. I assume he told you his stories?
Granite: Pfffff no, I didn’t let him because he sounded crazy.
The Judge: Hmmmm. Either way, he showed you all the dimension. So you already know too much.
Granite: I’m the best secret keeper.
EB: Just read the votes.
Granite: Okay. Wow, it was 14 - 0, Boxy wins?
Boxy: Thank you Granite.
Granite: Wait what? What the hell is going on?
Bob Ross: I too am very very confused. Why is Boxy talking?
Boxy: You insolent fools! Silence!
(Boxy zaps Granite and Bob Ross out of existence and replaces them)
Granite: Hello, I am Granite!
Bob Ross: Hello Granite!
EB: NO! I’VE HAD ENOUGH!
Locksworth: What did you say?
The Judge: Do you dare to question the actions of the council of the beyond?
EB: Yes I do. What do you guys gain from stopping a tiny show from existing?
(The Equalizer arrives)
The Equalizer: We gain the concealed proof of our existence. And now I know that making you one of us was a mistake.
EB: What are you going to do?
The Equalizer: Exactly what just happened to the rest of these humans.
Girly Teengirl: I like feel perfectly fine.
Boxy: You’re too slow to understand.
Girly Teengirl: Like thanks!
EB: What if I fight back, huh?
The Equalizer: Hahahahahahahahahaha! You’re funny EB. Maybe I’ll leave you rotting in the jail.
(EB creates a gigantic fist and smacks the Equalizer, causing all the other entities to get ready to attack)
The Equalizer: Put your imaginative weapons down soldiers. I’ll take care of this stain myself.
(The Equalizer flies at EB and pummels him into the ground. EB tries to sent flurries of icicles at The Equalizer, but is quickly overpower)
The Equalizer: You missed.
EB: Did I?
(The icicles all hit a large sign with the Evicted logo on it which EB hits with a wave of power so it hurts the Equalizer)
The Equalizer: You really just wanted to PISS ME OFF DIDN’T YOU?!
(The Equalizer picks up EB and rips a hole into the council’s realm, then begins to shred him apart atom by atom)
EB: Ahhhhhhhh!
The Equalizer: I’m going to make you suffer nice and slow EB.
EB: Yooooooooo
(EB uses the last of his power to create an unfathomably hot ball of energy which he pulls toward him and slams directly into the Equalizer)
The Equalizer: NOT POSSIBLE!
EB: (starts reforming himself) anything’s possible when you’re a psychopath who really just wants to get back to hosting his damn show.
(EB punches The Equalizer back into the main dimension)
EB: And I’m not about to let
(EB punches The Equalizer again)
EB: Some little cosmic bitch
(EB dropkicks The Equalizer)
EB: Take what’s mine!
(EB body slams The Equalizer)
The Equalizer: Why do you care so much about these MORTALS?
EB: Because they used to be my friends! And I want my friends back!
(EB destroys the Equalizer and the resulting explosion causes the essence of everyone who was replaced to flow into the copies and make everybody return to normal. The other cosmic beings flee, Boxy turns into just a regular box, and EB falls into a very conveniently placed swimming pool)
Noseward: My head hurts, what happened in that basement Granite?
Granite: You got replaced that long ago?
EB: Hey guys.
Steve: Wait what why how are you what-
EB: I had a last minute change of heart and destroyed the cosmic being’s leader. You’re welcome.
Monty: Thank you!
EB: So who wants to vote for an actual winner?
Hoopla: ME LET ME VOTE BOB ROSS DAMMIT!
(Everybody votes)
Granite: So uh does this mean I have to leave?
EB: Hellll no. We’re just getting started Granite. We’re about to see Evicted soar to new heights, and with you and Steve as my co-hosts, it’ll be better than ever before. Who’s ready to find out who the winner is?
Hoopla: ME.
EB: In a 14-0 vote...Bob Ross you just won Evicted: All Stars!
Bob Ross: As a man of few words...HELL YES!
EB: Thank you all for a great season-
Granite: Ahem.
EB: Oh right.
Granite: Thank you all for a great season! We’ll see none of you back for Season 6, we’ll have an all new cast of 16 people ready to play! I guess EB is hosting.
Hoopla: I disagree with that statement.
Vanessa: Me too.
EB: Whatever. We’ll see you loyal fans next season on
Evicted!
(Episode ends with the screen fading to black-)
Boxy: What, did you think it would end there? You foolish mortal. I will have my revenge. The COUNCIL will have their revenge. We will return. We will destroy everything EB holds dear. You cannot stop us. We are coming.
(Fade to black with Boxy laughing maniacally)