This article is rated A, meaning it is appropriate for all ages.
Absorbent Days presents False Reality.
- [short begins at SB's house]
- SpongeBob: [flipping through television channels] Gosh, Gary. There really is nothing on television today. [sighs] I just wish I could find that one particular scene from a show I don't know that will prompt me to watch that show and/or channel.
- Gary: Meow meow ma-meow?
- SpongeBob: Have I tried the "Scene From a Non-Specific Show That Would Woo You Into Watching It" network? [thinks] Sounds pretty familiar, but I'll give it a try. [switches channel]
- Television: Here we have an innocent Nancy Suzy Fish going into the local Barg N' Mart. Or is she so innocent? Moments ago, our cameras caught her...wait for it...ramming into an old lady's cart, knocking it over!
- SpongeBob: Knocked it over?! [gasps] She spilled perfectly good 2% milk! Why?!
- Gary: [rolls eyes] Meow. [slugs away]
- Television: What will the not-so-innocent citizens of Bikini Bottom do next? Find out tomorrow on a marathon of...
- [SpongeBob turns off television]
- SpongeBob: Woo. What a show. [stands up] Time to cook up some lunch, huh, Gary? [walks toward kitchen]
- Gary: Me-meow mo-mo-meow ma-meow ma-meow.
- SpongeBob: No one cares about the names of the show, Gary. It just consumes time of the day...[pours Snail-Po] especially at lunch. Let's eat, Gary. [places food on floor]
- Gary: [shrugs shoulders] Meow meow. [slugs toward the food]
- [scene cuts to the next day; SpongeBob is watching the television show again, during it's marathon]
- SpongeBob: Wow, these stories are juicy. [rubs hands] What news stories do they have on today? [leans back with eyes closed]
- Television: Today's news story is about none other than a face-slapping yellow menace...by the name of...SpongeBob SquarePants.
- SpongeBob: [eyes widen] What?! Face slapping? [watches television display separate images of SpongeBob's hand approaching Patrick's hand, about to perform a high-five, yet SpongeBob's hand misses, slapping Patrick's face] I didn't slap Patrick right there. We high-fived, yet I saw a water spider on his face, so I just pushed it off. I never slapped him! You believe me, right Gary?
- Gary: [slugs into room, wearing helmet] Meow.
- [scene cuts to BBTV Network Studios; a large riot has started at the front entrance]
- Sandy: [standing at front of riot] Come on out, host! We want to have a little word with you...[holds up pitchfork; to self] or do we?
- Show Host: [comes out of building, nervously] Uh...hello there, angry riot. [coughs] Please settle down! Settle! What is this riot about, anyways?!
- SpongeBob: The lies you told about us on your so-called "reality show". How could you lie about something as important as two-percent milk? [riot becomes angered again]
- Show Host: Ah. [laughs] I see what happened here. Did you all turn off the television right when I was about to say the name of the show?
- Riot: Uh...yes.
- Show Host: Well, if you all stay tuned in, then you would have seen that the name of the show was: "The Best Fake Stories in Bikini Bottom: A Non-Reality Series".
- Riot: Oooooooh. [all begin chattering and laughing]
- Show Host: Now, get off my lawn! [riot begin to leave the lot]
- Gary: [slugs up into camera] Meow meow ma-meow. [subtitles read "Remember the importance of television show names"]
- [short ends]
|v • e • h|
Blabber Mouth • An Absorbent Memory • False Reality • Wrap It Up! • Wrap It Up! - Part Two: Keep It Under Wraps • Wrap It Up! - Part Three: Birthday Twist • Stuck in the Krusty Krab • A Star Garden • An Absorbent Veteran