A rating
Rated A - All Ages

This article is rated A, meaning it is appropriate for all ages.

Absorbent Days presents A Star Garden.


A Star Garden
  • [short begins at Squidward's backyard, where Squidward is tending to his garden]
  • Squidward: Ah. Looks at these tulips. Soon they'll be big and boistrous. That is behind the hands of a master gardener. Or...tentacles. Now to get that watering hose. [turns right, yet crashes into Patrick]
  • Patrick: [laughs] Squidward doesn't look where he's walking.
  • Squidward: [screams; backs up] Patrick! What are you doing in my garden?!
  • Patrick: My refrigerator's full again and I need to take a few ears of corn. [reveals pants as being overstuffed with corn]
  • Squidward: [sighs] You're lucky this isn't the first time, Patrick. But why are you here and not at SpongeBob's house?
  • Patrick: [eating corn] SpongeBob went to work and doesn't take a lunch break until three.
  • Squidward: [smiles] I know. I just wanted to hear you say it. [laughs; turns around, only to see Patrick again] Ah!
  • Patrick: But Squidward, you have some free time. Do you want know, hang out? Go get some Krabby Patties, go out on the town, it'll be starfish-squid's afternoon out! What do you say?
  • Squidward: There's a two-letter word for that question, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Yes?!
  • Squidward: [facepalm] No, Patrick! No!
  • Patrick: No? But why not? Give me one reason.
  • Squidward: I can give you three reasons, Patrick. You're always clumsy, for one.
  • Patrick: I am not. [throws piece of gum toward mouth, yet misses]
  • Squidward: [reveals gum on Squidward's face] I don't even know how that happened. [wipes gum off] Second of all, you always drool everywhere.
  • Patrick: Oh, really? I beg to differ. [a pool of drool runs from Patrick's mouth]
  • Garden Hose: I've been outdone. You were right, mother!
  • Squidward: And finally, you always soak yourself in that stupid mustard treatment. It makes your skin so reflective, it sends the sunlight into my eyes. [turns from Patrick to relieve burning eyes] My eyes! [rubs eyes] Anyways, that's not the only three reasons. Also, I'm very busy tending to my garden. If it is going to become a topiary, it needs the utmost care So, run along. [begins pushing Patrick toward gate door] The last thing I need is for you to ruin my garden before I even get back.
  • Patrick: But I don't want to leave. I want to stay here and adore your house's extesive use of sedimentary rock. [feels side of Squidward's house] If only I could understand what I just said.
  • Squidward: Well, Patrick. It's either you leave or you stay and tend to my garden for me. And in that case, see you later.
  • Patrick: Well, if that's how it is, then I'll stay and tend to your garden.
  • Squidward: Hmm. Okay, fine. But if I come back and my garden is ruined, you'll have coral to pay. [walks out of scene]
  • Patrick: Don't worry, Squidward. I got this!
  • [sound of a car crescendos and then gradually lessens to a stop]
  • Patrick: Now, what does a growing flower need to eat? Seeds, of course! [walks out scene; returns with bag of seeds] Here we go. Eat up. [slips on rock; spills bag of seeds] Whoops. A little forced eating there. I better clean up this mess. [falls asleep immediately standing up; begins drooling a pool on the floor; wakes up shortly after] Huh? Huh? Well, now that does done, the plants should have grown.
  • [camera reveals the flowers, still short]
  • Patrick: Still short? How?! I did everything a flower needed: to be fed and properly hydrated. What else do they need? Hmm. [snaps fingers] That's right! Plenty of sunlight! [looks up; sees a bunch of clouds] Where's Mr. Sun? Fine! If he doesn't want to come out, then he doesn't have to. I can handle this like every other gardener: by staring at them! [stares at the plants]
  • [the skin reflects the sunlight beams toward the flowers, causing them to sprout]
  • Patrick: It's working!
  • Squidward: [opens gate; gasps; gardening tools fall from hands] My garden. My beautiful garden. It's...[camera reveals flowers piled high in front of him] a topiary!
  • Patrick: [leaps from out of flowers] I...growed them...myself.
  • Squidward: Wow, Patrick. This is great. Would you like to stay and tend to my garden?
  • Patrick: No. I can't. You told me that my three unbareable traits are too hideous to hang around. Then you told me that I can either stay and tend your garden or leave. I already did the first one, so...see you sooner. [walks out of gate]
  • Squidward: [to self] I really have to watch what I say to a person that can barely speak.
  • [short ends]

Absorbent Days Blog Series Episodes
Blabber MouthAn Absorbent MemoryFalse RealityWrap It Up!Wrap It Up! - Part Two: Keep It Under WrapsWrap It Up! - Part Three: Birthday TwistStuck in the Krusty KrabA Star GardenAn Absorbent Veteran
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